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The Grief of Others

3.31 of 5 stars 3.31 · rating details · 1,428 ratings · 303 reviews

Is keeping a secret from a spouse always an act of infidelity? And what cost does such a secret exact on a family?

The Ryries have suffered a loss: the death of a baby just fifty-seven hours after his birth. Without words to express their grief, the parents, John and Ricky, try to return to their previous lives. Struggling to regain a semblance of normalcy for themselves a...more

Hardcover, 384 pages

Published September 15th 2011 by Riverhead Hardcover (first published 2011)

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Kirkus Best Books of 2011

55th out of 88 books — 151 voters

Orange Prize For Fiction Longlist 2012

15th out of 20 books — 104 voters

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Sep 27, 2011 Jill rated it 3 of 5 stars

The Grief of Others reminds me of an elegant package, with layers and layers of exquisite paper. Yet when everything is opened, what remains is a mystery box, something that entices and at the same time, disappoints.

The writing is, indeed, beautiful. The story opens with Ricky Ryrie in a hospital bed, holding her newborn son who is fated to die within the next few hours. “The whorls of his ears were as marvelously convoluted as any Echer drawing, the symmetry precise, the lobs little as teardrop...more The Grief of Others reminds me of an elegant package, with layers and layers of exquisite paper. Yet when everything is opened, what remains is a mystery box, something that entices and at the same time, disappoints.

The writing is, indeed, beautiful. The story opens with Ricky Ryrie in a hospital bed, holding her newborn son who is fated to die within the next few hours. “The whorls of his ears were as marvelously convoluted as any Echer drawing, the symmetry precise, the lobs little as teardrops, soft as peaches,” Ms. Cohen writes.

The aftermath of the newborns death will cause a vortex of emotions in each member of the family: Ricky, her husband John, their two children Paul and Biscuit, and John’s grown daughter from a former dalliance, Jess. The children begin to act out in their own ways; Biscuit becomes obsessed with farewell rituals, Paul overeats and rails against his classmates’ assessment of him. And Jess reflects, “What she remembers of the Ryries, the memory she cherished above all of her time with them on that single summer holiday eight years ago, was how shiny she had appeared in their eyes, how good and honorable and clean.” She yearns for that feeling of being prized, at a time when the Ryries have nothing left to give.

All of this centers around accepting that Ricky, who finds out in her fifth month that she is pregnant with an anencephalic child – a child that is missing the major portion of his brain and also the top of his skull and scalp – chooses to go forward with her pregnancy, not telling anyone, even John, and pulling off a pretense that everything is fine for the next four months. Were she a religious person – or perhaps a woman who had striven long and hard to bear a child – one could understand her decision. (She is told that the vast majority of women do not go through with the pregnancy). But the reader is given no insight into Ricky and why it is so important for her to carry this baby to term, knowing the heartache ahead, risking her marriage.

I felt somewhat distanced from these characters, wanting to understand and relate to them more than I did. Ms. Cohen does a masterful job at portraying a family falling apart, isolated by grief, isolated from each other. If only the pivotal plot point had been developed a little more. Not quite 4 stars.
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Jul 17, 2012 Larraine rated it 5 of 5 stars

Yet another book that I picked up on impulse at the library - and I'm so glad I did. I've discovered another superb writer in Leah Hager Cohen
It's a story of grief - over the loss of a child, the chill in a marriage, and how the surviving children are affected. Ms. Cohen writes so gently and, at the same time, is strong and even cold-blooded in her dissection of the characters.

We meet the mother in the maternity ward as she holds her newborn son who is doomed to live only a few days. Born anen...more

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Mar 14, 2012 Abby rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-read-in-2012

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Leah Hager Cohen is an exquisite writer. She is able to sketch characters with keen insight and to write with beauty and clarity. I thought the first 100 pages of this novel were magnificent.

The grief of a family (as well as all the secrets and knotted relationships that can come unravelled from tragedy) is a subject worthy of exploration, and Cohen plumbs its depths well (if in a slightly pedantic and self-righteous voice). However, the exposition of the characters occur too often through their...more Leah Hager Cohen is an exquisite writer. She is able to sketch characters with keen insight and to write with beauty and clarity. I thought the first 100 pages of this novel were magnificent.

The grief of a family (as well as all the secrets and knotted relationships that can come unravelled from tragedy) is a subject worthy of exploration, and Cohen plumbs its depths well (if in a slightly pedantic and self-righteous voice). However, the exposition of the characters occur too often through their interior monologues, which make the characters seem inauthentic and the plot belabored.

