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Where You Left Me

3.81 of 5 stars 3.81 · rating details · 519 ratings · 123 reviews

Lucky—that’s how Jennifer would describe herself. She had a successful law career, met the love of her life in Doug, married him, had an apartment in New York City, a house in the Hamptons, two beautiful children, and was still madly in love after nearly seven years of marriage. Jennifer was living the kind of idyllic life that clichés are made of.

Until Doug was killed in...more

Hardcover, 256 pages

Published August 30th 2011 by Gallery Books

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Sep 13, 2012 Jen rated it 4 of 5 stars

They say you can't judge a book by it's cover. Wrong. I chose this book solely by its cover and knew it would be a story that grabbed my heart. This is for anyone who has ever lost someone they love, or someone who fears losing someone they love, or someone who remembers September 11th, or just someone, anyone. If it were a novel, it would probably be cheesy and cliche, but it's not; it's one woman's real story of tremendous, earth-shattering loss, and ultimate redemptive ending. I devoured this...more

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Dec 18, 2011 Karen rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book attracted my attention with it's interesting title and touching cover photo. I don't know Jennifer, but I suspect she captured experience of 9-11 pretty accurately. I heard the voice of a metropolitan-minded, wealthy, young woman throughout the book. I have to admit that so many times in the book, I wanted her to be more more down to earth, more common, more faith-filled and spiritually rich, but that obviously wouldn't reflect the lifestyle she leads.

Her struggle to bridge her past a...more

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Nov 18, 2011 Jen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Like other reviewers I found myself sometimes in disbelief at her wealth and lack of financial worry after Doug's murder. Yes, even recoiling from it a little, even though I liked Jennifer. It's not the typical experience for most of the 9/11 victims' families. It felt tasteless and shallow of her to be so open about her wealth... fancy restaurants, hotels, a Central Park West apartment. However, it is her life, her book, her experience. To self-censor herself would be to compromise the integrit...more Like other reviewers I found myself sometimes in disbelief at her wealth and lack of financial worry after Doug's murder. Yes, even recoiling from it a little, even though I liked Jennifer. It's not the typical experience for most of the 9/11 victims' families. It felt tasteless and shallow of her to be so open about her wealth... fancy restaurants, hotels, a Central Park West apartment. However, it is her life, her book, her experience. To self-censor herself would be to compromise the integrity of herself and the book. Jennifer has every right to tell her story as it truly was, and if she had enough money to keep her Hamptons home and re-decorate her Manhattan apartment, so be it. Were the practical aspects of her life no doubt easier by having wealth than for someone who lost a spouse who didn't hold a prestigious position in Cantor Fitzgerald? Of course. However, that doesn't diminish her emotional experience, her grief. That transcends all income brackets.

Doug swept her off her Massachusetts feet and introduced her to the New York City lifestyle. He promised her three things: to "be big", make her "feel good", and "take care of things". Until death, he did those things. I feel like people might think of her as a my-man-will-take-of-me mentality, but keep in mind she earned her J.D. and worked as a lawyer even after meeting Doug (she did become a mom full-time once their children were born). Doug and Jennifer built a home and a life together, and while more traditional in gender roles than what we often see in modern times, it worked very well for them.

Jennifer's book begins when Doug rescues her one snowy evening; it fast-forwards quickly to the day of his murder. She writes about how gone is generally an innocuous word (the carrots are all gone because the toddler ate them) until it isn't. Until it's the gut-wrenching tragedy of your husband dying in the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil. Jennifer's story captivated me; her honesty made the book impossible to put down.

Jennifer meets Derek Trulson on a chance encounter, and she articulates her role strain between being Doug's wife and Derek's girlfriend. She struggles in this period, obviously, but also relishes the in-between phase. If she has not chosen Derek as a serious partner, then she has not rejected Doug. She struggles with feeling like Doug's wife even while dating Derek. We also meet Doug's family and friends as they experience Derek fulfilling Doug's role. All people, including Jennifer, feel ambivalence at some point about her new love.

