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On My Knees

by Tristram La Roche (Goodreads Author)

3.13 of 5 stars 3.13 · rating details · 61 ratings · 28 reviews

Surviving on alcohol and antidepressants, Mark staggers through his unhappy marriage and watches his London architectural business head for the rocks. When another nasty argument with his wife sends him to the gym to blow off steam, a tall, dark stranger enflames a part of him he’s denied all these years, trying to convince himself he’s not “weird.” But Mark’s not weird, h...more

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Published June 7th 2011 by Etopia Press (first published June 2011)

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Jun 10, 2011 Emma Shortt rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I found myself really enjoying this, despite the fact I'm not a huge fan of m/m. It was weird for me because m/m has rules a little different from a traditional romance and I had to remind myself of that.

The realism is what bagged this book five stars, because it was real, the characters, the drama--I could see it all happening--even when I didn't want to!

Well worth a read.

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Feb 03, 2012 Arzu rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: contemporary, mm-romance, borrowed-kindle

I didn't like this one at all. It felt rushed with no connection, no sparks between the MCs. I really don't know what to say about it. Within 48 hours Mark meets a guy at the gym, falls in love with him, leaves his wife of 10 years, goeas to a gay sauna bad and moves in with the other guy ... so unrealistic!!
Sorry but never again!!

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Jun 09, 2011 Portia rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Mark has earned his mid-life crisis. On My Knees begins with Mark and his wife in a heated argument with her pulling a knife on him. It's no wonder that the poor guy is a card carrying alcoholic. Rather than remain in his house while his wife is on a rampage, Mark decides to go work out at his health club. There he meets Attila, a beautiful gay man who reminds Mark of desires he has spent his whole life trying to keep in the closet.

I didn't think that I was going to enjoy this book. All I could...more

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Jun 11, 2011 Susan Roebuck rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Tristram La Roche has taken the well-known theme of man finally finding his true-self and has woven a believable tale around it with enjoyable and professionally written story-telling. There's not a superfluous word anywhere.

This is a sweet but hot “coming out” novella that manages to convey both anguish and delight in a fairly short work. His characters are so touching and realistic that they left me wondering with concern what their futures held. I have a feeling we might see more of at least...more

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Jun 14, 2011 Catherine Cavendish rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'll be honest, having never read a book in this genre before, I wasn't at all sure what to expect and hesitated a little before buying it. I certainly knew there would be m/m sex and it was likely to be pretty steamy (only partially unintentional pun there - you'll understand when you read the book). I wasn't prepared for a sensitive story about a man's discovery of his true sexuality.

It all rang true as some years ago, I had a very good (male) friend who had gone through some similar awakenin...more

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Jun 04, 2011 Simsala*is getting slow* rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: m-m, contemporary, td-teaser

An open relationship gone bad. - In a good way!
Well written and realistic - sometimes too realistic.I could see and smell things I didn`t want to...
First published work? I`m impressed...

1 like · like · see review

Sep 04, 2011 The TBR Pile *Book review site* rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Enter Contest here: http://thetbrpile.weebly.com/1/post/2...

This was my first M/M and I admit proudly Mr. La Roche has converted me!

His first person point of view was vivid, exciting and completely captivating. From the moment Mark came home from drinks with his mates after work and was accosted by his knife wielding wife my mind was blown.

There was truly no telling where this story was going to take me. It’s clear our hero is unhappy, he’s spent a lifetime living to please others, and ended u...more Enter Contest here: http://thetbrpile.weebly.com/1/post/2...

This was my first M/M and I admit proudly Mr. La Roche has converted me!

His first person point of view was vivid, exciting and completely captivating. From the moment Mark came home from drinks with his mates after work and was accosted by his knife wielding wife my mind was blown.

There was truly no telling where this story was going to take me. It’s clear our hero is unhappy, he’s spent a lifetime living to please others, and ended up in a slump with no end in sight. It made me rather sad because it’s clear he’s not a bad person and his wife is a complete nutter. Then enters Attila,with his big brown eyes,interesting past, and impeccable taste. He’s just too
perfect to resist. Their relationship is unconventional from the start. Meeting at the gym, they leave for drinks where Mark proceeds to get drunk. Attila insists he comes home with him to sober up, and gives him food for thought that leads him to admit he is indeed gay.

Despite the attraction and Mark’s willingness to explore his new found
identity, Attila’s not about to mess with a married man. This made me squeal in delight! It showed what Attila was made of, and what they had was going to be so much deeper than a fling. This was a hero I could love easily.

Mark and Attila’s road to happily ever after is rocky. Between Mark’s divorce, and Attila’s recent relationship baggage they stumble along their way, argue, and question what they’re doing. But in the end they always come back together, and really that’s what love is. Accepting the person you want to be with in all their flawed glory.