Cohen's desire to explore weighty questions such as who is a good person, how do relationships work, what are the compromises one makes in a marriage, and what is the right way to deal with grief can lead her to "tell" rather than "show," leading to narrative strands that never get resolved (such as Paul kissing his half-sister Jess, Ricky calling her parents in the middle of the night to beseechingly ask them whether they think she's a good person, Jordie's exploration of his sexual identity, or a high-art discussion involving Jordie's deceased father's folk-art dioramas). At times, Cohen seems to be striving for some sort of dissertation extra credit with her extraneous details and narrative strands.

At other times, Cohen strives for too much plot symmetry, as Jess's baby dies nearly a year after Ricky's does.

The novel flips back and forth in time, between the present and a year ago, as well as the present and eight years ago (when the Ryrie family took a mythic summer vacation at a lakeside cabin in upstate NY). The time changes are confusing rather than elucidating. Instead of peeling back more and more layers of each character, each change just makes them more pedestrian and less interesting (once again, through Cohen's tendency to tell rather than show). The novel finally ends with everything neatly wrapped up for the Ryrie family and Cohen employing a cloying omniscient narrator's voice to say that relationships are complicated and ever-changing.(less)

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Mar 14, 2012 Gayla Bassham rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: orange-prize-2012, 2012-reads, src-spring-2012

The problem with having a near-brilliant first five pages is that the rest of the book might not live up to it. The first five pages of this book are devastating--it really is the fastest a book has ever made me cry--and beautiful and real. But much of the rest of the book doesn't live up to it. I loved Ricky, but we don't spend much time with her; the author chooses instead to give us pages and pages with her husband John, her children Paul and Biscuit (the cutesy nickname makes me wince, but t...more

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Mar 24, 2013 Abbie rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved parts of this book.

There is something very fluid and, for lack of a better word, "accurate" about the writing. It seems current (the mentions of Kiva, Jay-Z, etc.) without feeling TOO name-droppery, and the characters are ALL sympathetic and none of them are cloying. I've read a LOT of books like this (and this one does a little but not a lot to stand out from them), and this I think is the first to not make one character feel like the villain to me. The children, in particular, are cry...more

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Sep 28, 2012 Robbins Library rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: jenny-recommends

The Grief of Others is about the Ryrie family: husband and father John, wife and mother Ricky (Erica), son and brother Paul, daughter and sister Biscuit (Elizabeth). In their own separate ways, the Ryries are grieving for the baby lost a year ago: Simon Isaac, born with a condition "incompatible with life," lived only 57 hours.

Into this grief-fractured family enter Jess - John's daughter with another woman, before he met Ricky - and Gordie, whose Newfoundland Ebie knocks Biscuit into the Hudson...more

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Aug 18, 2012 Vic rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book concerns an essentially failing marriage, focusing on a fundamental falling apart of a couple. The main theme here is the complete lack of trust between the husband and wife.

Spoiler alert: The following discusses plot and characters.

The big lie at the center of the story is that when the wife learns 5 months into her pregnancy that she is going to have an encephalitic child who can only live a few days, she does not tell her husband out of fear that he will force her to abort it. This...more

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Mar 21, 2012 Elizabeth rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people who like seeing into the sadness of others

Shelves: 2012

This is one of those books where the cover art and jacket copy were conspiring to not make me want to read it. Although, trusted sources said great things, every time I chanced upon it I could not be persuaded, until now.

It's great. After reading some people's reviews, a problem I see that a lot of people had with the book, I found to be the strong suit. The book is ostensibly about a family who has lost a baby and how they deal with it, the emotional fallout. But that's only a portion of what t...more

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Feb 17, 2012 Kat rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is one of my favourite types of novel: a contemporary story, told from multiple perspectives, with compleling complex characters. I always thought that this type of book was called a novel of manners, but, when I looked up the definition, maybe not. In any case this is a fine example of such a novel, whatever its genre might be called.
It starts out with a heart-breaking description of the short life (57 hours) of Simon Ryrie, who is born without a brain stem. So you think maybe the hard par...more

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Nov 24, 2011 Ricki Lewis rated it 4 of 5 stars

I picked up Leah Hager Cohen’s “The Grief of Others” in the Bunch of Grapes bookstore on Martha’s Vineyard, but downloaded it on my poor Kindle, growing dusty with disuse as I have been drawn back into the world of actual books. That decision helped me to see what I did not like about this otherwise quite nice book.

