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3.22 of 5 stars 3.22 · rating details · 215 ratings · 42 reviews

Joshua Cody, a brilliant young composer, was about to receive his PhD when he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. Facing a bone-marrow transplant and full radiation, he charts his struggle: the fury, the tendency to self-destruction, and the ruthless grasping for life and sensation; the encounter with a strange woman on Canal Street that leads to sex at his apartment;...more

Hardcover, 272 pages

Published October 17th 2011 by W. W. Norton & Company

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New York Times 100 Notable Books of 2011

94th out of 100 books — 41 voters

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Dec 01, 2011 Merry Gangemi rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is probably one of the most brilliant memoir I have read and Cody's style and subject (the diagnosis and treatment of cancer) avoids melodrama and self-pity while, at the same time, proffers an intelligence and sensitivity that is captivating and inspiring. His ability to bring this experience---with all the intricate connections to his universe of experience and knowledge gave me greater understanding of catastrophic illness and its impact on both patient and family and friends---a skillfu...more

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May 04, 2012 Judith Hannan rated it 3 of 5 stars

Like the up and down flow of this book, my reaction went from one star to five. I wanted so much to end up at five because there is something so exhilarating about this book. The writer is clearly and original and often brilliant thinker and his writing is powerful and propelled me along. But by the end, I felt I really didn't know Cody all that well. The book was so far-flung that nothing was developed. There were a lot of fascinating pieces but there was little glue or, if I dare use such an a...more

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Mar 04, 2012 Michael rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-biography

Loved it. Not for everyone, admittedly.

Fun to look through the other Goodreads reactions to this book. "Overwrought," they say. "Narcissistic," and "douchbaggy" and "pretentious," and I have to say, they're all correct to some extent, but so what? Should we ask that the memoirs we read be careful to please us and make the protagonists likable and not be true to themselves? That's not why I read (the occasional) memoir; usually I'm interested in an experience and worldview different enough from m...more Loved it. Not for everyone, admittedly.

Fun to look through the other Goodreads reactions to this book. "Overwrought," they say. "Narcissistic," and "douchbaggy" and "pretentious," and I have to say, they're all correct to some extent, but so what? Should we ask that the memoirs we read be careful to please us and make the protagonists likable and not be true to themselves? That's not why I read (the occasional) memoir; usually I'm interested in an experience and worldview different enough from my own to force some perspective on my own life. And this book, I thought, fit that bill. Sure, it is pretentious, but most things that aspire to any kind of high art will be by definition pretentious; usually part of the artistic endeavor is to challenge the status quo, to try to make something new and most likely fail spectacularly, but sometimes to succeed. And this book succeeds.

I found this book exhilarating and remarkably well-written, part high-wire performance piece, part cancer memoir, part document of how a certain type of New York city artist lives. Cody is an artist—a composer and teacher as well as a writer—but more than just some handy labels, the book seems to portray the inner life of an artist. Cody was treated for cancer a few years back. That experience—the failure of his first treatment, and his near-death during the second treatment—forms the backbone of the book. But because it is about pondering the life-almost-lost, he covers a vast host of subjects (music, of course, but also Pound and Eliot, art and architecture, the fallout of his parents' marriage, his dad's final years, food, travel, and various affairs he's had, and on, and on). The through-line is sometimes nearly lost, but usually he manages to find meaningful links between the different things in his head that illuminate the tremulous state of anyone waiting to die prematurely.

There are some breathtakingly vivid moments and lots of interesting thoughts about art and its relation to life. Yes, it's pretentious stuff, but that doesn't mean it isn't great.(less)

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Feb 02, 2012 Scott rated it 3 of 5 stars

I really liked big chunks of [sic], Joshua Cody's highly-stylized portrait of, mostly, the two years or so of his life when he was diagnosed with, and battled against, cancer: his (understandably all-over-the-map) emotional journey; his (gripping and harrowing) medical struggles; his (often amusing) sex-and-drugs adventures as a thirty-something creative-type living in New York City. I also found big chunks of [sic] to be either unnecessarily confusing or just kind of annoying. Cody, who's a cla...more

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Dec 10, 2011 David rated it 2 of 5 stars

My curiosity piqued by some rave reviews, I picked this up today at Barnes & Noble, succumbing to a fever of retail impulsiveness. I rarely buy books in hardcover. And I even rarerly buy books in hardcover by new authors. But I was swept up in the hoopla. When will I realize that the hoopla should never be trusted?

