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5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and Other Useful Guides)

4.12 of 5 stars 4.12  ·  rating details  ·  8,363 ratings  ·  497 reviews
In Matthew Inman's "New York Times" best selling "5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides)," samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find yo ...more
ebook, 160 pages
Published October 1st 2010 by Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Stephen
AxisofEvil-1-1-1-1
There is NO WAY that I can properly pour props or otherwise do justice for this fantastic collection of witty, funny, informative and cleverly perceptive commentaries on life and its many absurdities.

Therefore, here is my list of 20 reasons to buy and read this book:

THE AWESOME "CRAPPY" LISTS:

--Discover The 9 Types of Crappy Handshakes including: (1) The Bone Crusher, (2) The Politician, (3) The Close Shaker, (4) The Hipster, (5) the Sweaty McSweaterson, (6) The Airball, (7) The Misfire, (8) T
...more
Lyndsey
As if we need more reasons to punch dolphins in the mouth.

[image error]

A hilarious new coffee table book from a website called The Oatmeal.

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from this book:
(I swear to you, all this stuff is really in it.)

1) At the urinal: men groan, talk to each other about drywall and chainsaws, and then congratulate each other on a job well done. I guess the only witnesses are the clouds outside the window...



2) All those little clicks and whistles that dolphins
...more
Laura the Highland Hussy
I received this as an ARC from netgalley.com
I don't know if I can stop laughing long enough to write this review!

Okay, so last week sometime Alyssa Milano posted on Twitter a thank you to The Oatmeal-the author of this book.

The next day, my friend wrote an awesomesauce review of this book http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/....

At that point I realized that I HAVE to read this book. So while I know I usually review romances, this was too good to pass up.

I think that there wasn't a page where
...more
Inge
The Oatmeal takes me to chuckle town.
Lisa
description

Included in this book you will find tons of useful, informative and inspirational information, including:
5 reasons pigs are more awesome than you
5 reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth
How the male angler fish gets completely screwed
Ten words you need to stop misspelling
Things bears love
Six reasons bacon is better than true love
7 reasons to keep your tyrannosaur off crack cocaine
4 reasons to carry a shovel at all times
How to ride a pony!
Seventeen things worth knowing about your cat
The motherf*
...more
Alisha
Apr 12, 2011 Alisha rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People who dig "Comedy Central" and "The Onion" type of humor
Recommended to Alisha by: Laura the Highland Hussy
Quick Take: Freaking. Hilarious.

Review:
Where has The Oatmeal been all my life? Until recently, I've not been familiar with this seasoned web-designer-turned indie web-comic creator. It seems the man's found his calling; whereas he was once dealing with all manner of crap in his one-time profession, he's now turning the laughably unfortunate situations in to plain laughable ones.

5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth is a compilation of comic strips, some originating from the author'
...more
Trudi

I had never heard of The Oatmeal until some GR friends started reviewing this book. With my ignorance finally rectified, I gleefully dived into this giant heap of hilarity. Now I feel it's my turn to spread the word about its awesome contents (and parent website).

One of my favorites is Why I Believe Printers Were Sent From Hell to Make us Miserable. This comic is added as a pull-out poster and is worth dropping the cash to own a copy. How many late nights and very early mornings have I been thr
...more
Becky
Here are 5 words about this book:
1) Hilarious
2) Awesome
3) Learny
4) Read
5) This

OK, so #4 and #5 are cheating, but still. And #3... well. Let's just say this ain't gonna be approved for use in classrooms any time soon... Or IS IT? O_O

I've been a fan of The Oatmeal for a while now, and seriously, some of the stuff Mickel Inderman comes up with makes me cry tears of laughter and gasp for air while I sound like an asthmatic something that wheezes for air. So of course, I had to read this. And since
...more
Sumit Singla
Are you offended easily? Do you have a crap sense of humour? Do people have to use flowcharts and diagrams to explain jokes to you? Do you have a really poor self-image?

If you've answered 'YES' to even one of these questions, I beg you, don't read this book! Otherwise, you're very likely to undergo spontaneous combustion with all the heat you generate deep inside while being burnt to cinders.

I've been a fan of The Oatmeal for a long time now, and this compilation is a laugh a minute (provided yo
...more
Bonnie
I love theoatmeal.com. Makes the long days stuck in cubicle hell much more bearable. If you've never heard of theoatmeal.com then you must be living under a rock. Fix this pronto.

