Wish You Were Here: Travels Through Loss and Hope by Amy Welborn

May 25, 2013 Amy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

I was familiar with Amy Welborn's writing through various blogs and Catholic sites. I didn't actively go searching for this particular book, but when I stumbled across it at the library, I grabbed it immediately. I was not disappointed... in fact I stayed up late, woke up early, and finished the entire thing in less than 12 hours. I found myself crying along with her at parts.

This is a beautifully written, very personal story of two journeys: one physical, one spiritual. Readers accompany Amy &...more

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Jun 16, 2012 Steven R. McEvoy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012-best-of, read-2012

As I was reading this book I could not help but reflect upon and compare it to C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. I have read Lewis' book in 5 different university courses. I believe this book would be a great addition to the syllabus for any of those courses. This book was incredibly well written. Amy Welborn bares it all; she gives us a glimpse into her life after loss. As she and her children travel around Sicily, not knowing specifically where they are going or what they will do when they get the...more As I was reading this book I could not help but reflect upon and compare it to C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. I have read Lewis' book in 5 different university courses. I believe this book would be a great addition to the syllabus for any of those courses. This book was incredibly well written. Amy Welborn bares it all; she gives us a glimpse into her life after loss. As she and her children travel around Sicily, not knowing specifically where they are going or what they will do when they get there, all along she remembers her husband and what she would want to share with him.

This book moved me, and a few times I had to put it down and step back to take time to think and reflect, to pray. As I was reading I could not help but imagine life without my wife. Amy states early on "the other set of eyes that helped you make sense of the world, when the one who held the mirror that helped you see yourself so much more clearly, when your best friend and companion is here one day and just gone the next, you can feel like you're starving. So perhaps St. Francis de Sales had a point. Maybe you should hold back, he was saying. Now is not the time to eat too fast. Sit with the hunger for a while. Give it to God. What is it I'm really hungry for anyway?" As she reflects on her loss she says: "Grief means sadness. Everyone knows that. But what you might not know until you live it-I didn't-is about regret, and how, in the world of grief, sadness may be the air you breathe, but regrets are the cracks in the ground that trip you up and knock you flat." The book is at times raw and visceral like Lewis' but it is much more tempered and reflective than his work.

Welborn finds that she has begun second-thinking herself and her decisions. Reflecting on her day, she says: "Will we remember tonight as we settle down to sleep? Will we be grateful or will we lie there, restless, second-guessing ourselves, wondering what we could have done differently if we'd just waited and taken the next turn instead?" Welborn also reflects on the choices since Mike has passed away. A few times she reflects even on the trip itself. She went overseas to be away from all the people who would ask about Mike and all the shared places and spaces. But it leads to new questions and doubts - "guilt about the cost and the privilege, and my survivor's guilt, seem to fade with the light. They might be back again tomorrow, along with the sun. They probably will. But right now, I'll let it be a good thing to be here. No matter how we got here, no matter why. I'll try to be happy. Knowing that it could all disappear tomorrow, knowing that everything could change in a moment."

Later she finds herself reflecting back, back to Mike at the hospital and unable to approach and touch him. Mike in his casket. For he will always be there, it is the last memory. "I could say that it is fantastic and wonderful, and yes, I could say that, if it were not for you in your casket. But you will always be in your casket, you will never come back to sit next to me at the pool, never play with the brothers, never tease and challenge Katie, no more eyes, wide and curious and ready to seek the absurd and the beautiful and then talk to me about it." And it will always be that way. Amy comes to the realization that: "Mike died, my relationship to the rest of the human race shifted-not in one direction, but in a back-and-forth kind of way." And that is the impact - all things have changed and they will continue to change.

Amy Welborn has written an amazing book. She has opened up her life and her process to us. I believe this book will become a classic in Christian circles or at least it should.

