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No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One
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No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One

4.13 of 5 stars 4.13  ·  rating details  ·  247 ratings  ·  43 reviews
Suicide would appear to be the last taboo. Even incest is now discussed freely in popular media, but the suicide of a loved one is still an act most people are unable to talk about--or even admit to their closest family or friends. This is just one of the many painful and paralyzing truths author Carla Fine discovered when her husband, a successful young physician, took hi...more
ebook, 272 pages
Published May 11th 2011 by Main Street Books (first published December 1st 1996)
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Jul 31, 2007 Karen rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone who lost someone to suicide
My husband died as a result of suicide and this book was recommended in just about every piece of helpful information pertaining to suicide. It's an incredible book written by a woman who knows the anguish of losing someone you love without the chance to say goodbye. She interviewed people from all walks of life who have survived the loss of someone they knew and loved. This book helped me more than anything else I read.
Luanne Cali
May 26, 2007 Luanne Cali rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone who is surviving the loss of someone to suicide
No, we are not going crazy and we are not the only ones. This book tells the stories of a number of men and women who lost various loved ones to suicide. They tell about how it was in the beginning and how it has become some time later.
Carla addresses the issue of emotional wreckage as well as practical problems that arise - financial, social, life from now on.
The stories relate how grief relating to suicide is so different than from other types of grief. After all, the loved one chose to leave...more
This book is about suicide. But it not as much of a downer as you might think. It works as kind of a textbook with a practical tone that tries to help someone through, or at least understand, the experience. The author's husband killed himself, and, in addition to her story, she includes many vignettes of other people's horrible stories of losing their loved ones.

The author's husband was, of course, in a great deal of pain before he killed himself. He must have been so mired in hopelessness to...more
Sep 23, 2007 Tori rated it 2 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: people who have lost a loved one to suicide
1 - It seems like this is the book most often mentioned by people that have lost a loved one to suicide. It was ok, but it was definitely not the most helpful one for me personally. Since so many people seem to get a lot out of it, it makes me wonder if I just read it a week or two too soon. It was the first book that I read after I lost my brother, and it was probably on about day 6 or 7. This book really scared me about what I was in for. Actually, now that I am looking back on it typing this...more
For my job as a teacher in a special program, I am reading a series of books about mental health issues that adolescents struggle with. My recent focus is on suicide, so I thought this book would be a good contrast to the other books I've read about the people who commit suicide. The author is the widow of a doctor who took his own life using medical technology. This book is a compassionate look at the many issues that confront the survivors of suicide victims. She tells her own story, but also...more
Nov 13, 2007 Cindy rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Any one
Shelves: booksforhealing
A true life account of living through the days after a loved ones suicide. Very emotional and close to the same type of book as one called My Son, My Son by Iris Bolton. It was a hard book to read because of the emotional descriptions used by the author. Almost even more on the angry side until the last chapter of the book where it talked about siblings and feelings. Very good chapters that dealt mainly with groups like spouses, parents and siblings, etc.
Oct 01, 2010 Allyson rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Allyson by: Darlene
A difficult but necessary read for anyone who has been affected by the suicide of a loved one. I found Fine's writing to be a great comfort to me.
Lynn Tolson
Nov 06, 2011 Lynn Tolson rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: therapists, counselors, survivors
Shelves: psychology, suicide
The subject of suicide is difficult to share. Ms. Fine is courageous to show the readers the depth of her devastation after the suicide of her husband. Although there is no how-to book on surviving the suicide of someone close, this book comes close in defining the emotions that surface in the aftermath. Others will see that they are not alone.

The author lets the readers into her own experience with the first chapter, where she describes her husband’s suicide scenario. As a physician, he knew ex...more
Having this experience in my life, as my son competed suicide in 2002, I searched and searched for a way to understand and wrap my mind around that truth. This book shared many stories of lost survivors of suicide. I realize one can't make Any sense of such an act, but it seemed I was able to grasp of the depth of pain one is usually experiencing to attempt such an end, And it did help me to focus on the things my son did accomplish and celebrate what a wonderful person he was! It helped me to o...more
If you have suffered from this type of loss, this is a book that gives you a "group" to be in privately. I had worked through many of the issues that were talked about in the book, but several of the interviews with people who had lost loved ones to suicide were especially helpful to me. The author tells her own story, but it is interwoven with the stories of others who wanted to tell their story anonymously.

