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The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women

3.51 of 5 stars 3.51 · rating details · 72 ratings · 24 reviews

It’s only because they like me. I was in the right place at the right time. I just work harder than the others. I don’t deserve this. It’s just a matter of time before I am found out. Someone must have made a terrible mistake.

If you are a working woman, chances are this internal monologue sounds all too familiar. And you’re not alone. From the high-achieving Ph.D. candid...more It’s only because they like me. I was in the right place at the right time. I just work harder than the others. I don’t deserve this. It’s just a matter of time before I am found out. Someone must have made a terrible mistake.

If you are a working woman, chances are this internal monologue sounds all too familiar. And you’re not alone. From the high-achieving Ph.D. candidate convinced she’s only been admitted to the program because of a clerical error to the senior executive who worries others will find out she’s in way over her head, a shocking number of accomplished women in all career paths and at every level feel as though they are faking it—impostors in their own lives and careers.

While the impostor syndrome is not unique to women, women are more apt to agonize over tiny mistakes, see even constructive criticism as evidence of their shortcomings, and chalk up their accomplishments to luck rather than skill. They often unconsciously overcompensate with crippling perfectionism, overpreparation, maintaining a lower profile, withholding their talents and opinions, or never finishing important projects. When they do succeed, they think, Phew, I fooled ’em again.

An internationally known speaker, Valerie Young has devoted her career to understanding women’s most deeply held beliefs about themselves and their success. In her decades of in-the-trenches research, she has uncovered the often surprising reasons why so many accomplished women experience this crushing self-doubt.

In The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Young gives these women the solution they have been seeking. Combining insightful analysis with effective advice and anecdotes, she explains what the impostor syndrome is, why fraud fears are more common in women, and how you can recognize the way it manifests in your life. With her empowering, step-by-step plan, you will learn to take ownership of your success, overcome self-doubt, and banish the thought patterns that undermine your ability to feel—and act—as bright and capable as others already know you are.
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Hardcover, 304 pages

Published October 25th 2011 by Crown Business (first published October 11th 2011)

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Apr 10, 2013 Kimberly Smith rated it 5 of 5 stars

I would rate this book a 4.5 and not because it's the most riveting book I've ever read, but because it was life changing information for me.

One thing that shocked me are the sum total of all the little remarks that permeate our society that are subtle put-downs to women. I thought we had come so far as women, and yet women are demeaned every day in subtle ways that affect how we perceive ourselves. I was shocked at the blind studies that show that women have to work harder to be taken as serio...more I would rate this book a 4.5 and not because it's the most riveting book I've ever read, but because it was life changing information for me.

One thing that shocked me are the sum total of all the little remarks that permeate our society that are subtle put-downs to women. I thought we had come so far as women, and yet women are demeaned every day in subtle ways that affect how we perceive ourselves. I was shocked at the blind studies that show that women have to work harder to be taken as seriously, out-perform men in orchestras, defend their grants and dissertations harder, are chosen for jobs less with the same credentials, etc... It was horrifying to me! It's funny, because I honestly hadn't noticed these put-downs, and a few hours after I finished the book, I turned on the TV while we were preparing dinner and I heard SEVERAL negative references toward women on a cooking show, including one man yelling at another man in an attempt to put him down said something like "Go get your tampons, and go with the girls, you little B!*ch!" Why is it that when men want to put other men down, they will make references to being or acting like a girl as if that's the ultimate insult? Other things are more subtle, such as diminishing the efforts or work of a female, such as "How is your *little* project coming?"

Another thing that shocked me is that how much men as a whole will BS their way through things, even with limited knowlege to make others feel like they know all kinds of things they don't. An account of a woman at Harvard, feeling like she didn't measure up to everyone else there intellectually, came into class talking about a labratory experiment on rats she had just witnessed, and the professor misunderstood what she said, and went off saying "Oh I've heard of Smurf's work. 5 other people chimed in, acting like they'd read Smurf's work, were following his career, when all along she just said that the lab experiment was conducted in a kiddie pool with a Smurf motif (ya know the blue cartoon characters!!!) And yet all these highly intellectual people acted like they knew Smurt and were following his work!!! It changed the way she looked at people including her professors at Harvard, and she no longer felt like a fraud.