Read the review on my blog Book Reviews and More.(less)

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Jun 10, 2012 David Withun rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography

My grandfather had been suffering from a disease that had crippled his mind for quite some time. His memories were confused, incomplete, and, in many cases, missing. He was unable to remember the many faces and voices that made up the story of his life, including those of his own ten children. Even his sense of structure, progress, and time were gone. As members of my family who lived closer to him reported it, he believed near the end of his life, in 2010, that Jimmy Carter was president, and,...more My grandfather had been suffering from a disease that had crippled his mind for quite some time. His memories were confused, incomplete, and, in many cases, missing. He was unable to remember the many faces and voices that made up the story of his life, including those of his own ten children. Even his sense of structure, progress, and time were gone. As members of my family who lived closer to him reported it, he believed near the end of his life, in 2010, that Jimmy Carter was president, and, worse, he believed he was a good president. In spite of all of this, when he was told that his wife of 58 years, my grandmother, had passed away, he cried and yelled that he wanted to go to his wife. A few weeks later, he died.

Amy Welborn's "Wish You Were Here" is a story about that kind of love and that kind of loss. Her story of the premature and unexpected loss of her husband is an insight into the kind of love that, like my grandfather's, overcomes decades of hazy memories and alters the courses of lives. In other words, it is a story about the kind of love we should all seek to cultivate in our lives.

We are told, as Christians, that Christ has defeated death and that death and sin have no more power over us. St. Irenaeus of Lyons, an early Christian writer, once said that “the business of a Christian is to be always preparing for death.” Death (and taxes) are the only things certain in life, as the old saying goes. And yet we still mourn for those we have lost. We still doubt and fear for what death means for them and for all of us. We still wish that we could only delay it just a bit longer. We still struggle with how this pain fits into God's great plan. We still feel the loss of their presence, even as we retain hope that we will be with them again in a better place.

Amy's story is that story. Amy's story is our story. Her husband, a pious Catholic, a loving husband, and a father to her young children, was taken from his family one morning. No one expected it and no one could explain it. In her efforts to deal with her loss and the loss felt by her children, Amy took three of her children on a vacation in Sicily several months after her husband's death. While there, they explored the beautiful and ancient cathedrals, churches, ruins, villages, and countrysides. They spoke with the people and experienced – often, endured – the culture. And amid those medieval buildings, created by men who lived and died and whose bones crumbled into dust long ago, and those people there today with their strange communal afternoon naps, she discovered something. What she found is not a way to make the pain go away, but a way to transform her feelings of loss into the yearning for something higher.(less)

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Feb 13, 2012 Signora rated it 4 of 5 stars

How do you cope with the sudden death of a young husband? How do you face the gaping loss, day after day? How do you face the questions of faith and doubt that ambush you? How do you continue to put one foot in front of the other, meet the needs of growing children, go about the simple tasks of living a life without your life's partner? Amy Welborn attempted to answer these questions by taking three of her children on a spontaneous trip to the island of Sicily in the months following the unexpec...more

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Feb 19, 2012 Julie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: firstreads, nonfiction, bio-autobio, christian

Advanced reader copy.
This book wasn't really what I expected, but in fact I liked it better the way it is. Amy Welborn's memoir flips back and forth between her trip with three of her children to Sicily a few months after her husband's death, and memories of her husband's time with the family, the days after his unexpected death and what other's said to her. Interspersed with verses that either comforted her or confounded her at the time, in the end she pulls it all together around one Sunday re...more

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Jan 30, 2012 Needleroozer rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Catholics and other fans of God

Recommended to Needleroozer by: First Reads giveaway

Shelves: life-stories, first-reads, travel, death

I just won this book from the First Reads contest. I am super excited about that. The book sounds good. I will write more after I read it.

If I had known that Amy Welborn was a rah-rah-rah Catholic, has in fact written several books on particularly Catholic topics, I probably would have never entered the drawing for this book. I grew up Catholic but haven't practiced Catholicism for at least 20 years. I'm not a religious person. I'm not even a spiritual person. I'm one of the least spiritual peop...more I just won this book from the First Reads contest. I am super excited about that. The book sounds good. I will write more after I read it.

