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Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness
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Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness

3.28 of 5 stars 3.28  ·  rating details  ·  53 ratings  ·  19 reviews
"Singleness is... the kind of gift that makes us cringe and smile politely while we desperately search for a gift receipt."

Singleness is a "gift;" at least that's what we've been taught. But if singleness is a gift, then why does it make us feel so miserable so often? Does God really want his children to embrace a gift they resent so much?

Debbie Maken proposes that marriag
Paperback, 207 pages
Published January 9th 2006 by Crossway Books
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I am not one to shy away from hard truths. I would rather know them deal with them and grow through what I see is a God ordained character building struggle. 99% of this book is a rant based in discontentedness and what appears to be bitterness and hopelessness. I strongly suggest to young ladies that if they are struggling with discontentedness that they do not read this book. It is not edifying. The points that she made that I agree with are so buried in bad attitude that it would be like find ...more
Mar 12, 2011 Lady rated it 2 of 5 stars
Recommended to Lady by: Lana
Shelves: non-fiction
Definitely an interesting book, with a rather ancient paradigm, but taken out and dusted off for a new millennium devoid of its former cliche. Sociologically, she's not wrong. Slate even did an article that makes a lot of the same observations about the balance of power in relationships when sex/intimacy is cheap and easy.

She's grappling with larger paradigms than just marriage with the best of intentions. And while I don't disagree with any of the Biblical principles she's examining and advocat
Geoff Paulson
A collection of anecdotal evidence and appeals to authority to justify the author's own obsessions. Any anecdotal evidence brought up that is contrary to the author's opinion is swiftly dismissed (Have you ever met a 'content' single person? Didn't you want to deck them?) Anything of value in the lessons this book teaches (The misunderstanding on Paul's "Gift of Singleness", the Church's common reaction to discontent, etc...) are easily overshadowed by the annoying and grating way the author tea ...more
Maken challenges current society's view of protracted singleness, starting with a detailed look at what the Bible, particularly Genesis, has to say about the nature of marriage. God created us for marriage, so that unhappiness you feel about being single... that's okay. She then goes through history and looks at how marriage used to be viewed as a necessary step into adulthood. I found the section where she tears apart the common lies we are told, such as "Jesus is all you need," "being single m ...more
Anika Qing
One day I may re-read this book and write a proper review. At the moment, I hardly know where to start. How on earth can this be a well-received book in Christian circles where there is any respect for God's word or love for His sons?

This is my third time to read this book, and I read it all in one day. Whether or not she says everything just right, this book pins the tail on the donkey.
Sep 22, 2008 Christine rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Those interested in marriage, either for themselves or others, I suppose.
I gave it to Emily for Christmas two years ago; I guess it worked.

Melvyn Foo
There is value in Maken's extreme position (i.e. the 2 stars): it causes one to rethink the current position. And perhaps there is value in some of her ideas per se. Apart from that, the exegesis is weak, the anecdotes are melodramatic, the normative arguments lack force, and statistics are poorly used and poorly examined. Perhaps most irritating is her persistent use of strawmen. She argues like a bad lawyer: forceful, one-sided and dismissive. There is no reconciliation, no balancing of option ...more
Very interesting book. One of our recently married ;) staff members was reading this book last fall and left it lying in our staff room. Picked it up one evening and read/skimmed it all, staying up much too late.
There is certainly a problematic trend among Christian young people today to not get married until quite late. One result, of course, is that the birth rate among Christians is at an extreme low. These things are true also of the unsaved in our nation, however, as Christians God's Wor
Good stuff! We talk about this gift of singleness and it's super high calling. When deep inside we long for the day to share our lives with the one we love... we want to be married. Mrs. Maken looks at how our society of late has devalued the gift of marriage, God's call for it in people's lives, addresses the "signs" for those who are REALLY called to singleness (which is not the same as celibacy - intriguing, no?), and steps that we can take to pursue marriage. Men should read this, too! I rea ...more
Sheba Wadley
This book provoked many an emotion at the time I read it. I still talk to others about the "extended adolescence" the author mentions in the text. I believe marriage is a priority to the heart of God. It is in the context of marriage that we can have some of our most informative spiritual experiences. I like the frankness with which she responded to the idea of singleness being a desirable state. While I did not agree with everything she presented, I found the book to be compelling.
This an excellent book, challenging the typical counsel in the church to "be content." Maken goes squarely after guys who don't seek the sacrifice, responsibility and overwhelming blessing of marriage which is why so many of them attack this book. She also instructs single women to diligently seek marriage and only dating that plausibly leads to it. Statistics show that two thirds of evangelicals are not virgins when they marry, so singleness usually doesn't mean celibacy.
THIS BOOK IS GREAT. It is very honest and a wake-up call, especially for Christians. Its honesty frightened me a little because of where I am (or should I say where I am not) in my life, but let that be a call to action.

Everyone needs to read this book! Especially everyone in the Church!
She seems to blame men entirely for the problem of people marrying later and later in life. While I do admit, quite a bit of blame should be put on their doorstep, as men are to be the initiators of relationships, women aren't entirely innocent either.
Jan 28, 2009 Godfollower is currently reading it
I read this a few years ago, and I'm re-reading.. and it's quite spot on and challenges, approaitely, false ideas, floating aroudn in culture, and the church, about the subject of marriage.
Jon Sedlak
This book had a lot of wisdom to offer in it. Overall It was a very well balanced perspective on Christian singleness and dating.
Great social commentary & look at the historical & present day christian perspectives regarding the issues of singleness & marriage.
Aimed at women, but insightful and incisive about both genders, so I'm pretty sure single men could gain a lot from it too. Great book.
Matt Mason
The diagnosis convincing. The tone often concerning.
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