false<![CDATA[The Alphabet Of Manliness]]>http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1171731378m/116892.jpg1168922Lumberjacks, pirates, and Chuck Norris all agree that there is but one arbiter of manliness, and he has but one name: Maddox. The longtime proprietor of the absurdly popular website, The Best Page in the Universe, Maddox has thoughtfully collected his vast masculine wisdom for the first time in a useful reference work, The Alphabet of Manliness. Since men of course communicate with others only under duress, this book may be the sole resource for those starved for answers about basic manly subjects such as urinal etiquette, road rage, and beef jerky.<p> We thought that Neil Strauss, who chronicled his own transformation from "half a man" to a "Master Pickup Artist" in the one-of-a-kind bestseller, <i>The Game</i>, might be the perfect expert to assess Maddox's guide, and indeed, he came through with the sharpest take we've yet seen on the book, which you can read below. <hr size="1"><span class="h1"><strong>Guest Reviewer: Neil Strauss</strong></span><br><br><img src="http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0060554738.01.SWATCHXX.jpg" border="0" align="left"><span class="small"><b>Over the past decade, Neil Strauss, former pop music critic for <i>The New York Times</i>, has established himself as the go-to guy for diarists of decadence, collaborating with rockers Marilyn Manson, Mötley Crüe (on the instant trash classic, <i>The Dirt</i>), and Dave Navarro, as well as porn star Jenna Jameson, on a series of witty and frank tales of celebrity excess. And then he stepped out on his own with one of our top-selling books of 2005, <i>The Game</i>, his bizarre, hilarious, and surprisingly uplifting memoir of joining a secret society of "Master Pickup Artists." Keep your eye out: he has many more smart and shocking projects on the way.</b></span><br><br> I am fully convinced after reading the entire A-Z of <i>The Alphabet of Manliness</i> that the author of its 26 essays, Maddox, is a nerd. And not just because he correctly alphabetizes the entries, but because he can recite the names of every Castlevania game, talks about hacking and IP addresses and various mathematical theorems, and has just spent way too much time analyzing in minute detail every aspect of the penis, its functions, and its influence on the male brain. However, Maddox's lack of bulging biceps may actually be a positive thing. Because having him become the symbol and policy-maker of all things alpha male just may be one of the most subversive byproducts of the Internet since file-sharing. <p> If you are new to the world of Maddox and unfamiliar with his website www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com, here's how you will react to the book: When you read the dedication--"to the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: me"--you will think for a moment that you have encountered one of the most unlikable narcissists in the world. When he calls a woman a "bitch" on page 2, you may actually begin to hate him. But if you stick with it, by the time you get to the middle of the book and are fully immersed in his over-active, over-systematic, testosterone-addled imagination, you will begin to realize that Maddox just may be the Andy Kaufman of his time, in possession of the driest wit you've ever encountered. The middle of the book also happens to be the home of Maddox's finest essays. In his contribution to the geek canon of Chuck Norris worship, he spuriously notes that Norris uses hippies as firewood, intercepts letters to Santa Claus to use as toilet paper, and eats "bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like pizza, but it's not because Chuck Norris doesn't want to give the Italians the credit." <p> In general, there are two types of humor in this book: things that are funny because they're wrong ("a pirate's semen is indestructible") and things that are funny because they're right (his entire essay on urinal etiquette). <p> By the time you get to his views on the quickie, in which he describes a sexual encounter with his girlfriend that involves her never showing up and him passing out drunk and getting robbed, you may be bookmarking his website. And by the time you turn to the last page, you'll be flipping back to the first, reading it again and looking for the jokes you missed because you were too busy being shocked, offended, and slightly titillated. In short, <i>The Alphabet of Manliness</i> just may be one of the smartest paeans to stupidity ever written. <i>--Neil Strauss</i> <hr noshade="noshade" size="1" class="bucketDivider" /><div class="bucket"> <p> <p align=center><img src="http://images.amazon.com/images/G/01/books/a-plus/aom_can1_120.gif" border=0 align=top> <p align=left> What's more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox's short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the "hetrosexual." <p align=center> <span class="h1"><strong>Straight Is the New Gay</strong></span> <p align=center>by Maddox <p> In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual. <p> Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a "fashion faux-pas" in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase "faux-pas" draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay. <p> Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out: <p> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td> <td width="95%" align="left">1. How much should you tip a hairstylist?