Conversations and Cosmopolitans: Awkward Moments, Mixed Drinks, and How a Mother and Son Finally Shared Who They Really Are by Robert Rave

Jul 14, 2012 Sara rated it 5 of 5 stars

First off, anyone who knows that I am a huge supporter of LGBT rights and advocacy. It's a damn shame that even in 2011 a person has to live in fear because of who they love yet we as a society praise young men and women to be absolute whores (hello, Jersey Shore) and that's totally fine. It's kind of ass backwards if you ask me.

What also is a shame is that there are thousands of people out there who face shame and disapproval from their families because of who they are. As a parent myself my h...more

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Nov 17, 2011 Melissa rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-tour, memoir

You know how, on TV, there are were those parents who everyone wanted for their own parents? If you grew up in the 70s or 80s, you know what and who I'm talking about. Parents like Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham, or Bob and Carol Brady. Parents who were the epitome of cool, who you could tell anything to.

Well, after reading Conversations and Cosmopolitans, I think that Ron and Jane Rave should be designated the adoptive parents for every gay person in America. Everyone should have people like this - wh...more

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Jul 16, 2011 Stephanie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads, 2011-reading

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful. I recently received an advance copy of this novel and I'm very glad I did. This mother/son team delivers a very accurate look into homosexual culture, as well as its effect on family life. This memoir contains some extremely eccentric New Yorkers that will keep any reader sufficiently entertained.

The first thing I really enjoyed about the book was the format. The other part of the book's format that I enjoyed was the authors' alternating voices each chapter. Fir...more Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful. I recently received an advance copy of this novel and I'm very glad I did. This mother/son team delivers a very accurate look into homosexual culture, as well as its effect on family life. This memoir contains some extremely eccentric New Yorkers that will keep any reader sufficiently entertained.

The first thing I really enjoyed about the book was the format. The other part of the book's format that I enjoyed was the authors' alternating voices each chapter. First, the reader gets Robert's story, then mom chimes in afterward to give her perspective. This prevents them from competing for the reader's attention and creates a clear-cut separation of thoughts, opinions, and experiences during each situation presented. A 20-something gay New Yorker's perspective is clearly much different from his middle-aged Midwestern mother's. As time goes on however, we see the differences become less and less as mother and son connect on deeper levels.

An author can paraphrase and summarize communications between the characters, but the Raves took it to a whole new level, including online messaging transcripts, e-mails, and letters written during the pivotal events in their lives. These give a more accurate look at the relationship between mother and son, and show the evolution of their relationship as they both become more comfortable and familiar with Robert's lifestyle, and become more comfortable in their own relationship to each other.

I especially liked chapter sixteen, titled "The Daughter-in-Law You'll Never Have (Also known to my parents as my best friend Melissa). I laughed out loud several times during this chapter! The crazy antics Robert and his best friend get into during a weekend out in New York City were a welcome change from the chapters of sadness and awkwardness from loneliness, rejection, credit card debt, and trying to "make it" in the real world. I also really liked that Melissa brings Robert out of his shell more than any other person we encounter, requiring him to down massive amounts of sugar and Diet Coke to keep up with her voracious energy and enthusiasm. She's confident and suave, where as Robert is unsure and awkward. A perfectly matched duo to run amok in Central Park and Midtown, chasing guys.

Clearly, I don't have anything negative to say about this book. The characters are strong and continually develop as life throws more their way. It's not only about a son's homosexuality and how the family changes once they find out, but it says a lot about the love and loyalty of a mother to her child. Despite discrimination and negative responses in a small town, Jane stands her ground on several occasions and speaks out to protect and promote her son and his lifestyle- even to close family friends. I give it four out of five stars.(less)

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Jul 13, 2011 Sasha Strader rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: family, humor, non-fiction

I had assumed, when I signed up to win this from Librarything, that I was getting a fiction (or at least fictionalized) book about a gay son coming out to his parents and bonding with his mother. When I first started to read the book and saw that it was actually nonfiction in a sort of diary format, I was irked: I don't generally like that kind of book.

However, I read further and I'm entirely glad I did. Even if you're usually a fan of plotlines and the story-tellling point of view, this is an i...more

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Nov 23, 2011 Danielle rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011-favorites, books-i-own, chicklit, chicklit-nov2011, favorites, for-review

If the burden of keeping a secret was no longer something you could handle and the one person you had to tell was not only your best friend but your mother as well, would you tell her? What if this secret could potentially change the entire dynamic of your relationship? For Robert, as well as a number of people, this is a reality but fortunately for him he has the love and support of a wonderful mother & friend.