“The Grief of Others” is about how a family copes with a third child who dies shortly after birth – and the parents pretty much ignore the event. No discussions with their two young c...more

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Oct 30, 2011 Shifra rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The opening of this book was filled with exquisite words catching my breath as I read the detailed description of a woman experiencing the loss of her child she had given birth to a day before. The story encompasses this woman Ricky, her husband John, her six year old daughter Biscuit and her thirteen year old son. We learn about all their relationships and griefs experienced. There are a few more characters that are part of the story.Because the author has such an amazing way of writing, I was...more

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Oct 26, 2011 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars

The Grief of Others is a heartbreaking story about the death of a newborn, and how such a loss affects the entire family. Ricky and John Ryrie's newborn son dies just days after birth, as a result of a serious birth defect. While this situation in itself would be painful enough to deal with, for the Ryries the situation is made worse by the fact, Ricky knew her risk was high for having an infant that might not survive, yet she chose to keep the info to herself, just in case the tests, indicating...more The Grief of Others is a heartbreaking story about the death of a newborn, and how such a loss affects the entire family. Ricky and John Ryrie's newborn son dies just days after birth, as a result of a serious birth defect. While this situation in itself would be painful enough to deal with, for the Ryries the situation is made worse by the fact, Ricky knew her risk was high for having an infant that might not survive, yet she chose to keep the info to herself, just in case the tests, indicating the possibility of a rare brain deformity, were wrong. She ignores the radiologist's statement that most couples in this situation would opt for an abortion -- for Ricky this was never an option.

When John finds out about the secret Ricky had been keeping from him, their marriage becomes more unstable. To complicate family life even more, while both husband and wife are trying to deal with their own emotional pain and grief, their two other children are dealing with painful situations of their own. Their thirteen year-old son Paul, is being picked on by school bullies and daughter, Elizabeth "Biscuit", is a mess as well. The 6th grader, cannot understand why her baby brother baby never came home from the hospital. She even attempts a strange funeral ritual for the baby whose life ended before it began. Sadly, neither child feels like they can count on their parents at this time for answers or comfort, since they are dealing with their own grief. In addition. there are also two other fairly significant characters who come into the story, both in some ways complicate the situation the Ryries are dealing with, but ultimately they play an important part of the healing process.

The Grief of Others is not a happy novel. I found it quite sad, yet the story was an important one. Each of the characters seemed believable and sympathetic for different reasons. The author writes well, but at times I felt the writing was a bit too descriptive given the painful subject matter. But, for all the sadness in this book, the ending left me hopeful. In my opinion, when an author can make that happen without making the ending seem contrived, it's a book worth reading. This book is recommended, as long as you are not feeling depressed when you begin it, and the cover is one of the prettiest ones I've seen in a long time.(less)

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Oct 16, 2011 Pam rated it 3 of 5 stars

http://iwriteinbooks.wordpress.com/20...

I started reading this earlier this week and I almost emailed Trisha to say I couldn’t handle this, right now. I’m glad that I pushed on, though because, aside from the obvious hard topics (hello, it’s called The GRIEF of Others), the story is a fabulous one.

The hardest part for me was the axis of the story, centered on the loss of a couple’s child only fifty-seven hours after birth, just struck so close to my current fear and personal situation. The death...more

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Nov 17, 2012 Bambi rated it 4 of 5 stars

I wasn't sure what I expected when this title attracted me, but what I found inside was not at all expected. The book is incredibly well-written. The author introduces characters you want to care about, whose choices you wonder about, then have your "aha" moments. I admit to taking a couple of weeks to read this book. It wasn't a grab you and pull you in kind of story, but because the author is able to make you care about the characters, I made sure to finish.

Ricky Ryrie is the wife and mother a...more

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Sep 11, 2011 Melanie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2011

When John and Ricky Ryrie‘s third child lives only fifty-seven hours they are thrown into a tailspin of grief. They along with their other children 14year-old Paul and 10 year-old Biscuit strive to continue along normally, almost ignoring the birth and death of Simon. When Biscuit’s truancy from school and odd antics become an issue, they must all deal with the feelings that have been hidden deep inside. They realize that they can no longer mourn alone, but must come together to heal.

Ms. Cohen d...more

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Aug 11, 2012 Elizabeth Moeller rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is a story about the Ryrie family, which is composed of mother and father Ricky and John and kids Paul, Biscuit and Jessica, along with sort of about a young man named Gordie who becomes entangled with this family.

There were certain parts that I liked a great deal and that had a great deal of emotional truth in them, such as Jessica's feeling of floating along, with no tether, after graduating from college and Ricky and John's delicate balancing act throughout their marriage to account for...more

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Feb 02, 2013 Judy Croome rated it 4 of 5 stars

The prologue to THE GUILT OF OTHERS is exquisitely poignant: a mother refusing to let go her new born baby whose congenital birth defects were discovered in the womb when the foetus was five months. The baby’s birth and death brings to the surface molten cracks in the Ryrie family that have simmered unacknowledged for years.

