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It's Hard Not to Hate You

3.12 of 5 stars 3.12  ·  rating details  ·  602 ratings  ·  118 reviews

From the author of THIN IS THE NEW HAPPY comes a hilarious new memoir about embracing your Inner Hater. In the midst of a health and career crisis, Valerie uncorks years of pent up rage, and discovers you don't have to be happy to be happy. You don’t have to love everyone else to like yourself. And that your Bitchy Twin might just be your funniest, most valuable and hone

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Kindle Edition, 253 pages
Published (first published September 13th 2011)
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(showing 1-30 of 2,111)
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Elizabeth
I received this book as part of a goodreads giveaway and feel compelled to review it since I didn't pay for it. Unfortunately, I don't recommend this book.

There are moments of goodness to be found: stories with lessons, the underdog sticking it to the arch enemy, or overcoming personal and professional challenges. But between them are random sidetracked and long-winded thoughts, an unhealthy dose of jealousy and insecurity, raunchy (not funny) interjections and a complete lack of direction. The
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Beth Hannigan
This was a book club selection that I was excited to read. It sounded like a really funny read but it ended up being a memoir (which I did not realize before reading)and kind of a downer. There were some funny parts but all and all the author was not very exciting and it got old reading her complaints. There was supposed to be a moment when she decided to let speak her mind and let out her true feelings. I really didn't see the transition. She always seemed open to speaking her mind as far I cou ...more
Virginia
I found Frankel to be funny, endearing, and wanted to be her friend. I loved her voice and found her observations spot-on, acerbic, and real. Good fun!
Bookworm
It's Hard Not To Hate You is Valerie Frankel's open, honest and often hilarious memoir about how letting your 'inner hater' out can actually be good for you.
All her life Valerie kept her anger inside, she just kind of bit her tongue when dealing with rude people. Which is fine at times, but she was doing this so much that the anger and resentment just kept building up inside her and preventing her from being happy.
In her early forties, married with two children, successful as a writer, Valerie
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Tubaville
I won this in a Goodreads First Reads giveaway as an Advance Reader Copy.

I really enjoyed the author's sense of humor and writing style. This is not the type of book that I normally read so it was a nice departure for me. However, I was turned off about 3/4 of the way through the book by the constant snarking at other people. Granted, this book IS called It's Hard Not to Hate You so I suppose snarking is a given but I simply got tired of it, especially the chapter about kids and parenting. It is
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Julie
Sep 08, 2013 Julie rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People who understand the genre of memoir
While I can't give this a five because there are many more compelling memoirs out there, I really did like this book. For me it was written with honesty and humor, which is probably what a lot of people don't like about it. As modern women we're not even supposed to admit that we are angry, jealous, insecure, confused, and scared let alone make light of those feelings, which is pretty much what Frankel does throughout the whole book. Maybe my own anger helps me relate, but if she had ended the b ...more
Stacy
I received this book as part of a giveaway from goodreads.
I have a hard time trying to decide whether I like this book or not.
At times I liked what the author had to say and could relate totally to what she was saying. But at other times I just wanted to say, "Just get over it!" For the author this book must have been quite cathartic to write, but there were times she went off on tangents that could have been left out.
I honestly did not find any humor in her humor. Trust me, I got the joke - I
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Regina
This book was touted to be "hilarious." It wasn't. I think the author thinks that she is funnier than she actually is. In many cases, it came off as quite sad. However, there were plenty of things in it that I agreed wholeheartedly with. The best chapter in the entire book, "I hate your kids" almost made up for the rest. I found myself screaming "AMEN" through the whole thing. I just think there's a difference between making obvious observations and being funny about it.
Jessica Medved
I apparently missed the word "Memoir" on the cover of this book. So I went into it expecting a chick-lit and chick-lit it was not!

I was impressed by the frank writing of Frankel (no pun intended) and found myself relating to a lot of the things she wrote about. From being an always chubby individual to quietly seething hatred for those with that snobby, mightier than thou attitudes. Her humor of everyday frustrating situations makes it very relatable and enjoyable.

