I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance
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I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

3.59 of 5 stars 3.59  ·  rating details  ·  15,760 ratings  ·  659 reviews
Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the n...more
Paperback, 221 pages
Published April 2nd 2003 by Multnomah Books (first published May 1996)
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I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua HarrisBefore You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah MallyBoy Meets Girl by Joshua HarrisPassion and Purity by Elisabeth ElliotAuthentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy
Best Christian Purity Books
1st out of 88 books — 110 voters
Do Hard Things by Alex  HarrisBefore You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah MallyMaking Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah MallyI Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua HarrisBoy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
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4th out of 216 books — 129 voters


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Community Reviews

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Adam
It's weird.

When I read this for the first and only time, I had just parted ways with a high school girlfriend. Our relationship had been the most intense I'd ever had, and while we were in it, we were both pretty positive that this was real and fervent love. She's now happily married to a great guy who isn't me, and I'm now happily married to an amazing woman who isn't her. I'm not proud of how it ended, but it needed to.

This book fell into the midst of that dynamic in my life, and it rocked me....more
Allie
I am a 17 year old christian teenage girl who has lived her relationship life according to this book and has no regrets. I have healthy friendships with a lot of guys but--amazingly enough--not a single boyfriend. And my life has been just fine for it. Actually, my life has been great. The whole point of the book is that there is a season for everything: a season for investing in friendships, and a season for dating/courting for the purpose of marriage. This has worked just fine for all the peop...more
Rock Rockwell
I actually kissed dating goodbye after I got married (except the infrequent times my wife and I can leave our kids at home and go out for a quick dinner). However, this book really is a challenge to teens and younger adults (college/young singles) to rethink their mindset of the 'dating' culture. Some will cringe in reading this ideology for the first time, but when contimplating how to protect your own holiness and the purity of others, it makes more sense. Accountability and NOT acting on feel...more
Josh Meares
“Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.
Dating: Isn't there a better way?
I Kissed Dating Goodbye suggests there is. Reorder your romantic life in the light of God's Word and find more fulfillment than a date could ever give – a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.” That is the promise and the premise behind Joshua Harris' new book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Joshua Harris writes pretty well, and he makes several good points in this book. When he talks about God's view on...more
Laura
Feb 15, 2011 Laura rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Everyone, esp. singles or people who are currently dating
Shelves: books-i-own
Absolutely brilliant!!!!!!! You may think from the title that he's gonna go, "Don't date. It's a sin." But that is not what he's doing. He gives a way to have Christ-centered relationship, and helps us see that our single years should be a gift from God, instead of a time to be constantly seeking a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. We can leave that in God's hands; right now, in our single years, we're to put our all into serving Him, when we can have undivided interests.

I know not everyone wi...more
Rat de bibliothèque
In this book Joshua Harris tells you to, as the title suggests, to kiss dating goodbye, suggesting that here is a better way to approach romance than simple "dating" could ever provide.

He urges you to ask yourself "what is your motivation in relationships, pleasing yourself or serving others?", "do you give yourself away physically or emotionally in ways you will regret when married?", and "does your current relationship hinder you from serving God as a single person?".

This book does not say th...more
Mark
I read this book when I was a broken-hearted nineteen-year-old. At the time the idea of kissing dating goodbye and doing it in the name of God seemed like a grand idea. I think it was largely because I had no dates to kiss goodbye, so it gave me some noble reason to beyond the fact that girls didn't like me and the fact that despite my liking them I was terrified of them. I think Harris has some very valid points as best as I can remember, but they are a bit extreme and maybe even unrealistic. A...more
Altovise
I first heard of Josh Harris on a Christian radio station. I was driving and listening to him talk about the pitfalls of modern dating. I was so captivated by his message, that I sat in the car listening long after I arrived at my destination. I went and purchased this book the next day.

After the first chapter, I put it down. It was a lot to take in for an ex-feminist, control freak like me. I talked to my dad about it and decided to give the book a chance. My love life has never been the same.