Tristram captures a moment in time where a man connects with his true self for the first time. It was a beautiful journey I felt privileged to witness. Learning to be who we really are despite what others may think is a learning process for all of us. Mark just happened to learn much later in life. The sex scenes were steamy without being graphic, and I was satisfied with the mixture of emotions and physical contact, but wouldn’t have minded seeing more.

This was a great read; the romance was real spicy and intriguing. If you’re curious about M/M romance, this is the perfect place to start.
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Aug 14, 2011 Top 2 Bottom Reviews Interviews and More rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. On my Knees is the touching and romantic love story of a man, Mark, who has spent ten years struggling through a tragic mistake of a marriage. Battling with the depression that comes along with the disillusionment of conforming to others’ expectations, Mark goes through the motions of life without actually participating in it. Mark doesn’t live as much as he simply endures.

Anti-depressants and alcohol are the means he uses to cope with a life that includes little more than work and fighting with...more On my Knees is the touching and romantic love story of a man, Mark, who has spent ten years struggling through a tragic mistake of a marriage. Battling with the depression that comes along with the disillusionment of conforming to others’ expectations, Mark goes through the motions of life without actually participating in it. Mark doesn’t live as much as he simply endures.

Anti-depressants and alcohol are the means he uses to cope with a life that includes little more than work and fighting with his wife. It’s no way to exist—the denial and frustration taking their toll on him emotionally and physically. It’s on a whim, on an evening after a particularly awful fight with his wife, that Mark makes a trip to the gym to burn off some of his excess frustration; it’s the night his life changes forever, the night a perfect stranger draws Mark out of his hiding place and into the life he’s meant to lead.

Mark and Attila realize an immediate attraction to each other, complicated by Mark’s domestic situation. It’s a situation Attila understandably doesn’t want to become involved in. But where there’s love, there are answers. Those answers, however, can sometimes be difficult to find. The two men go through their share of uncertainties in the journey to their happy ending, but it’s a journey that, as a reader, it’s a pleasure to follow.

Tristram La Roche’s debut novella is a treat for the diehard romantic in all of us. Poignant and sweet, it’s a celebration of the sort of love that sneaks up on Mark and Attila, not like a welcome breeze on a warm day; rather, it’s the sort of love that hits like a hurricane and sweeps the two men away, powerless against it.

This is a story of second-chances and new beginnings; of taking charge of your own happiness and the direction of your future; of finally believing that who you truly are is far better than the person you’ve pretended to be, and all the excitement, trepidation, and difficulties that go along with it.

Reviewed By: Lisa

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Jul 14, 2011 Daanquai rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm amazed at how many high ratings this book got here on GoodReads. It just goes to show "different strokes for different folks" and all that.

I didn't like this book at all. First it started out kinda weird, Mark coming home drunk after hanging out with some friends and his wife comes at him with a knife, she's so mad. So he decides to go the gym to give her time to cool off. See, that right there almost made me put the book down (how do you just shrug something like that off like it's no big d...more I'm amazed at how many high ratings this book got here on GoodReads. It just goes to show "different strokes for different folks" and all that.

I didn't like this book at all. First it started out kinda weird, Mark coming home drunk after hanging out with some friends and his wife comes at him with a knife, she's so mad. So he decides to go the gym to give her time to cool off. See, that right there almost made me put the book down (how do you just shrug something like that off like it's no big deal? And he's drunk, so he decides to go work out?) But I decided to keep reading (this book received a lot of 4 & 5 stars ratings here, so it had to be at least somewhat good, right?) and well, it did get better for a quick minute. So Mark meets the other MC, Attila at the gym, they go for beer/dinner and then they head back to Attila's place afterwards, where....nothing happened. Attila wasn't going to get involved with a married guy (he says later he noticed his wedding ring at the gym but didn't want to assume; so why couldn't he have asked about it before going through all the trouble of getting a reluctant in-the-closet Mark to have a drink with him? Eeesh). It's the Day After where the book fell apart again for me. Mark decides to come clean and admit to the world he's gay after all. He decides to leave his wife because of that (and not because, you know, she tried to kill him or anything), and he's going to move in with Attila, because he's in love. Attila, who practically blew him off when Mark called him the next day to tell him he's leaving his wife for him (stalker, much?) Oh, and apparently Mark is not only married to a psycho, but his business is in the crapper too. I guess the author needed to throw that into the story for no reason other than to illustrate how pathetic Mark's life is.

There was no sparks between the MCs at all. In fact, I was liking Mark's friend much better for helping guide him "out of the closet" (by referring him to a gay sauna to see if he actually is gay cuz that's what friends do). At first, it seemed Attila was more annoyed than anything when Mark decided to be out. No help, guidance, nothing from Attila, which didn't make me root for him at all. Which was a shame because the author did portray Attila to be a stand up guy, but at the same time, a little too judgmental for my taste.