Especially unique is her children's relationships with Derek. To Michael, Doug is his father. Derek will never be "Daddy". To his younger sister Julia(too young at Doug's death to have any memories of him), "Daddy" has been the word for what she sees that she doesn't have in relation to her friends with fathers, and Derek truly becomes her Daddy. We see Michael's realization and integration of his reality with his sister's.

The last chapter of the book is devoted to Derek and Jennifer's wedding (the perennial bachelor's first). It's a beautiful, emotional day between the three merging families (Doug's dad jokingly refers to Derek as his "son-in-law") that honors Doug as the fifth member of their immediate family.

Four words to capture this book: open, captivating, intriguing, emotional. Jennifer has been loved by two amazing men, and she knows this. I wish Jennifer, Derek, Julia, and Michael long and happy lives as a family. (less)

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Sep 20, 2011 Phillygirl1807 rated it 3 of 5 stars

I admire Jennifer Gardner Trulson for her courage and for her ability to move on with her life after her husband's tragic death on 9/11. But she did have a number of important things going for her. First, she and her husband were very wealthy. They lived in an apartment on Central Park West. They were able to send their children to private schools. They were involved with numerous charities, and she and her late husband chaired an event. (You can't do that unless you are a large donor.) Her husb...more

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Sep 14, 2011 Jessica rated it 3 of 5 stars

This was an emotional book. After all, it is about 9/11. I am not sure I would say I enjoyed it but it was a very interesting read.

Jennifer is indeed very lucky. Yes, her first husband dies in 9/11 and that is heartbreaking in and of itself but she had tons of support. She wasn't hurting financially, her parents moved in to help her out and she met and remarried another great guy. She has a nanny, has a house in Hamptons and an Upper Westside apartment and yet with all this, I didn't feel like...more

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Aug 29, 2011 Charlotte rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: advanced-readers-copy, nook

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What makes this memoir stand out over all the others is that Jennifer has a unique perspective to share with us. Her husband Doug was not only colleagues with Cantor-Fitzgerald Chairman & CEO Howard Lutnick, but they were best friends & Howard is the Godfather of Doug and Jennifer's children. For those of you who do not know, Howard was villainized by the media in the days and weeks following 9/11 for certain financial decisions that he made. Jenni...more

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Aug 01, 2011 Cheryl rated it 4 of 5 stars

I knew going into this book, it would be an interesting one. I mean this in a good way. I was not wrong. In fact, I liked this more than I could predict. Mrs. Gardner Trulson did a great job of showing who Doug; her husband was, in the brief moments that he was in the book. Sadly, Doug lost his life in the September 11th attack on the twin towers. I can remember this day and what I was doing. I will remember this one moment that just really made it all real for me. I was driving home from school...more

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Sep 03, 2011 Michelle rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011

Memoir from a 9/11 widow published for the 10th anniversary of the attacks. This focuses less on the man who passed and more on how his widow endeavors to move on. She spends the first few chapters talking about their relationship and I really related to this opening, particularly a marriage so easy she says it’s “like breathing.” This is how I feel about mine and it’s not too often you hear the sentiment so I appreciated the depth and power of their bond. (Note to my daughters: see, marriage do...more Memoir from a 9/11 widow published for the 10th anniversary of the attacks. This focuses less on the man who passed and more on how his widow endeavors to move on. She spends the first few chapters talking about their relationship and I really related to this opening, particularly a marriage so easy she says it’s “like breathing.” This is how I feel about mine and it’s not too often you hear the sentiment so I appreciated the depth and power of their bond. (Note to my daughters: see, marriage does not have to be hard). The author even reflects on a time when they were dating and she tries to break up with him only to have him say “I’m not worried, you’ll come around.” We had that exact exchange during our dating years.

The book quickly gets to The Day, 9/11. The weeks and months following her loss are, honestly, told a bit flatly. Maybe it was the state of her psyche during that time. I’ve read in an interview she wrote much of this book in real time, not in hindsight. Doubtless she DID feel very flat during those weeks and months. But everything is told, not shown. I can’t fathom the depths of her despair and after reading this I still can’t. It’d be like someone telling you “it was really awful.” Yeah, I would assume so, but in this book it is not palpable.

