Without Tess

Oct 17, 2011 ☆Jessie☆ (Ageless Pages Reviews) rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: reviewed, young-adult-fiction, general-and-literary-fiction, netgalley-arc, contemporary-fiction, arc

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Without Tess is a whirlwind of a novel - running the gamut from emotional to sweet to disturbing, all easily within a few pages. It's a forthright and honest look at youth, childhood, grief and mental illness without shying away from darker moments or themes. Told in the very real voice of Elizabeth "Lizzie" Cohen, the first-person perspective makes the events of the novel with Tess much more personal, much more visceral for the reader than a more r...more Read This Review & More Like It On My Blog!

Without Tess is a whirlwind of a novel - running the gamut from emotional to sweet to disturbing, all easily within a few pages. It's a forthright and honest look at youth, childhood, grief and mental illness without shying away from darker moments or themes. Told in the very real voice of Elizabeth "Lizzie" Cohen, the first-person perspective makes the events of the novel with Tess much more personal, much more visceral for the reader than a more removed third-person omniscient would have done. This super-involving story of Lizzie's life and of Tess's death is compelling and a must-read. This is a novel that was hard for me to read, but I never once felt like giving up on it.

Born two years before Lizzie, Tess is the center of the book around which everyone else operates. The relationship between the two girls is the most central and important one of the entire book: one does not feel whole without the other, in the beginning. Tess by herself is not a very sympathetic character - she's vibrant, fragile, unique and precocious but she's also removed, sullen and controlling. Ms. Pixley does an incredible job of presenting Tess as sympathetic through the eyes of her sister, but the reader can discern early on that there is just something off about Tess even before Lizzie understands. She's very creative and imaginative, but what is play and make-believe for Lizzie is life for Tess. Lizzie is much more grounded than her sister, from the beginning even as children. Intelligent but not motivated to succeed at school, Lizzie never really recovered from Tess's death - for obvious reasons. Fifteen years old at the time of the novel, Lizzie occasionally comes across as the traumatized ten-year-old she was when Tess killed herself. Lizzie herself is also hard to like, in her present-day incarnation, as opposed to the completely sympathetic and likeable version present in the flashbacks. Sympathy and empathy come easily for the character, but genuine affection was harder to find. Lizzie continually punishes herself for her sister's death, and even carries a journal belonging to Tess as a daily reminder of her guilt and grief.

A series of flashbacks, some quite lengthy and others a tad shorter, shed light upon Tess's problems through her whole life. The flashbacks are so extensive and well-done they present a more rounded picture of Lizzie's life growing up with - and under the thumb of - Tess. I really enjoyed the narrative structure of this novel; the juxtaposition of Lizzie's changing attitudes towards Tess as she ages is realistic, though sad for more-than-valid reasons. Poems from Tess are scattered between chapters relevant to the poem itself and lend an extra air of atmosphere and personality for both the book and Tess herself. Like I said, this can be a hard book to get through - I had to take several breaks because the author pulls no punches with the brutally honest portrayal of Tess and her intense illness.

I did have a few problems while reading Without Tess. There's a rather unsubstantiated subplot about religion and searching for God (Tess and Lizzie are Jewish with a very devoutly Catholic friend) that seems completely unnecessary and distracting from the actual plot. The quasi-philosophical wonderings of Tess in the midst of Tess's meltdown burdens the plot and the pacing for the more riveting main story. I found it off-putting when the girls' Christian friends urged them to pray "the right way" etc., and I also found it unreal for the ages of the girls at the time. Another thing that tried my belief was how the sisters talked/wrote at the time of Tess's death. Both definitely come across as much older than the intended 10/11. Their dialogue is far too mature, as are the themes and ideas of Tess's poetry. They both seemed more in the range of actual teenagers: 16-18 would be a more accurate representation.

Besides the few minor issues I had with this novel, I found Without Tess to be a great novel. It's emotionally stirring and completely heartfelt without stinting on the darker moments or glossing over Tess's issues. Lizzie's story might not be the easiest or the most fun to read, but it is rewarding to do so. Pick this one up if you're looking for a young-adult novel that isn't afraid to make you cry, or one to make you think. (less)

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Apr 23, 2013 Pinkie Pie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: own-read

Without Tess is by far one of the best books I've read this year. It's contemporary fiction meets fantasy, but at the same time it is so, so much more.

I absolutely loved sisters Tess and Lizzie (by the way, this year seems to be the year of sisters-Imaginary Girls, Then I Met My Sister, The Sky is Everywhere, Want to Go Private?). Tess is one of those enigmatic, charismatic characters, the kind that no one seems to quite understand, but you fall in love with them-want to be near, with them- all...more Without Tess is by far one of the best books I've read this year. It's contemporary fiction meets fantasy, but at the same time it is so, so much more.

I absolutely loved sisters Tess and Lizzie (by the way, this year seems to be the year of sisters-Imaginary Girls, Then I Met My Sister, The Sky is Everywhere, Want to Go Private?). Tess is one of those enigmatic, charismatic characters, the kind that no one seems to quite understand, but you fall in love with them-want to be near, with them- all the same. Tess lived in a world of pixies, and toad queens, selkies and werewolves. Throughout the whole book almost, you could barely tell what was real and what wasn't.

Lizzie is one of my favorite narrator types: unreliable. Her judgment was clouded by her love for Tess and her devotion to her sister and their magic. She wanted so terribly to believe everything Tess said, that sometimes I believed it, too. Tess really did turn into a seal, right?

I heard the publishers and book sellers were afraid of this book. That it was too dark, too depressing to ever sell. But I think I've read much darker books that this one, that have sold tremendously well. Sure there are dark themes: eating disorders, mental illness, betrayal, abandonment, delusions, hallucinations. But Pixley has written these issues so beautifully, and so delicately, it makes it easier to swallow.

