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500 Acres and No Place to Hide: More Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl

3.49  ·  Rating Details ·  207 Ratings  ·  53 Reviews
The hilarious follow-up to the memoir, "Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl."
It's been four years since Susan's husband dragged her kicking and screaming from their comfortable, big city East Coast life to a farm in Virginia cattle country. Susan's adjusting as best she can, which isn't easy considering she's been known to wear Manolos in manure. She'll never be a rea
ebook, 368 pages
Published August 1st 2011 by New American Library
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Meg Mccormick
Aug 16, 2011 Meg Mccormick rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
My mom married the love of her life and, just after I was born, we left our nice new home in the suburbs and moved to a farm so my dad could engage in his passion. My mom and Susan have this in common.

Susan has a gift for applying her unique world-view to her new environment and the result is, often, side-splittingly funny. The footnotes make this a hilarious read. Although her life takes an unexpected turn, she somehow manages to tackle the challenge of a lifetime with grace and humor. Where ot
Angie Rapids
Aug 09, 2011 Angie Rapids rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
High heels and tractor wheels makes a Fashionable Farm Girl

Hang on to your hats! Susan is in the driver's seat again. She stomps the gas with her louboutin's and sets course through the Virginia countryside in a whirlwind of fun. She uses her talent to unravel the inner workings of her relationship with her husband and tosses in some black comedy to soften the brunt of their inevitable loss. She is an expert at pulling you along with her through this memoir that dashes through the mud, and the b
Bill Glose
In 500 Acres and No Place to Hide, Susan McCorkindale recounts what life has been like for a displaced city girl trying to make the best of life on a farm. Writing in a humorously brash tone, she shares her stories in chapters that stand alone as episodic adventures, or misadventures to be more accurate. She pokes fun of every aspect of country living and kvetches over the stylish accoutrements she must now do without. But her tone is never malevolent, more whimsical and satirical with bon mots ...more
First of all, the footnotes ruin the whole story!!! The writing is way too descriptive, especially in the cow poop department!! I could also do without the four letter curse words, it isn't needed and doesn't add to the story. The only redeeming part of the book was where she discussed her husband's illness. I sympathized with her dealing with his illness and how it affected their children. As far as the rest of the book, I can't recommend it! If she could write in a different style, it would im ...more
Aug 08, 2011 Julia rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
As a former city dweller myself (Warsaw, IN is FOR sure no Brooklyn, NY or even Indianapolis, IN) I really enjoy Susan McCorkindale's books. While I stear clear of heels in my current environment, I can totally relate to weird animal mishaps, longing for the days of readily available designer shopping, and ruined flower beds.

I highly recommend this to all of my friends. It's a fun, lighthearted read, which will make you laugh, cry, and thank God for Neiman Marcus. :)

P.S. If you're coming to the
Rachel Miller
Sep 02, 2011 Rachel Miller rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I finished my reading for Saturday night giggling. On Sunday, I finished the book in tears.

My favorite part of this author was her way to convey how much she loved her husband and kids. I had a bit of a warning since I read somewhere online that Susan was a recent widow. Still broke my heart to read about her heartbreak for her husband, her self, and her kids.

Good book though. Big fan of Suz, Hem, and the McMen.
Feb 19, 2016 Charlene rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I thought I picked up a light-hearted book. I was wrong. It started out that way. I laughed at the antics of a city girl in the country, chasing cows in high heels. I kept thinking how much she must've loved him to make the move to the farm. And then tragedy strikes. And I see how much she really loves him. I hope I find someone who will love me like that.
Jan 11, 2012 Cindy rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Tried her first book and tried this one, can't do it. Immature style, a bunch of cynical and negative ramblings. No real story line. Too much self talk from a self acclaimed princess who is used to Prada and take out all the time!
Apr 23, 2015 Robert rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wonderful story. A true Green Acres with laughs on every page.
May 08, 2017 Candace rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A very funny lady!
Oct 11, 2012 Pumpkinbear rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Aug 12, 2011 Amy rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Picture a modern day woman fashionista, born and raised in Ridgewood, NJ, who has a prestigious job in New York City. She loves shopping (let’s just saw she bows down to Nordstorm ad Neiman Marcus) for clothes, designer handbags, and shoes (can we say Manolos?), and has to get her weekly blow dry. Can you imagine this woman surviving in the sticks on a farm in Fauquier County, Virginia? I sure can’t. But Susan McCorkindale proves us wrong.

After Susan’s husband convinces her to leave her comfort
Romancing the Book
Oct 31, 2011 Romancing the Book rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoir
Review by Lori: When I agreed to read this book, I responed to it because it sounded funny and it called to my sense of humor. I then realized after I agreed to read it that it was a continuation of her previous book Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl. I was immediately filled with trepidation that I wouldn't be able to follow this book, that I would be reading the words, but I would not comprehend what I was reading because I hadn't read the previous book. I have to tell you, no worries abo ...more
Morninglight Mama
Jan 16, 2016 Morninglight Mama rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: memoir, nonfiction
In her essays, emails, and humorous collection of footnotes that could fill several chapters on their own, McCorkindale continues her saga of city-girl-turned-country in her second memoir. This chick is funny, no doubt about it, and having zero experience with farm life myself, I had a blast imagining her descriptions of this crazy world, feeling her pain as a transplant to the world of living on a farm. From chickens in the flowerbox to goats moseying on into her kitchen, there are adventures a ...more
Kelly Fowler
Feb 10, 2017 Kelly Fowler rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a pretty fun book to read, even with the sad news that her husband got cancer halfway through the story.