There were parts of the memoi
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Erin Brandenburg
This was a good book. I liked how the author was honest with her feelings and lived up to the title of the book. However, I think the author was long winded in a lot fo the subjects and could have made her point or expressed her feelings and thoughts in a much shorter paragraph. Some of the subjects lasted too long and I found myself skimming to the end a couple times. Overall, funny, honest, and a relatable book.
Sue
I really thought I'd be able to relate to this book based on the description. I thought this author and I would be soul sisters. Turns out I'm not as angry as I thought I was. She's witty, and I definitely found some common ground, but not a majority. What I liked most was her honesty and will most likely pick up one or two of her other books just to check out what else she has to offer.
Kelly
I was lucky enough to win this good, during a "first reads" contest on here.
The cover & title alone had me truth be told. I honestly think there is something,
in this book at each of us can relate to. I highly recommend giving this a read
through.
Laura
Didn't like this much at all. Frankel just bitches and whines her way through the book - and not in a funny Chelsea Handler or Jenn Lancaster way, but an obnoxious self-centered way. Yuck. Won't be reading more of her books.
Lisa Eskra
Before I selected this book, I'd never heard of Valerie Frankel. I don't read chick-lit so I was wary but decided to give it a chance. Something about the title. I've definitely been there.

The book was not what I expected at all. I thought it would be some frou-frou tongue-in-cheek faux "memoir"...and while it's sort-of written like one, it teaches some great lessons along the way about friends, love, and success. It's a humorous quest of self-realization that I really identified with, especiall
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Ilona
I was over half through the book before I realized this was a memoir. The tiny red dot on the cover with "A Memoir" on it? I honestly thought it was a sticker the library had put on the book for sorting or shelving reasons!

The fact that it's a memoir probably goes a long way to explaining why the 'plot' wasn't more obvious: Your life only has a discernible plot if you've done a whole lot of editing, and possibly outright lying.

Faced with a dramatic health crisis, Frankel decides to 'unleash her
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Amanda
This was just a unique and interesting find at the library. I once in a while will stroll over to the memoir section and in this instance happened to find a really funny title. So I pick it up to check it out. It was comical and at times I did literally laugh out loud. I could relate once in a while to some of the instances the author referred to, but like her what can you really do about it. I'd like to take one example though and apply it to my own personal life. For instance she describes a l ...more
Jennifer
Totally related to many of the authors feelings and situations, especially the difficulty of making and/or maintaining meaningful female relationships. Appreciated the different approach - not the same one as the positive thinkers for a change. Telling her younger self that she should've felt less was wrong, she should have felt more. That she should speak up when she felt righteously pissed off. This is something we (girls, especially) are often told is wrong. Instead we should smile and put on ...more
Aayla
If we could give half-star ratings on this site, I would give 3.5 instead of 4. As it is, it'll have to stay at 3.

Overall, I truly enjoyed this book. The best part about Frankel's voice (as you can probably tell from the title) is that this story is all about being honest with yourself and saying the things that you're really thinking (and let's face it, we're all thinking it as well). I loved that she comes out and says what we all want to say and lets consequence lie where it must. If I had ha
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Nicole
I'm not going to say that It's Hard Not to Hate You by Valerie Frankel changed my life--but it certainly made me think. Like Frankel, I've felt down about the number of friends I have, my physical fitness/health, and my future success in a challenging industry. I've been jealous and angry and unhappy and my insecurities have gotten the best of many of my past friendships and relationships. While reading this book, I was surprised by how well I related to the author--I no longer feel foolish or c ...more
Alla
“It’s hard not to hate you” is Valerie Frankel’s humorous memoir about her life, using one universal themes: hatred for mundane situations, things, and people—and the way to cope with it.

This is not your typical chronological memoir, but rather a collection of stories adhering to the universal theme of this book. The author gets you to laugh with her, to cry with her, and to see yourself in similar situations. I found the memoir to be both humorous and sentimental.

Frankel describes being an o
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Megan C
Valerie Frankel is funny. And that can be hard to do with just words on a page, without inflection and facial expressions or gestures. I mean, I could watch Chelsea Lately all day long, but I'm not sure her book got one laugh out of me. And boy do I love Tina Fey, but there were times when I thought, listening to Bossypants on audiobook, "I'm not sure if that joke would have come off the same way if I'd just seen it in text."

