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Dear Cary: My Life with Cary Grant

3.33 of 5 stars 3.33 · rating details · 616 ratings · 123 reviews

Actress Dyan Cannon's relationship with film legend Cary Grant was short, tumultuous, and, by every description, odd. When they began living together, she was 25; he was 58. Three years later, they married, but within a year and a half, she left him, amidst reports of loud arguments and spanking episodes. Their divorce, finalized in 1968, was a major news splash even in th...more

Hardcover, 344 pages

Published September 20th 2011 by It Books (first published May 1st 2011)

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Jan 07, 2013 Nena rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012-reads

Audiobook:

Wow. Cary Grant and Dyan Cannon. Two of my favorite actors. How disappointing that Dyan Cannon would wait all these years to write a "tell all" at a time when nobody is around to confirm or dispute it and Cary Grant can't even defend himself. Especially when none of it was favorable to Cary. One has to wonder why after all this time? Did she need money that badly that she needed to stoop to this level?

The story was narrated by Dyan herself but she quickly irritated me. I blame some of...more

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Mar 07, 2013 Angie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Actress Dyan Cannon shared the journey of her love affair with film legend, Cary Grant in this well written book. I don't think I've ever seen Dyan in any movies, however like most people about 40 years older than me, I've seen just about Cary Grant flick. I wanted to learn more about the boyfriend and husband side of Grant; albeit out of pure envy and dire curiosity of a man I've always had a crush on (yes I know, he died when I was about 7...).
I was happy to read this book about their relatio...more

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Feb 17, 2013 Xenia rated it 3 of 5 stars

I decided to read this book because I am a fan of Cary Grant and I was curious to find out what it is about Dyan Cannon that Mr. Grant fell in love with a woman 33 years younger than he was. I read some reviews where the readers are criticizing Dyan Cannon and I really don't see why. As I read the book I could see that Miss Cannon really loved Cary Grant and wanted their marriage to work. Dyan Cannon was an old fashioned girl and Cary Grant fell in love with her. Dyan was not easy to pin down an...more I decided to read this book because I am a fan of Cary Grant and I was curious to find out what it is about Dyan Cannon that Mr. Grant fell in love with a woman 33 years younger than he was. I read some reviews where the readers are criticizing Dyan Cannon and I really don't see why. As I read the book I could see that Miss Cannon really loved Cary Grant and wanted their marriage to work. Dyan Cannon was an old fashioned girl and Cary Grant fell in love with her. Dyan was not easy to pin down and get into bed like so many other women are even in daily life with men who are not famous movies stars. I have to give Miss Cannon kudos for that. Once Dyan Cannon realized that she was truly in love with Cary Grant she made some choices that were not the best, like agreeing to lake LSD when in her gut she didn't really want to and knew it was dangerous. When women are madly in love we do stuff like that just to please the man we love. Miss Cannon did put up great resistance for a long time but then allowed Cary Grant to break her down. One should never allow another person to make us throw away our core values.

I was really shocked to learn through this book that Cary Grant took LSD and thought it was so wonderful. Mr. Grant believed that taking LSD brought you closer to God. It is important to remember that at the time Cary Grant was taking LSD it was legal. It is also important to remember that Cary Grant had a horrible childhood that affected his entire life. I don't believe that Dyan Cannon wrote about this aspect of Cary to criticize him. It was simply a factor that helped to destroy their relationship. Some readers say that Miss Cannon should not have written about it since Cary Grant is no longer here to defend himself, but Cary Grant never denied that he took LSD so it is not as if she was telling a big secret of his. Mr. Grant even admitted it in an interview that he did for LOOK magazine back in the 1960's when the drug was still legal.

I was enchanted with the way Cary Grant pursued Miss Cannon. He was very persistent and quite romantic.

(less)

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Jan 12, 2013 Alanna Bradley rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this memoir. Their relationship was fascinating. Her being so young and him already one of the most famous actors in the world and in the twilight of his career.

They both really seemed so human, thanks to her writing style, and not above the turmoil we all face in our personal relationships. While they may have had issues, as another reviewer put it, you found yourself rooting for them (even though you knew how it really ended). I also found myself laughing at her observations....more

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Feb 10, 2012 Todd Croak-falen rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book started out a little choppy but quickly became engrossing. I've had an interest in Cary Grant ever since I saw him in the comedy "Arsenic and Old Lace" as a kid. From the outside he appeared to have it all -- talent, sophistication, popularity, and money. But to be in a relationship with him was apparently a completely different thing.

