The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant

by Dan Savage

book data

1,085 ratings, 4.01 average rating, 209 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		28%
4		47%
3		20%
2		2%
1		0%

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published

June 1st 2000 (first published 1999) by Plume

binding

Paperback, 256 pages

isbn

0452281768 (isbn13: 9780452281769)

description

Best known for his syndicated sexual advice column, "Savage Love," Dan Savage shares his own story in The Kid, a hilarious account of his ef...more

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02/20/08

Emma rated it:

bookshelves: gay

Read in April, 2008

As a huge supporter of gay adoption/gay rights in general, this book instantly appealed. Honestly, I enjoy that feeling of smugness I get from reading something I agree with.

I think a book like this should be required reading for all the 'crazy fundies' out there. If Dan seems preachy sometimes it's only because we live in a society which refuses to let go of the whole gay issue - their sexuality must be near the forefront of the minds of gays and lesbians practically all of the time...more

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12/04/07

Punk rated it:

bookshelves: memoirs, non-fiction, queer

Read in January, 2008

Non-Fiction. Dan Savage and his boyfriend decide to adopt a kid, and Savage takes us through all the subsequent paperwork, counseling, doctor appointments, and freakouts.

Savage often comes off as blunt and uncaring in his weekly sex advice column, but this shows his tender underbelly -- the Dan that loves his boyfriend and is excited about having a kid and who worries a lot, about everything. He's also a man who speaks openly about his sex life, the box of bondage gear in the basemen...more

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11/08/07

Tyresias rated it:

bookshelves: sexuality

recommends it for: Savage enthusiast

I bought this book because I could not believe it when I saw it for sale in a town of 1200 in central Italy. I imagine that if I didn't speak English fluently, a few of the puns/wit would have been lost on me as they were literally translated into the Italian text. As luck would have it though, they could be added to my reading of the book. I suspect the common convertion of wit to acronym (as an easy method to carry over the joke over a while) would be lost on most people who don't know that as...more

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02/25/09

Faith rated it:

bookshelves: queer

Read in February, 2009

My book group read this book. I imagine it would be a 5-star book for most couples who want to adopt, especially LGBT couples and couples planning an open adoption. To me, it was less compelling, but I enjoyed it and learned from it.

True to form, Savage the sexual advice columnist is savagely honest. For example, he admits that he wants a healthy infant, not "damaged goods" (he acknowledges how offensive that term is). But much of his honesty is hilarious, as with his descr...more My book group read this book. I imagine it would be a 5-star book for most couples who want to adopt, especially LGBT couples and couples planning an open adoption. To me, it was less compelling, but I enjoyed it and learned from it.

True to form, Savage the sexual advice columnist is savagely honest. For example, he admits that he wants a healthy infant, not "damaged goods" (he acknowledges how offensive that term is). But much of his honesty is hilarious, as with his description of the "deep process" he had to wade through when discussing with a lesbian couple whether the 3 of them wanted to create a bio-kid. I liked that although Savage is writing partly for straight people, he doesn't shy away from explicit references to gay sex.

The book meanders, as if Savage thought it might be his only chance to say certain things. He includes a provocative but out-of-place account of how the stress of coming out debilitated him physically at age 14. His musing about possible homophobia at an adoption seminar ends in an analysis of the politics of gay reparation therapy. It's good original analysis, though, so I'm not complaining.

When it comes time to write about the birth mother and the social workers who helped with the adoption, Savage becomes more guarded. Free-ranging memoir turns to adoption primer. Savage sensibly exercises restraint in writing about the relative strangers who will continue to influence his relationship with his son even after the documents are signed.

Even though I'm a lesbian, or maybe especially because I'm a lesbian, I have certain stereotypes about gay men, and it's been hard for me to understand why 2 men want to adopt a baby. Savage squarely confronts this bias and also the "ick factor." He busts me further by paraphrasing the attitudes expressed by "a local gay activist/idiot" in Seattle, exactly what I'd been wrestling with for 65 pages: "Gay parents should be men in their forties, together at least eight years, monogamous, professional, irreproachable, and unassailable. With the religious right making an issue of gay adoptions, gay dads were going to be under a lot of scrutiny. He felt it was important that they be as unthreatening to straight people as possible."

OK. I get it now. This is like, we don't ban drag queens from pride parades for being outrageous. We help them clamber up on their floats.