Another thing that bothered me is she doesn’t recognize how much support she has. The woman owns a tony Upper West Side apartment, built a house in the Hamptons (replete with pool), has a “babysitter” who is always there (see e.g. nanny), has four men who are “father figures” to her children, was born into a kickass family (my parents are great but they wouldn’t move into my house to help), married into an equally kickass family, acquires an unbelievably amazing boyfriend 10 months in, and has loads of support from her great friends, husband’s former employer, not to mention plenty of cash. Not that any of this dulls the pain but when she gets all judgmental about other widows making mistakes by jumping into marriages I couldn’t help but think, “uh, maybe they felt they HAD to. Maybe they thought it was the only way to get the financial and emotional support they needed.” Money doesn’t buy happiness but it can make your misery a whole lot easier. She literally had nothing to worry about other than grieving. Her kids and bills were taken care of. Still a rough, rough time and no one would change places with her for all the houses in the Hamptons, but I couldn’t help but think of the wives of firemen and other non-bond-trading husbands who didn’t have millions of people and dollars in their corners.

Nonetheless, her tale of redemption is a sweet one. She clearly found a great way out of her very troubled waters and strikes the perfect balance of keeping her husband’s memory alive while still moving on. It seems she did a very beautiful job handling the situation with her young (now teen!) children. The scenes between her new husband and her young children are quite tear-inducing.(less)

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Sep 01, 2011 Doreen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: elle

This was the fifth in a series of memoirs that I've been reading for ELLE Magazine, and I admit, I'm suffering from second-hand-personal-tragedy fatigue. That said, I tried to be kind to this book, but I sincerely believe that, unless you have something new to say, or a new way to present universal truths, please don't write a book about it. And for God's sake, don't be disingenuous about your circumstances! Jennifer Gardner Trulson lives a privileged life, and it's annoying when she tries to do...more This was the fifth in a series of memoirs that I've been reading for ELLE Magazine, and I admit, I'm suffering from second-hand-personal-tragedy fatigue. That said, I tried to be kind to this book, but I sincerely believe that, unless you have something new to say, or a new way to present universal truths, please don't write a book about it. And for God's sake, don't be disingenuous about your circumstances! Jennifer Gardner Trulson lives a privileged life, and it's annoying when she tries to downplay her wealth. It doesn't sound like modesty, just obliviousness to the hoi polloi, compounded by her incredibly silly views regarding people she doesn't know, e.g. women who want a drug-free childbirth, people from the Northwest. I suppose that's how this book is "quintessentially New York," as the publisher's blurb goes. Gag. Way to live up to the stereotype of self-absorption.

And while it's sad that her husband died in 9/11, her writing style doesn't adequately bring either him or herself to life as people you care about. They're madly in love, have two kids, he dies, her friends and family are supportive while she grieves. She brings absolutely nothing new or interesting to that narrative. As a personal tragedy, something she had to undergo, I feel incredibly sorry for her. As a not-very-well-written book, something I have to read to review, I feel incredibly sorry for me.

Fortunately, that's only the first half of the book. Once she starts talking about her religion and relationship with God in the aftermath of the tragedy, she starts bringing real depth to the conversation. And then she meets Derek Trulson. It isn't a spoiler to say that they eventually marry since, you know, the cover clearly displays her taking of his surname, but her struggles to reconcile her feelings for him with her feelings for her late husband, as well as her worries about the kids and how to integrate their extended families, are written with insight, grace and wit. I even teared up a few times as she discussed their efforts to honor her past while combining their futures. I'm glad I stuck out the incredibly boring first half (and really, how sad is it that the tale of a widowing can be rendered boring?) to read the uplifting second.

I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors' Prize program.(less)

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Dec 22, 2011 Sara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011, memoir

This is a memoir about the author's experience losing her husband in the 9/11 attacks, trying to then raise two young children on her own, and eventually dating someone but struggling to reconcile the past, present, and future.

I found the story compelling and interesting, although it wasn't nearly as emotional as it could have been. I think the book was the most moving at the parts where she worries about how her new boyfriend will fit in the life she's created and whether she's letting anyone...more This is a memoir about the author's experience losing her husband in the 9/11 attacks, trying to then raise two young children on her own, and eventually dating someone but struggling to reconcile the past, present, and future.

