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Sister of Silence

by Daleen Berry (Goodreads Author), Megan Hagebush (Illustrator), Kenneth V. Lanning (Foreword)

3.53 of 5 stars 3.53 · rating details · 256 ratings · 62 reviews

After a shotgun wedding, the author found herself barefoot and pregnant—and the mother of four babies by age twenty-one. Follow along on Daleen’s personal journey from coal miner’s wife to teen mom to award-winning journalist, determined to break the silence that shatters women and children's lives. A riveting true story, this memoir demonstrates the astonishing resilience...more

Paperback, 342 pages

Published January 18th 2011 by Nellie Bly Books

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May 31, 2012 Carol Kean rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: any human being old enough to read it

Recommended to Carol by: Kindle ad

Negative reviewers who'd fault a woman for failing to get help -- did they really read the book? Are they blessed with so much self esteem, they can't fathom the process, from infancy, of teaching a child to doubt herself? Dad screams at Mom and hits her, but "He didn't really mean it." Dad insults his daughter, maybe just neglects her, lets her down, breaks promises,maybe hits her. "You know he loves you."

--That's just the way he is
--He'll get over it
--You have to learn how not to set him off

Th...more Negative reviewers who'd fault a woman for failing to get help -- did they really read the book? Are they blessed with so much self esteem, they can't fathom the process, from infancy, of teaching a child to doubt herself? Dad screams at Mom and hits her, but "He didn't really mean it." Dad insults his daughter, maybe just neglects her, lets her down, breaks promises,maybe hits her. "You know he loves you."

--That's just the way he is
--He'll get over it
--You have to learn how not to set him off

The list goes on, but when a child sees and hears one thing, and knows it is WRONG, but Mom accepts abuse, explains it away, convinces daughter that she is wrong in her perceptions, then daughter, no matter how high her IQ, may very well grow up doubting her perceptions, herself. She'll believe a skewed, ugly reality is some kind of normal. Abuse is so familiar, she'll gravitate to men who treat her as badly as her father did -- or worse. Cold, heartless, selfish behavior is all she can expect from the people she loves and trust. This can happen so slowly, subtly, insidiously, it's no surprise that a girl of 13 could meekly allow a neighbor boy to rape her - repeatedly - and keep his dirty secret. He convinces her it's HER fault that she tempts him, and if 1-star and 2-star reviewers think the girl is a loser for suffering in silence, well, some people never will get it, I guess. They, not Daleen, appear to be the ones who think too well of themselves.

One of the hardest things to grasp is a girl like Daleen rejecting the first nice guy to come along and treat her right. Feeling ruined and unworthy, thanks to Eddie's manipulation, drives her right back to her abuser. I realize some women are strong, smart and independent enough not to become victims like Daleen, but I've seen firsthand how many, many smart, beautiful, talented women end up just like her. They hide the sordid truth from parents, siblings, teachers, co-workers, neighbors.

I don't know how many men are emotionally abused and suffer low self esteem, depression, anger or guilt. They may be even less likely than women to admit they need help. If this book seems to focus on women and make men out to be the villains, well, this is one person's story, not the story of the genders.

The subject matter in this novel merits 5 stars, but the prose needed more editing. If I have to skip through repetitive or overly detailish paragraphs, I'm less likely to hand out a "perfect score." Incorrect use of lay vs lie, I am learning to tolerate, but for a journalist and her editor to use lie as the past tense of lay just sets my teeth on edge. (Correct usage: today I lie on the bed, last night I lay on the bed -- NOT last night I lie on the bed.) And the pronoun thing: He gave the award to me sounds right, but not he gave the award to I -- but that's what you say when you think "correct" is "He gave the award to Tom and I." Trivial issue, maybe, but if a book has enough of this type of error, I sometimes get churlish.

I'll 5-star the abused wife who finally recognized how wrong she was to tolerate the abuse and took steps to correct the situation. It's so much harder to break away from it with four children, but Daleen made the effort. It took her 20 years to bring herself to write this story. This is not a woman who thinks she's the squeaky-clean, innocent, poor little victim. She laments the damage done to her four children. She tells a story that has to be told in hopes that someone like her will break the silence and get the help she needs. Yes, help is there. Condemning the victim who fails to get help is...uh...no help at all.