I...more
Kacey
Coming from a happily married woman, I found this to be a stupid composition that follows a typical Christian formula of twisting Scripture to suit the point the author wants to make. "Purposeful singleness"? Common sense, rather than blowing up your every state of being into assuring yourself of your godliness, will get you further in my opinion. Only made a splash because it was written by a young, attractive male who claimed to have quit dating for good. Don't listen to me, though, read it fo...more
Katie
The title of this book is different, which is why I picked it up in the first place. The book isn't so much about giving up dating as the title implies, it's more about not dating seriously until you are ready to get married, and to use the time gaining a strong relationships with good friends and especially with Heavenly Father. The author, Joshua Harris, really drives home the idea that singleness is not something to dread, but to realize it as a gift.

Sara
Apr 18, 2007 Sara rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: anyone
This book was on the unpopular list, probably because people couldn't imagine life with restrictions on dating or whatever. I haven't read it in a while because my mom bought it and where she put it I don't know, but I love it, so there. I think everyone should read it and I think that the author was very brave to address such an issue.
Brittany
Sep 02, 2009 Brittany rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Anyone struggling with singleness or troublesome relationships
I've been having a really hard time interpretting what the Word states about relationships, sex before marraige, and dating. I, as a christian, feel its necessary not only to abide by the law of God, but to understand to gift of pleasure and love and why it is a godly experience if patience allows me to wait until marraige. Joshua Harris is a great author, very straight-forward and easy to understand. I highly recommend all of his books!
Snorkle
This book continues to be a great inspiration to me, and this is my second time reading it, the first being when I was newly christened a teenager. Joshua Harris has such a straightforward way of showing you why he believes Dating can lead people astray and how you can live above that lifestyle. Each chapter had me convinced that Joshua Harris was onto something golden, something that I wanted to be a part of, this whole non-dating revolution. And all this was years ago, when I first read and be...more
Jules
The Bible does not say, "THOU SHALT NOT DATE" but it does call us to holiness and to protect the purity of others. I got hooked by this book. As I read this, i felt i was vindicated. That by God's grace I am not the only person in this world who advocate something like this. Joshua shared his convictions with regards to dating – if he is not ready for intimacy, for marriage, he will not commit to be in a relationship with someone (even giving hints when there are times that he already got a pros...more
Robyn
I thought the book title was preaching to the choir at & before the time I read it--I didn't care for the dating scene & still don't, but I like having some purpose to being single, rather than just accepting it as an accidental fate.

Josh Harris does a good job writing the book, & I feel bad that I didn't love it like so many people who reviewed it did.

It seemed odd that the premise of the book is "dating is stupid; but don't quit dating just b/c it's stupid, quit b/c there's somethi...more
Sunday
Youth group/parent pressures when I was __ old.

This book is destructive, guilt-inducing, and out of line. It is a catastrophe of reinforcing immature concepts of dating and sex into teenagers. The principles of this book will, and have, led teenagers into hasty marriage plans with lifelong consequences. The author has the sexual prowess and world vision of a four-year-old.

Congratulations, Joshua Harris, an entire generation of teenagers growing in a youth group revival have been guilt-tripped...more
Christopher
I was forced to read this book by the female youth leader in a youth group I was a part of, along with all the other guys. Some of us kissed dating goodbye, others of us kissed youth group goodbye.
Terri Lynn
Recently a Christian friend, knowing that we are Atheists, gave me some very weird books for my 19 year old daughter who is a single, Atheist student and was angry about the books. I read through them because their weirdness was so fascinating. I was aware of this book because we homeschool just as the Harris family did (Josh is a homeschool grad).

