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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

4.2 of 5 stars 4.20  ·  rating details  ·  7,932 ratings  ·  1,011 reviews
You can stop fighting with your children!

Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be more effective with your children - and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish makes relationships with children of all age
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Paperback, 30th-Anniversary Edition, 368 pages
Published February 7th 2012 by Scribner (first published 1980)
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Janis Monroe Yes. I think it would be a great read for teachers, not just parents. Anyone dealing with kids should read the book. On page 244, the authors state…moreYes. I think it would be a great read for teachers, not just parents. Anyone dealing with kids should read the book. On page 244, the authors state that they not only heard praise from parents, but that "we heard from psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, educators, ministers, priests, and rabbis." Other organizations have used the materials offered in the program that came from this book such as domestic violence crisis centers, drug and alcohol rehabilitation uits, juvenile probation departments, the Boy Scouts, state prisons, schools for the deaf, Head Start, and even military bases.

Parents aren't the only ones who can benefit from reading this book. (less)

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Katie
Should be subtitled, "Baby Boomer Parents Backlash Against Harsh Old-School Discipline." If you weren't the kind of parent to call your kids names or whup them one on the rear end in the first place, this book has little to offer you but either validation or frustration. I was looking for a book that would help me communicate better with my very stubborn 2.5 year old, and while the cartoons in this book were pretty entertaining, they didn't do much more but revisit the obvious. Don't live throug ...more
Janet
A friend, a previous yeller, recommended this book. I found it very helpful, especially since we just had our second child who had colic and the 6 year old and I were no longer communicating well.

It teaches a way to talk that names emotions, and acknowledges the emotions that often a child cannot articulate.

For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed
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Brian
Oh dude this book is awesome! It's intended as a guide for parents and educators to help them communicate with kids, but instead I got my hands on it when I was about nine years old, and it helped me refine my own immature communication skills. A life-changing book for me, for all the wrong reasons.
Alexis
Mar 25, 2009 Alexis is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
I read this book about 5 years ago. At that time the boys were 3 and 1. I appreciated the book then, but absolutely adore this book today. This book was first published in 1982, but when it comes to parenting I think that the really good advice is timeless. In re-reading "How to talk..." I am discovering that many of the times when I am most effective/happy with myslelf as a mom I am using the principals that I read in Faber and Mazlish's wonderful work. The book is an extraordinarily valuable t ...more
Vanessa
There is good advice in here if you don't already employ many of the suggestions herein. Since I already do, I didn't find it any sort of revelation. I read it in the hopes of finding a way to make my 4-year-old listen to me on the subject of "DON'T RUN AWAY FROM MOM AND DAD, PARTICULARLY IN A CROWDED PLACE - IT IS NOT A GAME", but was disappointed to find no help on that front. I'm afraid "Sweetie, please don't run away - it makes us worried" and "How do YOU think we can help you to stop runnin ...more
Fotooh Jarkas
It's more effective than a medical prescription!!
Very simple cards of instructins make you feel better about yourself and your child
It gave me the feeling that everyone can be perfect parent , but we have to keep it in mind :)
HAPPY READING
الْغِيْد/غَيْدَاءْ
حينما تقرأ خاتمة هذا الكتاب ستعرف بأنه "باكورة" مشروع لن ينتهي، ومشاريع تمت فعلا. كتاب واقعي بمعايير عالية جدا بسيط في أسلوبه صريح وقوي في مواجهته لعيوب التربية مميز في وضعه لتمارين داخله يمكن تنفيذها بكل سهولة. دليل عملي لابد من الرجوع إليه عدة مرات. يواجه الأهل بضعفهم و يرشدهم لطريقة تدارك الخطأ. هذا الكتاب لابد أن يُدَرّس ويُحَوّل لدورات تدريبية مستقلة ومتعددة.
Colleen
Read this. Reading it again. And again. And again.

A powerful tool. Recommended by my pediatrician to help us communicate more effectively with our ADHD twin boys. But this is a great resource for all children and their parents.

Quick and easy to read. Not too dry or preachy. Timeless advice.

Other reviews have suggested this book is for "REALLY bad" parents who don't have "a clue" how to speak to their children. Or that this book will teach you "emotionless parenting" and fails to address how and
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Nathalie
Don't believe people reading on their Kindle in the métro are only 50-Shades types, they may simply hide that they are reading self-help or parenting books. I was actually quite ashamed of reading this one, which I got as a Daily Deal on Amazon. It turned out to have extremely ugly cartoons, commonsense principles ("it may not be that good an idea to hit your child") and relatively good advice. As the title suggests it's all about unprejudiced communication between parents and children. You may ...more
David
VERY applicable whether you're dealing with a 3-year-old, your spouse, your boss, or your 80-year-old neighbor. This is one of my most recommended books to families doing therapy.

