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Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berserker's Guide to World Tour Domination

3.67  ·  Rating Details ·  369 Ratings  ·  46 Reviews
Bringing Metal to the Children is a handbook to all things Heavy Metal, brought to you by insane prankster and guitar god Zakk Wylde, of Ozzy Osbourne and Black Label Society fame.

This “Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination” provides tips and tests for the True Rocker—as wild man Zakk Wylde invites all who dare onto the tour bus for brain-bursting tales of gl
ebook, 320 pages
Published March 20th 2012 by HarperCollins Publishers (first published May 1st 2011)
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Marni Berg
Jul 10, 2012 Marni Berg rated it it was amazing

Ive seen some other reviews saying this book was for men because of all the "toilet humor" in it, I happen to be a woman who loves BLS and "toilet humor" :) it was a fun read that made me laugh outloud. Exactly what I expected. Zakk way to GIFD! SDMF
Rachelle Olson
May 11, 2012 Rachelle Olson rated it it was ok
Just to make it clear... I have not read one of the reviews about this book yet.

This book was nothing but a disappointment. OK, granted... I'm not a middle-aged world-famous guitar player from Jersey. I AM, however, a middle-aged rocker chick from Jersey. That said, I won't be spending weeks on end with a bunch of beer-guzzling metal men on a tour bus. I know this. But, honestly, there is a lot of ass and poop talk. Ass, puke and poop. It sounds more punk rock than metal, but yeah. That's pretty
Apr 17, 2012 Steve rated it did not like it
Horrible. I didn't expect this to be a literary masterpiece, but I did expect some cool stories. Nothing. Even the editing is horrible. Paragraphs are repeated. This reads like a middle school project.
Janne Paananen
Dec 20, 2015 Janne Paananen rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
"Koska hänen kirjalliset lahjansa ovat niin olemattomat, on vain loogista, että hän lyöttäytyi yhteen Zakkin kaltaisen, miltei lukutaidottoman juntin kanssa kirjoittaakseen kirjan, jossa kerrotaan, miten rundeilla paskannetaan ja oksennellaan."

Näin Black Label Societyn basisti tiivistää kirjan lopussa Maailmanvalloitusoppaan sisällön. Ja on valitettavasti varsin oikeassa.

Maailmanvalloitusopas ei ole tyypillinen muusikon elämäkerta. Piste siitä. Sisältö on lähinnä joko pullistelua tai sitten vink
May 04, 2012 Sara rated it liked it
Shelves: biographies
It was entertaining, silly, and gross at times. It didn't have as much of a narrative as I was expecting. Instead, it was more of a grouping of anecdotes. Still, it was fun and worth it.
Apr 19, 2012 Philip rated it really liked it
Zakk Wylde is known throughout the music world as one of the most prolific guitarists in modern music history. His chops are unequalled. That he's been part of fellow legend Ozzy Osbourne's camps only adds to his reputation. Now, the man who heads up the Black Label Society worldwide can add one more title to his resume. That title is author. And his new book, Bringing Metal to The Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination is an amazing look behind the scenes at life on t ...more
Laura Lynch
Jun 03, 2012 Laura Lynch rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
One would expect a book written by Zakk Wylde (with Eric Hendrikx) to be filled with wild tales of drunken escapades, destruction and daunting music. Yes, Bringing Metal To The Children - The Complete Bezerker's Guide to World Tour Domination has plenty of sordid stories of sex, alcohol and rock and roll - but, Zakk counters his course commentary with common sense advice on the music business and life in general.

Zakk is a man of faith and has the spirit of a fighting Viking. His Catholic backgro
Nov 12, 2013 Oleg rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Zakk Wylde, one of the best guitarists in the metal/hard rock scene, has written a book full of hilarious stories during his career as a touring musician. The stories span from his beginnings, to joining up with Ozzy, to going solo, and continuing with his main band Black Label Society. He pokes fun at the co-author Eric Hendrikx, band members (mostly bassist JD), band management, friends, and family (especially his wife Barbaranne). Hilarious Ozzy stories are found here too, which are always go ...more
Oct 16, 2012 Breanne rated it it was amazing
Shelves: must-read-again
This was trully an entertaining book!! Anyone who is a Zakk Wylde fan must read this book. The passion that he has for what he does and those around him clearly shines through the words in this book. For those who know, his wit and overall charm radiate loudly from these pages. There were several times I literally laughed out loud. I couldn't help myself. There were other times that the imagery was more than what I wanted to imagine, but hey. That's Zakk Wylde for you. A definite good read. This ...more
Feb 18, 2013 Jane rated it really liked it
I received this book for Christmas from my husband who is trying to turn me into a metal-head. I must admit I didn’t know who Zakk Wylde was until I read this book and it is not a book I would usually pick up to read as I'm not into the metal scene. That said, however, I really enjoyed reading this book. As well as being laugh out loud hilarious in parts, it was also inspiring for an aspiring musician such as myself. In Zakk's words "At the end of the day, play what you love and what moves you. ...more
Danielson Stabile
Sep 01, 2013 Danielson Stabile rated it it was amazing
I love Zakk, and this book - his hilarious outtake on life - just makes me wish I could hang out with the guy even more. Funny stories from his personal life, tour bus, touring, and band mates (seriously, i was laughing outloud at parts). LOTS of toilet humor (literally), dick jokes, and other debauchery. I rank this book up there with Mötley Crüe: The Dirt. Overall, great message for aspiring artists: it's relentless, never ending hard work to make it, and you will be taken advantage of by anyo ...more
Oct 22, 2012 Deyara rated it really liked it
I read this pretty much straight after reading Gene Simmons Sex Money Kiss and it made me laugh, they both talk about the same thing - getting there takes work, and you need to stop messing about, work hard, and get it the fuck done. I like Zakks stylings more, so I preferred his book, but they have a lot in common. They are also a bit repetitive - both have some passages that seem pretty much the same.
Conrad Mason
Jan 13, 2015 Conrad Mason rated it it was ok
This book was abit different from your typical sex, drugs and rocknroll story as Zakk has been married for many years and doesnt do drugs. Was cool to get an insight to life on the road and some of the funny stories of him being on the road with Ozzy (and Black Label Society). Apparently he is a christian but dont know how after reading this. Felt it was a bit heavy on the toilet humour and sex jokes. Overall an entertaining read but not amazing
Georgianna Price
Jul 21, 2013 Georgianna Price rated it it was amazing
I know some folks didn't like this book because it wasn't serious enough, but those folks must not know anything about Zakk Wylde. They've also likely never seen any of his interviews or even the Overlord video.