My friend (whose daughter who attended the same WV high school with the nation's highest pg rate) says "The culture here in Appalachia is so foreign, so alien to mainstream America that it doesn't really surprise me that people don't get this woman's mental state at 13. The thing about authentic Appalachian literature is that it has to be carefully worded at all times. In its raw form, I can imagine that this culture and its ideologies would be off-putting to nearly everyone."

Likewise, women who never suffered the kind of abuse Daleen suffered have no way to grasp what it's like to be crippled by fear, guilt and self loathing. It isn't just an Appalachian thing. Sadly, domestic abuse is common to all social classes and ethnic groups. Intelligence is no deterrent to abusing or allowing oneself to be abused. It takes a lot of caring people to spot a victim and encourage her (or him) to get help.(less)

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Sep 23, 2012 Kathleen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, non-fiction, own, reading-group-choices, self-help, true-story, won-book, recommended-by-book-movement

I read this book in one sitting. I could totally relate to the author. I was not sexually abused as a child. I got pregnant at 16 and "had" to get married. I was raped by my husband. That expression was laughed at then and still is now. My husband took the phone cord from the wall and wrapped it around my neck and chocked me to show me that he could have sex with me without my permission. The physical abuse was horrendous. He beat me so badly one time that I didn't have a white spot left on my b...more

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Feb 01, 2012 Erin rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-read-giveaway, autobiographical

I received a free copy as part of the Goodreads First Read Giveaway.

About a year ago, a woman that I work with asked me to help edit her daughter's autobiography. I agreed and didn't think too much about my agreement until I finally read it. It was 300 pages and filled with detail about the abuse this woman and her children suffered at the hands of three different husbands. In many ways, her story paralleled Berry's story. I was struck by the similarities of the stories and of the treatement by...more I received a free copy as part of the Goodreads First Read Giveaway.

About a year ago, a woman that I work with asked me to help edit her daughter's autobiography. I agreed and didn't think too much about my agreement until I finally read it. It was 300 pages and filled with detail about the abuse this woman and her children suffered at the hands of three different husbands. In many ways, her story paralleled Berry's story. I was struck by the similarities of the stories and of the treatement by abusive husbands.

Both women were raped at a young age and then repeatedly raped by the same older man over and over again. Both felt that they couldn't talk to their parents about what was happening and both craved their father's attention and when their fathers didn't/couldn't be there emotionally, both were preyed on by abusers.

Berry has four children by the time she is 22. She lives the life of an abused woman. She believes that her husband is going to change and then he never does. Fortunatley, she eventually realizes that nothing is going to change and is able to leave with her children. She also had enough of a support system to facilitate her leaving.

The autobiography that I edited, the woman had never been able to leave her abusers. She continued to stay with her latest abusive husband and continually told her mother that she was sure that he would change.

I was impressed that Berry was able to have the self-confidence to get away from her toxic, rapist husband. She was able to start a new life for herself and pursue her dream of being a journalist.

The book starts out really slow and I was not impressed with the writing. The story seems to skip around and not make as much sense as would be ideal. I believe Berry is a good journalist, but journalist writing is very different than novel writing. However, the writing improves and the story of her struggles are really heartwrenching.

Great writing, No. Great true story of how one woman is able to overcome her abusive husband and pursue her dreams, YES!!!(less)

4 likes · like · see review

Jun 29, 2012 Nancy marked it as did-not-finish

Shelves: first-reads, memoir

I won this book through goodreads.

It is interesting to read this book at the same time as I have been reading In the Land of Invisible Women: A Female Doctor's Journey in the Saudi Kingdom. In Sister of Silence, a very young woman is controlled by her husband in the United States where she has legal freedom while in Saudi Arabia a very well educated single woman is controlled by a state religion. Both women have a religious faith when helps them endure.

