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The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection
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The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection

4.15 of 5 stars 4.15  ·  rating details  ·  66 ratings  ·  8 reviews
Why do we harden our hearts, even against those we want to love? Why do we find it so hard to admit being wrong? Why are the worst grudges the ones we hold against ourselves? Using movies, people in the news, and sessions from his practice, psychologist and award- winning author Robert Karen illuminates the struggle between our wish to repair our relationships on one side ...more
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Published March 23rd 2011 by Anchor (first published January 16th 2001)
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Kevin
An insightful and thought-provoking journey through the psychological landscape of forgiveness -- what is risked and what is to gain, why it is difficult and why it is also necessary. As a psychoanalyst, Karen does not promote the typical and popular platitudes. Rather, he well describes the difficult and complicated terrain through which we all must navigate when we are wounded, or wound others.
Helen Roll
SUCH a cheesy title, but all in all a profoundly useful book. Dr. Karen takes a long view on the subject, examining why we hold a grudge, and how such an outlook is useful to us, as well as offering many insights into how to move from a place of grudge bearing to a place of repair and ultimately connection in our interpersonal relationships. A book for anyone who as been asked too many times to disavow their feelings and forgive another in an instantaneous sense, and has lost in the process.


Kerry
Outstanding book! It is one of those reads that I love to read slowly and savor the insights and points makes. Prose is very beautiful. It made me want to read it aloud.

In The Forgiving Self Dr. Karen discusses the path we take in repairing damaged relationships when we suffer an interpersonal injury or betrayal. How does the betrayal impact us? What do we do with our pain? Ho do we handle the relationship going forward? How does it affect our sense of our "self?" Dr. Karen tackles these types o
...more
Marvel
We read this book for our book group. It did make for stimulating discussion, but it wasn't a favorite read of mine. I basically disagreed with many of the author's claims and theories. I did find many of his thoughts interesting and conducive to self examination. He made some valid points including that if we start from a place where we feel secure and "like" ourselves, it is far easier to forgive others when they have wronged us. One thing I didn't like was his assumption that we all carry thi ...more
Adam
A profound and transformative book that explores the power of forgiveness - of others and of oneself. This can be a dense and troubling read too, although helped along with some very affective references to literature and popular culture.

Karen argues forcefully our relationships are often hampered by deep-seated conflicts and inner dramas originating in our family and parental relationship. It also suggests forgiveness can't be an automatic response either, but has to come from an authentic unde
...more
Annette Musso
Some of this feels like street psychology, some of it is very cliche. For those bits, the book looses a star. The rest of it is insightful, rich in case studies and forces self-questioning. For that this book is a tool which frequently gets picked off the bookshelf.
Liz


Wasn't really all that I was hoping it would be. The examples he used weren't overly relevant to me purposes.
Jane
This book is helping me understand the psychology of forgiveness - excellent.
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Robert Karen is a clinical psychologist in private practice and an award-winning author. He is Assistant Clinical Professor at the Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies, Adelphi University.

(back cover of Becoming Attached)
More about Robert Karen...
Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love Top Dog/Bottom Dog The Self-Esteem Teacher When The Shooting Stops ... The Cutting Begins: A Film Editor's Story

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