Frankel is honest, wry, and bold in ways I sometimes want to be but ca
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Kelly
Valerie Frankel writes what we are all thinking but don't usually have the guts to do anything about. Which is...What the &@*% are some people thinking? From parents who are "besties" with their children, to business contacts who seem to fall off the face of the earth, to semiconscious religious bias, Frankel discuss it all. It's Hard Not to Hate You is Frankel delving into the question so many of us want to know...Where did common courtesy go?

The premise is simple. Frankel was told by her d
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Kate
The writing is good and it hangs together pretty well, which makes up for the intermittent tediousness.

This is the story of Frankel's attitude change after learning that she has had cancer, and is likely to have cancer again. She writes that she has been quietly resentful -- a "closet hater" -- for most of her life, and is now ready to be more honest with the world. It's sometimes funny, and rings true in a lot of places, but it's also...really mundane. The author is no everywoman -- her career
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Rebecca
I received a copy of this book from Goodreads First reads for review.

I really enjoyed Valerie Frankel's new memoir. I don't know why, but I enjoy reading stories of others' real-life woes. I suppose it is because it makes me forget about my own. Thumbs up for that!

Valerie Frankel decided that, at age twelve, she was not going to let anyone see her negative emotions. Give the proverbial "poker face" to the world. She soon finds out that bottling these emotions has turned her into a stressed out,
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Melinda Pollard
I thought this book was very funny and honest. I personally don't deal with being over competitive with other women (only because my sisters more than enough cover that one!), but this book was hilarious! It did show me the other side of how some women really feel when they see someone they know having more success. Although it was funny, I wish women would support one another more- the point is to help each other win, not compete.
Kelly
Note: This book was received through a giveaway.

I feel sometimes similar to the author's experiences. I also ended up with few friends and rarely do things with them which is probably mostly my fault.

It's an odd mix of emotions in the book. Sometimes the author feels like she needs to bottle everything up and other times lets it loose completely. I don't agree with some of the sentiments like "you're allowed to be a bitch if someone's being rude to you". I find it much better to just ignore them
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Tamela Halvorson
If you have an inner demon that pokes out every once in awhile you can appreciate this book and it humor. A lot of what she says is spot on but hard to admit. There is a lot of complaining but I found it endearing. Quick, funny read but nothing life changing. I loved the part about the BFF parents...if you are one you will hate this book but I think that might be one of the points she is trying to make.
Peebee
I didn't realize this was a memoir until about halfway in. Seriously. It's written in really small print on the cover, the picture looks like your typical chick-lit cover, and I found it hard to believe that someone was walking around being that angry all the time, nursing all these slights from kids in junior high, snooty neighbors, and other authors. She gets upset that her husband (who sounds like a saint, BTW) checks out once in a while for a drink at the neighborhood bar. She gets upset tha ...more
Carla
This book is hilarious. Valeria Frankel has a wicked sense of humor, a lot of self-insight, and isn't afraid to say what she thinks. Mix all of this with some truly interesting life experiences and the result is a funny memoir that's also a quick read.

I did have some trouble at times figuring out whether she was writing in "the present" or "the past" because she writes about both and switches freely from one to the other. This was just a minor distraction, however, as I was always able to sort t
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Shannon
It's hard not to hate Valerie Frankel. Ok that was an obvious joke, but it's kind of true. I was really unsure whether her point was to let all the anger out; don't bottle it up because it could very well kill you. Or, recognize you have anger and try to deal with it. I saw a lot of mixed messages in this book. The other reason why I "hate" Frankel is because she acts so self dejecting while at the same time name dropping left and right. Sure she shields the identity of some, but it's usually wh ...more
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She's written twenty books (e.g., The Accidental Virgin and The Girlfriend Curse), and contributed to dozens of publications including the New York Times, Self, Allure, Glamour, Parenting and Good Housekeeping. Her memoir, Thin Is the New Happy, about overcoming bad body image after 30 years of dieting and self-loathing, was recently described as "Rueful, zestful and surprisingly funny," by the Ne ...more
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“Be emotionally authentic. Close the gap between who you think you should be and who you really are, she said. If you're honest about your feelings, you're in harmony. If you're dishonest about them, you're in chaos. -Mary T. Browne” 3 likes
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