I didn't get very far in this cancer memoir before I realized that the author is a garden-variety douchebag, unduly proud of his cocaine usage, sexual prowess, and scathing wit. Ok...more My curiosity piqued by some rave reviews, I picked this up today at Barnes & Noble, succumbing to a fever of retail impulsiveness. I rarely buy books in hardcover. And I even rarerly buy books in hardcover by new authors. But I was swept up in the hoopla. When will I realize that the hoopla should never be trusted?

I didn't get very far in this cancer memoir before I realized that the author is a garden-variety douchebag, unduly proud of his cocaine usage, sexual prowess, and scathing wit. Okay, he's a better-educated douchebag, but you just can't matriculate the douchebag out of a thirtysomething male.

I wanted to perfect the art of being a patient, I read books, took a Kundalini class—a type of yoga centered on breathing, with a heavy meditation component—and practiced, practiced, practiced imagery techniques, relaxation. I even bought some green tea and drank a box of that; I couldn't stand the taste but I kept thinking of an interview with the filmmaker Jim Jarmusch I had read in the Sunday Times magazine, I think, and he was drinking green tea so that helped—nobody's cooler than Jim Jarmusch.

Yeah, maybe if you're a douchebag. Which you are, Joshua Cody. Own your douchebagginess. It's the only thing that truly belongs to you. Now do I want douchebags to get cancer and to have chemo and face mortality? Of course not. They should be transported to Greenland where they can live out full douchebaggy lives snorting coke, hanging out at the Greenland clubs where they play Kid Cudi, and hooking up with orange-skinned sluts. Live and let live, I say.

Joshua Cody was born in Milwaukee but he moved to New York City to study music composition. And in case you forget he moved to New York City, he'll be glad to namedrop every street and neighborhood in town so you understand that it's his city, not yours! It's his New York City! He's only letting the other eight million people live there because he's 'chill' (I hate that douchebaggy word).

Anyway, maybe this thing gets better. Maybe it gets great. But I will never really know because (as far as I got in the book) I am totally uninterested in Joshua Cody. I don't have to like the protagonists of my books, but they have to be interesting. And you, sir, are not.

The hoopla hasn't snookered me this much since The Emperor's Children by Claire Messud—which is (yes) feces. But don't even get me started on that one.(less)

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Feb 01, 2013 Susanna rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Hmm. I'm not sure what I think of this book. The beginning of the book was fairly gripping, as an examination of what it is like to be a somewhat iconoclastic cancer memoirist, someone who is writing the book *about* cancer diagnosis and treatment, but to whom the cancer diagnosis is just one part of his life, rather than what the book is *about.* The topics Cody covers are wide-ranging, pretty intellectual while at times almost smutty as well -- the memoir is an examination of love in the light...more

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Dec 14, 2011 Sam rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: those interested in the life of a guy

Recommended to Sam by: ARC from the publisher

When I saw Bloomsbury offering ARCs of this book, I was immediately interested. I loved the title and the cover and I thought it would be interesting to see what chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant was like from the patient’s point of view. While very interesting, the book didn’t quite live up to that side of things for me. This memoir – starting from the end of Josh’s first failed chemotherapy and finishing after his transplant, it contains many, many varied subjects.

First thing you shoul...more When I saw Bloomsbury offering ARCs of this book, I was immediately interested. I loved the title and the cover and I thought it would be interesting to see what chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant was like from the patient’s point of view. While very interesting, the book didn’t quite live up to that side of things for me. This memoir – starting from the end of Josh’s first failed chemotherapy and finishing after his transplant, it contains many, many varied subjects.

First thing you should know is that it’s not really linear. Josh jumps straight into the action, then tells part of his back story every now and again. It’s like a puzzle, but occasionally you miss some pieces. To this day, I’m still not 100% what type of cancer Josh had (some might say this doesn’t matter, but it matters to me).

Second thing is that it’s a bit sexually graphic in places. You might want to hold the book up a bit to avoid over the shoulder readers on public transport.

