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How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family
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How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family

4.03 of 5 stars 4.03  ·  rating details  ·  132 ratings  ·  25 reviews
Parenting with Humility...We often realize that we learn as much from our children as they learn from us. So why don�t parents approach the task of child-rearing as a learning experience, rather than a mandate to make sure their kids succeed in life?

To reduce the pressure and enjoy greater closeness in your family, turn your parenting upside-down by allowing God to use
Paperback, 240 pages
Published February 15th 2005 by WaterBrook Press (first published January 1st 1900)
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Mar 22, 2009 Amy rated it 4 of 5 stars
Shelves: therapy
This is a typical Allender book where every sentence deserves a life time of pondering...I loved his two basic questions children ask parents - Am I loved? and Can I get my own way? Ultimately we are all asking those questions of God.
Still one of the best books I've read on parenting - it's not a how to be the best parent book instead it is encouragement and teaching how to learn and enjoy and live and love freely. Reading it made me thankful again that God has given the gift of our boys to us. Parenting is HARD but oh so RICH!
Christa Connerat
This was one of the best parenting books I have read. Not a "how to" guide for producing perfect children but a nitty gritty examination of how God equips imperfect parents to raise imperfect children. It is honest, encouraging, helpful and hopeful.
in my opinion, this was a ground-breaking book. There are only 2 other books about being an effective underling that i know of (from a business standpoint): Courageous Follower and Called to Serve. Now i consider this the third: how our kids--even and especially those who act out and have issues--can and do form character in us. It is about allowing the experience of having children that can teach us to also become better and more effective followers ourselves. It is an invitation to let others ...more
A great framework for thinking about parenting. (9/10)
A challenging thought provoking read about what we are learning from our children in who we are. That children are asking 2 fundamental questions. Am I loved? and Can I get my own way? and how parenting is a navigating through the need for deep love but also the recognition that getting their own way often does not lead to the best for them. That a fundamental part of being a parent is to reveal the character of God who both deeply loves us but also calls us often out of getting our own selfish ...more
A fresh look at parenting and how the unique bent of our children shapes us, and not the other way around. Lots of wonderful insight and wisdom to be gleaned!
Allender addresses the idea that God uses our children to "grow us up" in Him. He acknowledges that we will never, despite all our good intentions, be perfect parents. Failure is simply a part of parenthood. But we can learn how to hear our children's voices as they point us to Christ. Not much of a practical parenting guide for sure, but food for thought and something I will definitely come back to again as my children get older.
I haven't read a parenting book in years, but this one is refreshing in many ways, esp. the two questions Allender points to as those kids most want answers to: Am I loved and Can I get my way? Good parenting deals with these head on and constantly...and should show our kids that, yes, they are madly loved, by both us and God, and, no, getting their way is not going to happen when it is a bad idea.
The author does not have a "10 Step Plan" for being a better parent. Instead, he tells us some stories of when he got parenting right and when he got it wrong. I have just begun my parenting journey, and I am already seeing how I'm doing things right in some cases and wrong in others. It was a good encouragement of how to continue and get better.
It was a refreshing change of pace from the typical parenting book full of principles and how-to's. He addresses how your children affect you and are given to be part of God's story for your heart as much as you are a part of shaping theirs.
Feb 06, 2008 Elimoore rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommended to Elimoore by: Michelle Bachman
This book will shake the foundation of your parenting, especially if you are like me and enjoy rules and lists. Parenting is impossible, he says. Amen! But through relationship and engagement, we as parents grow and love our kids well.
was NOT a parenting "how-to" as much as an encouragement to KNOW your children and parent them as well as you can... I'd recommend this to anyone with kids!! (it is from a Christian perspective, but useful stuff for any parent, i think.)
This book is one of the best parenting books I've ever read. Especially concerning your spirituality and how it affects your children's lives and their spiritual journey. I recommend it to every person who is or will be a parent!
Digger's Mom
Good stuff. Read it in our small group, so there was some good conversation, too. The basic premise questions (what our kids are constantly asking) 1: Do you love me? 2: Can I have my own way? really spoke to me.
Jane Coleman
Worth reading even though kids are grown. Lots of wisdom yet to be gleaned from Dan Allender that I can use as a grandparent. Wish this book had been around when I was a young parent.
This book is not a how-to on parenting, but talks about how parenting is an impossible job to do. Children really do help us in our sanctification process. Awesome book!
Rob Sharpe
When I came across this book I felt the idea mirrored much of how I see parenting. This may have been the reason I found it so terribly boring.
Shea Fox
One of my favorite parenting books! It's helpful for a long-term vision, which the parenting journey requires.
One of my favorite parenting books, it took me awhile to read it and I want to start it again!!
Jun 18, 2007 Shannah rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Parents
A very poetic and moving look at parenting, and what it is really all about.
definitely thought-provoking at this point...

will keep you posted
Jul 14, 2014 Erin added it
This is my all-time favorite parenting book.
Oct 14, 2007 Rich rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: yes
i recommend this to every parent I know
It's been over a year and I'm still reading this bit by bit because it's so dense with good thoughts.
Amy Roebke
Amy Roebke is currently reading it
Jan 21, 2015
Matthew Keeker
Matthew Keeker marked it as to-read
Jan 17, 2015
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Dan B. Allender, Ph.D, is a fly fisherman who also serves as president and professor of counseling at Mars Hill Graduate School near Seattle, Washington. He is a therapist in private practice, and a frequent speaker and seminar leader. Dan received his M.Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary and his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. He is the author of To Be Told: ...more
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