Against Love: A Polemic
by Laura Kipnis
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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 216)
recommends it for:
adults
This is a witty, surprisingly political book. It doesn't make balanced arguments but throws everything it has against love, sometimes individual points might contradict. The book isn't trying to be fair though, it's a long rant against the institution of monogamous domestic coupledom. It's best read by those who have been in monogamous domestic couples, particularly if there was cheating involved. It's funny, smart text that is a very fast read.
I shouldn't have read this book directly ...more
I shouldn't have read this book directly ...more
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My favorite part of this book is a 9-page laundry list of all one can't do while in a relationship. To give you a sense of it:
"You can't leave the house without saying where you're going. You can't not say what time you'll return. You can't stay out past midnight, or eleven, or ten, or dinnertime, or not come right home after work. You can't go out when the other person feels like staying home. You can't go to parties alone. You can't go out just to go out, because you can't not ...more
"You can't leave the house without saying where you're going. You can't not say what time you'll return. You can't stay out past midnight, or eleven, or ten, or dinnertime, or not come right home after work. You can't go out when the other person feels like staying home. You can't go to parties alone. You can't go out just to go out, because you can't not ...more
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Perhaps the problem begins, as Freud and followers have variously implied, with the gloomy fact that adult love doesn't ever completely quell that constitutional human sense of lack and separation trauma that sets its quest in motion. Anxiety is not just endemic to the enterprise, it's also incurable: however assiduously we devote ourselves to love's pursuit and conquest, the fretful spectre of loss permeates the scene. Nevertheless, there we are, chasing tantalizing images of some lost imagin...more
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Read in September, 2007
recommends it for:
anyone wishing to challenge their perceptions of normativity
I recently read a few excerpts from this book for one of my graduate courses: it was definitely comforting to encounter a different slant on the marriage industrial complex. Ironically, a few days before reading Kipnis I found myself sandwiched in between three women (who were my peers in age) while they were avidly discussing marriage and all its supposed joys. Two of them were married and one was about to be in a few months. Anyway, I often find myself at odds with most people because I a...more
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Read in April, 2007
recommends it for:
people who are open minded about the plausibility of love and "love"
i wanted to give this book a 3.5, but after some thought i reined myself in. this is one of the few books that i've read recently that i've enjoyed without investing myself in. my book club read this book, and i was the person who liked it most. admittedly, the argument against love is vulnerable to contrary theory and literature, popular convention, and, above all, personal experience. that said, read with a grain of salt, this book is feisty and entertaining. while it does allow for the b...more
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Read in May, 2006
I'm not sure how to sum this one up. An interesting failure? Maddening yet compelling? I think I remember hearing it angered a lot of people because it challenged their beliefs - which I'm all in favor of. Unfortunately, what aggravated me about this book is that it doesn't do it well. It's filled with instances of faulty logic (if A sometimes leads to B, it's a bit hinky to imply that A always leads to B), leaps of reasoning that border on the ludicrous, and arg...more
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Read in October, 2007
Eh, maybe I just am not in the right stage of life to hear these arguments, (married, young children, pregnant) but I found this book very blah. While the examinations of "rules and rituals of modern coupledom" are interesting, the ideas that adulterers are "social theorists" and the idea that "working at a realtionship" is a symptom of the workaholic American mentality both felt really far fetched. I couldn't finish the book because it just felt like arguing for ar...more
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Read in October, 2007
While I was reading this book on the N train, a man sat down next to me and said "I noticed the title of your book. It looks very interesting, but how can anyone be against love?"
Barf.
He then wrote me a note with his name and workplace, and told me to stop by sometime to swap books with him, because he, uh, likes to read too.
I'm so amused that this book, of all books, inspired that particular interaction. Kipnis is quite a provocateur, and she's also very, very funny. I ...more
Barf.
He then wrote me a note with his name and workplace, and told me to stop by sometime to swap books with him, because he, uh, likes to read too.
I'm so amused that this book, of all books, inspired that particular interaction. Kipnis is quite a provocateur, and she's also very, very funny. I ...more
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Read in January, 2006
A very readable but scathing critique of our cultural norms around relationships, marriage, commitment, sex and all that. Not really against love all together, but against commitment-for-the-sake-of-commitment perhaps? I was impressed by her descriptions of the bullshit games that couples make one another miserable with. The book is essentially a defense of extramarital affairs, but definitely more than mere justification or celebration of them. She suggests, but falls far short of really puttin...more
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Read in November, 2007
recommends it for:
couples, or people who think they may be part of a couple
If you plan on being in a relationship at some point, or are in one, give this book a read. Peeling the skin from the established marriage and love institutions and poking at their workings and reasons for being is worth the time.