The bone marrow transplant is more of a secondary plot line. You could say that Josh is reflecting on his life – sex, women, cocaine, hallucinogenic dreams, music and general knowledge. Just as you get interested in one topic, he changes to something else. There is often no introduction to the next topic, which can be confusing to the casual reader. It’s a rambling stream of consciousness.

I read a proof copy, but there were a couple of errors in terms of drug doses – wrong units used so Josh was either getting a massive overdose or tiny dose. Hopefully these have been corrected in the final version, as I wouldn’t want others going through the same thing getting worried.

One good thing is that Josh never rambles on about ‘why me’? He is always out to beat his cancer, no holds barred. In summary, I’d say this is better touted as the musings of a young man in a big city, rather than about the cancer so much.

Thank you to Bloomsbury for giving me the opportunity to read this.

http://samstillreading.wordpress.com (less)

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Mar 03, 2012 Juan-Pablo rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

No-clichés cancer-memoir

My UK edition of this book comes with a Jonathan Franzen’s front-page endorsement, “Writing this rawly self-conscious has no business captivating you, let alone moving you. That it manages to do it anyway is a testament to Mr Cody's talent, honesty and singularity.” Well, considering that Mr Cody published the book, I assume that he has an interest captivating his readers. He manages this partially.

Mr Cody can certainly write. His prose is lively, intelligent, and enterta...more

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Mar 20, 2012 nicole rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

A young composer's memoir of surviving a rehabilitating cancer.

Books about cancer are a personal string that I keep plucking, but this one just kept striking sour notes for me. This rise and cadence of this memoir wasn't what I expected. It was as much a memoir of a particular sort of life -- the drugs, liaisons, abundance of privileged intellectual wit -- with cancer survival as a secondary plot point. For pages and pages, I'd have difficulty following the twists and turns of topics broached,...more

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Apr 16, 2013 Adam Tebrugge rated it 5 of 5 stars

I had read a good review of this book and so my wife bought it for me. Once I realized what it was about, I was reluctant to read it but decided I must give it a chance.

The book is certainly not for everyone. There is essentially no plot, at least in the traditional sense of the word. The characters may all be specters and the narrator is unreliable.

However, the writing is powerful and disturbing and funny and literary and captivating. This is a book to be read in small pieces and it leaves a po...more

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Dec 24, 2012 Chavi rated it 4 of 5 stars

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, though there were moments where I felt like I had accidentally ended up in an upscale lounge somewhere where men wear $2000 suits, and drink $1000 bottles of wine and discuss their art collections, and where they invested their fortunes. (In short, privileged and over educated, and unaware of their own narrowness.)

There were pieces of it that were great. Fragments. But the story of illness, I barely saw it. Maybe that's the beauty of it. The story of his illness i...more

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May 02, 2012 Maggie rated it 1 of 5 stars

Glittering, facile, mono-maniacal, stream of consciousness.

Brittle, hallucinogenic, emperors new clothes.

Read, with horrified fascination.

Here's what I put on my blog (http://www.magpiemusing.com/2012/05/s...):

The first was a book called [sic], by one Joshua Cody, which was very well reviewed in the Times, both in the daily paper, and in the Sunday book review. It so irritated me that I scribbled a list of my reactions, and wrote a long blog post about how horrible it was and how awful a perso...more

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Sep 03, 2012 Peebee rated it 3 of 5 stars

It's not my place to dictate how someone should process having a life-threatening illness, and I recognize that not everyone is a model patient radiating goodness and light while having transcendent revelations and modeling saint-like behavior. But I suspect that Joshua Cody was a pompous, condescending douchebag before he got sick, and also imagine that he still is one. So while there were parts that were very well-written, there were other parts that seemed determined to demonstrate just how e...more

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May 19, 2012 Alex rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: own

My friend Josh has written something extraordinary. Probably not for everyone, but more than once, in fact a lot more than once, he got me. The 'Sister Morphine' chapter alone demonstrates an understanding of tone and structure that few writers have achieved. Yes, the book is a memoir about surviving cancer treatment (that phrase is on purpose - it's not just about surviving the disease itself), but more to the point, as he described the book to me, it's sex drugs & rock 'n' roll. Plus an Ez...more

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May 21, 2012 Meg rated it 5 of 5 stars

Overly intellectual and completely heartbreaking. I could forgive the former in light of the latter. Doesn't hurt my perception of the book to be watching a friend die of cancer while reading this. Doesn't hurt my perception of the author that he regularly comes back to David Foster Wallace. I had no choice but to fall into some kind of deep appreciation/affection for this entire effort.