I really, really loved this book. The only part I didn't really get was the ending. I think we spent a lot of time learning about Tess and the sisters' past, but we never really got to know grown Lizzie that well. So when the ending came, I was kind of taken aback-it sort of came out of left field. Not in a jaw-dropping way, just a minor confusion sort of way. Maybe if the book were a little longer, and we got to know Lizzie and see her triumph over her guilt and mourning a little more, the ending would have made more sense.

If you read Without Tess by Marcella Pixley, which I recommend you do, you will most certainly cry, so be prepared for that. But also be prepared to take a journey into the delicate world created by two sisters-one who is only growing and learning who she is, and one who is desperately ill, who no one could have saved. (less)

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Dec 18, 2012 Winna rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: mellow-books, psychology, young-adult

Without Tess caught my attention when I found it on the back shelf of Kinokuniya PS's YA section. The synopsis is interesting enough, but at that time the lack of a paperback version stopped me from buying it immediately. The glowing reviews made me think twice and finally grabbed the hardcover during my next visit.

I'm a sucker for lovely mellow books. One such example is Lovely, Dark and Deep. This one's mellow enough but I can't get through the head of the character. I personally feel that the...more

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Dec 13, 2012 Lauren Swanson rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: realistic-fiction

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I just read Without Tess, by Marcella Pixley. A little about this book is, this girl named Lizzy has a sister named Tess. She is mentally insane, but her parents or sister don't know, they just think she has a big imagination. Tess is ten years old and Lizzy is nine, and she died because she thought she was a seal, and drowned herself. The story goes back between the present time and past time when Tess was alive.When it goes to the present time she is in the counselors room at school and talki...more

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Dec 14, 2011 Barbara rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ncbla, writing

Tess and Lizzie Cohen were close, sisters who spend just about every waking minute together when they were younger. Tess was the leader, imaginative and creative, drawing and writing poems in her sketchbook. Because she believes so strongly in magic, Tess is sure she can fly through the air. She convinces Lizzie that she knows magic spells, and Lizzie follows her, somewhat blindly, until the two of them grow older. Slowly, Lizzie and her parents realize that while Tess is imaginative and unique,...more

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Dec 11, 2011 Richard (Bound & Determined...) rated it 4 of 5 stars

I approached this book all wrong. I made fast assumptions about it, and misjudged it. I almost didn’t finish it because of my assumptions, but continued reading and finished it.

You must realize before starting this book how difficult it will be to read. I had no idea how sad and monstrous reading this would be. Mental illness is no joke. Just prepare yourself: Pixley is real. There’s a no-holds-barred approach to telling Lizzie’s story. You’ve been warned.

I felt sorry for Lizzie. Both as the com...more

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Nov 06, 2011 Anna rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-this-year

Tess Cohen is so thin you can almost see her bones through her skin. She has wild red hair and a personality that is fantastical, genius, and disturbing. She is a Selkie, she is a flying horse, she is a wild ferrel cat, she is a werewolf. Tess Cohen is the Queen of Toads, living by the laws of Merlin and living by no predictability at all. And then there is Lizzie, the younger sister, the one who is more timid, who follows, who watches her older sister feed a statue of the virgin mary coconut c...more Tess Cohen is so thin you can almost see her bones through her skin. She has wild red hair and a personality that is fantastical, genius, and disturbing. She is a Selkie, she is a flying horse, she is a wild ferrel cat, she is a werewolf. Tess Cohen is the Queen of Toads, living by the laws of Merlin and living by no predictability at all. And then there is Lizzie, the younger sister, the one who is more timid, who follows, who watches her older sister feed a statue of the virgin mary coconut crunch bars and tucks her safely into bed before she herself blacks out from following the werewolf during a full moon. And then there is Lizzie without Tess, a girl who must come to terms with the death of the person who scared her but who also showed her.

“And if you wander around in bare feet so that your toes sink into the rug, if you wander around and touch things with the very tips of your fingers, let them glide like feathers across her quilt, her walls, her desk, her dresser, if you spin very fast in circles the way she always used to do , and let the death room swirl around you like a cocoon wrapping you in white silk threads, you could imagine that at any moment she is going to explode through the door, laughing with her mouth wide open at the perfection of this one final joke.” (253 Pixley)
Without Tess exquisitely and simply captures the essence of loss with the warmth of remembrance, thereby deserving a full five stars. The contrast of child’s fantasy in an aging realistic world is explored along with dimensions of mental illness, the importance of one’s religion, the struggle between past and present, and the way people view the world based on the things they learn from those who they are close to. The language and style of Pixley’s writing is irrevocably poetic. Poetic language such as that in this novel can pull at a readers heart like picks on a guitar, reaffirming the concept of writing as a true craft, each word a particular paint stroke, placed so carefully as to create a painting that makes one’s soul want to sing to the heartbeat of the narrating character.
The voice in this book switches between the modern, 15 year old Lizzie and the younger Lizzie who interacts with Tess. While we see the older Lizzie reflecting back on her childhood with Tess, the younger Lizzie grows and develops. She becomes more aware of Tess’s mental illness which causes her to believe in fantasies that were simply imaginative games when they were children. Lizzie starts to grow up. But Tess doesn’t want to come with her. In an effort of not betraying her sister, Lizzie continues to play along with Tess’s games. She watches over her when Tess turns into a wolf in the middle of the night and stalks the neighborhood, a reverse of the earlier years when Lizzie only looked up to Tess, living in her world and under Tess’s protection from everything that was “bad” but not necessarily the things that were dangerous. This book challenges the joy of imagination with the sanity of reality. And when Lizzie ends up in the hospital as a result of Tess’s games, Tess finally gets therapy and medication. But she doesn’t want to live in a world without her magic. Nothing would be beautiful or poetic without Merlin, or being able to fly. Who would want to give that up? Lizzie blames herself for not being able to save Tess, however the question remains how happy would Tess have been. Her world would have been gone, and every eccentricity that made her who she was would have dimmed, as if her fiery mane were to be combed and fastened in a braid.
Throughout the book, the protagonist Lizzie tries to come to terms with the death of Tess through looking through her “Pegasus Journal”. The drawings are disturbing and beautifully done. This even was poetic in that it hinted towards brilliant artists; Were they crazy, or was it genius? Lizzie begs this question too; was Tess crazy, or was everyone else?