</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">A) 10%</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">B) 15%</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">C) 20%</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td><td width="95%" align="left">If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists.</td></tr></table> <p> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td> <td width="95%" align="left">2. Cologne?</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">A) Yes</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">B) No</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td><td width="95%" align="left">The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof.</td></tr></table> <p> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td> <td width="95%" align="left">3. Which language do you speak?</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">A) French</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">B) English</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">C) Both</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">D) Neither</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td><td width="95%" align="left">The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of "like," and even then, men don't like anything that much.</td></tr></table> <p> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td> <td width="95%" align="left">4. When dining at restaurant, you should</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you</td></tr> <tr valign="top"> <td width="10%"></td> <td width="90%" align="left">C) What's a maitre d'?</td></tr> </table><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="2"> <tr valign="top"> <td width="5%"></td><td width="95%" align="left">The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above.</td></tr></table> <p> If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you. <p align="left">90853052006The Alphabet Of Manlinesstotal:603|5:206|4:192|3:131|2:45|1:29|603231075911352falsefalseWed Aug 01 00:00:00 -0700 2007Thu Aug 30 13:30:20 -0700 2007Thu Aug 30 14:30:12 -0700 2007
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42falsefalseSat Mar 01 00:00:00 -0800 2008Mon Mar 03 16:02:59 -0800 2008Thu Mar 27 16:36:23 -0700 2008
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31falsefalseSat Dec 01 00:00:00 -0800 2007Sun Dec 23 16:31:03 -0800 2007Tue Dec 25 21:26:59 -0800 2007 In the introduction Maddox shouts out Robert Hamburger ...more...]]>
31falsefalseSun Jul 01 00:00:00 -0700 2007Wed Jul 25 12:36:05 -0700 2007Wed Jul 25 12:53:31 -0700 2007
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51falsefalseMon May 05 19:10:57 -0700 2008Mon May 05 19:44:26 -0700 2008
A is ass kicking
B is for Boner...more...]]>
31falsefalseThu Aug 02 13:12:58 -0700 2007Fri Aug 10 17:01:14 -0700 2007
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11falsefalseMon Dec 01 00:00:00 -0800 2008Tue Jan 06 10:12:52 -0800 2009Tue Jan 06 10:47:30 -0800 2009
The Best Page in the Universe, but they were not remotely met. The website is mostly funny, but it's funny because 'Maddox' dabbles in a lot more than his lumberjack/pirate/misogynist schtick. Too much of that, and this book is exclusively tha...more...]]>
41falsefalseThu Nov 01 00:00:00 -0700 2007Wed Nov 21 15:55:06 -0800 2007Wed Nov 21 15:57:59 -0800 2007
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41falsefalseSun Jun 15 13:45:30 -0700 2008Mon Jun 16 14:03:40 -0700 2008 If you enjoy Maddox's website, then you'll enjoy this. It's laugh out loud funny if you can ...more...]]>
31falsefalseWed Feb 27 00:00:00 -0800 2008Tue Feb 26 17:51:47 -0800 2008Wed Feb 27 16:23:32 -0800 2008 The chapter on Chuck Norris almost made me pee my pants at work.]]>
31truefalseFri Sep 01 00:00:00 -0700 2006Fri Oct 26 10:47:04 -0700 2007Fri Oct 26 10:49:01 -0700 2007 This book is great, but maybe not quite as good as the website because it's not as distilled. Still, The Alphabet of Manliness should be in the reference section of every library.]]>
51falsefalseMon Jan 14 18:48:05 -0800 2008Mon Jan 14 18:48:35 -0800 200850falsefalseMon Sep 04 00:00:00 -0700 2006Sun Jan 11 13:58:53 -0800 2009Sun Jan 11 14:01:57 -0800 2009
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50falsefalseTue Nov 06 11:59:20 -0800 2007Tue Nov 06 12:09:03 -0800 2007
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40falsefalseFri Dec 28 00:00:00 -0800 2007Thu Mar 05 20:48:56 -0800 2009Thu Mar 05 20:55:46 -0800 2009 There are some parts so sexist that, at first read, made me uncomfortable. On further review, I give the author the benefit of the doubt, and suspect all (or almost all) is done with tongue firmly planted ...more...]]>
30falsefalseFri Feb 13 00:00:00 -0800 2009Wed Apr 22 18:27:38 -0700 2009Wed Apr 22 18:29:40 -0700 2009 You have to have a strong sense of humor to fend off the scathing comedy "Maddox" puts out there. Unfortunately, by the time you reach the letter "O", it's much of the same recycled rerun.]]>
40falsefalseThu Mar 05 16:53:53 -0800 2009Thu Mar 05 16:56:40 -0800 2009240falsefalseSun Jul 01 00:00:00 -0700 2007Sat Feb 09 15:38:58 -0800 2008Sat Feb 09 15:54:26 -0800 2008
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50falsefalseFri Sep 01 00:00:00 -0700 2006Wed Mar 18 07:15:54 -0700 2009Wed Mar 18 07:16:58 -0700 20091
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