Told ya I learned from this book.(less)

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01/02/09

Marni rated it:

Read in December, 2008

Funny and touching and a fast read. Savage is an engaging writer, and this story grabbed me from the begining and kept me engaged the whole way through.

I have many gay friends and family members in my life, and in fact this was a holiday gift from one of them. He loved it and felt that it would give insight into some of the issues that he and his husband experienced as they tried to adopt (happily for everyone, successfully!) their first child. I can categorically state that he is...more

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01/11/09

fbuser674547519 rated it:

I'm a hardcore junky when it comes to "This American Life", so naturally, after hearing Dan Savage on the show many times discussing his abhor for "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody", I was a fan. I dove into "The Kid" thinking it would be a touching story about a man and his boyfriend and the challenges a homosexual couple face trying to adopt. To my bemusement I found it savage indeed in it's literally balls out, honest summary of not only their adoption trials buto...more

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02/02/09

Jackie rated it:

bookshelves: generally-gay-not-strictly-straight, nonfiction-or-just-not-fiction

Read in March, 2009

I decided to read some Dan Savage after seeing him being absolutely hilarious on the Colbert Report a couple times. I wasn't disappointed.
This gets three and a half stars, actually. The half I'm giving to Dan Savage because of the hilarious and not-actually-too-mean things he says about Irish Catholics. He really gets the guilt and the familial dynamics and the boozing and the love/not-like-so-much relationship with God.
My only quibble: Not all non-Chicagoan Midwesterners are close-m...more

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03/22/09

Louise rated it:

bookshelves: non-fiction

Read in September, 2004

A funny, humorous, memorable account of a homosexual couple who want to become parents. Together they explore different options such as co-parenting with a lesbian couple, a single lesbian woman and open adoption. The honesty with which they discuss their relationship, their decisions and their lives is unforgettable. Dan Savage is great with one-liners!!

I won't go into how they come to have a child for fear I might ruin the story for someone else, but it kind of irked me that they r...more

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11/04/08

Ciara rated it:

bookshelves: autobio-memoir, read-in-2007

Read in November, 2007

recommends it for: adoptive parents, gay parents, unexpectedly pregnant people, adopted kids

i guess the title of this book is fairly self-explanatory: it's all about sex columnist dan savage & his boyfriend adopting a child together. they went through an agency which put them in contact with a young pregnant homeless gutter punk who was in a family way. the agency got her an aptment to live in during the pregnancy & made sure she got good nutrition & medical care & everything. dan & his boyfriend were able to meet with her & get to know her story while she was pregnant, & they took cus...more

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12/10/08

Robin Nicholas rated it:

I read this in one day....so it was quick and fairly entertaining. I have seen Dan Savage on Larry King, so I was a little curious. I have to admit that part of made it a good book was that it takes place in Seattle and Portland. I was very familiar with all of the Portland locations....Lloyd Center, The Mallory Hotel, Rocco's Pizza etc. So that was fun. This book is about adoption, something I don't know much about....that was interesting. I liked his descriptions of his and his boyfriend'...more

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03/28/09

Kristy rated it:

Read in March, 2009

I really enjoyed this book. I picked up at work on Saturday and finished it Sunday afternoon. Dan Savage, though a touch sloppy sometimes with his prose, is very readable and entertaining and I enjoyed his account of the open adoption experience. As he does in his advice column, Savage does not hold back on his fears, insecurities and concerns as a gay man embroiled in the very invasive, emotionally taxing process of adoption. I found it refreshing to read such an honest book about the perils an...more

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06/28/08

K rated it:

(review of isbn 0525945253)

Sweet.

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01/09/08

Rory rated it:

Read in February, 2008

Dan can get really off-subject and preachy at times, but I think he's just used to being an advice columnist. That is, he's used to people hanging on his every word/tangent/quip. He's also used to his writing being finely edited, too, to fit into 16 inches of newsprint--and sometimes this book reads like it needs to meet an editor.

Still, the subject is fascinating, and I had to keep reminding myself that Dan and his boyfriend were adopting in 1997, the year I graduated from high sch...more

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01/08/08

Tatiana rated it:

bookshelves: non-fiction

recommended to Tatiana by: erica

hmmm. personally i liked 'the commitment' better. i though it was funnier, more engaging, etc etc. although maybe that's because from the commitment i know a lot about 'the kid' already so wasn't held in minor suspense of how events would unfold.

or maybe my intense obsession with my intense but complicated dislike of marriage made 'the commitment' more engaging than 'the kid', since, i also dislike and don't want kids, but not nearly as intensely or obsessively as i do marriage....more

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06/14/07

Falcon rated it:

Read in June, 2007

recommends it for: people who care about people

Full disclosure: I love Dan Savage. (If you don’t read his sex advice column, start.) And I loved this book.

