false 10342 3 For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books, filled with ludicrous misinformation and aimed at children. So here we are with <i>GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES!</i> by Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey. A world-renowned and much feared expert on everything, Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has seventeen degrees from eighteen institutions of higher learning. With her husband, Benny, she has traveled the world many times over, has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first hand. When is the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with a giraffe? That's what I thought. You are hopelessly clueless on giraffe culture, their likes/dislikes and voting patterns -- most giraffes are probably libertarian. <i>GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES!</i> is the authoritative text on the biology, history and overall nature of giraffes. You are so behind on giraffes that it's rather embarrassing and you obviously need this book more than health insurance. Things you probably don't know about giraffes -- and can only be found in this book -- include giraffes' preferred mode of transportation (conveyor belt), what their bodies are made of (paper mache, a clock, fruit juices and a super-strong lightweight titanium alloy), where most giraffes live (Terra Haute, Indiana -- known for many things, including buildings made of wood and ground made of dirt), and basic giraffe history (in 50,000 B.C giraffes began to hang out with primitive man, they found him to be likable and helped him paint buffaloes in caves). Cheat Sheet on Giraffes (good for slumber parties and barroom brawls): &#149; Giraffes invented plastic. "No, not plastic--latex. My bad. Still, though isn't that amazing?" &#149; Frequently Asked Question: <i>Why do we call giraffes "giraffes?"</i> Answer: Because when they came to Earth they asked us to. &#149; Rarely Asked Question: <i>How fast can giraffes run?</i> The giraffes have tried to phase out running from their lives but if they had to, they could still run much faster than you. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that they can run 780 mph. With the wit and irreverent sense of humor for which Dave Eggers and McSweeney's is known, comes the first volume in the revolutionary Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance books. More than just entertaining and informative, <i>GIRAFFES? GIRAFFES!</i> will help you appear smarter, more in touch with your sensitive side and whiten your teeth. And much, much more that will likely sicken you. 13058 28 9 2003 Giraffes? Giraffes! total:324|5:198|4:90|3:29|2:3|1:4| 324 1447 421 57 5 4 false false Fri Jul 04 20:50:00 -0700 2008 Fri Jul 04 20:52:19 -0700 2008 more...]]> 3 2 false false Fri Aug 03 21:29:56 -0700 2007 Fri Aug 03 21:34:47 -0700 2007 more...]]> 5 2 false false Sat Sep 01 00:00:00 -0700 2007 Tue Sep 11 16:59:39 -0700 2007 Tue Sep 11 17:10:29 -0700 2007
http://www.haggis-on-whey.com/]]> 1 2 false false Thu Nov 01 00:00:00 -0700 2007 Sat Nov 03 18:00:08 -0700 2007 Sat Nov 03 18:43:13 -0700 2007
But this isn't anti-humor, it's just not funny. A cannabis salad served with a dressing of posh graffix by some glib McSweeney's hepcats.
...more...]]> 5 0 false false Fri Feb 06 11:44:41 -0800 2009 Fri Feb 06 12:16:58 -0800 2009
BEST PURCHASE EVER!!

Though, I assume, it is aimed toward kids, it is totally tongue-in-cheek, and the unconvetional format ma...more...]]> 1 1 false false Thu Feb 07 22:02:50 -0800 2008 Thu Feb 07 22:04:43 -0800 2008 more...]]> 5 1 false false Sun Jan 01 00:00:00 -0800 2006 Fri Feb 15 20:39:31 -0800 2008 Fri Feb 15 20:40:17 -0800 2008 more...]]> 5 1 false false Wed Apr 16 01:51:46 -0700 2008 Wed Apr 16 01:56:44 -0700 2008 more...]]> 4 1 false false Wed Oct 24 17:20:15 -0700 2007 Thu Oct 25 18:03:28 -0700 2007 more...]]> 4 1 false false Tue Jun 03 20:13:19 -0700 2008 Thu Jun 05 08:20:11 -0700 2008 5 1 false false Wed Jan 09 08:52:42 -0800 2008 Wed Jan 09 08:54:01 -0800 2008 3 0 false false Thu Dec 11 00:00:00 -0800 2008 Tue Dec 02 10:43:22 -0800 2008 Thu Dec 11 18:59:22 -0800 2008 more...]]> 5 0 false false Mon Feb 16 10:29:17 -0800 2009 Mon Feb 16 10:33:10 -0800 2009
This book is pee your pants silly- just stupid giggling fun, the kind best had pants-free.

I think I may get a stack of t...more...]]> 3 0 false false Thu Jun 18 11:25:38 -0700 2009 Thu Jun 18 11:28:45 -0700 2009 5 0 false false Sun Apr 26 05:17:50 -0700 2009 Sun Apr 26 05:19:37 -0700 2009 if someone ever gives you this, don't put it on the bookshelf for months without opening it,cos you're just wasting time that you could be laughing with.]]> 5 0 false false Tue Jan 27 00:00:00 -0800 2009 Fri Jan 30 03:35:27 -0800 2009 Fri Jan 30 03:37:05 -0800 2009 5 0 false false Wed Feb 01 00:00:00 -0800 2006 Mon Jan 05 20:01:50 -0800 2009 Mon Jan 05 20:36:54 -0800 2009 A masterpiece of natural science.]]> 5 0 false false Sun Apr 05 01:04:46 -0700 2009 Tue Apr 07 22:54:35 -0700 2009 5 0 false false Mon Mar 20 00:00:00 -0800 2006 Wed Jun 10 20:40:27 -0700 2009 Wed Jun 10 20:41:21 -0700 2009 5 0 false false Thu Mar 12 16:36:45 -0700 2009 Thu Mar 12 16:40:46 -0700 2009