If I had known that Amy Welborn was a rah-rah-rah Catholic, has in fact written several books on particularly Catholic topics, I probably would have never entered the drawing for this book. I grew up Catholic but haven't practiced Catholicism for at least 20 years. I'm not a religious person. I'm not even a spiritual person. I'm one of the least spiritual people I've ever known. I'm so not interested in spiritual matters that I don't even want to discuss or argue spiritual matters with other people. I don't care to convince anyone to accept my (non)beliefs. I simply want people to leave me alone to not believe. In exchange, I will leave people alone to believe in whatever they want to believe.

So I was really turned off when I realized that Amy Welborn, was a practicing, believing Catholic. When I realized that her God was going to be a big part of this book, I almost quit reading it.

I felt compassion for Amy, sure. Her husband died unexpectedly. Her husband died and left her with two little boys and a teenage daughter (and a couple of grown children from her previous marriage who barely have bit parts in this story). Her husband died and she was sad, Sad, SAD, and who could blame her. I didn't blame her. I felt for her, I truly did.

And I understand why she would include God and all sorts of other Catholic spirituality in the book she wrote soon after her husband's death. Amy is a spiritual person, a spiritual Catholic. It would be weird if she wrote a book about her husband's death and didn't speak to God, question her beliefs, fall back on faith. I didn't blame her for her spirituality, but I wasn't sure I wanted to read all about it.

I gave this book a chance though, and I'm glad I did.

First of all, Amy Welborn is a fantastic writer. I enjoyed the way she told her story, weaving flashbacks into her tale, explaining how what had happened in the past had on impact on what was happening in the present of her story. She didn't just lay everything out first, second, third, now, then, next. She told her story gradually and made me want to know what happened; she kept me interested and engaged.

I've never been to Sicily, but after reading this book, I feel like I know some things about it, know at least a little of how it really is. The author told me about the food, the people, the land, the tourist areas. She made the place real to me, and it always seemed effortless, like my friend Amy was just telling me about her trip, not like somebody was trying to impress me with her bag full of writer's tricks.

I will admit, I skimmed over the spiritual parts of this story. Whenever I realized she was going to share what she believed about God or Heaven or saints, where she thought her husband's spirit and soul went after his body died, what she thought God was trying to tell her or wanted her to believe, I just floated through those paragraphs, let my eyes skim the words until I could tell Amy was done with ideas that didn't mean anything to me. As soon as I realized she was back to telling me about her trip or her family or the physical aspects of her husband's death (and her emotional responses to his physical death), I went back to reading her words in earnest.

It seemed like an acceptable compromise to me. Amy Welborn got to write whatever she wanted in her own book, and I got to concentrate only on the parts of the book that were important to me. That's basically what I do with every book I read.
(less)

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May 07, 2012 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012-list

How could I not pre-order this book? It came highly recommended from all my favorite people, and so I did. And then, then it sat for quite a while on my to-read shelf. And then it took me far longer to read than it should have, given its length.

It hits me a little close to home. It gets me crying and sentimental and unable to be in my own company.

What makes this book great is not just the fact that Amy Welborn is a young widow who traveled with her kids to Sicily in the wake of her husband's une...more

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Jun 16, 2012 Steven R. McEvoy rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012-best-of, read-2012

As I was reading this book I could not help but reflect upon and compare it to C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. I have read Lewis' book in 5 different university courses. I believe this book would be a great addition to the syllabus for any of those courses. This book was incredibly well written. Amy Welborn bares it all; she gives us a glimpse into her life after loss. As she and her children travel around Sicily, not knowing specifically where they are going or what they will do when they get the...more As I was reading this book I could not help but reflect upon and compare it to C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. I have read Lewis' book in 5 different university courses. I believe this book would be a great addition to the syllabus for any of those courses. This book was incredibly well written. Amy Welborn bares it all; she gives us a glimpse into her life after loss. As she and her children travel around Sicily, not knowing specifically where they are going or what they will do when they get there, all along she remembers her husband and what she would want to share with him.