Semi-annoying is the fact that the author uses footnotes throughout the book. Personally, I would have preferred she use parentheses instead since most of the footnotes are funny and go along with the story. Glancing up and down on the page got old quick.
Nov 02, 2012 Amy rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I have to admit... I read half of this book before I finally had to let it go. I really wanted to like this, especially since I can relate to McCorkindale's life -- I'm a concert violist/former journalist married to a slightly less conservative version of Ted Nugent, who insists we remain on our 40 acres in Wisconsin and live off the land as much as possible. But I just couldn't get past McCorkindale's writing style, which seems to suggest that she is way better than the farm life she's living. ...more
Mary Lou
Jan 12, 2012 Mary Lou rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The first half of this book left me cold. The author seemed shallow and the book seemed pointless. I like a good fashionista reference as well as most women my age, but this lady seemed not to have anything else to talk about. I started reading this sometime last fall and picked it up again on December 31, hoping I could finish before midnight and count it toward my 2011 total.

Didn't make it on the deadline, but I did get caught up in her story somewhere between her war with the chickens (okay,
The first half of the book or so I found annoying because it was very light on farm life stories. Instead, it was a lot of stream of thought nattering which didn't do anything for me.

But then a family crisis arises and it takes a whole different tone and ... Well there's no good way to describe it other than I was glad I stuck with the book.

Nutshell: don't expect there to be much farm funnies, it's much more of a window into the mind of Susan and how she processes things and copes with life.
Nov 17, 2012 Starr rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This followup to Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl is better than the 1st installment. Why? Sad to say it's because McCorkindale's husband is diagnosed with cancer and we finally get some emotional connection to her as she deals with his terminal illness. I would've liked to have seen much much more about this rough time in her life. Less joking because by this point, the funny seems forced and hollow, especially since her husband does indeed succumb to the disease.
Robin Arnold
So what happens when big city folks move to a more rural setting? It's not all sunny days and no woes. And it's hard not to mourn the life left behind. I could relate to this memoir but felt the author really only got real in the second half of the book. It's supposed to be humorous but I found it forced. Maybe it was my mood...nevertheless there are things to be learned here. Curious use of footnotes I never really got used to.
Jul 21, 2013 Paula rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Susan McCorkindale's humorous look at farm life from the eyes of a city girl had me laughing right out loud. It also broke my heart. I just about wet my pants over the silly hen on Susan's head and the pansy that killed her. I would describe this book as a series of short stories instead of an actual novel, but I loved it and wish I would have read the first one, well...first, but never fear, it will find it's way to my shelf.
May 24, 2012 Jen rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really liked this book. So many hysterical parts that had me laughing so hard I was crying! The author is so witty and clever in her writing! I also found myself tearing up when the author describes what life was like for her when her husband (whom she is so in love with) gets pancreatic cancer. She's left to fend for herself on the farm with her two growing boys. Such a moving, lovely memoir. I hope she writes another one...
Jan 05, 2012 Suzanne rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
You knew I was gonna like it but no I loved it! Suz's love for LaCrema Chardonnay and her sense of humor were right up my alley. And the fact that she spells her name, Suzy, correctly. Granted this book dealt with much more serious topics but all with love and laughter. I lol-d quite a few times and even had a tear at the end, all around enjoyable read.
Kristine (fezabel)
This book wasn't as good as her first one, Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl. It seemed like she simply put some of her newspaper columns in a book & called it good enough. The essays have no definite arrangement or order except the ones about her husband's cancer are at the end.

It's not a bad book but not as enjoyable as the 1st one.
It was a funny and quick read, however I could have done without the curse words. I would say this would be a book for adults because of the language. Other than language nothing was too bad. I feel that women would find it funnier than men. There are some sad parts when she's talking about her husband's cancer. It a sequel to Confessions of a counterfeit Farm Girl. It is a memoir
Mar 10, 2012 Jan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2012
I put this book down when I wAs only a couple of chapters in; the humor just wasn't doing it for me. I picked it up a week or so later and got halfway thru. it occurred to me that this type of humor might be better in small doses, say a chapter or 2 a day. then things got pretty serious, and I read on to the end. doubt that I will look for her first book. pancreatic cancer sucks.
Oct 14, 2011 Gina rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone with a sense of humor
Recommended to Gina by: won the book
This book was so funny and very descriptive, but the descriptions are a little unusual somewhat ADDish in nature. Although the book was amusing there are also serious issues which her family has to deal with.But Susan manages to find humor in those situations also(one would have to or go insane).
I think all women can relate to this story and trying to make the best of the situation.
Odd to be both crying and laughing while reading a book. Living not too farm from Upperville and having kids in school in Middleburg, I enjoyed all the local references. I also found myself wanting to pitch in and help out on the farm.
Jacque Mgebroff
Dec 27, 2012 Jacque Mgebroff rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
At first I found the writing style a little over the top, but after the pace settled down I was intrigued by the journey. Love Susan like a sister. I could feel her joy and pain. In the end I found this book a compelling tale of personal growth in the face is disillusion.
Sep 19, 2012 Donna rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was hysterical... what a great sense of humor the author has. It was especially fun to read, having lived in North Virginia for a few years. I passed it on to a friend who lives in Leesburg.
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Susan McCorkindale is the mother of two sons and new wife of a successful winemaker. She is also the author of two memoirs. The first, Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl, is the laugh out loud true tale of her move from the suburbs to the sticks. The second, 500 Acres and No Place to Hide: More Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl, is her charming, poignant, and uproarious follow-up.
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“I know, I know. I was there, remember?" I love my husband, but he's such an Aquarian. Ask him the time, and he'll tell you how to make the watch.” 2 likes
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