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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and
Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
Love is not about better communication.
It's about connection.
You'll never get a closer relationship
with your man by talking to him like you
talk to one of your girlfriends....more
Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
Love is not about better communication.
It's about connection.
You'll never get a closer relationship
with your man by talking to him like you
talk to one of your girlfriends....more
Hardcover, 240 pages
Published
January 30th 2007
by Broadway
(first published January 16th 2007)
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Not quite finished with it, but it has some super-interesting ideas about the nature of miscommunication between men and women in relationships. If you are going to freak out that the authors make generalizations about the behavior of men and women, don't even bother reading this. But if you can put that aside and just accept that regardless of the reason (socialization or biology), men and women DO have a tendency to approach things differently, I think this book has some useful insights into h...more
The chapter I enjoyed the most was "The Worst Thing a Man does to a Woman" and sub-chapter on "Alone in Bed" with the six traits that occur where women feel alone, also with their dreams/goals and men are not supportive. And the funny part in the 6 traits/areas in Alone in the Bed, "fart is not foreplay." Come on, now.
There were some insightful things in communication to look at, when we are speaking negatively, comparing, generalizing, globalizing, ther...more
There were some insightful things in communication to look at, when we are speaking negatively, comparing, generalizing, globalizing, ther...more
The info in this book changes my understanding of interactions I have with many people, not just my dh. I put this book right up there with "The Five Love Languages."
"The worst thing a woman does to a man: shaming. The worst thing a man does to a woman: leaving her alone." I think this applies to a lot of little kids, too. My son, for example, has a strong reaction to any indication that he's done something wrong, sometimes to the point where he runs out of the ...more
"The worst thing a woman does to a man: shaming. The worst thing a man does to a woman: leaving her alone." I think this applies to a lot of little kids, too. My son, for example, has a strong reaction to any indication that he's done something wrong, sometimes to the point where he runs out of the ...more
Excellent book so far on helping men and women understand the differences in their needs from each other and how communication differs between the sexes. Discusses, hopes, fears, insecurities, and a need for connection that drives our miscommunications and leaves us feeling alone in our fears and dissapointments when we don't get the responses from our mates that we feel we need.
Excellent book!
Excellent book!
I thought the title was funny so I picked this book up thinking it might be fun to skim. I ended up reading all of it.
The first half is dedicated to explaining the psychology of children and specifically how boys and girls think differently. I found it enlightening and was able to see examples in my own life, as well as in the lives of my children. I've been trying to keep what I learned in mind as I try to teach my children and I think it has been helpful in getting through to th...more
The first half is dedicated to explaining the psychology of children and specifically how boys and girls think differently. I found it enlightening and was able to see examples in my own life, as well as in the lives of my children. I've been trying to keep what I learned in mind as I try to teach my children and I think it has been helpful in getting through to th...more
I am glad I read this book. I would recommend it to every couple. It has a lot of very valuable advice that I plan on incorporating in my own marriage.
However, they could have given the same advice in about half the pages. To me it seemed very repetitive and wordy. I also felt it was disjointed at times making it difficult to follow. Sometimes it was difficult to keep reading. I'm glad I did though.
Although maybe not intensional, it was definitely written for an audience ...more
However, they could have given the same advice in about half the pages. To me it seemed very repetitive and wordy. I also felt it was disjointed at times making it difficult to follow. Sometimes it was difficult to keep reading. I'm glad I did though.
Although maybe not intensional, it was definitely written for an audience ...more
I saw this book on a library display and thought I would browse through it. It was the blah blah blah blah in the background of the cover that pulled me in. I ended up reading it the whole thing. The overall premise of this book is that you can't improve a marriage by talking it better. While there is a tendency toward over generalizing in this book, the authors make many good points. It seems to me that healthy marriages can benefit from some of the main principles and behaviors that these doct...more
Totally excellent book about relationships, communication and desires, especially dealing with differences in approach and reaction. I recommend this to anyone wanting to have a deeper (non-superficial) relationship with anyone. I suspect the author/editor limited the appeal of this book by putting marriage in the title - don't miss out on good human information because of the stupid title or, frankly, some sections where the author is a little trite-sounding. There are numerous excellent gems...more
This book has a great deal of useful information for men or women looking to improve their connection with their partner. I am not a huge fan of self-help books but have recently been subjecting myself to a variety of titles in this genre. This one is probably worth-while for anyone whose curiosity was piqued by the title.
Anytime people are willing to own and modify their reactions, take responsibility for their part of interactions, and assume good-hearted intentions from their partner th...more
Anytime people are willing to own and modify their reactions, take responsibility for their part of interactions, and assume good-hearted intentions from their partner th...more
Ashley
rated it
Recommends it for:
Any and everyone who has been, is, or plans to be in a relationship
What a great read!
I like that this book is approachable to men - so many relationship books focus on things from a woman's POV which doesn't help men. One chapter in this book is written by the male author and is titled "Man to Man: How to Strengthen Your Relationship Without Becoming a Woman", which I think perfectly captures the feel of this book.
The authors (one of which is Dr. Patricia Love - what else could she be but a relationship therapist?!), took a v...more
I like that this book is approachable to men - so many relationship books focus on things from a woman's POV which doesn't help men. One chapter in this book is written by the male author and is titled "Man to Man: How to Strengthen Your Relationship Without Becoming a Woman", which I think perfectly captures the feel of this book.