The story moves back and forth between John and Ricky Ryrie, their children Paul and Biscuit, John’s pregnant eldest daughter from a previous relationship, Jess, and a strang...more The prologue to THE GUILT OF OTHERS is exquisitely poignant: a mother refusing to let go her new born baby whose congenital birth defects were discovered in the womb when the foetus was five months. The baby’s birth and death brings to the surface molten cracks in the Ryrie family that have simmered unacknowledged for years.

The story moves back and forth between John and Ricky Ryrie, their children Paul and Biscuit, John’s pregnant eldest daughter from a previous relationship, Jess, and a stranger, Gordie. Binding them all together, as most of humanity is bound together, are the threads of birth and death.

Cohen’s compassionate prose slides easily between the year since the baby was born and died, and the first time Jess met her biological father. In all the Ryrie's memories, that long ago holiday was a golden time, a time of perfect happiness in which the possibility of death, while a real threat (a single mother drowns in the lake, leaving behind two orphaned children) cannot touch them.

But death – in the form of baby Simon – does touch the family and, in doing so, cracks their fears and flaws, their wounds and worries, wide open. The underlying question in the story is whether that perfect holiday was an illusion. Or was the love underpinning it real enough to salvage the family from their current crisis of grief and pain?

The last chapter, however, was a bit strange: there were a few questions raised (did John sleep with Madeleine? Were Gordie’s father’s dioramas put on show?) that were dealt with tangentially, as the story shifted from the personal details of a family we, as readers, have come to know intimately, to a more universal viewpoint. I suggest that this was an attempt to link the personal with the collective; to show that all the joys and sorrows of life are shared not only by individual families, but by all people, loved ones and strangers alike. For me, though, while the philosophy behind the chapter was interesting and well-written, the abrupt change of style was confusing, pulling me out of my involvement with the Ryries, rather than leaving me with a sense of restoration and completion.

Overall, though, THE GUILT OF OTHERS is a tender and moving story, beautifully written and held together with the lightest of touches. (less)

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Dec 11, 2012 Candice rated it 5 of 5 stars

The writing was absolutely beautiful. There is much sadness in this book, but it is so exquisitely expressed. It's the story of a marriage, and the story of the effect of a baby's death on a family.

The book begins with a beautifully written passage on the birth and death of a baby. It flashes forward a year to "This Year", and then back to the time of the baby's short life, "Last Year" and back again to "This Year." We get a good picture of what has been happening with the family.

When Ricky Ryr...more

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Apr 15, 2012 Sophia rated it 4 of 5 stars

I came to The Grief of Others with mixed feelings. With a title like this, I was afraid I might be letting myself in for a deeply depressing experience. However, though this book was imbued with tragedy, the excellence of the writing meant I never regretted my decision to read it.

The story opens with the death of a baby, after just 57 hours of fragile life, and deals with the events, feelings, guilt and recriminations of his family in the time leading up to and following his death. Ricky, his mo...more I came to The Grief of Others with mixed feelings. With a title like this, I was afraid I might be letting myself in for a deeply depressing experience. However, though this book was imbued with tragedy, the excellence of the writing meant I never regretted my decision to read it.

The story opens with the death of a baby, after just 57 hours of fragile life, and deals with the events, feelings, guilt and recriminations of his family in the time leading up to and following his death. Ricky, his mother, has kept a terrible secret from her husband, John, and when it is revealed their marriage threatens to unravel. Their son Paul is at a painfully awkward age and suffering horribly from bullies at school, while his younger sister, nicknamed Biscuit, is skipping school and craves attention from parents too wrapped up in their own misery to give it.

Into this sorry family comes Jess, John's daughter from a previous relationship, now a grown woman he barely knows who shows up pregnant on his doorstep. And then we have Gordie, a young man with an adorable dog who meets the family and finds himself drawn to them, particularly Jess.

The book hooked me in immediately with a beautifully-written opening chapter describing the baby's few hours of life. The perspectives then change, with each of the characters giving their internal monalogues in turn. We learn how the baby's death has affected them all, and how they manage to muddle through their grief. I particularly liked the parts focusing on Paul and Biscuit, who are less affected by the death itself than by the resulting changes in their parents and the shift it has caused in their family dynamic.

The time periods dart about a bit, and that, coupled with the frequent changes in perspective, did mean that chapters would sometimes end on a cliffhanger (I use the term loosely) and then leave you dangling while the story goes off to follow someone else. I didn't mind this too much, but it did mean that some moments of drama lost their impact when my attention was immediately diverted elsewhere.

The fact that each character keeps their thoughts inside, relayed in their heads but not spoken of to each other, did start to annoy me after a while. I wanted to knock their heads together on several occasions (particularly John and Ricky's) and I'm afraid the book did start to get me down after a while. Not in a 'it's so emotional I'm going to cry' kind of way, but in a 'ugh, I've had enough now, is it nearly over' way.