This book doesn't just illuminate problems, but it offers real solutions for implementing the material, and changing ones' thinking and actions. I actually took the time to work through the activities at the end of each chapter, and I found it tremendously helpful.

I want all my sisters to read this book, my daughters to read it, and really every woman who wants to realize their full potential in school, at work, or in life! Even though the title can be off-putting for men, I truly think that any man who is a minority could benefit. Also any person, man or woman, who is trying to go from blue collar to white collar, or raise above poverty, or elevate their status or position. Any student could benefit... We ALL deserve a place at the table!

I'm going to go back through and read it again and underline my book. This is one of the best, most practical self help books I've ever read.

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Dec 25, 2012 Helena rated it 4 of 5 stars

The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women gave me the pep talk I needed.

I never knew the Impostor Syndrome existed, because I always believed in what I am doing. It is rare for me to experience doubts in the things I do. Whenever I accomplish something, I own it and I truly believe that I deserve it.

Occasionally, I would cry for unknown reasons I do not understand. Probably it is because of the self-conflict when it comes to the success I foresee after I accomplish things. Maybe it is because I a...more The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women gave me the pep talk I needed.

I never knew the Impostor Syndrome existed, because I always believed in what I am doing. It is rare for me to experience doubts in the things I do. Whenever I accomplish something, I own it and I truly believe that I deserve it.

Occasionally, I would cry for unknown reasons I do not understand. Probably it is because of the self-conflict when it comes to the success I foresee after I accomplish things. Maybe it is because I am the perfectionist who overprepares and have a low tolerance for my own shortcomings, which then defines the whole scenario to failure.

I grew up in an environment where I am usually in the top of my class, and during high school, boys would often tease me about being a nerd. One bully prophesied that the only job I could get someday would be a calculator. Math is my forte, but after several years, I took that comment as a compliment. In those days, I felt left out. I was too smart for any of them. Also, when I have a lengthy opinion in class, it would be too intellectual for them to comprehend that they just clap their hands halfway through. The stench of sarcasm traveled faster in the air as they continued their applause.

This booked perked me up a little and gave me some guidelines on the way women think and explained the behavior of men. I believe the application of the advice is crucial in my case since I will be in a workplace dominated by men. This could help me assert my girl power and stop me from having inadequate feelings.

I like how it presented the kind of mental scenarios women face, especially the one about lower self-esteem, which is a common problem. Even I with high self-esteem still face the lowest of lows, which proves this does not make me invincible against the issue that most girls are facing.

This would be a helpful book, especially to those women who aspire for success in a man-driven world. I do not think this is a matter of feminism, I believe that the psychology about the differences between the way men and women think should be expounded on. Valerie Young did a thorough job in understanding the mindset of both genders and introduced ways on how to conquer the Impostor Syndrome. The common quote: "Fake it until you make it." is the general theme of the book.

All people have their ups and downs, but women are generally more vulnerable. Self-doubt could activate the flight or fight mechanism. Men are known to not really care about what other people think, while women are more sensitive to criticism. This sounds stereotypical, but it is a general truth that men earn more than women, because women usually just settle for an easier working environment. The book explains at a deeper depth about this crucial difference.

I still find it amazing how I do know some of the tips from self-learning. Reading the lines gave me important realizations and concrete verification.

Overall, it all comes down to positive thinking and dealing with a problem when it actually exists, not when it is theoretical.(less)

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Apr 11, 2012 David rated it 2 of 5 stars

easily digested self-help book on impostor syndrome. Acknowledges that a little self-doubt can be healthy, lest you become like her painfully funny description of irrationally self-confident "men who explain things" (whether or not they know what they are talking about). But for the most part, the book takes a go-for-it tone toward overcoming feelings of being a fraud and attaining and savoring the success you deserve.