I had previously read Maureen Donaldson's "An Affair to Remember: My Life With Cary Grant," in which she mentions Dyan Cannon a couple times. (Donaldson...more This book started out a little choppy but quickly became engrossing. I've had an interest in Cary Grant ever since I saw him in the comedy "Arsenic and Old Lace" as a kid. From the outside he appeared to have it all -- talent, sophistication, popularity, and money. But to be in a relationship with him was apparently a completely different thing.

I had previously read Maureen Donaldson's "An Affair to Remember: My Life With Cary Grant," in which she mentions Dyan Cannon a couple times. (Donaldson dated Grant a few years after his divorce with Cannon.) She made it clear that Cannon had been a very important part of Grant's life (and was the mother of his only child), so when I saw that Cannon had finally written a book about the experience, I snapped it up.

Although the writing is a bit light and fluffy for my taste at times, Cannon does a good job of taking us along for the ride as Grant courts her and ultimately marries her. But this is where the story takes a turn for the dark. Grant made it clear to her from the beginning that he had been married three times before and did not feel like he had another marriage in him. This, combined with the way he finally proposes to her, gave me the impression that he did not want to be married -- he simply did not want to lose her. Their marriage was doomed from the start.

I will not spoil what happens next; suffice it to say that I became completely engrossed as the rest of the tale unspooled, and found myself living inside Cannon's head with her thoughts and feelings. She gives us a complete understanding as to why she would want (or NEED) to divorce one of the most desired men in the world.

We are definitely only getting one side of the story here, but Cannon writes about Grant with love and compassion despite their hardships. There's no libel or gossip here, just the telling of one of the most pivotal and impactful periods in her life.

Ultimately, I found this to be a very tragic series of events. These two people really could have had it all, but in my opinion it was Cary's dark side that prevented him from staying in most of his relationships for very long. Given all his accomplishments, I wish he could have been as happy as people thought he was.(less)

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Oct 11, 2011 GoldGato rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: celebrity, year-round, cinema, memoir

This was a pleasantly surprising read, in fact I was unable to be parted from it for very long. Let's be honest, most of us would never pick up a bio of Dyan Cannon, but that all changes when Cary Grant is the subject. Given the plentiful multitude of books about Cary and some extraordinary claims that get more outlandish depending on the authors' hellbent needs for scandal, Ms. Cannon's book is very down-to-earth and revealing, without being too revealing.

Cannon starts the book really explainin...more

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Dec 10, 2011 April rated it 4 of 5 stars

As a fan of Cary Grant's, I really wanted to read this book. I started reading it yesterday and couldn't put it down until I finished it.

I certainly learned a lot about a man I knew nothing about beyond his films. He, like many people, was flawed. He had issues. While I certainly can't speak for him, I would venture to say that many of his issues were a direct result of the trauma he experienced as a child. Imagine being 10 years old and told that your mom was dead. Then imagine 20 years later b...more

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Mar 18, 2013 Barbara rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: biographies

I'm a huge fan of Cary Grant. The first movie I watched of his was "An Affair to Remember" and I fell head over heels for him. Not hard, he basically played the perfect man. Handsome, charming, romantic - what's not to love?! In fact, that's who Cary Grant pretty much played his whole life. So it's actually not surprising to me after reading "Dear Cary" that Mr. Grant himself had trouble BEING Cary Grant. It's hard to live up to everyone's expectation when you're whole life you've played the per...more I'm a huge fan of Cary Grant. The first movie I watched of his was "An Affair to Remember" and I fell head over heels for him. Not hard, he basically played the perfect man. Handsome, charming, romantic - what's not to love?! In fact, that's who Cary Grant pretty much played his whole life. So it's actually not surprising to me after reading "Dear Cary" that Mr. Grant himself had trouble BEING Cary Grant. It's hard to live up to everyone's expectation when you're whole life you've played the perfect man.

Dyan Cannon and her "tell all book" about her marriage with Cary Grant wasn't really that shocking to me. I think probably most people from the first page knew that this marriage wasn't really going to have a happy ending. For one thing, the age difference between them was so vast (he was late 50s when they met, she was in her early 20s) and his track record (Dyan was #3) just didn't speak well for him. However I found myself falling in love with him (again) right alongside Dyan as she told the story of their meeting, dating, and eventual marriage. Yes things did crash and burn, the fairytale didn't last you might say, but for the most part I enjoyed reading it.