Yes, this is very weird. I have no problems with young people going out in groups but if someone thinks this will keep them from having sex, I have s...more
Darin
Jan 02, 2008 Darin rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Tania
Shelves: have-read
This book was amazing! For Christians who are truly serious about their relationship with God, this book provides inspiration and motivation to stop looking for love that fails, words that are sweet and void of meaning or truth. It speaks from the heart of a man who knows what he is talking about and although many will and have criticized this book, i believe if you read it with an open heart you will have to admit that his argument makes sense.
Truly, I am so into this book and his philisophy an...more
Victoria Arechiga
Apr 14, 2011 Victoria Arechiga rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: ALL AGES
Recommended to Victoria by: Matusalen Barcenas
I LOVED THIS BOOK! I had started reading this book when I entered into a relationship with my first boyfriend. (My dearest friend Matusalen Barcenas, had give me a copy of this book a few years back for Christmas, and I didnt find a need to read it until that moment)I read a few of its chapters then I put it away. After a 5 months of dating, we had to break up because some of our parents didnt agree that we should be dating if we weren't considering a long term goal that would be marriage. Even...more
Holly
I wanted to throw this book out of my car while driving at a neurotic speed. I rolled my eyes through the whole thing, and even now as im writing this review...
Seriously joshua harris?? I mean SERIOUSLY??
I read this whole book. Oh yes i did. And i could have said in two sentences what it took him 200 and something pages to write!
1. Women lock yourselves in the house, because you cant discern who to and not to date.
2. Put on a diaper and ask your daddy to start spoon feeding you again cause...more
Megan
I really didn't appreciate this book. I felt it did more to exacerbate the complicated terrain of navigating adolescence as a Christian than it helped. I could also go into the theological problems a book like this presents to evangelical America, but I won't bother.
Chris
I now view every woman as another mans future wife. I will treat every woman with respect. I am growing in my faith and becoming the future husband and father i was meant to be.
DeeAnn
Interesting idea and understandable concepts if you are in high school and college. I really think that people could benefit from the idea. However, for those who are college aged and higher, it's method of finding a spouse I find to be an exercise in immaturity and for those who are not in a high-volume, high opportunity situation (like college is), you may find yourself incredibly lonely practicing these concepts.

I call it an exercise in immaturity because by avoiding dating altogether, you a...more
Kevin Rodriguez
This is a bit of a hard one to describe. The problems with books like these is that they tend to be extreme in their ideas and give so little room for compromise that things can easily come off as WAY too ultra-conservative! On the same hand there is a lot of truth to Harris's words. He points out the flaws in dating for the sake of dating, getting you to question why you want a relationship, and that making God your first love must come before your spouse (a true statement if ever I read one)....more
Harman
While the book is well-written and the ideas are well-expressed and thought out, Harris' theories just don't play well in a complex world filled with people. There is no set of rules or philosophies that one can apply to Christian premarital romance (nor any kind of romance, nor any kind of relationship, for that matter), and I believe that, unfortunately, Harris' ideas are a contribution to a philosophy that has caused much pain and cynicism in young single Christian circles (I can say this fro...more
Jocelynn
I read this book because I was absolutely aggravated with the male race. I had recently broken up with a man that was supposed to be my future husband (we were engaged) but turned out to be nothing more that a man-child who was more worried about himself then me. I was desperate to figure out what I had done wrong and how to fix it fast because I wasn't getting any younger!! But after reading this book, SURPRISE, God instead chose to take me on a deeper journey that has lead me down a path I nev...more
Meghan
Jul 02, 2007 Meghan rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: someone who is looking for a christian approach to dating.
Shelves: favorites
I love this book. This book was like the thing that got my whole courtship mindset thing going. Joshua Harris is truly an amazing man and writter and i repect him for writting this book. Both guy and girl sometime in teen to late 20's should read this book. It gives a good out look on the whole dating/courting idea. Bottom line is: READ IT!
Benjamin
I resisted reading this book a lot. Mostly because I've encountered some very smug "we do courtship!" type of people who think date is a four letter word. If you have those qualms about reading this book, just pick it up & read the introduction - he isn't that extreme. Later on in the book there's a great chapter about how to talk about your not dating without putting people off.

Because of my own life, I've actually come to many of the same conclusions that Joshua reaches, so my hesitation...more
Michelle
May 11, 2011 Michelle rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Teens and single young adults
I avoided this book in my junior high and high school years because the idea of "courting" instead of "dating" seemed stilted. What's the difference anyway? I could never put a finger on it no matter how many Focus on the Family and Brio articles I read.

But reading this at age 24, I wish I'd read it earlier. Unlike the title's suggestion, it's not an extreme admonition on all dating. It's a sensible call to avoid the silly relationships that end up draining you emotionally and dragging you away...more
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Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.
More about Joshua Harris...
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship Not Even a Hint: Guarding Your Heart Against Lust Dug Down Deep: Unearthing What I Believe and Why It Matters Stop Dating the Church!: Fall in Love with the Family of God (Lifechange Books) Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) - A Study Guide for Men

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“When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.” 419 likes
“A Woman's Question

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life---
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With a reckless dash of boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.”
277 likes
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