“At first glance, the picture is beautiful...But then, when you let your eye travel ... the angel’s body is emaciated and sunken like that of a corpse, as if the wings are the only part of the angel that is alive.The bones show through the flesh. You can see the tendons, the muscles, the veins...” (147 Pixley)

The realization that Lizzie gets from coming to terms with her sisters illness is saddening. The thought that all that childhood magic, that for an amount of time she believed to be real too, the thought of all of that being a delusion of illness is heartbreaking. Throughout the story, Lizzie feels as though if she lets go, she is betraying Tess, that by loosing faith in her she is letting Tess’s spirit die just like she feels she let Tess die. At one point or another, we all come to a critical realization that someone we look up to isn’t omnipotent. Unfortunately for Lizzie this realization is coupled with the acceptance of Tess’s death.
Lizzie wants desperately to have something to believe in, especially after the death of Tess, when she has lost the one person who inspired her to truly believe in something. Another theme in this book is religion. The contrast of her rational, more mainstream Catholic neighbor Isabella, the majestical beliefs of Tess, and her Jewish upbringing surround Lizzie and all tug at what what she believes in, along with what she wants to believe in.
And in the end, Tess was truthfully an object of magic. Everything that she and Lizzie did they truly believed. They were horses galloping by the river and they were Selkies on the shore and they truly believed. And what is reality but perception? What is delusion when no one tells you you’re wrong? What is magic but two girls spinning in white dresses with summer on their skin and popsicles on their tongues? And finally, what are characters but figments of words so artfully sewn together that they shape and define personas until they are real? What is writing but magic?

Pixley, Marcella. Without Tess. New York: Margaret Ferguson Books, 2011. Print. (less)

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Nov 06, 2011 Anagha rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I started this book completely and utterly intrigued. The protagonist and narrator Lizzie retells her nine-year-old life with her now dead sister Tess. Lizzie is now fifteen and remains traumatized by her sister and her death six years ago. Lizzie begins the story in her guidance counselor’s office. She comes in five minutes early to just sit in the rocking chair and to "breathe away everything real. Bad grades and teachers who frown at [her]. Letters sent home in sealed envelopes. All the kids...more I started this book completely and utterly intrigued. The protagonist and narrator Lizzie retells her nine-year-old life with her now dead sister Tess. Lizzie is now fifteen and remains traumatized by her sister and her death six years ago. Lizzie begins the story in her guidance counselor’s office. She comes in five minutes early to just sit in the rocking chair and to "breathe away everything real. Bad grades and teachers who frown at [her]. Letters sent home in sealed envelopes. All the kids that give [her] distance like [she's] some human plague" (4). Every week on Wednesday she does this. She comes in early and then has her weekly sessions with Dr. Kaplan. During these sessions, she talks about her sister Tess and their relationship.

Throughout the book, I can't help but just despise Tess. The narration shifts every other chapter to Lizzie as a nine-year-old. This is when Tess is alive. During these parts, the reader is a witness to the very horrible past of Lizzie. Tess is mentally ill, and every action that she does affects Lizzie to. Throughout the book, I watched as Tess's lines between reality and fantasy become blurred. She believes in magic and that she is immortal. In one instance, she almost kills Lizzie because she thinks she is a werewolf. Tess tells Lizzie to blood promise that she won't tell their parents that she's a werewolf. Following this, Tess uses her unicorn earring to stab Lizzie in the palm of her hand making it feel like "a white-hot needle going deep" (201). This is only one of the many instances where Tess's behavior doesn't just affect herself, but Lizzie too. This is why, six years later, Lizzie is sitting in her guidance councilor’s office with a hostile expression across her face, grudgingly talking about her sister Tess.

As the story progresses, Lizzie shares a bit of information that made me want to skip to the end and find out what happened. She compares herself to all the stoners in her school and how "even though they stay up late drinking beer and smoking weed, those kids are angels. No matter how bad they are, not a single one of them is guilty of murder" (33). This was like a blow to the head. Lizzie, who adored her sister no matter what, killed Tess? The answer to this cliffhanger was built up to and finally explained in the end.

The novel once again switches to her present life. A life without Tess. Lizzie keeps her sister’s old Pegasus Journal. She took it from Tess's casket before they buried her. This journal contains the poems and drawings that Tess made during the course of her short life. Each poem is about one of Tess and Lizzie's adventures and serves as a segway into each different narration. At high school, Lizzie is a slacker who doesn't care about her life. The only homework she turns in is poems to her English class. These poems aren't even hers though. She turns in Tess's old poems from the Pegasus Journal. In each poem, you can see how Tess's illness is affecting her more and more. This is reflected in each story Lizzie tells.

Lizzie's parents notice too. After the werewolf incident, Lizzie blacks out and is hospitalized. This is when their parents finally wake up. They take Tess to a doctor who believes that pills will inhibit her delusion of magic. However, Tess only pretends to swallow them and she ends up just spitting them back out when no one is looking and hiding them under her pillow. After finding the truth, her parents force feed them to her every day. This is when we find the truth about Tess's death. Even though she is taking medication, it isn't doing anything. Tess takes Lizzie to the dock and she says that she isn't a human but is a selkie trapped in a human body. She says she must become free now. They both jump in the water and play a game that they usually play. They try to see how long they can hold their breath under water. When Lizzie surfaces, she waits minutes for Tess to come up, but she doesn't. Finally, Tess's dead body floats up with a serene smile plastered on it.