Now I realize Cary Grant isn't alive and Cannon may have waited a little too long to dish out her story but I didn't think this book read like a bashing. Yes the charming Cary Grant we all think we know doesn't always come off so charming in this book but to me Cannon's dishing is really more for her benefit than anyone else. Clearly she needed to tell this story. Is all of it 100% accurate? Um well can any story told 40+ years later really be 100% accurate? Probably not. Regardless it's clear Cannon went through some heavy stuff and her relationship with Grant was a catalyst for that. But to me the book read like she still loved and respected him despite everything.

This book mostly just focuses on Cary Grant as Dyan saw him. It's the tail end of his career and he's already lived more than a half of a century. I personally think most who want to know more about Grant probably should pick up another biography that spans his whole life. I intend to do that next. This book didn't really highlight Cary Grant himself just 6 years of his life. How can you judge anyone on that? If you're a huge Grant fan I'd say read Cannon's verison, why not, but be prepared to be a bit unsatisfied and want to know more. Also, despite the sometimes negative picture of Grant painted in this book, in the end I doubt you'll really love him any less than you did in the first place -- you'll just find out he's human, like the rest of us.(less)

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Dec 18, 2011 Manda rated it 4 of 5 stars

I mainly read fiction books but I saw Dyan Cannon being interviewed on The View and was quite interested in what this book was about. I have seen a few Cary Grant fans and of course I think he was very handsome and debonair but didn't know much about him personally.

Jeez - what a bastard! This book is obviously only one half of the story and you can tell that a lot of details have been left out either because she is protecting herself and his privacy or because perhaps it was just too damn painf...more

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Oct 02, 2011 Lady of the Lake rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography, famous-personality-bio, audio-book, author-read-audiobook

Well I'm giving this three stars for the simple fact that it was interesting but also only 3 stars because Cannon wrote this when it seems no one is around to dispute it OR validate it. She claims for years and years many have offered her MILLIONS AND MILLIONS and MILLIONS of dollars to write her story of her life with Cary Grant and she wouldn't she said oh no that's my life my personal life I'll never do it... Well apparently it became ok to tell her private story. I can't make a call on what...more

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Jan 27, 2012 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

I'm torn about how to rate this book...it was a definite page turner, I couldn't put it down. But in some ways I wish that I hadn't read it, because it changed the positive impression that I had of Cary Grant in general. After reading Jennifer Grant's very loving book about Cary Grant as a father, Dyan Cannon's book was a sad bookend. It was fascinating to read the early part of the book, about her early days in Hollywood, and being wooed by Cary Grant, but after a few years together, things bec...more

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Jan 10, 2013 Kate Baldwin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Could not put this down. This story hit every emotion. I'm curious to read their daughters view of Cary grant to get a different perspective.

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Feb 11, 2012 Diana rated it 4 of 5 stars

I fell in love with Cary Grant as a young child and I still remain in love with him these many years later. The beginning of the book almost seems to be written by Dyan as she would have as a very young women, and as the story goes along, the writing appears to mature as Dyan matured.

Dyan Cannon did a wonderful job in telling their story without blaming Cary Grant for the failure of their marriage. It was doomed from the start. Cary made it perfectly clear he did not want a fourth marriage and "...more

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Sep 20, 2012 Verna rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I enjoyed listening to this book by Dyan Cannon about her relationship and marriage to film star Cary Grant. This is quite a different prospective on the actor, I had read previous books but none detailed the man like this one. Cannon writes well and reads the book very skillfully drawing upon her acting experience obviously. What struck me most about the book was how true to the time period their relationship was and especially the age difference being more like a father and daughter than husba...more

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Dec 27, 2012 Barb rated it 3 of 5 stars

I enjoyed Jennifer Grant's book about her father Cary Grant more and it was a more well written book.
Cary Grant married Dyan Cannon with a 33 year difference in their ages, she in her early 20's while he was in his late 50's already married 3 prior times. While their marriage didn't last long together they had the daughter Jennifer. Much of the problems described by Dyan can be attributed to the difference in ages, maturity levels and in their star status at the time. She just starting out while...more

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Sep 30, 2011 Lisa rated it 2 of 5 stars

Another incredibly boring and disappointing book. Guess I've learned my lesson. If it isn't an autobiography, don't read it. I can't even review this book because I don't get the intent. At the end she writes a letter to a dead man! Maybe she is just trailing the book her daughter just released. Which was pointless as well.