I'd be very curious to see studies (she doesn't cite any) of how well the book...more

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Oct 15, 2012 Kaitlin Gallagher rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: academic-reads

Probably a 4.5 is what I would give this book. I really enjoyed reading this book. While I expected to come across scnerios that I related to, it was amazing how word for word some of my thoughts matched up with what was being described by other people. This book too me a while to read, and so it should you if you are really serious about taking the time to reflect on the topics that come up. SHe has a put a lot of great stop points throughout the book and at the end of Chapters and I really lik...more

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Nov 14, 2011 Oh! Paper Pages rated it 2 of 5 stars

Also reviewed on Oh! Paper Pages

Valerie Young’s The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women is a guide to help women recover from the Imposter Syndrome, a psychological phenomenon that describes the self-doubt that successful women experience. In 1978, Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes discovered that high-achieving women trivialized accomplishments and attributed success to luck, hard work, or favoritism. The Imposter Syndrome “involve[s] a deep sense of inauthenticity and an inability to in...more Also reviewed on Oh! Paper Pages

Valerie Young’s The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women is a guide to help women recover from the Imposter Syndrome, a psychological phenomenon that describes the self-doubt that successful women experience. In 1978, Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes discovered that high-achieving women trivialized accomplishments and attributed success to luck, hard work, or favoritism. The Imposter Syndrome “involve[s] a deep sense of inauthenticity and an inability to internalize [] successes” (Kalinosky). Young’s work seeks to help women “own” their success and alleviate the constant stress that these outliers feel.

Reading the The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women was a lot like reading a book of quotes and anecdotes. Every other paragraph contained words said by a well-known individual that emphasized a sense of illegitimacy. Although interesting, these quotes and stories are unnecessary in a self-help book. A few stories can be used to highlight a point or topic, but Young saturates her work with words written and said by others. Perhaps the inclusion of these quotes is targeted at individuals who feel better about themselves when they know that famous people suffer from the same syndrome. The text would have been more convincing if studies were cited or researchers discussed. Reading quote after quote was really tiring.

The most irritating aspect of this book was the constant questioning of the audience. Every section included numerous questions that asked the audience if it has felt a certain way. Have you ever felt like you didn’t deserve your successes? Do you think your professors give you good grades because they like you? Do you feel like you’re not smart enough to be here? Yes, yes, and yes. How many times are you going to ask me? I ascertained my relationship with the Imposter Syndrome during the first three pages.

If you suffer from the Imposter Syndrome, you are better off googling the topic and reading a few articles. Just knowing about the Imposter Syndrome can probably help you more than this book.

Kalinosky: http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/22/impo...

I received a copy from Goodreads First Reads.(less)

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Dec 12, 2012 Carrie rated it 3 of 5 stars

I picked this book up based on a recommendation from a friend who had attended a conference at which the author spoke on this topic. I found the "imposter syndrome" to be quite interesting and related to the syndrome very much. It was interesting to read about some of the symptoms that I know I personally display, but hadn't realized were caused by this. So, from that perspective I found the book to be helpful.

What I didn't care for was the dry nature of the text, and the fact that the author d...more

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Aug 03, 2012 Lois rated it 4 of 5 stars

Every woman in business should read this book, in fact everyone should read this book! The author deftly combines humor with research to fill us in on and help us work through our own issues with the Imposter Syndrome. I was lucky enough to attend an informative and entertaining workshop led by the author and the book does a great job of providing exercises that replicate that workshop experience. One of my favorite quotes from the book, based on a similar one from Marianne Williamson,is, "Your...more

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Feb 10, 2013 Sasha Boersma rated it 3 of 5 stars

While this book didn't really speak to me, I have recommended it to at least 4 other people and bought it for a fifth as a gift. It's a bit too "touchy-feely" for my liking, but if you are a smart woman who prescribes to being a "good girl" and can't figure out why you're not getting ahead, this will be a useful read.

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Mar 30, 2013 Marissa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

The read itself is quick and easy, but the material is meatier, featuring questions for reflection and processing and many quotes and anecdotes from many people, ranging from well known celebrities to individuals the author has encountered while giving workshops on the imposter syndrome. The sequence of the book combines providing information about the various aspects and impacts of it with developing a personal plan for working around it.

While the book specifically includes women in the title,...more

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Jul 26, 2012 Sheila rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read2012

I can have impostor syndrome and you can, too! :)

An insightful in-depth look at issues that affect a lot of people, particularly women, in the workplace, and rings true for me. (Oh, THAT'S why I procrastinate.) I copied some quotes and suggestions out of it, which is pretty rare for me. Having "the right to be in the midst of a learning curve" is a pretty big one to remember.