The end of the book is a great finish to a compelling story. Lizzie finally lets Tess go through the Pegasus Journal. And this time, instead of handing in her sister's poetry, she writes her own poem. The name of this poem is "Without Tess".

The writing of this book was very lyrical and poetic. Each sentence had a musical quality to it that made me never want to put it down. The emotions were so raw and very easy to connect to. Although Lizzie was dealing with a situation not many people are in, her feelings were very relatable and basic enough to connect to. Marcella Pixely's writing is very soothing and she uses many literary devices to help the reader understand the situation. When Lizzie and Tess are at the beach, they play bingo with crab carcasses and Tess likes the big crabs with their "superhero claws flexing and their beady eyes rolling as if they were lunatic madmen" (23). Her creative similes and other devices give the characters and the book a personality that is indescribable.

This book thoroughly dives into the relationships between siblings and what people will do for them. Even though their relationship isn't always traditional, there is always the same emotions and love for each other. I really loved this book and I would recommend it to just about anyone!
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Oct 09, 2011 Nancy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a very well written book regarding the forgotten child in a family dealing with another with mental illness. Lizzie deals with much more than survivor's guilt. She has been negatively impacted by dealing with Tess' mental illness as a child. The subject matter is really best approached by a mature teenager to adult. There are disturbing themes as Tess experiences full out psychosis and lacks a conscience and believes in her alternate reality. Lizzie plays along until her maturity level d...more

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Sep 26, 2011 Wandering Librarians rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: family, fiction, realistic-fiction, serious-issues, ya

This was sad. Poor Lizzie. I felt so awful for her, especially when she was little. We spent a lot more time in the book with young Lizzie than 15 year-old Lizzie, and I think that's why I sympathized with her younger self more. Lizzie idolized her older sister. She wished she could be more like her - imaginative and free spirited. Tess seemed to have a magic about her that Lizzie couldn't get. As much as Lizzie worshiped Tess, Tess was often cruel to her. Tess was trapped in her fantasy world a...more This was sad. Poor Lizzie. I felt so awful for her, especially when she was little. We spent a lot more time in the book with young Lizzie than 15 year-old Lizzie, and I think that's why I sympathized with her younger self more. Lizzie idolized her older sister. She wished she could be more like her - imaginative and free spirited. Tess seemed to have a magic about her that Lizzie couldn't get. As much as Lizzie worshiped Tess, Tess was often cruel to her. Tess was trapped in her fantasy world and didn't see that she often ended up hurting other people, and that person was usually Lizzie. Tess had Lizzie eat a dried, dead crab, which made her throw up, to prove to Tess that Lizzie loved her. When Tess said she was a selkie but that Lizzie wasn't, she had Lizzie lie naked in the ocean in fall, almost freezing before she finally got up. Tess stabbed Lizzie's hand with her earring to make a blood promise, and gave her blood poisoning, and then wouldn't let Lizzie go inside to get their mother when she started feeling sick.

It was really terrible to hear how Tess was, and wonder why didn't her parents notice things more. What I thought was interesting was that how Tess was in school was never mentioned. She was 11 years old, so she'd been going to school for a number of years. No one noticed anything? Tess did mention not being able to use her magic when other people were around, but it's hard to think that she could have completely held it together at school. I don't know quite what was wrong with Tess, but she was clearly detached from reality and delusional. As Lizzie goes through her journal, the words and images become more and more disturbing, until it's hard to think that they were coming from such a young child.

As Lizzie got older and made a new friend, Tess was hurt and desperate to keep Lizzie believing with her as she always did. Tess really did believe all her transformation stories, and after Lizzie got blood poisoning, she wasn't as quick to do what Tess said anymore. This is when Lizzie and Tess' parents finally decided something needed to be done. Tess started going to therapy, but she didn't want to change. She didn't want to take medicine that would make her not believe in magic, and became more depressed. So one night she took Lizzie out to the ocean and she drowned herself, with Lizzie there.

Lizzie, of course, feels horribly guilty for not saving her sister. Lizzie's parents are a mess for not noticing sooner and helping their daughter. No one talks about Tess, and so none of them have ever been able to move on. Lizzie still thinks of Tess as her wonderful, imaginative, magical older sister, not a little girl who was very sick.(less)

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Jul 17, 2011 Minli rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: awesome-writing, young-adult, contemporary

I must thank my Macmillan friend for sending me this book (unsolicited) and telling me to read it, because I never would have picked it up myself. And I am so glad I did. I can imagine Without Tess is a tough sell, because despite its gorgeous, lyrical writing, most people don't want to read about how toxic fantasy can be.

So yes, as a lover of fantasy and folklore, the subject of the book filled me with a lot of trepidation. Sisters Tess and Lizzie were each other's best friends. Imaginative twe...more

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Sep 04, 2012 Lydia rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This book switches from the past to the present, the past telling the story of two sisters, Tess and Lizzie. Tess lives in a magical fantasy world of Merlin and Pegasuses. Lizzie plays along to please her sister, but as she gets older, she begins to hate how the magical world has transformed her sister. Tess's world seems to make her go crazy; she starves herself (food is seen as too "mortal" to her) and feels a loathing for Isabella Amadeo, their neighbor who becomes Lizzie's best friend. Tess...more

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Oct 13, 2011 Melissa (i swim for oceans) rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: own-arcs, contemporary

Tess and Lizzie lived a charmed childhood full of magic, wonder and impossible things becoming possible. It's a world of escapism that they share and love together but, eventually, they must grow up. Lizzie recognizes this. Tess, however, cannot live in a world without magic. Her world of magic becomes darker and more terrifying as it begins to consume her from the inside out and she loses her grip on reality. Now a teenager, Liz is learning to live without Tess, and must delve into her sister's...more Tess and Lizzie lived a charmed childhood full of magic, wonder and impossible things becoming possible. It's a world of escapism that they share and love together but, eventually, they must grow up. Lizzie recognizes this. Tess, however, cannot live in a world without magic. Her world of magic becomes darker and more terrifying as it begins to consume her from the inside out and she loses her grip on reality. Now a teenager, Liz is learning to live without Tess, and must delve into her sister's innermost thoughts to understand and come to terms with the fact that the Tess she knew and loved is, and was, gone a very long time ago.