I'm afraid it sounds like I hated this book and I really didn't. As I said, the quality of the writing is exceptional and that did help to mitigate the book's weaknesses. Most of the characters were likeable and I did feel like I got to know them well. Despite my misgivings and occasional sighs of fed-upness, this still deserves four stars(less)

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Jan 20, 2012 Ellyn rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011

This novel tells the story of the Ryrie family. After their infant son dies at 57 hours of age due to a birth defect, John and Ricky, and their children Paul and Biscuit, attempt to resume normal life and pretend nothing has happened while each is trying to deal with their own grief and sense of loss. John and Ricky struggle to maintain their marriage in the face of a painful secret, while Paul deals with bullying and Biscuit begins skipping school. Meanwhile, John's daughter from a long-ago rel...more

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Jan 14, 2013 Veronica rated it 3 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. When I completed reading the Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels, I wanted to carry on so created my own list of 100. The new list includes those recommended by other bloggers, some I’d always meant to read and some from other’s considered classic.

I like to read book reviews and oftentimes will jot down a title that sounds entertaining. This explains how The Grief of Others, recently published in 2011, made it to my current list. Ironically, the prior week’s read, Jennie Gerhardt, was published in...more When I completed reading the Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels, I wanted to carry on so created my own list of 100. The new list includes those recommended by other bloggers, some I’d always meant to read and some from other’s considered classic.

I like to read book reviews and oftentimes will jot down a title that sounds entertaining. This explains how The Grief of Others, recently published in 2011, made it to my current list. Ironically, the prior week’s read, Jennie Gerhardt, was published in 1911 but I believed the 100 year difference would make no matter as a well written book is a well written book regardless of its publication date.

I like to argue with those who says there is no good music coming out today and point them in the direction of college radio and other publicly supported medias. In a similar fashion, of the books published in the last five years, those I considered remarkable were not found on any bestseller’s lists, but in independent reviews found in obscure magazines. The Grief of Others has reportedly sold over 1,000,000 copies and received rave reviews that I, unfortunately do not share.

A woman gives birth to an anencephalic boy who survives a mere 57 hours. The mother has withheld information from the father and their relationship unravels. Two other children deal with the death in their own ways and two outsiders become insiders and deal with their grief. The opening was quite moving, but followed with an overabundance of metaphors, characters that did not feel sincere and a few editing blunders. While the storyline was unique and wrought with emotion, it didn’t feel genuine. I prefer getting lost in a book and here I was quite aware I was reading a work of fiction.

The deceitful mother, Erica Ryrie, is the family breadwinner. She holds an unfulfilling, yet good paying position in finance that allows her husband to work at set directing at a local community college. Although resentful of her husband, she remains very passionate which seemed somewhat incongruous. She seems unaware that her two living children are alive and in need of a mother.

Fifth grader, Elizabeth “Biscuit” Ryrie, was the most interesting of the bunch, though still not too believable. She has been cutting school and reacts to her family’s reserve over her brother’s death by doing library research on burial rituals and then attempts to reenact them. I can’t imagine a 10-year-old skipping school or doing research. I do love that she was a library fan.

A local 19-year-old, Gordie Joiner, happens upon Biscuit during her reenactment and comes to her aid after his dog knocks her into the Hudson. His father has died recently so his grief is a common denominator with the Ryrie family. His inner thoughts questioning his sexuality just didn’t ring true for me. There was not much closure for this character, but I found myself not caring much.

I am sure I would enjoy the company of Ms. Cohen and would be interested in hearing about her rise from journalism student to published author. Perhaps we could conduct our meeting signing in lieu of an actual discussion. Since she is trained in sign language and I am not, I’d let her do all the talking so as to avoid me having to share any of my opinions.

My rating for The Grief of Others is a 7 out of 10.
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Oct 05, 2011 Laura rated it 4 of 5 stars

The Grief of Others is a lyrical, beautifully written novel about the ripples of grief that flow through a family after the death of the newest addition.

The Ryrie family lives in the state of New York in a Hudson River community. While Ricky works long days in the financial community leaving before her family rises and returning home after dinner, John works at his dream job building stages for productions at a local college. They have two children, Paul and Elizabeth, better known as Biscuit. T...more The Grief of Others is a lyrical, beautifully written novel about the ripples of grief that flow through a family after the death of the newest addition.

The Ryrie family lives in the state of New York in a Hudson River community. While Ricky works long days in the financial community leaving before her family rises and returning home after dinner, John works at his dream job building stages for productions at a local college. They have two children, Paul and Elizabeth, better known as Biscuit. Their third child is born missing a part of his brain, and little Simon Isaac only lives for fifty-seven hours.

