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The Hitman Diaries (Crime Diaries)

3.93  ·  Rating Details  ·  254 Ratings  ·  13 Reviews
Ian Bridges is a psychopath, he just doesn't realize it. He works as a hitman and is on permanent stand-by for West End gangster John Broad. He does maybe three or four jobs a year and spend the rest of his time sitting alone wallowing in his own unhappiness.

He desperately wants to meet Mrs Right and settle down, but can't and it feels like the world is conspiring against
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Paperback, 256 pages
Published August 1st 2003 by Serpent's Tail (first published 2003)
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Community Reviews

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Ben Babcock
Oct 19, 2010 Ben Babcock rated it it was ok
It's no secret that I love absurdist humour, and the British do absurdism better than most. From Monty Python to Blackadder to Douglas Adams, Britain does it best. The Hitman Diaries attempts to continue this national tradition of elevating the obscure, the mundane, or the morally ambiguous into absurd and hilarious situations that entertain and enlighten all at once. Danny King doesn't quite succeed in this respect, and I'm not really sure what to make of this book.

I have reservations, but none
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Paula
May 12, 2010 Paula rated it did not like it
I read this book on the recommendation of my husband, we decided to swap books, I would read 'The Hitman Diaries' and he would read 'Let the right one in' by John Ajvide Lindqvist.

I wish I could say I enjoyed it but I didn't, it was supposed to be funny but as hard as I tried, I could not see the humour, the main character, Ian Bridges is looking for love and is determined to find it, you could see that the author wanted to make Ian endearing, he was not, his derogatory comments about women sho
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Niki
Feb 03, 2009 Niki rated it it was amazing
Not to everyone's taste - the title gives that away but i found this book hilarious one of the funniest books i have read in a long time - can't remember laughing so much since Wilt!!
Efren Lawag
Apr 22, 2013 Efren Lawag rated it did not like it
A thoroughly unlikeable protagonist made me put down this book after briefly flipping through a hundred pages.

True, the main character is about as conflicted and self-contradictory as the average human being, but this does not make him an interesting character at all.His total lack of empathy and utter disregard for human life come with the job, but his self-absorbed nature and infantile attitude to life completely ruined it for me. It reached the point where I really didn't care anymore whethe
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Lindsay Stone
Apr 19, 2016 Lindsay Stone rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Hitmen are funny

For some reason this one took longer to gel.
The first few chapters were a laugh riot especially the date!!
Persist it gets better and funnier, its educational too
Anar Green
Feb 20, 2014 Anar Green rated it it was amazing
Quite an edge of realism to this one, but still showing Danny's sense of humour. A great, fun read, as always.
Zeynep
Sep 07, 2014 Zeynep rated it really liked it
Hilarious.
Ant
May 24, 2014 Ant rated it really liked it
Super fun read.
Patty
Sep 12, 2007 Patty rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: anyone who has been lonely... and I mean REALLY lonely!
This book is really funny! It touches upon the issue of loneliness in the most twisted way possible. Such a depressing issue but told in a matter-of-fact way. It's Eleanor Rigby with a bit more imagination. Loneliness does damage people to a great extent. This book inspired me to try to stop being someone so impossible to live with. I don't want to die alone and believe me, neither should anyone!
Shane Moore
Jan 27, 2015 Shane Moore rated it did not like it
Shelves: humor
Occasionally funny, but mostly just gratuitiously gorey. From the title I expected something wittier and less grim. The action isn't exciting enough to hold up its end of the book, and the characters are more like caricatures. Even the protagonist failed to garner my sympathy in spite of being by all accounts a flawed and sorry version of a hitman with a relateable angle.
Jan
Oct 06, 2013 Jan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A very black comedy that I found really amusing with a couple of laugh out loud moments. I felt that I shouldn't have like the main character Ian, he is a psychopath after all, but I kinda of found myself rooting for him. A good bit of nonsense, will look out for more novels by the author.
Claudia
Mar 28, 2009 Claudia rated it it was amazing
Laughed my ass of with this one. Nothing beats the opening scene where Ian takes down six basically innocent people in one night, all by accident.

Fantastic read with a somewhat grim lining for those who love a good laugh but appreciate it if a book is a little more than just amusing.
Jennifer
Apr 03, 2013 Jennifer rated it it was amazing
Fantastic. For those who like their comedy dark, very dark.
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Danny King was born in Slough, Berkshire, the second son of Michael and Dorothy King. He and his two brothers, Ralph and Robin, lived on the Britwell Estate until 1979, when they moved to Yateley, Hampshire. He attended Yateley School but failed to gain any qualifications before leaving at the age of 16. He stacked shelves for a short stint in the Yateley branch of Somerfield (then Gateway), befor ...more
More about Danny King...

Other Books in the Series

Crime Diaries (5 books)
  • The Burglar Diaries
  • The Bank Robber Diaries
  • The Pornographer Diaries
  • More Burglar Diaries

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“Firstly, being a local councillor, he was probably a cunt! A real 'book-waving-starch-underpants-wearing-precedent - quoting-sub-section-paragraph-thee-looking-up' sort of arsehole who lived his life by the numbers and reported his neighbours if they so much as tried to put up a bird-table without planning permission.” 2 likes
“I love cats, they're great; intelligent, affectionate, lovable, and this one was particularly nice, so picking it up and giving it a few slaps and a bit of a rough time was galling, even though it was unfortunately necessary. See, if you're hiding in someone's spare bedroom waiting for them to turn in for the night, the last thing you need is a cat meowing at the door trying to get in to see you because you've been stroking it all day. A bit of a shake and a growl in the cat's face and that's all that's usually needed for it to give the spare room and the horrible bastard inside a wide berth for the rest of the night.” 1 likes
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