I actually currently use parts of this in group therapy sessions to teach adolescents in a therapeutic boarding school how to handle family conflicts. And we do role-plays based on its comic-strip-style illustrations and draw application to their every-day lives. It's so successful, they want me to tell their therapists
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Marcie
I haven't even finished this book but I had to return it to the library (BOO) so I'm going to buy it. Becuase it's THAT good.
After reading the first two chapters I'm already hugely more aware of how I talk and listen to my children. Using the techniques in this book I have stopped tantrums before they could begin and have seen conversations with my kids miraculously changed.
I'm not even kidding.
I would recommend this book to anyone. We've even seen the principles work great with our three year
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Sonya Feher
Philosophically I agree with the discipline practices this book explains, but the examples with parents smacking their kids or labeling them with words like "greedy" felt so extreme that it was sometimes hard to read through it to get to what the authors advocated one should do. I did appreciate the tips pages on helping children deal with their feelings, engaging a child's cooperation, alternatives to punishment, and alternative to "no". The chapter on praise is one of the best explanations I'v ...more
Rasha Kurdi
يمتاز هذا الكتاب بأسلوب رائع موجز ورسوم كاريكاتورية لطيفة توصل المعلومة بطريقة مبتكرة ولا شك أن في الكتب المترجمة ما فيها من مخالفات تفرضها مجتمعات الغرب الغارقة في وهم الحرية .. لكن الكتاب يقدم أسلوبا ممتازا لاحتواء الطفل والتعامل مع مشكلاته بمهارة.
من أروع الكتب التربوية المترجمة ..
Clare Cannon
This book offers great, common sense advice. It focuses on communication between parents and children, something that is so essential to your relationship. The whole book is great, but I particularly like the cartoons which show you two alternative approaches to a conversation, one where parent and child are talking at each other and end up at odds, and the other where they are listening and responding and end up on the same side. Check out the 'turtle' cartoon - it's priceless.

I also loved its
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Shauna
Jun 11, 2008 Shauna rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Any parent
Recommended to Shauna by: A child psychologist
I love this book! It was recommended to a room of teachers by a child psychologist who said that she recommends this book to any parent who walks through her door. I can see why. It is easy to read and understand. It uses common sense practices -but better help one to see them.

Basically, when I employ these practices -we're a happier family. When I don't -I go re-read the book. This stuff even works on strangers kids. It's really about a way of looking at and talking to children that respects th
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Anina
Cute cartoon strips make it a non stressful read. A discussion on helping children talk through their problems to come to solutions. This treats interacting with children as an art form and is not a parenting book with hard and fast rules.
Emily
At some point of desperation I put several books on parenting on hold at my library. Due to varying degrees of popularity they've trickled in one by one and I've been reading a parenting book about every 3 to 4 weeks. I was a little tired of it by the time I got to this one, but because it took me so long to get it on hold I thought I'd go for it.

This long story was to say-I loved it!

It was positive, upbeat and very helpful. I can't identify with the extremes they use in this book but I still c
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Natalie
This was an easy read but had practical information. I totally subscribe to this type of parenting, it's just really hard to do (although makes life easier in the long run). I loved the applicable ideas and the reasoning behind it. It is important to treat kids like they are real people that matter instead of delinquents that need to be put in their place. I was a little embarrassed to note how much I sounded like the tyrannical mom but pleased that there were several ideas I had already impleme ...more
Maggie
I think the lives of many would be much-improved if everyone read this book & applied its principles to all relationships: with children, adults...with everyone! I'm currently still in that painful place of merely recognizing all the mistakes I make when communicating w/kids...not yet having much success with modifying my behavior. It's definitely a journey!
Annie
I'm not much for having a parenting philosophy and I despise most mommy blogs and advice columns. My daughters most excellent preschool teacher recommended "How to Talk.." as a guide to approaching toddlers, teenagers, husbands, and friends, so I gave it a whirl.

First off, if you are a busy parent, you can gain sufficient information to better your life in an hour or less of reading. The cartoons are fantastic.