The Grief of Others explores the lives of the Ryrie family before, during, and after the crisis. While Ricky and John try to move on while shielding their two remaining children, they find that certain lies from their past prove it to be a difficult task. In trying to protect Paul and Biscuit, they didn’t allow for any closure over the life lost of little Simon. Biscuit is only ten, but has had a difficult year in which she constantly skips school. Paul is entering his teens and has lost most of his friends through the year and finds himself a constant target of bullying at school.

Into the midst of all of these trials, John’s eldest daughter by a different woman shows up alone and pregnant. Jess was raised by her mother, but had one great summer vacation with the Ryrie family eight years before. She is not sure what she is trying to find by seeking out her “alternate” family, but the Ryries find themselves responding to her in different ways. The family also befriends young Gordie, a young man that has also experienced loss through the death of his father.

This novel was overall a sad book, but I enjoyed reading it (although that sounds perverse). I thought the writing itself was beautiful and I thought each character was complex and compelling. The narrative shifts between characters and I enjoyed reading about them all. My one complaint is that I wanted to learn more about all of the characters, why did the book have to end? Each one could have had a book alone about them. I thought the ending was good, but I could have continued to read more about them, particularly about Gordie.

While The Grief of Others was a great look at the complications of loss and grief, it was also an in-depth look at marriage, raising children, and growing up. I particularly felt pulled by Paul’s story. He had become an unpopular boy through the course of a year and was verbally harassed all of the time. It was sad, and made me worry about my own kids in the future. I thought Cohen did an excellent job of really relating well to all characters, even the younger ones.

As a mother, this particular line really touched me, “it is the realization that of all the innumerable sweetnesses the world will offer her children, the vast majority will go unwitnessed by her.” Children grow up too fast!

I read The Grief of Others as part of the TLC Book Tour.

Book Source: Review Copy from the Penguin Group

This review was first posted on my blog at: http://lauragerold.blogspot.com/2011/...(less)

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Sep 30, 2011 switterbug (Betsey) rated it 4 of 5 stars

What is grief? It has no physical properties, but it fills a room, a life, many lives, and creates pain. It's bigger than a boulder, but is amorphous. You can't domesticate or quarantine grief, but it can isolate, alienate, afflict. The sun rises and sets, our shadows shorten and lengthen, but grief reaches into darkness and obscures the light. Its stride is long and its span is spacious, but it has no measure. Grief is timeless, but time heals, according to the maxim.

This novel is about a famil...more What is grief? It has no physical properties, but it fills a room, a life, many lives, and creates pain. It's bigger than a boulder, but is amorphous. You can't domesticate or quarantine grief, but it can isolate, alienate, afflict. The sun rises and sets, our shadows shorten and lengthen, but grief reaches into darkness and obscures the light. Its stride is long and its span is spacious, but it has no measure. Grief is timeless, but time heals, according to the maxim.

This novel is about a family whose grief is palpable in every room, in every sigh, but they aren't discussing their shared mourning. Its presence is living proof, and it is kindling the death of love and connection. Paradoxically, this loss of connection is so perceptible that they are all hung together in an imperceptible noose, connected in sorrow. Hope is a tenuous flame fluttering in a precarious wind.

The Ryries of upper state NY each have a story that funnels into the larger story of their family life. John entertained the gypsy life of theatric design, and when his wife, Ricky, the financial engineer, put her foot down, he got a steady job at a local community college. Ricky earns a corporate paycheck, but is resentful of John's more laid back and essentially fun job. Truly, the resentments build both ways, and when tragedy strikes, they fail to lean on each other in a healing manner. Damaging secrets come out later, and lead to sequestered grieving. On top of all that, a visitor comes--a blast from the past, someone who is part of the presence of everything.

John and Ricky's daughter, Biscuit (Elizabeth), is a sixth-grader, hoarding a book from the library on the ritual burying and funereal practices of worldwide cultures. Her brother, Paul, is thirteen and in a very awkward phase, subject to relentless school bullying. Enter Gordie and his dog, Ebie, who meet Biscuit down by the river. Biscuit is doing who-knows-what with ashes and bone and an egg, and gets pushed in the water by Ebie. The drying off process leads to Gordie and Ebie meeting the whole Ryrie family and their visitor. The multivalent chorus of the theme and story whorls around all these characters, and their private anguishes and public displays of untidy and unresolved grief keep the reader engaged until the suspenseful resolve.

Cohen has a knack for the "mot juste," Flaubert's term for the exact right word. She is a magician with words, metaphors, and imagery. The sentences and passages are delicate and edgy, muscular and creamy. Every felicitous line is meaningful and enchanting. Moreover, her tone and mood is suggestive and tender without sentimentality; you feel with the characters and move with the story.