2 likes · like · see review

Nov 22, 2012 Jennifer Short rated it 5 of 5 stars

When Sister of Silence first came out, I immediately bought a copy. The author used to work at our local newspaper, and I’m always interested in any non-fiction book with regional ties. I very much enjoyed reading about people I knew and even knowing as I read the book that my father was one of the people the author interviewed at the sheriff's office for her journalism job.

Sister of Silence is much more than just a book for those who live in our area. The story is riveting. It is a hard memoir...more

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Sep 11, 2012 Esther rated it 1 of 5 stars

The story in this book is wrenching. I have nothing but sympathy for the author and her children. Daleen Berry may have personally benefited by putting her story into words, but the writing in this book was adequate at best.
The structure was awful. The narrative skips and circles for no discernible reason. The litany of where she moved and when as a young child needs some major cuts. If the narrative is going to move in a non-linear fashion, it needs to do so in a meaningful way.
The language u...more

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Jun 04, 2012 Mandie rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a well-written book, although the subject matter was difficult to think about. I have so many things to think about now in my own life because she told her story with candor and insight. I have a hard time accepting her nearly saint-like portrayal of herself, but I think probably most people would try to show their own actions in the best possible light. However, there is no denying her husband was a evil man. The other thing I had trouble swallowing was that therapy basically cured her...more

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Feb 20, 2012 Carl R. rated it 4 of 5 stars

Unfortunately the beginning of Daleen Berry's story is not unique. Sexually abused from the age of thirteen, she became pregnant in high school and by the age of twenty-one found herself the mother of four children, trapped in a joyless marriage to an abusive alcoholic. The important part of Daleen's story is what happened next.

Repeated fantasies of harming one of her children leads her to seek help and she eventually discover that the intense stresses of her life have left her mentally ill. By...more Unfortunately the beginning of Daleen Berry's story is not unique. Sexually abused from the age of thirteen, she became pregnant in high school and by the age of twenty-one found herself the mother of four children, trapped in a joyless marriage to an abusive alcoholic. The important part of Daleen's story is what happened next.

Repeated fantasies of harming one of her children leads her to seek help and she eventually discover that the intense stresses of her life have left her mentally ill. By the end of this chapter in her life Daleen is in treatment, having ended her relationship with Eddie, and on her way to changing nearly every aspect of her life.

The book is not without its flaws. Early on, the pace is slow and the chronology is sometimes patchy. There are some grammatical and spelling errors as well but the story Daleen tells is so intense and so important we are willing to overlook these small problems and focus on the more important story of the prevalence of abuse in our society. Indeed, as the book progresses the writing seems to improve, making Daleen's transformation from a victim to a survivor all the more evident.

Berry pulls no punches. She admits that she is not perfect. She has made some mistakes. What is important to her and evident to the reader is her drive to move forward, to purge the negativity of the past from her life and to tell her story in such a way as to make other young women in similar situations realize that they too can break free, save their own lives and thrive.

Daleen's second book 'Children of Silence', which deals with the emotional struggle faced by her children due to their experiences with abuse, is soon to be published. Her life will have changed for the better but for Daleen, struggle and challenge are never far away. The future will undoubtedly be have its difficulties but through the exercise of her own emotional courage Daleen is able to face them not only as a survivor but as a warrior and a spokesperson for abused women and children everywhere. (less)

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Feb 12, 2012 Lisa Moss rated it 5 of 5 stars

I received this book and wasn't sure what I would find inside. What I found was an honest portrayal of a woman I could identify with. Not because I suffered the same abuses that she had, but because in many ways, she was like me. Too often, the heroes of survival stories seem to be without any flaws. Not Daleen - and this is a good thing. She admits that she is not perfect. She made mistakes. She is one of us. That's what makes me able to connect with her, and what makes her ordeal all the more...more

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Apr 27, 2011 Elaine rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is a memoir of Daleen's life, but it could be about any number of women that I have known or read about in the paper or seen in the news. The book is about so many things that I could relate to . . . alcoholism runs in our family and I have seen the damage it can do to the family unit. I also had a very abusive first marriage (I was 19 years old when I married the first time) and I am lucky to have escaped without physical harm, although the mental abusive can sometimes be just as bad....more