This book moved me, and a few times I had to put it down and step back to take time to think and reflect, to pray. As I was reading I could not help but imagine life without my wife. Amy states early on "the other set of eyes that helped you make sense of the world, when the one who held the mirror that helped you see yourself so much more clearly, when your best friend and companion is here one day and just gone the next, you can feel like you're starving. So perhaps St. Francis de Sales had a point. Maybe you should hold back, he was saying. Now is not the time to eat too fast. Sit with the hunger for a while. Give it to God. What is it I'm really hungry for anyway?" As she reflects on her loss she says: "Grief means sadness. Everyone knows that. But what you might not know until you live it-I didn't-is about regret, and how, in the world of grief, sadness may be the air you breathe, but regrets are the cracks in the ground that trip you up and knock you flat." The book is at times raw and visceral like Lewis' but it is much more tempered and reflective than his work.

Welborn finds that she has begun second-thinking herself and her decisions. Reflecting on her day, she says: "Will we remember tonight as we settle down to sleep? Will we be grateful or will we lie there, restless, second-guessing ourselves, wondering what we could have done differently if we'd just waited and taken the next turn instead?" Welborn also reflects on the choices since Mike has passed away. A few times she reflects even on the trip itself. She went overseas to be away from all the people who would ask about Mike and all the shared places and spaces. But it leads to new questions and doubts - "guilt about the cost and the privilege, and my survivor's guilt, seem to fade with the light. They might be back again tomorrow, along with the sun. They probably will. But right now, I'll let it be a good thing to be here. No matter how we got here, no matter why. I'll try to be happy. Knowing that it could all disappear tomorrow, knowing that everything could change in a moment."

Later she finds herself reflecting back, back to Mike at the hospital and unable to approach and touch him. Mike in his casket. For he will always be there, it is the last memory. "I could say that it is fantastic and wonderful, and yes, I could say that, if it were not for you in your casket. But you will always be in your casket, you will never come back to sit next to me at the pool, never play with the brothers, never tease and challenge Katie, no more eyes, wide and curious and ready to seek the absurd and the beautiful and then talk to me about it." And it will always be that way. Amy comes to the realization that: "Mike died, my relationship to the rest of the human race shifted-not in one direction, but in a back-and-forth kind of way." And that is the impact - all things have changed and they will continue to change.

Amy Welborn has written an amazing book. She has opened up her life and her process to us. I believe this book will become a classic in Christian circles or at least it should.

Read the review on my blog Book Reviews and More.(less)

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Jun 14, 2012 Conor rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a profound and beautiful book. Full disclosure: Amy Welborn is a friend, and I would not write anything or rate this book if I didn't truly believe it was this good. It is. This is a book for those who have experienced loss and for those who are trying to understand suffering, death, and life.

Welborn's husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in February 2009. This book details the journey both geographic and spiritual that Welborn traveled after his death. Some months after her husband's...more This is a profound and beautiful book. Full disclosure: Amy Welborn is a friend, and I would not write anything or rate this book if I didn't truly believe it was this good. It is. This is a book for those who have experienced loss and for those who are trying to understand suffering, death, and life.

Welborn's husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in February 2009. This book details the journey both geographic and spiritual that Welborn traveled after his death. Some months after her husband's death, Amy travels with three of her children to Sicily. This book beautifully details that trip and the incredible sights, tastes, and sounds Welborn and her children experienced on the journey. If this were all the book were, it would be worth reading.

But right along with the physical journey, Welborn details the spiritual journey that coincides with her travels. She asks the questions that death forces upon us. What happens at death? Would a good God allow something like this to happen? Where is her husband now? What does the phrase that her husband constantly reiterated, "God Alone," mean in practice? What does love of God require of us when a spouse or relative passes away?

The questions are all there in there starkness. And Welborn grapples with them and honestly shares her doubts and pain. But these doubts and pain do not win out. Hope, generated and sustained by the one who entered totally into our circumstances including our sin and suffering, is what wins out here. It has been said that Joseph Ratzinger said that an abstraction doesn't have a mother. Well, for Welborn, Christ is no abstraction. He's as real as the pain she experiences and the children she hugs close. She comes to understand what her husband was preparing her for with his admonition to rely on God alone.

I think this book is great for any person who has questions and fears about death. It also might be a good book to give to friends who have lost a spouse, child, or close family member or friend. Amy Welborn is a treasure -- as is this book. (less)

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Feb 13, 2012 Emily rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: catholica, memoir

A searing look at love, loss, family and faith, facilitated by Welborn's trip with Sicily with her three younger children after she lost her husband. Welborn's writing has a clear, elegiac quality that makes the reader feel she is sharing a cup of coffee with the writer, while talking about the themes of life, death, and how to go on after someone you love dies. A beautiful book.