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Dec 30, 2012 Jen rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: kindle

I honestly don't recall having ever seen Dyan Cannon act in anything, so I can't speak to her talent there, but a great writer, she is not. However, I still found myself fascinated by this book because a) I think it's authentic to Cannon's experience, and b) I love Cary Grant, and reading about a portion of his personal life was fascinating.

Sadly, though, fascinating doesn't always equate to wonderful or uplifting. I came away wishing I hadn't read a lot of it, and just feeling sad for everyone...more

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Jan 03, 2013 Rebecca rated it 4 of 5 stars

Being a Cary Grant fan, I was eager to learn more about him. I had started reading Marc Eliot's biography a long time ago, but just got annoyed with rumors being labeled as truth. Plus, what better way to learn about a person than read a memoir of someone who was actually married to him?

As a whole, I enjoyed this book. I do believe Dyan was sincere in the telling of her story. I found the passages about the sessions with LSD particularly intriguing. I felt that she really gave an honest picture...more

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Dec 29, 2011 Siri rated it 4 of 5 stars

ok so how is this for some Holiday reading!? It's almost embarrassing to post it since it has been so long since i posted anything. I am in the middle of about 5 other books but for some reason this was so easy and delicious to read that i plowed through it this week. Very unlike me as my family will attest. The appeal? Well, if you like Hollywood, which i do, it's an inside look at the very charming Cary Grant. Probably the most authentic picture i've read of him...found out he loved doing LSD....more

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Jun 26, 2012 Karla rated it 3 of 5 stars

Really great detail until right after Dyan and Cary married. Completely fell apart in detail and cohesive recount of events. Just kind of skipped the whole destruction and resolution/rebuilding of herself after her daughter's birth/her divorce with Cary to her addiction issues and recuperation. Her conclusion of the letter to Cary can not be taken as sincere or wholly understood to the reader without the details of the missing period in her life and resolution of her 10 year custody battle with...more

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Jun 04, 2012 JDAZDesigns rated it 3 of 5 stars

Who doesn't love a good love story now and again? I admit to it. You may as well too. Whether it's a book, movie or someone retelling their own tale. [I'll never tire of Laura Fabulous telling me the story of when she met her husband. It's just SO very cool.]

This is first and foremost a love story. Thank goodness the love story takes the first two thirds of the book, too. Because when this tale goes south, it does a nose dive.

If it weren't for the ending, this book could have been titled, “The C...more

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Jan 04, 2013 Katrina rated it 3 of 5 stars

After reading it, I was left with a feeling of great sadness. One, that Dyan Cannon had known that kind of love, but two, couldn't have her way with it and three, that it broke her apart. Life took her through that adventure and relationship to make her a stronger human being and I honestly would love to hear Cary Grant's side of the story. Not because it would devalue her point of view, but rather enrich it. Anyway, I enjoyed the book and could barely put it down. But it gets 3 stars because as...more

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Jun 29, 2012 Kim rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: cary-grant

When I first heard Of this book's release, I made strong statements against reading it. Being a dedicated fan of Cary Grant's, I was not interested in anything that might be disrespectful to him. I kept my vow for quite some time until my curiosity got the better of me. After reading the book, I am glad I broke my vow.
I could not put this book down until I finished it. Ms. Cannon's candid, often painful words
Captured my full attention and compassion, not only for her but Cary as well. I recal...more When I first heard Of this book's release, I made strong statements against reading it. Being a dedicated fan of Cary Grant's, I was not interested in anything that might be disrespectful to him. I kept my vow for quite some time until my curiosity got the better of me. After reading the book, I am glad I broke my vow.
I could not put this book down until I finished it. Ms. Cannon's candid, often painful words
Captured my full attention and compassion, not only for her but Cary as well. I recall Ms. Cannon stating during an interview on one of the morning shows that she did not write the book to trash Cary but hoped people would love him even more. I am one of those in the latter category.
In the first few chapters, I had a disgruntled attitude towards Ms. Cannon but as I continued to read, somewhere I began softening my opinion and began to view her not as just Cary Grant's wife but as a woman who struggled
Between love, and what was best for her.
I laughed, got very angry during some parts- at both of them, laughed again, and cried.
Two people, very much in love, but obviously were not good for each other. Anyone who has experienced loss in love due to a bad relationship will be able to relate to both Ms. Cannon and Mr. Grant.
There are lessons to be learned through Ms. Cannon's words but only if one is able to see past a biased love for CG.
I was not a first hand witness to their relationship, therefore, I cannot even begin to say what is true and what is not. I did believe it to be realistic. We all know Cary Grant was not a saint. We may want to believe he was, but we know better, or should anyway. He had his faults just as we all do. While Ms. Cannon relayed these to us, she also told of his loving, kind heart and actions of such.
I thoroughly enjoyed all the darling anecdotes of Cary. The ones that make us love him in the first place.
Points that shine: Their love for Jennifer, Ms. Cannon's journey from severe depression to pulling herself up and out of that depression, making peace with herself and her mistakes; her very emotional letter in the end.
Throughout the chapters, Cary Grant is humanized through accounts of his very human behavior. I believe this is the reason readers and fans of Cary will love him even more than before when he was put high on the pedestal; he still shines.
Whether one is a fan of Cary Grant and Ms. Cannon or not, anyone who has loved, lost, experienced life's emotional hardships and battled to rise above them, this book is for you. (less)

