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My Favorite Fangs
Alan Goldsher
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My Favorite Fangs

2.62  ·  Rating Details  ·  133 Ratings  ·  49 Reviews
Alan Goldsher’s My Favorite Fangs is about the von Trapp family from The Sound of Music - that is if the von Trapps were all vampires.
Published (first published August 7th 2012)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 428)
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Amanda Gayle Reed
Some parodies are clever, insightful, and funny. This one is not. This book had been on my bookshelf for months, and after reading a series of thick, heavy, overly-academic books, I was very much looking forward to a light, fun read. Whereas this book certainly seems to have been written by a brainless idiot, very little was funny or entertaining. The writing was sub-par, the " comedy" trite and overdone and way too Seth MacFarlane-y (even for Seth MacFarlane), and the plot was... well, it was p ...more
Aug 02, 2012 Cheryl rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Maria lives at the Abbey with Mother Zombie and her fellow sisters. Mother Zombie has had enough of Maria's antics. She kicks Maria out to try and get along with others. Maria becomes the new Governesses for the von Trapp children. There is the father, Captain von Trapp and his children. Things get a rough start when Maria turns one of the children right away into a vampire. Things get better until Maria meets Lady Baroness. Lady Baroness wants Maria gone but Maria will not give up without a fig ...more
Dark Faerie Tales
Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales

Quick & Dirty: A quirky twist on The Sound of Music, but wished it was a little more tame.

Opening Sentence: Housed on what the majority of Austrians agreed was the most rancid corner in Salzburg, the nameless Abbey was an eyesore, so painful to look at that nobody looked at it.

The Review:

My Favorite Fangs is a quirky twist of The Sound of Music, by Alan Goldsher. I was really curious about the story behind the cover, only because The Sound of Music is a ch
Sep 13, 2012 Brian rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very funny like a Mel Brooks film.
Nov 26, 2012 Joshua rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Oh my...This book. What a very strange book. I have never seen The Sound of Music, but it has a large enough imprint in pop culture for me to know the main things. This book was a breath of fresh air. It was grotesque, over the top, graphic, and it somehow just worked for me. Maria, who is a vampire, goes to help out with the Von Trapp family, and ends up turning the 5 kids into vampires. This book didn't necessarily have a straight through plot, but instead it relied on it's over the top hijink ...more
Jan 19, 2013 Lauren rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: quirk-classics, gag, 2013
One star because I can't give a negative rating...

Reasons NOT to read "My Favorite Fangs:"

“As was always the case, the moment the sun ducked under the horizon, the Abbey's Mother Zombie let out a nausea-inducing moan that rattled the bottles in the underground 'wine' collection. (Why is 'wine' in quotation marks, one might ask? Well, one would have to figure it out for one's self, but one shouldn't have to think too hard, considering the presence of a Vampire in our story)" (9-10).
Yeesh! Dear au
Mar 14, 2014 Camille rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Nope. Negative. No. Absolutely not. No Way. Negatory. Nuh-uh.

All within the prologue and first chapter, you get to experience lots of wonderful things. Things such as a naked Maria dancing and singing in the Alps. Her fangs producing blood.. which, and I'm not joking, drops onto her lady parts and she gets pleasure from it.

Her tight black catsuits.

More and more mentionings of her lady parts.

Her mentioning touching herself multiple times.

Her being referred to as a whore about 50 times.

And I'm pre
Anthony Dale
Sep 30, 2012 Anthony Dale rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Utterly irresistible to a SOUND OF MUSIC freak like me.
Diana (Offbeat Vagabond)
Original post here:

My Favorite Fangs is The Sound Of Music with vampires, zombies, John Coltrane's ghost and Nazis. Yup, that should tell you all plenty. This is a crazy and fun read. Given that The Sound of Music is a childhood favorite, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to read this.

Maria is a very interesting lead. She is a vampire and she loves that she is a vampire. She wears tight black catsuits and kil
May 21, 2015 Tracy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: fiction
This isn't the warm and fuzzy 1965 version of the Sound of Music but a bloody-awful parody of it that will make you laugh at just how bad it is!

Maria von Trapp is a bloodthirsty vampire. When Maria is kicked out of the Abbey run by Mother Zombie where she’s been residing for the past thousand or so years, she lands a job caretaking the family von Trapp, a rowdy clan in need of some serious discipline… or vampirification. After Maria turns the von Trapp children into children of the night and ma
Jan 14, 2013 Colleen rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great novel..simply read and have a laugh.
Oct 19, 2012 Michelle rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-2012, dft
Review posted on Dark Faerie Tales.

My Favorite Fangs is a quirky twist of The Sound of Music, by Alan Goldsher. I was really curious about the story behind the cover, only because The Sound of Music is a childhood staple of mine. The concept of vampire Von Trapps? Count me in!

Maria has lived a long life in Austria, living in the Abbey of the Dead, with her fellow sisters. Unfortunately, Mother Zombie (Superior) has had enough of Maria’s crazy quirks and antics and has wanted to banish her from t
Kathleen Dixon
My daughter borrowed this from the library because it looked as if it might be funny. We're The Sound of Music fans, but we also like chuck-offs and don't have a problem with what others might call irreverence. So I said that yes I'd like to read it after her.