And then there's the whole "falling in love at first sight" mess, which is a plot I am most definitely not a fan of at all. Sometimes an author can pull it off and make it believable, but definitely not here. (less)

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Jun 17, 2011 Ate rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

話としての設定は面白いし、展開もリアルな感じで良かったです。
評価としては、話のアプローチと設定の良さは☆４、たけどキャラへの私の共感度は☆１

どうも私には、キャラの気持ちの変化について説得力ある描写が足りないと感じる、つまり、キャラの行動に共感できずに反感を持ってしまう。

コメディ系やスリル系な展開の話ならそういう点は気にならないのですが、この話では展開がリアルで主人公も恋人も欠点がある生身の人間として描かれているだけに、特に、最後に主人公の恋人がとる唐突な行動は、あまりにも不可解で理想的すぎて白けてしまいました。

でも、これは単に、二人の性格が身勝手で思慮が浅くて、行動が衝動的だから好きになれない（共感できない）という私の好みの問題かもしれません。どちらのキャラの行動にもイライラしてしまいましたから。ああ、なまじ話の内容が良かっただけに、不満感が強く残る作品です。

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Jun 13, 2011 Lady*M rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: contemporary, m-m-romance

3.5 stars

It was really difficult for me to rate this story. On one hand, I liked the narrator and his voice very, very much. On the other, the insta-love scenario and supporting characters were major letdowns.

Mark is a man with a lot on his plate. And I mean, A LOT. He is pushing forty, struggling with depression and alcoholism. He acknowledges that he's gay for the first time and initiates a divorce. His business is failing and he begins a new relationship. The author did a great job to descri...more 3.5 stars

It was really difficult for me to rate this story. On one hand, I liked the narrator and his voice very, very much. On the other, the insta-love scenario and supporting characters were major letdowns.

Mark is a man with a lot on his plate. And I mean, A LOT. He is pushing forty, struggling with depression and alcoholism. He acknowledges that he's gay for the first time and initiates a divorce. His business is failing and he begins a new relationship. The author did a great job to describe the chaos that he is living in, the emotional whirlwind he found himself in after waking from a coma his life turned into. It was painful and fun at the same time to read about it. The description of Mark's thoughts and actions felt real - gritty and schizophrenic and elating at once.

The stakes for Mark are high: his sanity, his heart, his life. The potentials for the story - enormous. The payoff? Well, that's the problem. Attila as love interest is unsatisfactory to say the least. Who is Attila? It's hard to say, since his personality changed several times during novella. From understanding, gentle guy to prick, from man misunderstood by his former boyfriends to self-professed man-slut. Also, I could see how someone as lost as Mark would attach himself to the first person who paid some attention to him. Falling in love in a couple of hours, though? No. Having his feelings returned after two-three nights together? Unrealistic.

Aside from Alex, Mark's colleague and best friend, who seemed like nice, understanding guy (even if he is an alcoholic as well), we are also introduced to Mark's wife Diana and another potential love interest - actor Justin. Diana is a crazy person, a bitch and a cheater, something that became such a cliché in m/m romance that it's painful to read about. She has no redeeming qualities and apparently no motives for being a bitch, bad wife and generally miserable person. I had high hopes for Justin, who seemed sweet, until it turned out he was a liar as well. I suppose, that was done to justify Mark being a jerk to him and going with Attila.

I mentioned potentials this story had. The author hints that Mark was abused by his father; there are hints of Attila's life in the U.S. as well as Mark's financial problems. Mark asks his doctor to look after Diana, which implies of some additional relationship between them. Non of these things as well as Mark's depression and drinking problem were addressed although there was material in Mark's story for another novella if not for the entire novel. It's a shame, because I feel this author has the means to tackle complex subjects and do them justice. The writing is solid and the story kept my interest. I really liked the character of Mark. However, that wasn't sufficient enough to make On My Knees entirely satisfactory. The nature of the story which describes the changes in one's life is to leave certain things open. I felt though that we were left with too many unknowns. I hope the author will give us more stories about Mark (and Attila, although only because of Mark). I will certainly pick up another author's story because I can see enormous potential here. In the end, I can recommend the story with some reservation.
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Jun 20, 2011 Renzo rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

First of all, whoever did the cover for this novella needs to win a prize. Browsing through the offerings on Amazon/Smashwords/All Romance e-books (I don't venture further afield!)this one leaps out and grabs your attention. What a refreshing change from the usual- and what a pair of guys! OK,the book itself. Well, it certainly is no disappointment. They say don't judge a book by its cover but in this case you can. It's an up and down coming out story with a plot (how unusual) and just the right...more

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Mar 11, 2012 James Cox rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a great, hot book that hit close to home for me. I'm loving La Roche's stuff.