If you are a counselor or pastor, this tells it like it is. It is not a pretty picture....more
China Flanigan
This book helped me process the death of my partner. Suicide is traumatic. This was my first experience with losing a lover and my first experience with suicide. Although I had wonderful support through friends, it's so difficult to know what to say. You just want to hear from someone who has lived through it. Someone who can tell you that what your feeling is normal. This book offers so many stories of people in all different relationships, dealing with the aftermath of suicide. It gave me some...more
Although I am still reading this, I just have to say this is one of the most depressing books I have ever read. However, if you have known anyone who has committed suicide, this is an excellent book to read. The author shares her own story as well as that of 60 other suicide survivors. Her main messages are that survivors are not alone, no matter how isolated they may feel; that suicide is devastating to the survivors; that no emotion is wrong or strange. There are no answers given--the motives...more
my son commited suicide 4 weeks agi i found this book excellent. im not alone how i feel or what im thinking. well written and honest
The loss of a loved one to suicide is a nearly unbearable loss, and the circumstances of the loss are isolating in a way other losses are not. This is a well-written book that lets family and friends of the person who died by suicide know that they are not alone and that their reactions are shared by others. The author uses her experience to illustrate particular points and deftly weaves in the stories of other survivors to demonstrate variations of the point. I found the book to be well-researc...more
The first book that I read within the first 2-3 weeks after our son's death. My emotions were extremely raw, but I found this book to be exactly what I needed. I found our son, so her detailed description of what she found with her husband did not shock me, nor did the details of survivor stories that were gathered from her interviews.

These accounts might be too much for others so beware.

I am actually skimming through it again and writing some notes in my journal. This is another book that I wi...more
Jennifer Aupke
A beautiful book, well written, that provides important perspective and strength to any survivor of suicide. My brother in law took his life 3years ago, 6 weeks after the birth of my amazing and gorgeous nephew. How he could leave his young family behind will always mystify me, but how my sister and nephew can survive will have to be deliberate and with life. We always talk about the suicide, but hardly ever consider the journey of the survivors. This book is therapy to anyone who has lost a lov...more
Alli B
May 24, 2008 Alli B rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone that has lost someone to suicide.
Shelves: mental-health
I was given this book by my counselor after I lost a family member to suicide. It gives many survivor stories that are quite graphic at times, but also provides comfort that there are other people going through similar processes. I found the chapters about the stigma, the search for whys, the effect on families, and forgiving them/forgiving ourselves to be the most helpful. I would recommend reading this book gradually because it is intense and emotional reading.
This book is about after someone you loves commits suicide. No one I was close to committed suicide, but a neighbor's son who had lived by us for a couple years did (he was living in Missouri at the time). It was sad, and it made me pick this book off the shelf. The book was really depressing. I would not suggest reading it unless you have a loved one commit suicide and want to hear how others dealt with it. Otherwise, it will just seriously bum you out.
I thought this book would be comforting but it was pretty much the opposite, especially the chapter on how suicide affects families and how if someone in your family commits suicide, it makes everyone else in your family 400 times more likely to do it. After I read this book, I discussed it with my father and he said he should've told me not to read it and that he wishes he didn't read it himself. Definitely not something I would recommend to others.
Rachel Anderson
Completed as much of this book as I'm ever going to. I think this book pertains more to people who would have never guessed that their loved one would commit suicide. In my situation, living with a family member who was suicidal for 20+ years it was an expected/unexpected situation so much of the book is explaining things that I didn't need to be explained to me. Great book, but redundant for me personally.
Shirley Barnes Sandridge
Not a club I chose to join, but once you do, please find help coping. Part of the horrible aftermath of suicide is searching for answers you will never find; you can't tidy up the loose pieces and file the event under "done." This book helps you to understand that you will never really understand.
This book was very helpful as I try to process the suicide of one of my oldest, as in the length of the friendship (30 years), dearest friends. I am almost ready to go to a support group after reading this book. I think I need it. I have been very quiet about her passing in September and am starting to feel like it is time to talk about it. This book has helped me get to that place.
A large compendium of survivor experiences, modulated and mediated by the story of the author's personal loss. I bought this book thinking it would be more of a memoir but found this valuable because of the variety of experiences that deal with an individual's response to their loved one's suicide and the resources available for those suffering similar loss.

I'm currently reading this after the death of two of my cousins to suicide. I just didn't want anyone who doesn't know what happened to freak out that I am reading a suicide book haha! So far it's pretty good. It was written in the 90's, so there are some things that seem a little outdated to me, but for the most part, everything makes sense.
I lost my mother, grandfather and uncle all in the same year to suicide. After reading this book I found a local group who got together who also had lost family members to suicide. I am glad I had someone other than family to talk to when I was at my worst. This book is a great help and I can't recommend it more to people who are in the same boat.
Mary Jo
This book is a great book and thanks to Carla Fine for writing to it. This book is good for anyone who has been touched by someone who has died from suicide. So many explanations and good references to the ones left behind....who are in shock and disbelief....also a book to be kept for re-read.....
I wasn't sure at the start but in the end was glad I read it. It was helpful to me. Something about the writing style made it difficult for me to grasp if thoughts/reflections were hers or from another person/survivor until I was into the middle or at the end of the reflection, which was frustrating.
This book was very insightful and helpful.
Deeply poignant stories from those who've been 'self help' book for suicide survivors that I have ever read. Not an easy read - painful in places - but excellent and insightful.
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