I found the story compelling and interesting, although it wasn't nearly as emotional as it could have been. I think the book was the most moving at the parts where she worries about how her new boyfriend will fit in the life she's created and whether she's letting anyone down by pursuing a relationship with him. The book truly is more about the author and her eventual second husband than about the relationship she had with her first husband, making this really a story about coping with loss and moving on from it. That said, I didn't get much of a feel for her husband anywhere in the book, which is sad, as that could have made the story deeper and richer. The fact that she missed her husband was obvious, since she told the reader she did multiple times, and it's easy to understand this feeling. However, this was told more than shown, as he never really got much page time and the author lived such a rich, privileged life that it was hard to actually "see" her struggle with the weight of it all. For example, she has full-time help with her kids, owns an apartment by Central Park, is rich enough to not have to work yet still have seemingly plenty of money, spends her summers getting away from it all at her custom built house in the Hamptons... I guess the problem was that her struggle was mainly internal and therefore difficult for a reader to really see among all the luxuries that surrounded her.

The book is well written, although the dialogue felt stilted throughout, perhaps because real conversations were being recreated instead of fictional ones made up. Reading conversations definitely pulled me a little out of the story because they felt awkward at times, but the story was interesting enough to keep me interested and reading on. I enjoyed it overall and found her perspective on everything quite interesting. (less)

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Sep 17, 2011 Dana rated it 4 of 5 stars

While I loved the book- quite honestly the author bugged me. She made it very clear throughout the book she led a very privileged life. It hurts my heart that her husband died and while that is one of the worst tragedies one can live through she wasn't affected in any other part of her life. She still had mega bucks and her two houses, a nanny and an endless support of friends and family. I have read other books about other women that lost husbands on 9/11 and connected with them so much more in...more

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Sep 25, 2011 Leanne Ellis rated it 3 of 5 stars

3 and a half stars. The author writes with honesty and self awareness. There are very poignant moments throughout the book. She knew the moment her husband died in the tower because she "couldn't feel him any more." 911 reports confirmed he had died right as she felt this. Learning of her older son, who was five when he lost his father, struggle with The Bad Things, was also very real and sad. Off and on throughout the book, I felt like the author was incredibly lucky, which is a strange thing t...more

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Aug 29, 2011 Honey-Squirrel rated it 2 of 5 stars

The publishing world no doubt scrambled to find and publish 9/11 related material to coincide with the ten-year anniversary of the attacks in New York and Washington, D.C. After finishing this memoir, however, I remain uncertain as to why the author sought its publication. Was it designed to inspire others facing loss to retain hope for the future? Is it a manual for navigating the grieving process? A testament to her personal tragedy and resilience? Or perhaps its main goal was to memorialize h...more

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Jul 29, 2011 Kristin (Kritters Ramblings) rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: kritter-reviewed-2011

An emotional rollercoaster that takes you from the past before the event that not only shook the United States, but also Jennifer Gardner's world to the present day (I will not spoil this heartwrenching story for you one bit). I did everything from laughing to sobbing while reading this book and I may be an emotional wall to wreck because I rarely sob during a movie or while reading a book. This one touched me to the core and made me think about how we as a country and some individuals were fore...more

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Oct 11, 2011 Arabella rated it 2 of 5 stars

A book of grief and recovery, and happiness and hope after deep sadness. Written by a young 9/11 widow, it describes on a very personal level the impact of the day itself, its aftermath and the process of recovery and moving on (in the author's case into a happy second marriage).

I hate to say this because of the tragic nature of this book, but I found the author annoying. She comes across as a certain type of woman, the archetypal NYC wealthy wife with a designer wardrobe and limitless funds. Sh...more

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Sep 22, 2011 Roberta rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a beautiful book by the wife of the late Douglas Gardner whose office at Cantor Fitzgerald was on the 105th floor of the north tower of the World Trade Center on 9-11. The first half of the memoir recalls the tragedy of that day and the grief the author shared with her children and with many other employees' families from her husband's firm. Her personal experiences will bring back memories for many readers who, like myself, have "lost" a spouse over the years. I almost didn't keep readi...more

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Sep 01, 2011 Annie rated it 4 of 5 stars