I actually feel like despite the fact that I am a Dan Savage Fan, I am in a position to offer a reasonable critique for the following reason: about 2 summers ago I read “Skipping Towards Gomorrah” by the same Savage, and found it disappointing. This book, his first, is far from disappointing.

This book is primarily about the process of Dan and his boyfrie...more Full disclosure: I love Dan Savage. (If you don’t read his sex advice column, start.) And I loved this book.

I actually feel like despite the fact that I am a Dan Savage Fan, I am in a position to offer a reasonable critique for the following reason: about 2 summers ago I read “Skipping Towards Gomorrah” by the same Savage, and found it disappointing. This book, his first, is far from disappointing.

This book is primarily about the process of Dan and his boyfriend Terry adopting their son, but like all of his work, it covers a myriad of issues, from the obvious (gay adoption) to the amusing (fights over the car stereo).

Throughout the book Dan unwittingly introduces the reader to fears that many gays have which are ever-present in their daily lives. He describes the fear of entering a room full of strangers and trying to identify the bigot with the same tone that I have heard black writers describe the feelings of walking into similar all-white spaces. Dan and Terry have near nihilistic expectations of their ability to adopt a child through the open-adoption process. They never expect a would-be parent to knowingly put a child in their custody. It is eye-opening, as a girl who generally “passes” as straight, to begin to see the ways in which homophobia manifest themselves into the queer person, with lowered expectations of safety and acceptance.

Ultimately, this book is about family. This includes the birth-mother, a gutter-punk who Dan and Terry get to know through the open-adoption process. And each of their mothers, who each respond their impending grandmother-status differently. All in all it is the tender story of what it takes to make a family.

PS. This book raised many other issues for me that I won’t innumerate here. Let’s just say with my sister getting married the questions of growing up and settling down, the decisions, the ceremonies, the realities, all feel a little closer. If you want to hear about them, let me know.
(less)

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03/15/09

Beatgrl rated it:

Read in March, 2009

I love Dan's column and podcast. He's wildly entertaining while also being smart and sensitive. I always learn something. Needless to say I went into this book with very high expectations. I couldn't put the book down it was so interesting. And when (spoiler alert!) Dan and Terry finally walk out of the hospital room with their baby, I was bawling my eyes out. Overall though, I found the book a bit uneven. I highly recommend "The Kid", but it's not a masterpiece.

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05/24/09

Deb rated it:

Read in February, 2009

I found this at a thrift store for less than a dollar. Entertaining read, especially for his small essays about gay adoption, human rights, life today, etc., held together with the drama of adopting a child. Clever but not all that personal, oddly, though it is about a personal subject. Rather like David Sedaris, I guess -- if you're going to mine your life to make your living, and especially to amuse, you have to draw boundaries.

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01/18/09

Chris rated it:

Read in January, 2009

I love Dan Savage's "Savage Love" column but this book didn't work for me. The subject of gay adoption sounded promising and would expose a subject I know little about. However, the author encountered very few hurdles in the adoption process - probably great in real life but it doesn't make for a very compelling book. Dan Savage tries to expand the story to book length by adding numerous backflashes to his upbringing but these don't add much beyond the occasional laugh.

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04/28/09

Michael rated it:

Read in June, 2008

I laughed out loud many times while reading this book. During one moment, I actually had to put my bookmark in the book and get up and walk around, I was laughing so hard. I won't spoil anything, but it's an incident that happens in a motel room that made me laugh so uproariously. Dan Savage has created a small marvel; The Kid is touching, moving, heartwarming, fearless and hilarious.

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01/29/09

Kaye rated it:

bookshelves: motheringbooks, non_fiction

Dan Savage is a smart and savvy sex columnist. This is his detailed, funny, and totally honest (at least, so far as I can tell) memoir of adopting a baby. Specia attention is paid toward the difficulty involved socially in gay couples adopting children (because, Dan Savage is gay). I absolutely loved this book, and I think it would be a good guide for anyone considering adoption in general.

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"For me, my discomfort with gay weddings was articulated by a close friend, who observed that gay people getting married is like retarded people getting together to give each other PhDs. It doesn't make them smarter, and it doesn't make us married." More quotes...