Truth be told I’m a huge fan of Robert Rave and his Chick Lit novels, but I may h...more If the burden of keeping a secret was no longer something you could handle and the one person you had to tell was not only your best friend but your mother as well, would you tell her? What if this secret could potentially change the entire dynamic of your relationship? For Robert, as well as a number of people, this is a reality but fortunately for him he has the love and support of a wonderful mother & friend.

Truth be told I’m a huge fan of Robert Rave and his Chick Lit novels, but I may have a conflict now…I think I may be a bigger fan of his mom. In a world where acceptance and reactions are still mixed toward gays I can only imagine how difficult it would be not only for the individual sharing the news with their loved ones but also for the loved ones themselves. What I’ve learned in my short time as a parent is that children are who they are and as a parent your biggest responsibility, over any other even more so than feeding & clothing, is to love them unconditionally and let them know that every day of their lives. (That’s just my two cents.) Jane Rave is an incredible example of this. When Robert came-out to her and his father in the hand written letter he sent, her reaction was immediately for him in regards to his long term happiness. It wasn’t negative by any means, she simply wanted him to be happy and afforded all the opportunities we all deserve as human beings. Knowing her son the way she did, she was sure he’d be distraught about their reaction and wanted to do whatever she could to assure him they loved him and would never judge him immediately and without question.

What was truly enjoyable about this memoir, outside of the connection between Robert and his mom Jane, was the varying versions of situations through each of their eyes. The way the story was told was through situations they both experienced, first being told by Robert and then by Jane. They weren’t always present and sometimes it was Jane’s reaction to Robert’s relay of the situation via phone or email, but it was often heartwarming and sometimes incredibly hilarious. What was even funnier was often his Dad’s reaction to certain situations like the announcement he was going to get waxed. Because Robert never truly acted on his homosexuality prior to telling his parents it was as if both he and is mother were experiencing everything for the first time. Having two older children, a boy and a girl, Jane thought she’d experienced everything. Helping her son with his boyfriend issues wasn’t something she had anticipated but she met it with the same fever and hope she had with her first two children.

After reading Conversations and Cosmopolitans I’d definitely say I not only have a continued desire to pick up more of Robert’s novels as they are published, but I have a huge amount of respect for his mother Jane. It’s obvious that Robert inherited much of his writing ability from his mom as well as his ability to love. For my part, as a parent, I think I enjoyed hearing Jane’s side of the story even more than Robert’s because of her insights on parenting, friendship and her own personal struggles to find her own identity throughout her life. This was a positively delightful memoir to read and one I think everyone should read. This is a memoir that sheds new light on an often difficult situation for many, but is more than simply a story about a gay man coming out to his family. It’s a story about love, hope, life and enjoying & being who we truly are.

My original review was posted at Chick Lit Reviews and News.(less)

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Oct 16, 2011 Cheryl rated it 5 of 5 stars

OMG. This book had me laughing so much. I can not remember the last time that I had such a fun time reading a book. I love Mrs. Rave. She is a sweetheart and knows all the right things to say. Of course, Mr. Rave is priceless. Like when Robert was going to get waxed and his dad gave an analogy about how he did not see a problem if his son wanted to get some things waxed as when he and Mrs. Rave first moved into their home, the back yard was over grown and they did not want anyone to come over un...more

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Jan 04, 2012 Holly rated it 4 of 5 stars

I tend to read lots of fiction and non-fiction dealing with gay rights, coming out, etc. This one seemed like it would be fabulous. Robert and his mother, Jane, each give their side to the story of Robert's coming out. I still remember the day my brother came out to me (in a story, no less) so I was looking forward to reading about this family. I actually had a hard time with their "voices" at the beginning, sort of like trying to get to know someone. It felt a little awkward at first, but after...more

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Nov 13, 2011 Mary (BookHounds) rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, amazon-vine, from-publisher-author

Robert Rave has written his memoir with the help of his mother and Jane Rave captured my heart. The first chapter opens with the letter Robert wrote his parents to tell them he is gay. All Robert remembers is that his mother pointed out all his grammatical mistakes. His mother remembers it quite differently, but that fact she didn't respond to the elephant in the room in a way to make him uncomfortable and instead focused more on his writing skills, which seems unintentional, but it is a mother'...more

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Jan 17, 2012 Julie (julie37619) rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is a memoir of sorts coauthored by a mother and son. Robert Rave came out to his parents in a letter at the age of 21 and his announcement prompted his mother to embark on her own discovery of who she really was outside of her life as a mother and wife. This book follows some of the conversations, emails, and life events they shared as they both became honest with each other and themselves about who they were.