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Jul 02, 2012 Broodingferret rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biographies, non-fiction

It always seems incongruous to call a book like this 'enjoyable', given the subject matter; 'arresting' or 'engaging' is more apt. Berry's writing is down-to-Earth and concise, conveying in accessible language both the physical and emotional difficulties of her former situation. Nor does she patronize her audience with needless exposition; as with Hemingway's iceberg, Berry's writing covers the surface of her experiences, allowing her readers to infer the uncomfortable details for themselves. Th...more

1 like · like · see review

Feb 04, 2012 Peg rated it 5 of 5 stars

Sister of Silence by Daleen Berry. This memoir was provided to me free-of-charge by GoodReads, FirstReads. I gave this book 5 stars because it's powerful, thought-provoking memoir that merits it. It's a real page-turner you won't want to put down! Starting at age 13 or 14, every young woman and man should read this so they become familiar not only with sexual abuse, but physical and emotional abuse as well. I feel many others would benefit also, i.e., anyone in the medical and educational fields...more

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Mar 18, 2013 Brittiany rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

This was a true account of a woman's history of abuse... starting from the abuse she saw as a child growing up in a home with an alcoholic father, then the rapes that began when she was just 13 years old, and the constant emotional abuse and continued rapes she endured when she married her abuser.

While I didn't much like the writing style I couldn't put the book down. I wanted so very badly to see her come out on top. Not only to see her triumph, but to see how she worked through all of these i...more

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Nov 24, 2012 Kristin Walcott Figueroa rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is a memoir. I find it difficult to review memoirs. I like to read for entertainment, not necessarily to learn about history or someone’s life experiences. But every now and then I am inexplicably drawn to a particular story or individual. Sister of Silence is one of those books.

I find reviewing memoirs difficult because we all have a story to tell. And some story-telling serves a higher purpose for the author than for the audience. I imagine there are many life experiences put to pape...more This book is a memoir. I find it difficult to review memoirs. I like to read for entertainment, not necessarily to learn about history or someone’s life experiences. But every now and then I am inexplicably drawn to a particular story or individual. Sister of Silence is one of those books.

I find reviewing memoirs difficult because we all have a story to tell. And some story-telling serves a higher purpose for the author than for the audience. I imagine there are many life experiences put to paper—in journals, diaries, poems, songs—that are never made public, but serve as a cathartic medium for the writer. Those that do make those writings public are brave individuals. I believe they do it in order to help those that are experiencing similar circumstances—to let them know they are not alone. To encourage them to hope and to seek help. For the courage and fortitude shown by those individuals that share their stories to heal themselves and encourage others to do the same, I rate them all five stars, despite what I might rate their book.

I applaud Daleen for bringing her story to light. Having never experienced the abuse Daleen suffered, it is difficult for me to imagine or understand how someone can allow someone else to treat them so poorly. While Daleen tried to explain her actions—or rather inactions on her own behalf—I still found myself asking why she didn’t do this or that. She spoke about her upbringing, her religion, her mother’s role, and her father’s role. All in all, it shaped her, she believed, into a person with little value. That is perhaps the saddest truth of the story. But, somewhere deep inside of Daleen, there was a tiny voice. It said “You deserve better than this.” And those are very powerful words. Thankfully, she had the strength to let that voice grow and eventually be heard.

I cannot say I enjoyed the book. How can one say they enjoyed reading about someone else’s pain and abuse. I can say I think it is an important book; one that should be on the shelves at women’s shelters, counseling centers, and other places where it might reach other women in similar circumstances. As much as this is a book about sexual and emotional abuse, it is also a book about strength and triumph. If it helps one woman overcome her victimization and lead a happier, healthier, and more productive life, it has served its purpose.(less)

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Jun 14, 2012 Gideon Carlisle rated it 2 of 5 stars

I must first request that my review is not taken personally as I do feel sympathetic for Daleen and her family. While reading the book I felt very awkward as if I were witness to events which I had no business seeing. I appreciate that Daleen felt her story needed to be told and I am sure that people in similar situations can take comfort in her story but I personally feel that the writing works better as a form of therapy than something to be shared with everyone. I could not help but question...more