First, however, look up the definition of polemic. Second, I've talked to a friend or two who won't read it because she "supports adultery". I think that argument is a straw man, and you shouldn't let it dissuade you. It is, after all, a polemic.
The rh...more
First, however, look up the definition of polemic. Second, I've talked to a friend or two who won't read it because she "supports adultery". I think that argument is a straw man, and you shouldn't let it dissuade you. It is, after all, a polemic.
The rh...more
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Read in January, 2003
recommends it for:
people who want to challenge their notions about love
The book begins with the author saying that she dares to criticize what nobody else will -- American version of love. It took me months to read this book because I would get so freaked out by her ideas that I put it down. However, it was a nice dichotomy to the fairy tale romance. She describes cheaters as freedom fighters and criticizes our vocabulary about love. I only gave this a 4 because it (mostly) made my unhappy. But I recommend this to all my smart friends that like to think (and t...more
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Sometimes you just really hate a book. And maybe you would really hate a book, even though it was about a topic you found interesting? because it was composed mainly of rhetorical questions? and you were like, I have read more interesting analyses of monogamy and marxism written by anarchist squatters, published in crimethInc pamphlets?
I understand the concept of a polemic. but it felt like reading some spurned grad students journal, and after 70 pages, I just could not get down with that.
I understand the concept of a polemic. but it felt like reading some spurned grad students journal, and after 70 pages, I just could not get down with that.
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Read in September, 2007
Reading Laura Kipnis is like drinking a cosmo with that cynical, catty friend who adores you and treats everyone else in the room with scorn. A perfect post-break-up book.
I especially like the nine-page catalog of everything you can't do because you're in a couple: "You can't leave the house without saying where you're going. You can't go out to play pinball, it's regressive. You can't be impulsive, self-absorbed, or distracted. You can't not laugh at their jokes in public..."
I especially like the nine-page catalog of everything you can't do because you're in a couple: "You can't leave the house without saying where you're going. You can't go out to play pinball, it's regressive. You can't be impulsive, self-absorbed, or distracted. You can't not laugh at their jokes in public..."
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This was an interesting book. It discusses how marriage is more of a political institution than a natural outgrowth of human nature. She can be a little redundant, but the chapter on all the behavior modifications a couple has to go through is pretty hilarious and scary at the same time. Plus the book I had, had a pretty racy cover that made for an interesting read on the bus.
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This book proved to be a lot different from what I expected. I wanted a book that argued against relationships. However her argument was a lot more complicated and quite nuanced. I thought her analysis of how we use the same language to tackle relationships that we use when we are talking about paid labor. And that questioning marriage is a way of eroding capitalism.
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Read in November, 2007
"I must say, I was very impressed by your honesty, boldness, and blatancy Monday night....that reflects great character....I love honesty. You may be the first woman to truly appreciate Against Love. If you ever read it, let
me know what you think."
So I read the book...it's pretty all right but there is no solvency. No better alternatives...
me know what you think."
So I read the book...it's pretty all right but there is no solvency. No better alternatives...
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Read in July, 2008
recommends it for:
hopeless romantics considering a cure
Who hates love? Hide your nuclear family unit and your carefully guarded assumptions. This hilarious flirtation of a book deconstructs all those oooey-gooey feelings through the lenses of adultery and Marxism. If relationships are hard work, then this is the Situationist brick through the window -- ne travaillez jamais.
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Read in June, 2008
recommended to Blake by:
a bookshelfrecommends it for: Sociologists, interested people
This is a pretty sweet book. I like the objective look at the psychology and sociology of love and relationships. It's a great omnipresent view of love as a concept in society and how it affects our lives, and how our lives affect it. A cool read if you're into that kind of thing.
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recommends it for:
anyone in a relationship
Unless you're already a very radical, open-minded person, this book will challenge you in ways that you probably have never been challenged before. Kipnis's argument is amazingly smart and credible, and I think it's definitely worth reading even if you end up not agreeing with her.
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Read in August, 2008
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