I finished this book in two days, through more than a few tears. Reading it close to the tenth anniversary of 9/11 gives new meaning to the hole in the sky where the towers once stood now being filled again by the 104-story new One World Trade tower. I did not personally know anyone killed on 9/11 but this book made me feel as though I did. It's an easy read, and the author does have extraordinary resources to help her in her grief (financial and emotional with a large circle of great friends an...more

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Nov 14, 2011 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars

I have read a couple of 9/11 books recently and it does not getting any easier! This book was written by a 9/11 widow for the 10th anniversary of the attack. It is well written and moving. It is interesting to read the similarities between widows, and also the differences. This woman was married to a senior VP of Cantor Fitzgerald, the company who lost the most people in the attacks. Their best friends were the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald and his wife. As a widow, she was financially stable and abl...more

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Sep 27, 2011 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars

I'm surprised at the number of reviews I see that say something along the lines of "Yes this was tragic BUT...she had money and friends etc. etc." What I took from the book was that while, yes she had resources, it was the heart wrenching lost that she was flatten by and wasn't sure she'd get through. The most touching lines in the book for me were when she said to her sister, "I just want it to be a year from now." because she didn't think she'd make it through and just wanted the time to go by...more

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Sep 12, 2011 Antiquegirl rated it 1 of 5 stars

I have read several 9-11 books written by people devastated by this tragedy and this book, by far was the worst one I read. Jennifer is so in love with herself, the entire book is about me, me, me. The author has a nanny for her kids, plenty of money that includes building a house in the Hampton's (even if it is on the wrong side of the beach according to her) and even enough money to buy a Valentino dinner bag! She loves to name-drop and talk about the "trendy" places she eats and shops. Jennif...more

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Apr 01, 2012 Florinda rated it 3 of 5 stars

The September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center took their single greatest toll on the financial-services firm Cantor Fitzgerald, which lost more than 600 employees. Jennifer Gardner’s husband Doug was a senior executive at Cantor, and was on the 105th floor of the WTC when the planes hit. In a few hours on one late-summer morning, the world changed for everyone, but it changed for hundreds of families in a very specific way.

Abruptly widowed at thirty-five and left with two small childr...more

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Jun 29, 2012 Anntoinnette rated it 3 of 5 stars

Just finished this book. The writing was fine, not complicated, not difficult to follow. And, I appreciated the author's honesty about her experiences, feelings & emotions after her husband's horrific death, but like others, I found that I really could not relate to her. I don't think she honestly understands how different her life is from so many women. Maybe it's the East Coast vs. West Coast experience. I just could not relate to her at all, no matter how hard I tried.

At the end of the bo...more

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Apr 16, 2012 Chanpreet rated it 4 of 5 stars

September 11, 2001 is a date no American will forget. This book is a memoir written by the wife of one of the men working on floor 105 at Cantor Fitzgerald who died on that day. She goes into detail about how she first learned of the attacks and the aftermath. We as Americans all felt the loss, but hearing in her own words about what she felt was tough. After she all she lost the man she loved. I was in tears and going through tissues. It's hard to put yourself out there and she laid it all out...more

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Sep 04, 2011 Melissa rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really liked how Derek made sure he communicated how he wasn't there to replace Doug in Michael and Julia's lives. The fact that he asked for Doug's parents blessing to marry Jennifer was amazing. I also liked how he respected Jennifer throughout her grieving proces by never forcing her to rush her healing. He stood by her through times that would be difficult for anyone.

I liked how Jennifer described her grief as a process that was ongoing and not something that we just "get over."

Truly an...more

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Sep 03, 2011 Lauren rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: own

I had only just turned six when 9/11 occurred. I was in first grade, and just as it is for most young children, everything in my world was black and white so to say. Evil and good where separated easily, and I was wrapped in my own little safe cocoon based on my age alone. While 9/11 did not directly affect me in any ways, I would be lying to say the world and lives of every US citizen did not change in a variety of small and huge ways because of it.