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Apr 17, 2012 Julia rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is an immensely penetrating book on grief and faith. Welborn's phenomenal at engaging the contradictions inherent in believing and not-believing, in accepting and not-accepting. Her openness and integrity are sometimes breath-taking. I loved this book.

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Apr 02, 2012 Amy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: death, family-life, catholic, marriage, sicily, alabama

This is a very long book. I like reading about her travels - I can relate to that aspect of her life. For some reason, though, it just seems to go on and on, and nothing much changes. I felt like I was never going to finish it, so I read the Epilogue. Then the last chapter. Then the chapter before it, thinking I would backtrack though the book.

Having a loved one die, working through the grief and anger, well it just takes forever...it's a pretty honest book in that regard.

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Aug 08, 2012 Kathy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Loved this book. It made me laugh,cry,and dream of going to Sicily! This was such an honest book of the loss of her husband. Recently met Amy Welborn and looking forward to getting to know her better!

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Apr 05, 2012 Rita Ciresi rated it 5 of 5 stars

A very powerful and beautifully written memoir about the author's sudden loss of her husband. The opening and ending chapters are especially effective at conveying the bewilderment the author feels as she moves toward trying to frame her loss within the context of her faith.

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Apr 21, 2013 Elizabeth Scalia rated it 4 of 5 stars

Lyrical, moving, instructive.

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Aug 02, 2012 Gina rated it 2 of 5 stars

Just ran out of time to read this book. I think I would enjoy most of it, but I doubt I'll get back to it...

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Oct 30, 2012 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars

Touching

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Feb 08, 2012 Alyssa Greatbanks rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

I know this was autobiographical, so I mean no disrespect to the Author or her family. But honestly, I had a really hard time connecting with the "characters" as the story progressed. I just couldn't really get into the swing of things for this book.

But it was an interesting story on how she found her way through loss. And although it isn't something I would personally do, I think it may 'hit home' for a lot of people.

I received this book through the GoodReads First Reads Giveaways.

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Apr 22, 2012 Leanne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

I received a copy of this book through First Reads. I really enjoyed the thought-provoking and insightful nature of Amy's perspective given everything that she was going through when she wrote this book. The way she was able to flip between the times before and immediately following her husband's death to the times she was traveling with her three children, and correlate the two slices in time was artful. I would probably give this 3.5 stars.

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Mar 22, 2012 Amanda (aml519) rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: giveaways

It took me awhile to get through this book, but it was such a thoughtful, intense read for me. I've always wanted to go to Sicily, and it was interesting to hear the author's perspective of this unique place, intertwined with the memories of her husband. I loved her she connected the memories of her husband with what she was seeing in Sicily.

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Jan 04, 2013 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: stopped-half-way-through

A friend of mine sent me this book, and since I love the friend, I began reading the book. I love Amy Wllborn's writing, but at some point I found her journey getting a liitle repetitious. I may go back and finish it one of these days.

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Jul 04, 2012 Therese rated it 3 of 5 stars

I met the author and her two sons at a B&B near Santa Fe. She gave me a copy of the book. Having met her and her two beautiful sons made this book even more heartbreaking. Loved it.

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Apr 21, 2012 Paula rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is a must read for anyone who has experienced the sudden death of a loved one. It was moving, honest, and well written.

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May 09, 2012 Solina rated it 3 of 5 stars

Just couldn't get into this book -- perhaps too Catholic for me?? Not sure, but I didn't finish it.

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May 20, 2013 Teeniemisfeldt marked it as to-read

Shelves: on-hold

May 20, 2013 Samuel Howard rated it 3 of 5 stars

May 18, 2013 Matthew Walton marked it as to-read

May 23, 2013 Mark rated it 4 of 5 stars

May 01, 2013 Wkd added it

Apr 22, 2013 Leeann Balbirona rated it 5 of 5 stars

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