As for this book? I would have to call it the most hilarious book I've read this year. Yay for The Oatmeal.
***Dave Hill
Matt Inman's Oatmeal comic is alternates between being coffee-out-the-nose funny and "I see where he was going with that, but it just doesn't do anything for me" (e.g., the titular Dolphin strip). The humor is often bloody, disgusting, scatological, and frequently absurd, but also regularly imaginative and well-focused on stuff that bugs almost everyone. The worst strips make you want to sandpaper your brain. The best strips are the ones that you immediately want a mug, t-shirt, and wall poster ...more
Anzu The Great Destroyer
Nov 06, 2011 Anzu The Great Destroyer rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: funny people
Recommended to Anzu by: the internet
Why would anyone punch a dolphin in the face? That’s the main reason why I bought this book. I need answers! Many many answers to stack in my answer box and hide it in my secret chamber. These answers will make me rule the world one day! Mark my words!



As always, The Oatmeal offers a great variety of comics that will make you fall off the chair, roll ten times on the carpet then probably suffer a heart attack and die. Yes, they’re THAT good. From Canadian pets to peeing like a champ, sucking at F
...more
Justin
Where do I even begin with this book? My mind was blown and I don't think I have ever laughed my ass off more over any book then this one. Sure some of it is totally ridiculous but that's what makes it funny.

Have you ever wanted to know why bacon is better then true love? How to tell if your loved ones plan on eating you? How to suck at facebook? Why you should keep a Canadian as a pet perhaps? How to pee like a champ, to fight off a crack whore or how to ride a pony?
If your like me you said ye
...more
Nefariousbig
This was hilariously hilarious. I have some images to share but I'm a lazy bastard and I'd have to put my beer down, walk all the way to the scanner which is in the other room, and I don't want to get out of my cozy bed, so I'll just do it later.
Travelling Sunny
I didn't find this quite as funny as Allie Brosh's material, but there were some real gems in here. Some of the ones that tickled me:

The 9 Types of Crappy Handshakes: "The Bone Crusher", "The Politician", "The Misfire", "The Limp, Dead Fish", "The Never-Let-Go", "The Hipster", "The Close Shaker", "Sweaty McSweaterson", and my personal favorite, "The Airball".

Ten Words You Need To Stop Misspelling

How to Use a Semicolon: The Most Feared Punctuation on Earth

Why I'd Rather Be Punched In the Testicle
...more
Liviania
Okay, I often don't talk about what format I read a book in. I read the epub version of 5 VERY GOOD REASONS TO PUNCH A DOLPHIN IN THE MOUTH, which is relevant because the resolution wasn't all that awesome. You couldn't really zoom, which meant some bits were almost impossible to read. Judging by the reviews on Amazon, that hasn't been fixed. So printed is the way to go. Not that I expect many people to be more interested in the e-version of this. It's easier to browse through the random comics ...more
Amy L. Campbell
The Oatmeal runs a great site with often informative and hilarious comics such as "How to pet a kitty," "How the male Angler [fish] gets screwed," and many, many more. Some content from the website is included in this book, while some of it is obviously new. Sadly, the wonderfully wacky humor of the Oatmeal just doesn't seem to translate very well into book format. Part of this may have been the very tiny print that did not show up very well on my eReader or in Adobe Digital Editions, and which ...more
Annie
I loved this book so much. I really do not even know where to start. The graphics in the book are beautiful. They look even better than they do online. The book also came with a pull out poster "Why I believe printers were sent from hell". I could not agree more. I have never met a printer I liked, even in the slightest. They are all a ginormous pain in the ass.

My favorite section of the book was "Why it's better to pretend you don't know anything about computers". This whole comic was a visual
...more
Brianna
I read this one last night and I loved it (even more than the first one that I read, How To Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You)! This one is a bit more inappropriate/sketchy, but I kind of just skipped over the (few) ones that I wasn't interested in and devoured everything else.

Also, the grammar lessons were pretty great :') :')
Eric
Mar 07, 2011 Eric rated it 2 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Hardcore Oatmeal fans only, and at their own risk
Shelves: humor, coffee-table
I love The Oatmeal internet comic. That is why I bought the book -- I wanted to support whoever is behind these hysterical comics. However, in all honesty, I cannot recommend this book to anyone, except maybe the most hardcore fan of The Oatmeal. Maybe.