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Jun 23, 2011 ManOhMan rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: reviewed

Reviewed by Max: Just like the blurb states, this story is about discovery and a man's journey to find his true self that he has hidden for years.

This novella did it for me. I liked the author's style of writing, and the ease in which he used words to pull everything together. The story was realistic and I could easily imagine this scenario playing out in many men's lives, and I'm sure it has. I consider this to be a top read, and Mr. La Roche will be on my list for writers to explore in the fut...more

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Jul 07, 2011 Tristram La Roche added it · (Review from the author) · review of another edition

I don't really think it would be right for me to rate my own book - I'll leave that to the readers. I just want to point out that On My Knees is a novella, a bit under 25,000 words, so it is necessarily fast-paced. If you like longer books that dwell on great detail you probably won't like it. It is also contemporary, about real people; if you prefer to read about gay angels and vampires it probably won't be your cup of tea. I hope you enjoy it, if not, I'm sorry, but I appreciate your support a...more

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Jul 05, 2011 Julia rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This was a departure from my usual reading matter - not so much because it is MM romance - but more because this is set in a very real world, whereas I tend to read darker themed stories... perhaps more fantasy than reality. However, it was the realism that drew me in to the story. I'm not the most romantic person on the planet, but I enjoyed following Mark on his bumpy journey. I wondered if perhaps his acceptance of his sexuality was a bit quick- but love tends to strike fast, and when it stri...more

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Aug 21, 2011 Karin Wollina rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

That was a little bit to insta-love for me. And I found not very believable that Mark informed everyone he knows of his being gay after meeting a man for the first time.
And even for a M/M romance: the Description of his wife as murderous bitch was .too much over the top for me.

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Oct 19, 2011 Mandy*reads obsessively* rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ebook-owned, m-m, short

There were parts of this book that were so real and believable, gritty and even painful.
That's a good thing!
But I had a lot of trouble with Attila running hot and cold like that!
He says he loves Mark, why? I mean, I liked Mark, once he was honest with himself, but Attila loves him after a few hours together, but I don't get the feeling he even likes him! I guess, if I had been able to see into Attila's head, I might have understood better. As it was, I really didn't like him!
The whole trip to...more

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Jan 26, 2013 Simon rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This really is a short story and not terribly good at that. Wouldn't have wasted my money if I'd have read all the reviews on Amazon and not just the first three.

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Jul 06, 2011 Sandy Malone rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: mm-butt-virgins, mm-romance, never-again, read-2011

I did not like this book at all it felt rushed. And honestly it was hard to keep reading it...i have never been so bored with a book in my life!

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Jun 25, 2011 Chris rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011, gay, ebook, fiction, done, short

1.5 stars. So-so short m/m romance about a guy who, after a row with his wife, realizes he's gay while talking with a guy he met at the gym. While I really liked the first-person narrator's voice, the story was all over the place. Insta-love was the final straw.

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Jul 21, 2011 Td rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: sims-is-trying-to-kill-me, in-the-closet, insta-love, not-for-me

Nothing about this book made sense to me from the story to the characters,their behavior and reactions. I simply didn't get it and after a while I didn't even want to. From the ratings it seems like a love it or hate it type of book...this one wasn't for me.

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Jun 12, 2011 thelastaerie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Repressed married gay man coming out in a bang. This charming short story is quick pace, a little bit disoriented (like its protagonist), slightly confusing but a sweet fun read.

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Jun 12, 2012 Razzbate rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

WTF????

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Jun 12, 2011 Anke rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

That was fun! Thanks Simsala :)

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Aug 02, 2011 Feliz rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: contemporary, m-m

ummm...okay, I think?
Some funny lines and sexy scenes, and the inside - view of the gay bathhouse... my inner peeper just rolled over to be petted.
But just when the story had begun, the book ended.
Also, I found Mark rather wimpy.

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Jul 18, 2011 Rachel rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: contemp-m-m, did-not-finish, romance-m-m

I felt like the beginning was rushed and didn't think the characters worked well together at all. I struggled with reading this and I don't know, I just couldn't connect with the story. It seems plenty of other people did since there is such a wide range of reviews.

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Mar 19, 2013 Alex Carreras rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Super sexy read. Tristram can write sex very well. He got a rise out of me.

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May 07, 2013 Ashlee added it

May 01, 2013 Addicted2M/M marked it as probably · review of another edition

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About Tristram La Roche

Tristram La Roche was born in London and spent much of his childhood in Europe. His career has included tourism and yacht charter, as well as a brief period working as a freelance journalist. His interests include travel, art, music, opera, cinema, books and current affairs, and he is passionate about the rights of the GLBT community. La Roche's work pushes the boundaries of traditional romance, a...more

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