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Jan 01, 2012 Gail rated it 5 of 5 stars

When I picked up this book my thoughts went to other autobiographies I read; I worried it would be a flat journal of miscellaneous moments. I was WRONG. From the first few pages I realized that this book was not only well written but was going to be in-depth look into the life of Dyan Cannon and her life with Cary Grant.

Dyan's journey of life and love is true love story in every sense of the word, although not necessarily one of fairy tales. This book was romantic, tragic, enlightening and keep...more

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Jan 19, 2013 Lisa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

This book was captivating! I was hooked from page one as Dyan Cannon told her story about life with Cary Grant. Her voice through the pages reflected a woman full of life and fun, while at the same time great love. I appreciated her story and recognized how difficult it was to share to the world but that she came away learning some amazing life lessons. It was the first time I had read anything on either actor, despite being a huge Cary Grant fan, and I loved the story that was told. At moments...more

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Feb 02, 2013 Alice rated it 5 of 5 stars

I mentioned in my review for "Good Stuff" that I was glad I had read that before I read Dyan Cannon's book.

Dyan, brings you through their relationship. How she met Cary Grant. The romance & courtship, their marriage, the birth of their daughter Jennifer, and their inevitable divorce.

Diane gives the reader some insight into Cary's youth, his sad relationship with his mother, his volatile relationship with his father. And how he began in show business.

As a fan of Cary Grant, I almost didn't w...more

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Jan 04, 2013 Alonzo rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography, personality, memoir, reviewed

It was okay, but I found it too much about Dyan Cannon and too little about Cary Grant. I guess I need a biography rather than a memoir. For what it is, however, it is well written and, I would say that if someone is interested in Dyan Cannon's relationship with Cary Grant, then this is the book. I mean, it is subtitled "My Life With Cary Grant," afterall.... and the emphasis is on her life, before and with Grant. Just not what I was looking for: that is, I was looking for more about Cary Grant....more

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Feb 14, 2012 Marisa Gonzalez rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

I decided to read this after seeing Dyan Cannon promote the book on The View. Pretty much everything interesting in the book was stated in the interview so there were no surprises. It pretty much came down to he wanted a young beautiful woman and she fell in love with Cary Grant the actor not the person. I also did'nt like how she referred to her financial problems of raising her daughter after the divorce...so let's see, she had Cary Grant's child who he was very close to...yet she couldn't aff...more

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Mar 08, 2013 Shelley rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book doesn't have much depth and isn't very well written. Yet I give it two stars because the topic of Cary Grant is so interesting that I actually finished the book despite its shortcomings. While I can believe all the negative things the author writes about Grant, I think she went too far to show his bad side and gloss over any negative aspects to herself. She even fails to mention how big of a role that Grant played in his daughter's upbringing after the divorce, which, according to what...more

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Aug 08, 2012 Missy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Quick read...Summer read. I always wonder about reading these types of books...where the author shares their side of the story when the other party is unable to either share their side or defend themselves. I have always liked Dyan Cannon and am glad to find that there is the depth to her that I had a feeling existed...that depth that comes from suffering through some difficult life experiences. I was surprised and disappointed with some of the info on Cary Grant and am wondering if he had a cha...more

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About Dyan Cannon

Dyan Cannon is an American film and television actress, director, screenwriter, editor, and producer. She is the mother of Jennifer Grant.

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“Daddy drove us to temple every Sunday morning, singing 'Jesus Loves Me, This I know' in the car. Then I'd go into Hebrew school and sing it for the rabbi. That caused quite a stir.” — 3 people liked it

“I found it when I came to understand that I had to practice unconditional love, patience, and acceptance first before I could expect that from any partner. I had to become the person that I wanted to fall in love with.” — 2 people liked it

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