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Oct 09, 2012 Jessica Thomas rated it 3 of 5 stars

I echo some of the other readers' comments in that I give Daleen five stars as an individual for overcoming her difficult circumstances. My three star review applies to the quality of writing and the structure of the book itself. The memoir jumps back and forth in time in a manner that is difficult to discern, and I don't think Daleen probably captured the depth of her despair in writing. Nevertheless, it's an important topic and her story sticks with you many days after reading it. The book cou...more

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Sep 22, 2012 Tracy Fleming-Swehla rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: no one, this was a horribly written book

Shelves: psychology, non-fiction

This book was a freebie from the eReaders newsletter, and I’m glad I didn’t pay for it. This is an autobiography about a woman who struggles to escape an abusive marriage. I’m very glad she found the strength to change her circumstances. But this book is so poorly written that I’m surprised it was published. The book is filled with typos, irrelevant rambling rants, and constant reminders of what a great writer she believes she is. I want to believe that the goal of sharing her story was to help...more

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Apr 07, 2012 Amanda Somdal rated it 5 of 5 stars

The book is such an eye opener to what's happening around the world. I knew about grooming yet more for a person grooming a child to molest. This book took it to another dimension - facet of grooming -- a person grooming a child to marry and continue to sexually abuse the child/adult. It makes me look at 'interesting' relationships differently. It brings a red flag in me when I read about Moms killing children, "hmm more to the story than the media knows about...." Daleen Berry is an awesome aut...more

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Sep 23, 2012 Cindy rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a powerful book that's hard to put down. Daleen tells her personal story of being married to her abuser. She deals with the continued abuse, depression, and being a mother of 4 children. She is very candid about the guilt she suffered. It is a must for any parent to recognize the signs of a child molester, any abuse victim (sexual or otherwise), or an adult child of alcoholic parents. I did not think I could relate to Daleen since I was not a victim myself. However, she is a very talente...more

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Jan 01, 2013 Victoria Washuk rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

I highly recommend this book. I could not put it down. Kudos to Daleen for writing her horrific experience and sharing it with the world. It is hard to believe someone so young went through what she did and had four babies, dealt with such abuse and felt it was her fault. Apparently this kind of abuse happens alot more than people think or know about. Maybe it will help someone reach out and get the help they need if ever in a similar circumstance.

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Aug 22, 2012 Tom rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jun 02, 2012 Mindy rated it 1 of 5 stars

Although I'm happy for Daleen and feel she should personally be given five stars for awakening to her situation and finding a way out of it, I expected a lot more from this book. It's hard to explain, but the book felt very surface, just floated here and there along the top. It was difficult for me to finish because it was really just a whole lot of nothing. I kept waiting for something that never quite came, although it came close with the conversations she had with her therapist.

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Jan 19, 2012 Janet rated it 5 of 5 stars

Describing Daleen Berry's memoir leaves me at a bit of a loss for words. It's amazing, horrifying, and inspiring. It is a very serious subject matter and I found I had to take breaks from it yet I wanted to keep reading.

It's the story of a daughter of an alcoholic, a rape victim, a mother of four by age twenty-one, and a woman who finds a way to free herself. It's so hard for me imagine what she went through but she does a very good job of telling it. You root for her and learn from her. She's...more

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Jul 26, 2012 Christine rated it 4 of 5 stars

This story was painful for me to read. It dredged up a lot of muck from my teenage years and childhood. But it helped me find some answers regarding my feelings and behavior. I wasn't overwhelmed by the writing style or talent but I admire her for finally speaking up and doing something before it was too late and then having the fortitude to write about it. Not sure I could tell the world!

1 like · like · see review

Nov 14, 2012 Mel burge rated it 4 of 5 stars

Heart wrenching and yet utterly captivating in reading the authors story and how so many of us can relate on a personal basis. Abuse comes in many forms and this author captured many of my thoughts as well as leaving me thinking there are ways out and ways to get help not only for yourself but others in need as well. Very well written and yet sad since it is real life.