The drawback is within the primary thread of the set-up. Ricky makes a decision, setting up the initial complexity of her tragedy, that is impossibly difficult to swallow, and it becomes a thorn in the story's authenticity. Although the author braids it into a beautiful circle, and creates a provocative sense of discovery of human nature--a discovery that is genuine and believable--the logistics of penning this structure in order to lead to this enlightenment requires a quantum leap of disbelief suspension.

However, this is a book I would recommend to literature lovers who enjoy ripe, eloquent domestic dramas. Cohen's impressive curvature of prose and fluent, credible understanding of grief and all its counterintuitive responses and follicular journey, carry the reader into places beyond the bend. THE GRIEF OF OTHERS ultimately illuminates the grace of self and unity with being and beings.(less)

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Sep 28, 2011 Michelle added it

The Grief of Others explores the breakdown of communication that typically results during periods of loss, no matter what the cause of the loss. Everyone handles loss differently, and through the eyes of six different characters, Ms. Cohen showcases the various ways others are affected by a typically internalized feeling. Often heartbreaking, The Grief of Others comes across as a warning shot to others who may be experiencing similar emotional upheaval.

Unfortunately, what starts out as poignant...more The Grief of Others explores the breakdown of communication that typically results during periods of loss, no matter what the cause of the loss. Everyone handles loss differently, and through the eyes of six different characters, Ms. Cohen showcases the various ways others are affected by a typically internalized feeling. Often heartbreaking, The Grief of Others comes across as a warning shot to others who may be experiencing similar emotional upheaval.

Unfortunately, what starts out as poignant individualized stories of coping ends up devolving into a bewildering cacophony of chaos as the characters begin to come together and share their burdens with each other. This results with the introduction of two characters outside the Ryrie household through which the Ryries are forced to come to grips with their own mourning. Without the additional characters, the story would have remained concise and powerful. With the two characters, however, there are two more distractions from the overall story that detract from the Ryries’ experiences.

Ms. Cohen does a tremendous job capturing the subtleties of various reactions, especially the reactions of the children. From Biscuit’s fascination with funereal rights, Paul’s self-imposed isolation from all but one of his peers, Ricky’s withdrawal from her family, and John’s bewilderment, all four struggle with the long-lasting results of not seeking closure and discussing their feelings with each other at the time of the incident. Readers with children of similar ages to Biscuit and Paul will agonize over their withdrawals and mute forms of rebellion.

Unfortunately, Ricky’s and John’s struggles are not as powerful, as Ricky and John are not as sympathetic. Ricky’s motivations behind her decision to withhold key information from her husband are never fully explained in a satisfactory manner. John’s reactions to her “betrayal” appear overly dramatic for the situation. Furthermore, whereas Ms. Cohen satisfactorily concludes Biscuit and Paul’s futures, Ricky and John’s futures remain deliberately open to interpretation by the reader. It is frustrating and a trivialization to the seriousness of infidelity and trust on a marriage.

The Grief of Others is a book of two parts. When the story revolves around Paul’s and Biscuit’s issues, it is a poignant story that tugs on the heartstrings, as these two lost children try to grope their way around a larger world in which they have been left to flounder by their grieving parents. When the story revolves around Ricky and John, it is a maudlin, overly simplistic sermon on the dangers of keeping secrets and the importance of trust in a marriage. The two stories eventually come together by the end of the novel to create a confusing narrative in which a reader is not certain just what to take away from it in the end. That Ms. Cohen is trying to present her readers with a specific lesson is very clear; just what that lesson is remains unclear. It is the unfortunate dichotomy of story lines that creates a majority of the muddiness, which is unfortunate when one considers just how powerful the story could have been with the right focus.

Acknowledgements: Thank you to TLC Book Tours and Riverhead Books for my advanced reading copy!(less)

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Feb 14, 2013 Lynn rated it 5 of 5 stars

I was unexpectedly moved by The Grief of Others. I had read some really great reviews of the book and read some lukewarm comments from readers. I have to with the reviewers on this book and I'm so glad I read it. In beautifully written prose, Leah Hager Cohen tells the story of an upper class family in Nyack NY. John, the father, and Ricky, the mother, have two children living, Paul, in high school, and Biscuit, a fifth grader. They have just lost their 3rd child, Simon, when he was born horribl...more

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Nov 03, 2011 Danielle rated it 3 of 5 stars

I started off really liking this book, but then found myself fairly ambivalent about it at the end. The story revolves around a family in New York. The previous year the mother was pregnant, but the baby was born with some disease that resulted in him living of only a few days. In the wake of the baby's death the parent's marriage has become strained. There are two older children a teenage boy, who has become ostracized at school, and his younger sister who is feeling the weight of all that has...more

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Feb 18, 2013 Ruth Lehrer rated it 3 of 5 stars

I agree with many of the other reviewers in that the first chapter is completely devastating. My admiration for Cohen's skilled writing carried me to about the middle of the book. The chapter with a flashback to eight years prior broke the spell. It was one of only two chapters written from an omniscient narrator's point of view, something that is often difficult to pull off. In this case, it distanced me from the characters since up until that point the chapters were firmly in the view point of...more

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Oct 12, 2011 Lauren rated it 5 of 5 stars

Challenge: Read the first chapter of this book without crying.