Without Tess, in a word, is daring. Not too many young adult authors will broach the topic of mental illness, and those who do tend to sugarcoat and dance around the dark nature of many of them. Marcella Pixley, however, is not one of those authors, and Without Tess is not one of those books. Rich and alluring, Without Tess invites you into a world where magic is real for two little girls, then shows how the inevitable reality embraces one girl into the fold and cuts another to the bone. Haunting and painful, the book tackles tedious subject matter with a steady gait and lyrical prose to make the reader both aware and understanding of the depth of mental illness.

I don't think I was fully prepared for Without Tess when I read it. I had an image of a previous book on mental illness in my mind, and I was expecting it to be a bit surface-heavy. Rather, Without Tess wastes no time in throwing you into the all-consuming darkness of Tess's delusions as they consume her from the inside out. We literally watch her wither away into oblivion, all the while causing possibly irreparable damage to her sister. Tess was a complex character. I despised her for the wrongs she did to Liz, and for the bone-crushing pain she inflicted on others. At the same time though, I pitied her and wanted mercy for her. Liz was also a multi-faceted character. I enjoyed reading about her in her younger self, while I felt her teenage self in the present was rather unlikable. The bitterness and anger that oozed from her character was understandable, of course, but it made me dread seeing things through her eyes because it was so bleak. Without Tess does more than show mental illness though. The author tackles the topic of religion and one's belief systems which, at times, felt true and fitting. At other times though, I felt like it overburdened the plot. I will say that Without Tess also featured dialogue for the younger version of Lizzie and Tess's poetry that felt a bit too mature and forced. Dark and mesmerizing, yes, but not true to their age.

Overall though, Without Tess was a powerful read portraying the depth of mental illness while giving us a rich and developed plot. I give it a 3.5 out of 5, and I'd recommend it to upper YA audiences and adults, especially those who like issue books and contemporary fiction.

I received this book free of charge in exchange for an honest review. This, in no way, affected my opinion or review of this book.(less)

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Oct 05, 2011 Book Twirps rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Without Tess is an achingly gorgeous read. The writing is so lyrical and the characters so vivid, I felt as if I were in the same room with them. The story focuses on Lizzie whose sister Tess died when she was younger. Six years later she is still coping with the grief.

Eleven-year-old Tess lives in a fantasy world. In the beginning I was able to connect with Tess. Like her, I had a very active imagination when I was young. As the story moves forward, the reader realizes there is something mental...more

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Oct 11, 2011 Cassie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: arc, ebook, ya, realistic, poetic

A solid 3.5, but Goodreads doesn't allow half stars.
My thanks to NetGalley for the e-ARC.

I had conflicted feelings about Without Tess.

Author Marcella Pixley skillfully reveals how Tess and Liz's innocent childhood games and play-acting can turn sinister very quickly, and the horror is very real. Tess's cruelty is almost guileless at times, making it even more terrifying. The girls' invented game of Crab Carcass Bingo is gross and macabre, but not unrealistic. While Tess's darkly vivid imaginati...more A solid 3.5, but Goodreads doesn't allow half stars.
My thanks to NetGalley for the e-ARC.

I had conflicted feelings about Without Tess.

Author Marcella Pixley skillfully reveals how Tess and Liz's innocent childhood games and play-acting can turn sinister very quickly, and the horror is very real. Tess's cruelty is almost guileless at times, making it even more terrifying. The girls' invented game of Crab Carcass Bingo is gross and macabre, but not unrealistic. While Tess's darkly vivid imagination and desperate belief in magic are strange and she becomes a kind of de facto antagonist, Pixley is able to make her worthy of sympathy though she is not at all sympathetic. The reader realizes just how dangerous Tess is long before young Liz does, creating interesting narrative tension. Liz loves her sister deeply, despite the constant hurts Tess inflicts upon her, but she also resents her destructive behaviors and jealousy. The dynamic between the sisters is suitably complex.

As if the subject of mental illness weren't enough to handle, Pixley also tries to tackle religious confusion. Liz's family is Jewish, but not particularly religious, while her neighbor Isabella is a devout Catholic. While Isabella uses her religion to solve her problems and encourages Liz to turn to Jesus, Liz has difficulty trusting in her faith. Scenes of Isabella and Liz taking Communion are juxtaposed with Tess taking her medication, and both sisters reject their respective symbols; the body of Christ and Tess's pills cannot serve as a panacea for the girls' respective problems. While this particular comparison is interesting, the religious subplot in its entirety seems superfluous, especially since I didn't feel it was completely resolved.

What I didn't particularly like were the girls' voices. They just didn't sound like children to me. Tess and Liz are 11 and 10 respectively for much of the story's action, and some of their conversations (and Tess's poetry especially) were way too mature. There's a certain childishness in the scenes with Isabella and Liz that is sorely lacking in those between the sisters. I suppose that may have to do with the fact that this is a YA novel that is about 75% flashback to the sisters' elementary years. Its mature subject matter demands a more mature audience, but most of the action occurs while the girls are still immature. Their behavior certainly reflects this, but not their conversations.