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Jan 12, 2012 Linda Moenck rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really liked this book. Daleen makes the reader feel as if they are in the same room, sharing a conversation about her life. She is very sincere about her experiences, yet never says anything in a mean way about her ex-husband. She sticks to the facts and then the reader can make their own judgements about him. I had a hard time putting the book down and would highly recommend it to anyone.

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Dec 26, 2011 Colette rated it 5 of 5 stars

It was very educational to the time period of the seventies/eighties. I know this book would help every woman, no matter her age, to facing the abuse they might have suffered. It has opened my eyes to some problems I already have faced and others which i haven't. I can only say that the author is a strong woman who has suffered abuse and rape; only to come out the victor.
I recommend this book to everyone. this is one story that should be told and give others the strength to step forward if they...more

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Aug 05, 2012 Ann Wilcox rated it 3 of 5 stars

Especially interesting was the forward written a former FBI behavioral scientist on the psychology of sexual predators and their young victims. Hard to read the book's content but made more palatable because the author says up front that she got help and has gone to have a good life.

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Jun 06, 2012 Rachel Ireland rated it 3 of 5 stars

So close to a four star rating but at times I felt this writer just kept repeating her self over and over. Not that she isn't validated but it was hard as a reader. I feel as though I've heard some or part of this story before. Even the name sounds familiar but I can't make the connection. Her story was inspiring for sure!

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Aug 15, 2012 Kristi rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: kindle

Eye opening the abuse this woman goes through. I found myself wanting to shake her throughout the book to wake her up and get her away from the man that claims to love her. The parts of the book that could have been very graphic were handled well.

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About Daleen Berry

Because she's been a journalist for more than 20 years, Ms. Berry has expertise in the area of child sex abuse and interpersonal violence. She's an award-winning author and an accomplished journalist who speaks about these important social topics at conferences around the country. She has spoken at Johns Hopkins University; UC Berkeley, California; and elsewhere. Ms. Berry is also an award-winning...more Because she's been a journalist for more than 20 years, Ms. Berry has expertise in the area of child sex abuse and interpersonal violence. She's an award-winning author and an accomplished journalist who speaks about these important social topics at conferences around the country. She has spoken at Johns Hopkins University; UC Berkeley, California; and elsewhere. Ms. Berry is also an award-winning editor, investigative journalist, public speaker, and a blogger for The Huffington Post. Since 1979 she has written more than 3,000 articles that have appeared in regional publications and newspapers across the country. She has been an invited speaker at local and national events, and will join Brenda Clubine (of the documentary "Sin by Silence") in speaking at ABIP’s18th Annual Conference in March 2012. In 2007 Ms. Berry received two second-place awards for her weekly columns from the Maryland, Delaware, D.C. Press Association. One award came in the “Critical Thinking” category for “Many factors involved when mothers kill,” which directly relates to Sister of Silence. The other award came in the “Feature or Humor” category. Ms. Berry also won a 1990 first-place prize for investigative journalism from the West Virginia Press Association for her three-part series on health care costs. In May 2005, Ms. Berry placed second in Fairmont State University’s M.M. Neely Persuasive Speaking Competition, for her speech regarding child sexual abuse and its link to domestic violence. Berry also served as editor of The Columns, FSU’s student-run newspaper, during the Fall 2004 semester. In that leadership position, Berry led her staff to a record number of awards in the Society of Collegiate Journalists’ annual competition. In 1991, Ms. Berry was editor-in-chief of publications she wrote and published for the West Virginia Deputy Sheriffs’ Association and the West Virginia Fraternal Order of Police. Ms. Berry has reported and edited many newspapers during her long career, including The Cumberland Times-News (2006-08); The Tracy Press, (1997-98); The Dominion Post (1997); The Buckhannon Record Delta (1991); The Kingsville Record (1993); The Preston County Journal (1988-91), and The Panther Press (1979-80). She was also an Associated Press stringer in 1994, and her work has been heard on West Virginia Public Radio.(less)

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