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Oct 20, 2011 Lulu marked it as to-read

I won this book from the first reads giveaways and I am so excited to read it. Thanks.

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Mar 06, 2012 Rita is currently reading it

Great stuff about women (and men) who suffer from the impostor syndrome

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May 18, 2013 Mary rated it 4 of 5 stars

Really enjoyed this. Gave me a lot to think about and inspired me to change the way I interact with the world.

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Feb 20, 2012 Chloe rated it 4 of 5 stars

I found the book very enlighting at showing how women and men are socialized different and this socialization effects how we react to the world around us. It also showed that this socialization can really affect our successes or lack of them all because we may feel as though we are an imposter at what we are doing. I not only think this is a good book for women to read but also men so they maybe can understand where the women in there life is really coming from and why she may think they way she...more

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Aug 06, 2012 Cory rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book is all about the imposter syndrome in women--thinking that you're a fake and you don't deserve the success or the happiness that you have. I was quite certain I had this, but as I read this book and learned about the causes and symptoms and signs and coping mechanisms of the "syndrome" I kept thinking "NONE of these apply to me!" So . . . I guess this book helped me to figure out that I'm an arrogant little thing who thinks she deserves great things in this world.

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Jan 22, 2012 Laura rated it 4 of 5 stars

I won this book in a Goodreads give away. I liked the style it was written in. It was smooth and easy to digest. It discusses indepth the whys and hows of the "imposter syndrome". I am sure I don't suffer too much from this particular issue, but on the whole the idea was very enlightening. I enjoyed reading this and did learn some very interesting information that I can put to use in my work situations. I think this book is beneficial to the working woman.

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Dec 28, 2011 Matt rated it 3 of 5 stars

The percentage of women who are dealing with this syndrome is considered to be high but it is certainly not exclusive of men and the book contains many anecdotes and references which add to the richness of the content. Dr. Young finally encourages us to take two snapshots of ourselves. One to be taken before we have engaged with the content of this book and the other to be the new confident self-affirming picture.

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Mar 25, 2012 Shane Cormier rated it 5 of 5 stars

I gave this book to my aunt to read. She just opened her own hair studio and I figured she would get more out of it than myself. She said she loved it and it has given her a new view to business. She told me she will be using it as a reference book in the future and said thank you for allowing me to win the book. It has given her more self esteem and hope for the future of her business

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May 26, 2012 Katherine rated it 3 of 5 stars

Good tid-bits, especially in the midst of a job search, but at times it felt too preachy.

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Jan 20, 2013 Erin rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book has some great insights about why even very successful women never think that they are good enough, and provides ideas about ways to change behaviors and mindsets that will contribute to healthier thinking patterns. I definitely recognized a few behaviors in myself and took notes.

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Nov 15, 2011 Sharron rated it 2 of 5 stars

*Received this book from Goodreads.com

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Apr 15, 2013 Maggie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Excellent book. Great approach to owning your success...even if you don't fell like you deserve it....you do!

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Mar 05, 2012 Laura rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

I have been sneaking moments to read a little of this book at a time.

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Oct 18, 2011 Trina rated it 2 of 5 stars

Good concept for women to be aware of but a bit slow on the bottom line.

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Feb 20, 2012 Melissa marked it as to-read

Shelves: i-own

I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

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May 23, 2013 Ashley Flood marked it as to-read

May 22, 2013 Annabel marked it as to-read

May 20, 2013 Madison Andrews rated it 3 of 5 stars

May 20, 2013 Nancy marked it as to-read

May 19, 2013 Shawna marked it as to-read

Shelves: business-and-management

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About Valerie Young

VALERIE YOUNG is an internationally known workshop leader and public speaker and the former marketing manager at a Fortune 200 company. Her work has been cited in such publications as Women’s Day, Redbook, Fitness, Self, Cosmopolitan, Inc., and the Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune, and Globe and Mail. She lives in Montague, Massachusetts. Visit the au¬thor online at www.impostorsyndrome.com.

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Books by Valerie Young

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