Seriously, this book is insane. In between hilarious road stories, poop jokes and those slightly creepy Viking interludes, we learn a lot about the business and Wylde's road to success.

In a lot of ways, this is the ideal rock star memoir.
A. Hotzler
Sep 02, 2013 A. Hotzler rated it really liked it
Zakk is very funny (lewd and sometimes offensive), this is still quite a comedic achievement. The Blonde Bomber takes you on a personal, yet universal, journey in the music industry, while supplementing the story with personal insights and gems of wisdom.

If you like the music and Zakk's personality, definitely read; if you don't like bathroom humor, don't even look at the book; in fact, if you touch it, wash your hands immediately.
Aug 06, 2015 Snem rated it liked it
Shelves: music-memoirs
Very funny, very entertaining and Zakk seems like such a likable guy I can listen to his war stories from the road all day long. I wish it was a wee bit more serious at moments. I recommend this to all Zakk/Black Label Society/Ozzy/metal fans and I don't recommend this to anyone easily offended by sexy talk and poop humor.
Kevin Brown
The book is listed as music/memoir but it should be under humor/sex guide. Zakk is a great guitar player but this book is a joke. Would have loved to know more about his playing and music related stories. Not the stupid jokey monologue about having sex with his wife. I give her credit for being smart enough to not allow him to put her picture in the book. A disappointing read.
Apr 20, 2013 Mary rated it did not like it
Being a fan of Zakk Wylde for many years, with his incredible music skills, I expected more. Such a disappointment, the book is crude and full out foul language. I guess, I had some romanticized notion that someone with so much talent would have more to say, and be a bit more of a gentleman, despite it all.

Jul 31, 2013 Antóin rated it it was amazing
Just finished reading this for the second time such a funny read and also can be a good kick up the arse for yourself G.I.F.D
Zakks humour is as over the top as one can get but then again it's ROCK N ROLL
Daniel Clark
Apr 09, 2016 Daniel Clark rated it it was ok
Funny at times; annoying every time else. I appreciate creativity in a memoir but there many missed opportunities to use the creativity to aid in the story telling and not to distract from it. This is a must read for Wylde fans.
Dec 17, 2013 Debbie rated it it was amazing
I loved it not because he's a rocker but because he has heart and soul ... he touches me on many levels with his humor, music, and charm.... I've never met him (although I am hopeful that I can some day)
Jan 16, 2013 Rosie rated it liked it
I have to admit that this book was entertaining. Full of toilet humor, and ridiculousness i wouldn't expect less from Zakk Wylde. Not recommended for anyone who can't handle A LOT of talk of poop, piss and other bodily functions.
Colin Smith
Jul 25, 2013 Colin Smith rated it it was amazing
GIFD! This book is absolutely fucking hilarious! I'm sure some will say it's low class humor but I have to admit I burst out laughing almost constantly while reading this. Hell I almost puked my guts out laughing.
Feb 09, 2014 Chris rated it really liked it
This made me feel like I was sitting at a bar, hanging out with Zakk, listening to millions of war stories. Not just your average autobiography. Funny and entertaining. Definitely recommend to any metalhead.
Jul 13, 2013 Patrick rated it it was ok
Meh? Is that what the young people are saying?

Whilst his music is fine, his ability to tell a story without lapsing into the same viking/shagging/pooping line of faux-polemic rambling suggests that he might want to avoid writing any further autobiography.

Not even recommended to fans, frankly.
Steve Mulholland
Jan 15, 2015 Steve Mulholland rated it it was amazing
Bonkers mad crazy.....Zakk you're madder than a sack of wet mice!!!! Laugh out loud moments all the way through....especially the 'meditation' part.....Never gonna win a does what it says on the tin....a raucous, don't give a s**t rock n roll good time!!!!!
Jan 31, 2013 Brent rated it it was ok
If I weren't so busy giggling like a school girl at Zakk and company's drunken shenanigans, I'd be more pissed about a $30 book that seemingly hasn't been proofread.
Miles Rose
Is it a well-written book? Heeeeell no! Is it a fun, good thing to snatch to read a few paragraphs while waiting for a bus or something to load? Perfect for that.
Melissa DeGott
Dec 23, 2012 Melissa DeGott rated it it was amazing
I absolutely loved this book. Zakk Wylde is my favorite guitar player and a huge inspiration to me. This book kept me entertained throughout all the pages! SDMF!
David Biondi
Apr 20, 2012 David Biondi rated it really liked it
Shelves: funny, non-fiction, music
This book was pretty funny if you enjoy BLS. A lot of the stories were really funny but I'll admit even though I love BLS it does get a tad bit repetitive.
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