Tess's poetry is utterly unbelievable, and while several characters refer to them as childlike and magical, they really aren't.
For example, "Queen of Toads": Ghosts of toads still haunt my dreams / Scratch my cheeks with desperate nails / Leather lips still jeer and scream / And mouths drip blood on muddy trails. Interesting poem, but not one I would describe as "childlike" or "magical", and just not believably penned by an 11-year-old. The poems are used as a framework for the narrative, and while they intrigue me, they don't entirely work because they don't feel age appropriate. I just cannot buy that these poems are Tess's voice.

Tess and Liz's parents seemed like good people that actively parented while still allowing their children certain freedoms, which makes it difficult to understand why they didn't notice that Tess's disordered eating was a part of a larger problem. Tess is never depicted as acting any differently around her parents than she does with Liz, so I didn't think she was being duplicitous or manipulative, but somebody, somewhere down the line should have picked up on some behavior problems. Issues like Tess's would never go unnoticed by schoolteachers. It didn't make sense to me.

I found teenage Liz rather unlikable, and while I don't need to love my protagonists to enjoy their stories, it really didn't help when compounded with the other problems mentioned above. She's bitter, jaded, and utterly passive - not a fun character to inhabit.

The writing is solid, but it's difficult to enjoy a story like this, and I didn't feel as moved as I wanted to be. The resolution satisfied me, but didn't resonate as strongly as it could have if I believed more in these characters, or if I liked Liz more.(less)

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Jun 04, 2012 Laura W. rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: truman-prelims-2012, 2012-overall, ugh-this-book

I feel bad giving this one a lower star rating like this, but it just was not my cup of tea. If it weren't for the fact that I was reading it to judge it and put it on a nominee list for 2013-14, I probably would not have started it at all. These types of books just don't speak to me. But even if I had picked it up of my own accord, I'm not sure I would have made it past about 50 or so pages in.

I feel like there's a lot of inferences required of the reader, and things that I can pick up on as an...more

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Oct 12, 2011 Jessica at Book Sake rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

When I started this one I wasn’t expecting the story that came. This is a tale that weaves in and out of the present and the past, it’s as much about Tess and her mental instability as it is about Lizzie and her need to hold onto the sister she loved. I find stories regarding mental illness fascinating and this one was really intriguing because of the fantasy world that Tess lived in. So many times I found myself holding my breath, wondering if that moment was the moment that would change Tess a...more

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Dec 23, 2011 Gary rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

There are 2 major themes in this book: 1) Mental illness 2) Letting go.

"Without Tess" illustrates the heartbreaking tale of coping with her older sister, Tess', mental illness from Lizzie's point of view at the young age of ten, as well as her struggles with coming to terms with Tess' death after 5 years.

This story was so beautiful -- the writing, the poetry, the settings...they were amazing.

Mental illness is such a scary thing. Especially when the patient is one of your loved ones. It is no dou...more There are 2 major themes in this book: 1) Mental illness 2) Letting go.

"Without Tess" illustrates the heartbreaking tale of coping with her older sister, Tess', mental illness from Lizzie's point of view at the young age of ten, as well as her struggles with coming to terms with Tess' death after 5 years.

This story was so beautiful -- the writing, the poetry, the settings...they were amazing.

Mental illness is such a scary thing. Especially when the patient is one of your loved ones. It is no doubt extremely tough to cope with a mental patient at home -- you don't know what danger he/she poses to himself/herself and the people around him/her. In "Without Tess", Pixley has done an incredible job at portraying Tess' mental instabilities through her actions, facial expressions, behaviour, and the things she said. You can't help but flinch at times at the chilling things Tess did in the book. At the same time, Pixley also illustrated very well how the family coped with Tess' illness, particularly their desperation at attempts for Tess to get well.

The story alternates frequently between recollections of the 10-year-old Lizzie and the now 15-year-old Lizzie, where she tries to let go of her sister's death despite holding on to Tess' Pegasus journal. Usually, a poem written by Tess precedes a recollection, but I felt that there was still a timeline confusion as the story switches back and forth.

Character wise, I thought the 15-year-old Lizzie was a little confusing to understand. I didn't manage to fully grasp what a person Lizzie was. At times, she seemed to be a rebellious girl, keeping everything to herself, trying to laugh off everything good or bad. At others she just seemed like a normal teenage girl who loved her family so much. When she laughed at her own bad jokes while in consultation with the counsellor, I wondered if she was trying too hard. What were her real feelings? I was confused there. Everything didn't fit with 15-year-old Lizzie.

Despite this, the book ended on a good note where Lizzie finally managed to let go of the past and start anew. But I thought the process seemed a bit rushed. I mean, after confiding to a neighbour you grew up with about everything involving Tess, you could at last let it go? In one day? All of a sudden? Hmmm.

Coping with the death of a loved one isn't easy at all. My Dad died when I was 15, so I could definitely relate to Lizzie in that aspect. Although it wasn't a sibling in my case, it still hit close to home.

"Without Tess" is definitely a good read for drama and poetry lovers out there. It is vivid, heartbreaking yet heartwarming at the same time. I'd encourage you to pick it up!(less)

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Oct 21, 2011 Alicia rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: netgalley, read-in-2011

Fantastic. Heartbreaking. Magical. Those are just a few words to describe Without Tess. The story started out a little slow for me, but the writing began to draw me in. Tess was one of those enchanting people who others found themselves drawn to. I could feel this happening to me as I read.