The material just doesn't translate well to the printed page. Part of it is that it is printed smaller and laid out across multiple pages instead of on a single, larger web page. Part of it is the inability to share it by forwarding it or posting
...more
Michelle
There are some absolutely hilarious bits in this collection. I fell in love with "Bearcuts" and "8 ways to tell if your loved ones plan to eat you." There are plenty of humourous shorts in here along with some great one-liners such as "once we hit 50,000 feet he screams like the nazgul" (woman to seat partners on an airplane regarding her baby.) This is an amusing way to pass a few hours, so go find this book and learn the 6 ways to fight a crack whore. There are also some educational bits in re ...more
James
As a big fan of his online strips – I even have an Oatmeal coffee mug – I wondered what his first book would be like and downloaded a sample. The answer was: crappy. Like comic books, the works of the Oatmeal do not translate well to the monochromatic and size restricted screen of the Kindle. I never downloaded the rest of the book, I may not even have finished the sample. Obviously this review is unfair, I'm reviewing a format for which the book is wholly unsuited. But he has chosen to make it ...more
Martin
Best taken in short bursts, this collection of very funny short comics covers a wide variety of subjects, and is at the same time off-the-wall and informative. Only thing missing from this book is a table of contents, something the author corrected with his newer Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants.

Ideal bathroom reading!
Caroline
May 18, 2012 Caroline rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Caroline by: Xarah
It's been one of those weeks where I've had a hard time concentrating on reading much of anything, so this was a fun brain break. And, hey, I totally learned the disturbing truth of angler fish reproduction... Thanks for the lifetime scars on that one, Oatmeal.
Westminster Library
When I was looking for a title for the weirdest book I have ever read, this book was a recommendation. It fulfilled the weirdest book category with its strange cartoons on a variety of topics. I was reminded of Mad magazines as I read through this book. Some descriptive adjectives to describe my experience would be strange, funny, and nauseating.

Find 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth and Other Useful Guides at Westminster Public Library Today!
Angie
I completely loved this book. The topics, words and illustrations are all hilarious. I could, and probably will read this over and over. I recommend this book to anyone looking for a laugh.
Michael
Giving this any sort of rating feels beyond arbitrary; it's a collection of web comics, not some sort of book with an arc. So how to qualify it? On number of tee-hees and belly laughs? On those hilarious moments of recognition when Inman skewers people we all know? Beats me. I know only that it was pretty much entertaining start to finish, and now I want to read the other collections. (Why not read it on the web? I dunno; I do my best to avoid web-based distractions that might lure me away from ...more
Deborah Markus
I already loved The Oatmeal; I already loved this book when, about 3/4 of the way through, I got to "The 7 Types of Crappy Pedestrians." And that's when I learned that Matthew Inman and I are soul mates. Okay, that's when I learned that I'm not the only one who flips out when people walk like idiots. I don't mean like they just graduated from the Academy of Silly Walks; I mean they step out into the middle of a busy street during rush hour without checking, usually carrying a cup of hot coffee t ...more
Jessie Carty
This was the very first book I read on my brand new Kindle Fire (an early Christmas gift this year).

My rating, in some ways, is not completely fair to the book itself because the book itself is nearly a 5, however, the format of the book on the kindle notched it down just a tad into the 4 range.

Let's talk about the book first: hysterical! I came across "The Oatmeal" website when planning a lesson on the semi-colon for my students. I bought a 2012 calendar based on several of the comics and I th
...more
Ashley - Book Labyrinth
There is something both horribly wrong and hilariously amazing about The Oatmeal. I've been following the site off and on for a while now, so I was really glad to pick up this book and see some of my favourite comics included, as well as some new ones.

The humour is so off colour at times, and yet right on the nose most of the time. If you're incredibly restrained or easily offended you probably won't like the humour in this book (or on the site), but if you have a sarcastic and sly sense of humo
...more
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Matthew Inman (a.k.a. "The Oatmeal") is a Web designer and developer from Seattle, Washington. He has been designing Web sites since the age of 13 and is a seasoned programmer, systems administrator, and online marketer. Matthew launched theoatmeal.com in 2009.
More about Matthew Inman...
How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You My Dog: The Paradox: A Lovable Discourse about Man's Best Friend The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants How To Use A Semicolon

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