Writing
The writing was somewhat less than impressive for me. There were porti...more This book is a memoir of sorts coauthored by a mother and son. Robert Rave came out to his parents in a letter at the age of 21 and his announcement prompted his mother to embark on her own discovery of who she really was outside of her life as a mother and wife. This book follows some of the conversations, emails, and life events they shared as they both became honest with each other and themselves about who they were.

Writing
The writing was somewhat less than impressive for me. There were portions that rang true and genuine, especially from Jane, but a lot of Robert's writing was awkward, particularly his dialogue. It seemed stiff and unnatural. I also felt like several sections didn't really serve any purpose in the book. It was kind of like hearing a coworker tell you a series of unrelated, mundane stories along the lines of "then I pulled the milk carton out of the fridge and - you'll never guess - the milk had gone bad!" And you nod along and pretend to be amused but really you're just wondering why they think this is significant enough to tell. In the book's case there were plenty of moments that fit perfectly and were truly significant but also a fair amount that were kind of dull and meaningless.

Entertainment Value
I suppose the dull parts could fit in this section as well. I was just bored with too many portions to say it was truly entertaining. There were some very funny stories, but overall it just didn't resonate with me in any particularly attention grabbing way. I was ready for it to be over. I also hate to say this, since Robert Rave is obviously a real person, but man he drove me nuts with the doormat behavior. Several times in the book I wanted his mama to grab him by the shoulder and shake him and tell him to stop letting people take advantage of him. It's probably because I have a thing for mamas in general, but I did truly love Jane. She was adorable and obviously a loving and devoted mother.

Overall: Meh. I think there are better books to spend your time on - it gets a "do not recommend".(less)

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May 15, 2012 Ami rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

Neither Robert nor his mother Jane are particularly exceptional writers, but the premise of the book is interesting. Robert tells short stories about his life as a young gay man who has just moved to New York City, and his mother writes even briefer commentary on those ideas. In the opening story, Robert sends his parents a coming out letter, and their lives unfold from there. The book hoped to be a journey for both mother and son to each discover themselves, but frankly that felt a bit forced....more

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Jun 13, 2012 Danielle rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: chicklit, chicklit-nov2011, books-i-own, favorite-authors, for-review, 2011-favorites

If the burden of keeping a secret was no longer something you could handle and the one person you had to tell was not only your best friend but your mother as well, would you tell her? What if this secret could potentially change the entire dynamic of your relationship? For Robert, as well as a number of people, this is a reality but fortunately for him he has the love and support of a wonderful mother & friend.

Truth be told I’m a huge fan of Robert Rave and his Chick Lit novels, but I may h...more If the burden of keeping a secret was no longer something you could handle and the one person you had to tell was not only your best friend but your mother as well, would you tell her? What if this secret could potentially change the entire dynamic of your relationship? For Robert, as well as a number of people, this is a reality but fortunately for him he has the love and support of a wonderful mother & friend.

Truth be told I’m a huge fan of Robert Rave and his Chick Lit novels, but I may have a conflict now…I think I may be a bigger fan of his mom. In a world where acceptance and reactions are still mixed toward gays I can only imagine how difficult it would be not only for the individual sharing the news with their loved ones but also for the loved ones themselves. What I’ve learned in my short time as a parent is that children are who they are and as a parent your biggest responsibility, over any other even more so than feeding & clothing, is to love them unconditionally and let them know that every day of their lives. (That’s just my two cents.) Jane Rave is an incredible example of this. When Robert came-out to her and his father in the hand written letter he sent, her reaction was immediately for him in regards to his long term happiness. It wasn’t negative by any means, she simply wanted him to be happy and afforded all the opportunities we all deserve as human beings. Knowing her son the way she did, she was sure he’d be distraught about their reaction and wanted to do whatever she could to assure him they loved him and would never judge him immediately and without question.

What was truly enjoyable about this memoir, outside of the connection between Robert and his mom Jane, was the varying versions of situations through each of their eyes. The way the story was told was through situations they both experienced, first being told by Robert and then by Jane. They weren’t always present and sometimes it was Jane’s reaction to Robert’s relay of the situation via phone or email, but it was often heartwarming and sometimes incredibly hilarious. What was even funnier was often his Dad’s reaction to certain situations like the announcement he was going to get waxed. Because Robert never truly acted on his homosexuality prior to telling his parents it was as if both he and is mother were experiencing everything for the first time. Having two older children, a boy and a girl, Jane thought she’d experienced everything. Helping her son with his boyfriend issues wasn’t something she had anticipated but she met it with the same fever and hope she had with her first two children.