A few days later she told me that she'd read about a third of it but really couldn't get into it. I said she didn't have to complete it - maybe she could read something else and then come back to it if she wanted. Or not. So she handed it o
Mallory Heart Reviews
“My Favourite Fangs” parodies “The Sound of Music,” the classic heartwarming, hopeful tale fo the Von Trapp Family of Austria in the 1930’s, in the era of the rise of Nazism to power in Germany, which led to World War II. Now as we know, in the original, love, hope, faith, and charity triumphed. In this version, triumph goes to Vampires-specifically, Vampire Maria Trapp, an oversexed near-immortal who has spent a couple of centuries hanging around with the Zombie Sisters of the Abbey of the Dead ...more
There were things that I REALLY liked about this book and other things that made me less happy.

I loved how the book mocked the muscial "The Sound of Music," popular culture fascinated with all things vampires, and talk radio. The Interludes that included Dracula, Count Chocula, The Count (from Sesame Street), and Robert Pattinson were awesome.

On the flip side, I was disappointed that the author added so much graphic sexual material. From the cover, I assumed that this was a book intended for you
Valerie Floda
Although it felt like the author was trying to be honest by stating that the sex in the book was basically for sex's sake, it still seemed like a shameless attempt to titillate readers to read more. It was otherwise an at times word-for-word macabre translation of Sound of Music. I was expecting more along the lines of the plot twisting upon the same canvas as the Hammerstein classic with a separate identity, but it felt more like a cheap copy that made its way around the brothels.

That is not to
Jan 26, 2014 Lynn rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very weird but funny and entertaining book that I'm slightly embarrassed to say I read, ha. Favorite part? The writer's ability to work the songs from the musical into the story. If you love the film and vampire/zombie parodies, this book is probably for you...
Not great literature, but for a parody novel is pretty funny & clever. Is a quick & 'mindless' read. The 'interludes' are probably the funniest chapters.
Mary Follis
Funny but ridiculous--very light reading, a clever book.
Feb 12, 2014 Beckersuz rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
No pun intended, but this is bloody awful - tossed it aside almost immediately. This from a girl who will slog through just about anything, just because an unfinished book feels like bad karma. But I'll risk it this time.
Aug 22, 2015 Kara rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: fantasy
I bought this book in 2012 because it looked promising. A parody with vampires and musicals?? Well, it took me 3 years before I even opened the book, and from there it took me 6 months to finish it. It was obnoxious, and I haven't decided if I like it or hate it. The writing style is horrendous, that is my least favorite thing of all. And while some parts were more interesting than others, it still wasn't good enough to earn 3 stars. Giving this book to a music major friend, hoping she'll enjoy ...more
Kristina Vaughn
This book wasn't worth reading.
Sep 10, 2012 Joy rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was an incredibly odd book. If it weren't for the fact that it is based on a broadway musical, I would say that this book would be perfect for teenage boys because of the humor inherent throughout: sexual inuendos and gross out humor. It wasn't quite what I had expected. After reading the back, I believed that the Von Trapp vampires would fight the Nazis, but they didn't. In fact...I'm not really sure what they did. All in all, a very odd and confusing book.
Aug 16, 2013 Myndi rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was VERY amusing to me. While some may not appreciate the humor of it, I found it highly entertaining. I will say that having seen the Sound of Music and several of the other musicals and cultural references throughout the book helped to add to the appeal. It's hard to get into a humorous book if you don't "get" the references. This author kept me smiling, giggling, even out right laughing throughout the novel. Good work.
TERRIBLE. I love off beat mash up parody stories but this one was one of the worst books I have ever read. The best parts were the interludes. I was going to stop reading multiple times but suffered through it since I never give up on a book. I should have stopped. I don't normally get rid of books but this one will not have a place in our library. Hopefully someone else will enjoy it. I did not. ZERO STARS!
Jan 01, 2013 Courtney rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: urban-fantasy, humor
Ok, I bought this book for the cover. One of my favorite, ever. THis was an odd little book. It's like the joke of the book, is that it is a joke book. The author lets you in on everything, and it is funny, but it just doesn't GO anywhere. I would of liked it better if soemthing happened and their were jokes along the way, instead of a series of gags.
Jan 04, 2013 Jessica rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: abandoned
Completely... stupid. The book was a bunch of jibberish and too much talk about sex, boners and more boners with more jibberish that makes no sense. Interesting concept, but did not reach its full potential at all. It became mind numbingly stupid right off the bat. I don't understand anyone who gave it more than one star. The author is a moron.
My Favorite Fangs was pretty funny and knowing The Sound of Music really made it! I am a fan of the musical so reading this different take on the classic story! My one issue with the book was I couldn't figure why there was so much random (or I thought random) sex/sexual happenings. I'm wondering what purpose it served.
Diane Heath
Apr 30, 2013 Diane Heath rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
We bought this book thinking it was like the Pride and Prejudice Zombie book or Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter even the Sense,Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Sadly this "satire" is poorly written and vulgar just to be vulgar...I could not get past page 68 which ended chapter 2 and Maria's arrival at the Von Trapp residence
I honestly don't have any words for this book. It wasn't completely horrible, but it wasn't one of the best books that I have ever read. If you're looking for something that's completely silly and more than a little disturbing, this book would be perfect.
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Alan Goldsher is the author of the acclaimed Beatles/horror remix novel, "Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion" and the forthcoming "The Sound of Music" mash-up "My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the von Trapp Family Vampires."

He has written nine other books, including "Hard Bop Academy: The Sidemen of Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers" and "Modest Mouse: A Pretty Good Read." Written as A.M.
More about Alan Goldsher...

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