Jennifer Garden Trulson and her family are on...more I had only just turned six when 9/11 occurred. I was in first grade, and just as it is for most young children, everything in my world was black and white so to say. Evil and good where separated easily, and I was wrapped in my own little safe cocoon based on my age alone. While 9/11 did not directly affect me in any ways, I would be lying to say the world and lives of every US citizen did not change in a variety of small and huge ways because of it.

Jennifer Garden Trulson and her family are one example of the big variety. Prior to 9/11 Jennifer, Doug, her husband, and their two children lived an easy and average life. They all loved each other as well as the time they spent together. However, everything changed one day when Doug went to work at one of the two World Trade centers and never returned, and that- as well as the plethora of things that came after- are what Where You Left Me is based on it.

To be honest Where You Left Me isn’t the easiest of books to read, especially in the first couple of chapters. Not because it is boring or written badly, but because of how beautifully it is written and told. Jennifer’s emotions and feelings easily jump of the page and come to life, and because of that, I spent the majority of the first hundred or so pages crying and even full out sobbing at points. Not to say this book is one gigantic tear fest, because it wasn’t that either. Instead, it’s a book that addresses the sadness, hope, occasional joy, and paths that follow a tragic and life-altering event, one that made me tear up, laugh, and even figuratively jump for joy at different points; sometimes all within the same page.

My favorite part of Where You Left Me, though, was seeing how Jennifer came to learned to live with it all and in the process began to live again. It wasn’t an easy journey, especially within the first few months, but by the end her eventful journey was a major focus of the book, one that nearly any reader will fully follow and root for the entire time. I also enjoyed the different tidbits of information about the widows of 9/11 and Jennifer’s husband’s company that came out of the course of the book, because when brought together with the rest of the book, it created an engaging and thoughtful story overall.

Bittersweet, emotional, and engaging, Jennifer Gardner Trulson’s Where You Left Me does the one thing that most 9/11 memoirs, TV specials, and news articles, don’t do: it shows the reader an emotionally charged and realistic story that showcases what happens after the cameras stop rolling. I can’t suggest it highly enough to say the least! (less)

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Feb 28, 2012 Melaina Lopez gautier rated it 5 of 5 stars

I enjoy autobiographies and the fact that this was about one woman's raw journey from 911 peaked my interest. Jennifer did an amazing job talking about not only her love for her husband but how lost she felt the day 911 happened. I appreciated the fact that she was honest about her feelings and allowed us all into feeling the emptiness, but we too were able to cheer with her when she was starting to heal. This book teaches you to never apologize for how you feel when you lose the one you love, b...more

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Jun 24, 2012 Lisa rated it 5 of 5 stars

as most of us were, I was glued to all media when the the unthinkable disaster blew our veils of safety away. I've been intrigued with how those directly affected have moved on and survive today. This is the true, heartbreaking story of love, loss, and finding love again. Anyone who has ever lost the love of their life will find comfort in how Jennifer finds happiness again while keeping the memory of her beloved Doug with her forever. Her story is devastating but warm and fuzzy at the same time...more

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Oct 06, 2011 Susan rated it 5 of 5 stars

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and found it to be an inspirational story of a woman, and a nation, in grief. I'm disappointed to read other reviews that criticize the author and the privileged lifestyle she led, as if it made the tragedy of 9/11 any easier. Yes, it's true she was financially fortunate and had a wonderful support system, but loss and grief don't care about the balance in the bank account. She recognized her financial situation throughout her story and shared her experience in a w...more

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Sep 04, 2011 Ronda rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is the second 9/11 book that I have read. (Let's Roll was the first one). Even though we come from different social classes and religious backgrounds, love, pain and loss are universal. Jennifer's story is a heart-wrenching one filled with love and loss but also healing and joy. Although I cried thru most of the book, I also found myself smiling and laughing. Her writing lets you take a walk in her shoes. Wow! It was an emotional trip. (Even now I am struggling with the words and this revie...more

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Mar 07, 2012 Melanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

We all know I love memoirs and this one is no exception. It was recommended to me by a family friend who recently lost his wife to cancer. I read the whole book today. It was so touching and really made me look into my life. This is her first book but you'd never guess that. She is funny and witty and well spoken. I cried through most of the book....I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't. It's the perfect book for someone who suffers a tragic, unexpected loss. It makes you realize that life does go...more

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