After reading Conversations and Cosmopolitans I’d definitely say I not only have a continued desire to pick up more of Robert’s novels as they are published, but I have a huge amount of respect for his mother Jane. It’s obvious that Robert inherited much of his writing ability from his mom as well as his ability to love. For my part, as a parent, I think I enjoyed hearing Jane’s side of the story even more than Robert’s because of her insights on parenting, friendship and her own personal struggles to find her own identity throughout her life. This was a positively delightful memoir to read and one I think everyone should read. This is a memoir that sheds new light on an often difficult situation for many, but is more than simply a story about a gay man coming out to his family. It’s a story about love, hope, life and enjoying & being who we truly are.(less)

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Jun 22, 2012 Elisabeth rated it 2 of 5 stars

I had a lot of hope for this book, but it was just okay. It's co-authored by a mother and her son, but instead of collaborating on each chapter, they each write their own chapters. The book alternates between his voice and hers, usually spending two chapters to cover the same story or event from each person's perspective. You won't want to stab your eyes out, but it will hardly change your life. At the very least, you'll probably smile fondly at what seems to be a pretty solid bond in their fami...more

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Jan 01, 2012 Tracy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Jane and Robert Rave co-wrote this book about a mother and son getting to know each other after he writes her a letter telling her he is gay. It's cute, but not earth shattering. I've read a few of his novels, which I have enjoyed, so I liked reading about the author and his midwestern-sensible mom who is called to defend his "lifestyle" to people she has known her whole life.

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Sep 28, 2011 Rob rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ps-fiction-american

Conversations and Cosmopolitans by Robert and Jane Rave was not the book I expected. Based on the cover images and description, I expected a humor book. However, this book was a cross between a number of styles of writing- part memoir, part social commentary, part therapist session, and, yes, part humor.
Essentially, the book is mostly writing by Robert and starts with his coming out to his parents. It then follows the ups and downs of his life- work, dating, family relations, the normal aspects...more

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Jul 03, 2012 Marilyn rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was not sure what this book was about--I saw the word "cosmopolitans" and thought it was about alcohol. It turned out to be one of the best books I have read about the relationship between a gay man and his mother--very matter of fact and sometimes hilariously funny.

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May 30, 2012 Lauren rated it 3 of 5 stars

I have never read a biography told by a son and mother, but Robert and Jane Rave do a fabulous job. This book is about acceptance and finding yourself in this confusing world, when you happen to be from the midwest and are gay.

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Mar 24, 2012 Rodney Boynton rated it 4 of 5 stars

I received my copy for free in the Goodreads First Reads program. I'm gay, from the midwest and a bit of a voyeur so naturally this book was appealing to me. And I was lucky enough to win a copy from goodreads in one of their give aways. It's the first memoir I can ever remember reading from a gay author AND his mother. I was thoroughly entertained by Robert Rave's stories. I found myself able to identify with him on so many levels. "Mama says" is refreshing, hard to believe that a midwestern wo...more

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Sep 04, 2012 Kristina Franken rated it 5 of 5 stars

I highly recommend this book for anyone

FTC: I received a free copy of this book and was not reimbursed in any other way.

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Jan 16, 2012 Kristin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Great book. Not just about a son coming out to his family but about being yourself.

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Oct 11, 2011 Jay rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Jay by: ARC

Shelves: 2011

Conversations and Cosmopolitans is a touching book between mother and son. Robert Rave writes a chapter of various aspects of his life - coming out, friends, trips, and so forth, and his mother, Jane Rave, gives her take on the events afterwards in the Mama Says section. It's great seeing two perspectives on various events. It makes for a revealing look at how two people view the experiences they share. This book makes for a great example of how a mother and son can open up and really get close...more

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Nov 21, 2011 Michelle Vasquez rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Conversations And Cosmopolitans by Robert Rave and Jane Rave is a beautiful, funny, honest, and touching story of an adult son and mother getting to know one another.

Please read my full review here:

http://lifeinreviewblog.wordpress.com...

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May 12, 2013 Nichole M marked it as to-read

May 11, 2013 Gina marked it as to-read

May 10, 2013 Heather marked it as to-read

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Apr 21, 2013 Micki Levin marked it as to-read

Shelves: humor, memoires

Mar 13, 2013 Kendra Grant rated it 2 of 5 stars

Mar 06, 2013 Summer rated it 4 of 5 stars

Feb 24, 2013 Jessie marked it as to-read

Feb 13, 2013 Sam Fader rated it 4 of 5 stars

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