Speaking of the cartoons, they haven't yet played out in reality as they do in the b
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Janet Deaver-pack
This is the book that people with mothers like mine who always gave put-down or combative reactions to whatever we did or tried to do wished they'd read while we were growing up. Thoughtfully written and lovingly delivered, the changes in communication open such a wealth of doors it boggles the mind. I find myself thinking "Did I give my student the right choices?" during tutoring sessions. I'm going to run to my local library to order another title from these authors, HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL L ...more
Brian S
A bit of a mixed bag. It has some useful insights and ideas that I want to try out, but also is heavily in the lets collaborate with our kids to see if we can come to a mutually agreeable solution camp, which I have yet to buy into.

I tried some of the techniques in the book in the following scenario: My 9 year old daughter often leaves the sink a mess after brushing her teeth. I would normally just tell her, "go clean out the sink" and she would, possibly accompanied by a roll of the eyes or at
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Kerstin Olcott
This book is officially the best parenting book I have read. I love it more than I liked Love & Logic. I'm a little overwhelmed at how many ideas I want to implement into the way I communicate with my family.

The writing style is clear, concise and well supported. I like the down to earth tone of the book. The authors offer plenty of suggestions, tips, techniques and examples of how to implement ideas without resorting to disrespectful, harmful or fear-based methods. Practical everyday parent
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Cyndi
This is a fantastic reference for anyone who spends time caring for children. The authors organized the book around common, positively-stated issues like “engaging cooperation” (as opposed to dealing with defiance) and “encouraging autonomy” (not cutting out the clingy behavior.) The reader is drawn into examples of situations kids commonly get into, and then asked how various kinds of responses would feel to them. This format encourages empathy on the part of the caregiver, allowing for more ca ...more
Adrienne
I found this book very insightful and practical. I thought some of the examples of what not to do were a little drastic (one involved hitting and several involved comments like, "Can't you ever do anything right?"--these extreme abuses actually made me feel like maybe I'm not such a bad mom after all). Other than these seemingly outlandish and unrealistic examples, the material is very helpful for parents of children of all ages. The techniques revolve around the idea that kids act good when the ...more
Willa
I'm rereading this. The first time I read it was back in Eugene when all the kids were little. Funny how differently it "reads" to me now.

I think it's a good book, with lots of tools for the novice parent. How to remark on a situation without blaming or threatening, how to forestall the need for punishment or use natural consequences, and so on. Even when I first read it as a new mom, probably because I had a decent upbringing myself, the examples of poor behavior seemed stretched and far out. M
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Sara Barbato
One of my top picks for parenting.

It's basic, it's old, it's includes a lot of common sense ... but it's timeless and it really helps! We all fall into communication traps and this is a worthwhile guide on how to avoid those traps ... and instead build lines of open, respectful communication your child(ren) at all ages.

It reminds me a bit of my psych classes in college but much more specific and actionable. This book tells you EXACTLY what to do to act out its recommendations. Some sections I s
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Chung Chin
Although the title of the book seems to indicate that this is a book that teaches adults on how to communicate with kids, it is actually much more than that.
Inside this book, you'll find valuable lessons on how to improve your communication skills with people around you in general. Yes, the methods are suggested for kids, but that doesn't mean that it can be applied to adults as well! For example, one of the suggested methods to get kids to listen to you is to use "one-word" statement. Instead o
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Laura
I have three kids age’s seven to three. I always like learn new tools to put in my parenting tool box to help to work through the tough times of parenting. I had never heard of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, but the title intrigued me. I was excited to have the opportunity to review the book, and now that I have – I see it everywhere!

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish talk about the joys and stresses of raising their children, and different ideas for how to express you
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Jackie
My husband and I picked this book up at the library after someone recommended using the skills discussed to develop a healthier relationship with family members. The book proved a quick, easy read with the concise descriptions of each skill and case studies to use in developing in talking to and listening to children, all of which can be applied to adults.

The chapter on how to offer praise was of particular interest. Instead of offering a general descriptor of something or someone you like, for
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Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.
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Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too How To Talk So Kids Can Learn How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family Siblings Without Rivalry

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“I was a wonderful parent before I had children.” 24 likes
“نذرف الدموع أنا و أمي عندما تستحضر في ذهنها كيف كانت تحادثنا عندما كنا أطفالا، تقول: حينما أسمعك تتكلمين مع ابنك أخجل كيف كانت تحادثنا عندما كنا أطفالا."
(إحدى الرسائل التي أرسلها الآباء الذين استفادوا من الكتاب)”
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