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Aug 17, 2012 Nick rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, music, non-fiction

First, Cody is a fine writer with an eye for form and detail. His personal memoir of his struggle through chemo, more chemo, radiation and a bone marrow transplant is both particular and very universal. His willingness to reveal himself at his neediest and most deluded adds much to this brief but moving book, which encompasses reflections on art, relationships, his family, and more.

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Dec 18, 2012 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I won this through a giveaway held here on Goodreads.

Cody doesn't write about his experience with Cancer in the sort of straightforward way many of us generally expect. Rather, it's more a memoir of thought, senses and perception. There were many parts I found delicious to read(his morphine-induced delirium, for example). I also found myself interacting and connecting with the book a great deal, such as listening to the recordings he mentions, envisioning his view of place I've also been to.

Hi...more

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Jan 11, 2012 Rebecca rated it 4 of 5 stars

As a fellow survivor, I was excited to read a cancer memoir that didn't come off like a melodramatic made-for-TV movie. This was brilliant, beautiful, hilarious and heartbreaking. It was super real and very scattered at times, which wasn't annoying or distracting, it's just the way thoughts can go when you're navigating the world of cancer. Loved this book.

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Jan 05, 2012 Skrot rated it 5 of 5 stars

I like adjectives. A lot. So I will toss out a few in lieu of an intelligent review of this book: moving, funny, devastating, intelligent, honest, sad, life-affirming, musical (referring to the prose styling and the effective repetition of images/phrases), awesome.

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Jan 21, 2012 Kyla rated it 1 of 5 stars

I gave up after 2 chapters. Words that came to mind: blowhard, pretentious jerk, unlikable misogynist with suspiciously Penthouse-letter sounding "encounters"...hence the quitting. Life is too short.

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Jan 23, 2012 Kathleen added it

Shelves: started-but-didn-t-finish

At least Cody doesn't set out to make himself noble and likable. And he's obviously quite erudite. But I just didn't want to read past about 70 pages and, as he would agree, life's too short to read what you don't want to read.

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Feb 17, 2013 Terry rated it 4 of 5 stars

Excellent read. Josh makes his bout with cancer engaging. His voice was surprising and kept me interested the entire read.

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Jun 12, 2012 N.j. Cameron rated it 5 of 5 stars

Big smart impressions from a man who survived, saw him live in Melbourne. V funny. I'll look forward to his next book.

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Dec 29, 2011 Greg Voynow rated it 4 of 5 stars

Reminds me of a darker, more fantastic, intelligent and hallucinatory version of jay mcinerney's bright lights big city.

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Mar 07, 2012 Jacob rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a great memoir, and one of the better recent books I've read period. For those who read David Shields' "Reality Hunger", this is probably the ideal version of the book he's a proponent of, one that is lyrical and creative and experimental and true. However, for those skeptical of D.S.'s thesis (count me in that camp), the book, despite its off-beat structure and diversions, is a very focused work that tells a satisfying, complete story. Cody's writing is wonderful for anyone, but it's ki...more

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Feb 24, 2012 Andrea rated it 2 of 5 stars

Just couldn't get into it. The writing was sub par and it just wasn't that interesting of a story.

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Dec 10, 2012 Isabelle Augenstein rated it 1 of 5 stars

Most boring book I ever read.

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Jan 19, 2013 David Williams rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A fantastically funny account of a decidedly unfunny experience. The narration is delightfully tangential, though a bit heavy on the Elliot and Pound references (tempered lovely by mentions of Indiana Jones). Mr. Cody folds intelligence into his writing without succumbing to pretension (unless, of course, you have a phobia of academics, in which one would see pretension in everything). The title itself is the greatest ever; superbly nerdy.

Book received for free through Goodreads First Reads p...more

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Feb 05, 2012 Maya added it

Shelves: couldntfinish

This type is familiar to me.

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Jan 28, 2012 Robyn rated it 1 of 5 stars

Overwrought.

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Joshua Cody received his bachelor's degree in music composition from Northwestern University and his master's and doctoral degrees from Columbia University. He is a composer living in New York City.

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