I am LOVING this book, which I discovered in Amazon's list of "Recommended for You." I think Cohen's writing is stunning, and her characters are interesting and nuanced. And the first chapter just killed me. It is about a mother and her newborn, who was born with a fatal brain defect and lived for just two days. Beautifully written.

...

Update: My early impressions of the book were accurate. This book is amazing -- exactly the kind of...more

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May 30, 2012 Nada rated it 3 of 5 stars

Review first published on my blog: http://memoriesfrombooks.blogspot.com...

The Grief of Others begins with a devastating event - the death of an infant only a few hours old. The baby dies in the arms of its mother. The death is not a surprise. Based on prenatal testing, the mother knew the child would not live. Yet, the devastation of the loss is no less for having known it was coming. The rest of the story then tells of the family as they come to grips with this loss and the secrets that emerge...more

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Oct 31, 2011 Laurel-Rain rated it 4 of 5 stars

Loss presents itself in its many forms throughout this portrait of a family: the Ryries, who live in Nyack, NY, and seemingly live ordinary lives.

When their third child is born anencephalic, his death is a certainty. In fact, he lives for fifty-seven hours.

Then the family shifts into everyday life, with scarcely a blink, and their separate grief unfolds in symptomatic ways that reveal the testing of the bonds that connect them.

"The Grief of Others" is narrated in alternating perspectives, moving...more Loss presents itself in its many forms throughout this portrait of a family: the Ryries, who live in Nyack, NY, and seemingly live ordinary lives.

When their third child is born anencephalic, his death is a certainty. In fact, he lives for fifty-seven hours.

Then the family shifts into everyday life, with scarcely a blink, and their separate grief unfolds in symptomatic ways that reveal the testing of the bonds that connect them.

"The Grief of Others" is narrated in alternating perspectives, moving back and forth between the past and present. In the beginning, we see the ten-year-old daughter Biscuit struggling with her own ritualistic way of dealing with what has happened.

Paul, the thirteen-year-old, is silently suffering while being brutally bullied by classmates.

And John and Ricky, the parents, move along parallel pathways, seldom connecting at all, until it is soon apparent that the events of loss were not the trigger for their disintegrating marriage, but the instrument that casts a spotlight upon what is wrong in their relationship. Secrets, betrayals, and lies are all gradually revealed as the reader turns the pages.

A wild card in this tragic family portrait is Jess, John's daughter from a youthful relationship; her unexpected appearance could tip the fragile balance between them all. She is in her early twenties and has only spent time with the Ryries once before, on a vacation to the family cabin when she was in her early teens.

Will Jess's needs somehow breathe life into the disintegrating family? Will her presence somehow bring the family together? Or will her individual set of lies and secrets cast the final stone on the funeral pyre that seemingly defines the family group?

This story was beautifully crafted and the characterizations were rich and multilayered, lending an authenticity to the drama as it played out, showing the reader that families are often comprised of individuals living parallel existences until something or someone helps shift the balance to bring about a kind of catharsis.

I recommend this story for anyone who wants to understand the nature of grief, and its effect on individuals and on the family. Four stars. I deducted a star for one missing ingredient: emotion. (less)

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About Leah Hager Cohen

Leah Hager Cohen has written four non-fiction books, including Train Go Sorry and Glass, Paper, Beans, and four novels, including House Lights and The Grief of Others.

She serves as the Jenks Chair in Contemporary American Letters at the College of the Holy Cross, and teaches in the Low-Residency MFA Program in Creative Writing at Lesley University. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Tim...more

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Books by Leah Hager Cohen

Glass, Paper, Beans: Revolutions on the Nature and Value of Ordinary Things

Without Apology: Girls, Women, and the Desire to Fight

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“... she saw that Ricky had not wheeled the little stool any distance from the bed but sat as close as before, gazing at her with sorrow and without judgment. And now Ricky plucked thoughtfully at her own lip, and drew a breath and gazed hard at the blanket, seeming to lose herself in contemplation of some deep and powerful interest, as though whatever she was working out was not for Jess's sake only. When she looked up she said: 'That might be harder.' [p. 352l” — 1 person liked it

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