The authors (one of which is Dr. Patricia Love - what else could she be but a relationship therapist?!), took a v...more
This is one of the best relationship books I've ever read. It teaches how to create loving connection with your partner without having to constantly "talk about the relationship" to try to fix problems. I now feel confident that I have the tools and knowledge to keep a relationship wonderful, even through hard times.
The first half of the book is about why problems happen in marriages, and why "talking about the relationship" will never fix it and will probably only...more
The first half of the book is about why problems happen in marriages, and why "talking about the relationship" will never fix it and will probably only...more
An interesting book and a good read, the front half at least. The first half contained some male/female physiological differences and suchlike, including the shame/fear dynamic, and I always find those interesting.
The second half was more about application so is of less interest to the casual reader.
They attribute a lot to "Well it's the male/female difference" or "You don't realize how you're triggering the fear/shame dynamic" -- while there is no dou...more
The second half was more about application so is of less interest to the casual reader.
They attribute a lot to "Well it's the male/female difference" or "You don't realize how you're triggering the fear/shame dynamic" -- while there is no dou...more
While I don’t think that couples should avoid talking about their problems (that can create an entirely different level of problems), I do agree that how they talk about them can often be more of a hindrance than a help. For the most part, this book was very useful and really gets at the heart of what is going on when a couple fights by exploring a woman’s fear/isolation/deprivation sensitivity and a man’s shame/fear of failure sensitivity. In many cases, both members of a couple are trying to...more
Now that I am more removed from reading this book I am upping my rating, b/c I have found lots of truth in the solution below. I also have since went to a talk on "boys" and they had suggested using few words, simplicity, tone down the emotion, don't talk over them, sit in silence more with them...so much truth in this for boys & men. I practiced it & voila - so much more peace & love for all of us. Again, I find a lot of truth in the solution below.
the following basi...more
the following basi...more
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VERY interesting. Women think communication is key, but actually our way of communicating causes more problems than anything else.
This is a book that EVERY woman should read. And it wouldn't hurt for men to read it either. (Bill said he would listen to it in the car if I could find it on cd.) I think this way of explaining things is ever BETTER than Mars and Venus. It just makes things so clear, without making you feel like "you're doing it wrong."
This is ...more
This is a book that EVERY woman should read. And it wouldn't hurt for men to read it either. (Bill said he would listen to it in the car if I could find it on cd.) I think this way of explaining things is ever BETTER than Mars and Venus. It just makes things so clear, without making you feel like "you're doing it wrong."
This is ...more
This book gave great insight to why a male shuts down. I recognized the behaviors but now I know the reasons behind it. I hope that with a bit more understanding of the shame/fear cycle I can become a more compassionate spouse. I think this should be a must read for anyone involved in a relationship.
Well....we will see. I had some issues with the gender stratification in this book, but at the same time, I could see some of the behaviors they are talking about in my relationship, which I had always thought of as a more progressive balance of male/female identity.
I picked this one up as I was reading "I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper". This is a great book about the biological/physiological differences between men and women. The book is very educational. So far so good.
One of the best insights into male-female patterns that I have ever read. A must read for anyone of any age when dealing with the opposite sex-whether you are married or not.
This is one of the best marriage books I have read (which is amazing since it isn't even written by the marriage guru, John Gottman). It has much more insight into men and women than Men are from Mars and many other similar books.
The best compliment I can give it, is that it made me look at myself and how I treat others very honestly, which in turn has improved my relationship with my husband and, in many ways, my children.
The best compliment I can give it, is that it made me look at myself and how I treat others very honestly, which in turn has improved my relationship with my husband and, in many ways, my children.
Great explanation of the importance of connection in relationships.
Be the change you want to see in your spouse/partner
Rebecca
is currently reading it
Good insights into male thinking, doing, being.
Brilliant!
The word marriage is basically interchangeable for any romantic/ intimate /committed relationships.
I'm not a self-help type of gal, but this book is so interesting, insightful and truly helpful. It doesn't ask us to change. It instead explains some biological differences between men and women and how understanding these differences can better a relationship. I have a bit more to read yet, but so far I’m quite impressed.
The word marriage is basically interchangeable for any romantic/ intimate /committed relationships.
I'm not a self-help type of gal, but this book is so interesting, insightful and truly helpful. It doesn't ask us to change. It instead explains some biological differences between men and women and how understanding these differences can better a relationship. I have a bit more to read yet, but so far I’m quite impressed.
I picked this book up at Barnes and Noble and scanned the first page and found myself laughing at how much me and my husband were like the "typical couple!" This book is a great read so far and it's already opening my eyes to things in our relationship that I would have never cared to look for before! I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to improve themselves in their marriage.
This one is a marriage saver... totally hit the target.
Throw away all your relationship self-help books. This one nails it. While the title certainly appeals to men, the work is well balanced on targeting fears and anxieties facing men and women in a relationship and focuses on connection rather than confrontation. I know I'm going to read this one again.
I haven't finished all of this book and read it a few years ago. BUT, the first half was a bit of an awakening for me in that it wasn't like other marriage help books. For me and what I saw in my marriage, it hit right on the nail!
This book not only helps with marital relationships, but is good for parents and teenagers or any tense relationship. We don't always have to 'have a talk'. I look forward to learning the specific tips it offers.
I didn't agree fully with every claim made in this book, but much of the information was insightful, particularly about the fear/shame dynamic that dominates many relationships.
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