Tess talked a lot about magic, and it seemed to fit her personality. She was a magical person. At first, she seemed like a child with a powerful, creative imagination. This can be refreshing, especially consid...more

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Mar 09, 2013 Melissapalmer404 rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Book #26 Read in 2013
Without Tess by Marcella Pixley (YA)

This is a hard book to read. Lizzie is the younger sister of a mentally ill girl named Tess. Tess things she is magical, can shift into animals and is starving herself on purpose. Lizzie tries to take care of Tess, even at her own expense. Tess is eventually forced to begin therapy and medication but she would rather die than continue to live this way. Her decision fills Lizzie with guilt and confusion about how to live without Tess.

This...more

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Oct 23, 2011 Marybeth (Manhattan Reader) rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: arc

This story had me covered in goosebumps throughout the whole thing; sometimes I didn't even want to read this at night just because of Tess and her behavior. It drove home some important themes of growing up and moving on, and what happens when a child can't do that.

Tess was by far the most interesting character of them all. The reader can see her mental decline throughout the entire book, losing her sense of reality, and how nobody seems to really notice. I feel like Tess wanted to be a child f...more This story had me covered in goosebumps throughout the whole thing; sometimes I didn't even want to read this at night just because of Tess and her behavior. It drove home some important themes of growing up and moving on, and what happens when a child can't do that.

Tess was by far the most interesting character of them all. The reader can see her mental decline throughout the entire book, losing her sense of reality, and how nobody seems to really notice. I feel like Tess wanted to be a child forever, cling to this fantasy that she is this magical horse or selkie, while at the same time wanting to keep Lizzie believing.

But as Lizzie begins to grow up and make new friends, Tess starts to fall behind. There are moments when the feeling of wanting to reach into the book and hold Tess, because there is a way to help her, but I think that most people in this small fishing community wouldn't know what to do. It's easy to say that Tess's parent's should have noticed something, but at the same time Tess's behavior was noticed by another adult figure, who could as well reached out a hand.

When seeing Lizzie as a 15 year old, she shows all the signs of still being traumatized by the events. Trying to get over something like what Tess had done is not an easy task, and I was surprised that it took Lizzie five years before she finally broke.

There is a lot of healing that needs to be done, but the family just seems to want to sleep with their wounds, which isn't healthy for anyone. When it comes to losing one child, sometimes parent's let it slip that they still have one more child that needs support, and I think that Marcella had done an excellent job.

It's never easy talking about the death of a child, especially one like Tess who was losing control, but I think this would be an excellent book for those who have lost someone. I always said that books are therapeutic in one form or another, and I feel like this book falls into that category.

This book is dark and alluring, and I loved how Marcella was able to take complex characters like Tess, who you never knew what she was thinking or why, and bring her to life. I wasn't sure what I was going to expect reading this, because Marcella does an excellent job of keeping the reader guessing. Though the way Tess died is almost obvious, so that surprise was taken away.

It's definitely a must have. These character's feel real and are powerful. (less)

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Jul 23, 2012 Meghan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: young-adult, realistic-fiction, borrowed-or-library, psychology

Without Tess is different than anything else I have ever read. Sure, I've read other books where the sister dies and everyone mourns her, but this one is unique. I guess the story being told when Lizzie was ten or eleven is what made it so different. How she really looked up to Tess and believed in her magic. Then coming back to the present, when Lizzie is fifteen and seeing how it changed her and seeing her in her therapy sessions makes it seem different yet again. I didn't really sympathize wi...more

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Mar 04, 2012 Mickey rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I received Without Tess by Marcella Pixley and was very excited! Then I received a few other books and kind of forgot about it. Flashier covers and exciting-sounding titles kept getting in the way. But I finally, FINALLY took the time to read this book. I was disappointed....in myself...for not reading it sooner! This book amazes me. I simultaneously feel the uncertain fear and the hopeful joy that Lizzie bounces between and have no trouble imagining a childhood so full of dreams, experiences, a...more

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Sep 17, 2011 Isamlq rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: arc-galley

WITHOUT TESS isn’t an easy story and only got sadder as it progressed, yet I’d still recommend it to someone looking for something quietly emotional but definitely different. There are a lot of hard emotions in this one and I think those emotions were compounded by how young Tess was (Liz as well) and how helpless Liz must have felt.

Someone said that WITHOUT TESS touches a little on what the sisters of Imaginary Girls were like. I would agree only Tess and Liz’s is less magical and a little mor...more

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Oct 01, 2011 Bonny rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: arcs, ebooks, my-50-in-11, youngadultfiction, realistic-fiction

This review is based on an e-galley from NetGalley.com
This was an amazing little book. It was a little dark and the subject matter is rather serious, but I am glad I read it. A lot of the book covers the experiences of young Lizzie as she plays with her older sister, Tess. Tess is not a well child and dies at the age of 11. Lizzie always wanted to be like Tess, but she never seemed to fit into Tess's magical world. Tess could see things and make things up that Lizzie desperately wished she could...more

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Apr 04, 2012 bjneary rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: psla-2012, realistic-fiction, ya

Tess and Lizzie are inseparable as sisters with many wonderful fantasies of selkies, wolves, horses, and being immortal. As they grow older, Lizzie begins to see that all is not right with her sister, but to utter this would be like turning her back on her sister. Through a series of flashbacks and current day, we find Tess has killed herself and she leaves behind Lizzie who is scarred and using Tess’s poems as her own in class, and parents who are not dealing with their loss. It is only through...more

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Oct 08, 2011 Clementine rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, fiction, ya

Tess and Lizzie are sisters whose bond runs deep. As children, the two of them live in two worlds: the real one and the imagined one in which they are selkie girls, mermaids, horses who can fly. Tess is the magical one, the one who believes in the fantastical world so strongly that it consumes her. Lizzie wants to believe, so she tries as hard as she can, but she’s never as convinced as Tess is. As the two grow older, Lizzie starts to lose her hold on the fantastical, but Tess still clings to it...more Tess and Lizzie are sisters whose bond runs deep. As children, the two of them live in two worlds: the real one and the imagined one in which they are selkie girls, mermaids, horses who can fly. Tess is the magical one, the one who believes in the fantastical world so strongly that it consumes her. Lizzie wants to believe, so she tries as hard as she can, but she’s never as convinced as Tess is. As the two grow older, Lizzie starts to lose her hold on the fantastical, but Tess still clings to it. Then Tess dies, and Lizzie is left to deal with the aftermath and her residual guilt.

This is a really dark book.

The word on the street is that this book had a hard time being sold because publishers were so worried about how dark it is. Pixley’s story about the love between two sisters and how their bond is effected as one descends into madness starts out hard, and it only gets harder. It’s different, and its emotions are quiet and affecting but never melodramatic. An emotionally taxing read, this one is ultimately worth the effort.

More than one reviewer has mentioned the similarities between Pixley’s books at Nova Ren Suma’s excellent magical realism story Imaginary Girls, and while I certainly see the connections, each story is strong enough to stand on its own. While Suma’s Imaginary Girls was full-on magical realism, with Ruby’s ability to bend the rules of the natural world, Pixley’s Without Tess is much quieter and much more grounded in actual realism. Like Chloe in Girls, Lizzie looks up to her older sister and wants to make her happy–whatever the cost. Like Chloe, Lizzie is an unreliable narrator, but it doesn’t feel as intentional here. Lizzie is drowning in her grief over the lost of Tess, and that is what distorts her story.

A compelling story overall, Pixley excels at creating a realistic, palpable bond between Lizzie and Tess. The two girls grow up fairly isolated, away from town and near the water. For most of their early lives, there are not other children to play with, and so the two girls make their own fun. As Tess imagines different creatures for them, Lizzie struggles to keep up. The introduction of a third party (in this case, a young girl exactly Lizzie’s age) creates expected tension and adds a nice complexity to the story. Both girls are remarkably well-drawn.

The novel is relatively brief, and while I would have liked to have spent a little more time with Lizzie as a teenager, her memories of the past are haunting. She is so overcome with guilt and grief that memories of Tess are almost drowning her, and Pixley does an excellent job of conveying that. A cathartic read with a slightly hopeful ending, this will resonate with readers who enjoy dark stories about sisters.

Without Tess hits bookshelves on October 11, 2011.

Without Tess by Marcella Pixley. Farrar, Straus, and Giroux: 2011. Electronic galley accepted for review via Netgalley.(less)

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Oct 17, 2012 Katie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: psychological-thrillers

I started out reading this book, thinking it was like Bridge to Terabithia. A story of the wonders of a child's imagination. Partially through, I realized it was so much more. The author has weaved an incredible story of a downward spiral into hysteria, as Lizzie grows up, leaving her sister, Tess behind in the realm of magic. And Lizzie must come to accept the memories, as the reader slowly, but surely, comes to understand the past events. Although the switching between past and present was at...more

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Jun 02, 2012 Stargirl (Shoujo and YA Banter/Vocaloid Fanatic) rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: young-adult, all-time-favorites

This book....was...different? Strange? Weird? I don't know how to say how I felt. I loved the cover. When I read the plot I thought hm....then began to read. I loved it. The author's writing style was different. The characters were interesting. Tess creeped me out at points (choclate with the virgin mary statue anyone?) and the other sister annoyed me at points (not exactly sure why). But I liked how it went back to the past and I was interested in Tess's overactive imagination. I was wondering...more

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Oct 18, 2011 Sheree rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: young-adult, arc, read-in-2011, reviews, own

If you're anything like me I'd recommend having a box of tissues close while reading Without Tess. Then again maybe I'm just soppy, I was crying long before I reached the really sad part, I cried at the 'toad scene' and I dont even like toads!

10 year old Lizzie adores her 11 year old sister Tess; the bond between the two is palpable, swinging wildly between idolisation, love, protectiveness and resentment as Tess' disturbing behaviour and cruelty impacts Lizzie emotionally and physically. Tess'...more If you're anything like me I'd recommend having a box of tissues close while reading Without Tess. Then again maybe I'm just soppy, I was crying long before I reached the really sad part, I cried at the 'toad scene' and I dont even like toads!

10 year old Lizzie adores her 11 year old sister Tess; the bond between the two is palpable, swinging wildly between idolisation, love, protectiveness and resentment as Tess' disturbing behaviour and cruelty impacts Lizzie emotionally and physically. Tess's fantasy world of imaginative gameplay descends into psychoses; convinced of her own immortality she's delusional and dangerous. Distressing to read of at any age but heartbreaking in a child.

Tess' poems scattered throughout the novel are quite beautiful, often disturbing and sometimes downright creepy but they're another vivid instrument for depicting Tess's mental instability.

My only question is why Tess' behaviour wasn't picked up earlier, acted upon, or taken more seriously ... by her parents or school teachers. This "oversight" didn't really make much sense to me; earlier intervention may have meant a different outcome??

"No," I say finally. "I don't believe in heaven. But I'll tell you what I know for sure. There definitely is such a thing as hell. And you know what? You don't even need to die to get there."

5 years on from Tess' death, Lizzie is scarred and defensive but with the help of school psychologist Kaplan, she's trying to come to terms with moving on without her sister. The relationship between Lizzie and Kaplan is portrayed with insight and sensitivity; revealing, painful, amusing and hopeful. The author writes with such emotional depth that I couldn't have been more involved in Lizzie's journey through Tess' Pegasus journal, her own childhood memories, illusions, guilt and grief.

For those of you thinking it's all despair and doom ... it isn't. Marcella Pixley's writing is perceptive & beautifully lyrical, there are splashes of sarcastic humour and the story isn't without hope. Without Tess is emotionally draining but so worth the tears.(less)

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