Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think by Bryan Caplan

May 13, 2011 Sophie rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This is a bad book. To summarize the author's point is this message - it doesn't matter what you do as a parent. The kids will grow up the way nature intended them to grow and nothing you do has any influence. So why bother? You, the parent, can just relax and stop investing all this time and energy in raising your kids. That way, you can have more kids. Its not a problem at all to put them in front of TV, feed them take-out food, and do whatever makes your life more convenient. Nothing you do m...more

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Jakub Yes, you are right, parents matter a lot. But only in some areas of life. Like the way your kids feel about you when they grow up. If you are a good p...more
May 14, 2011 09:38am

Nusaybah For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to ADOPT children. Maybe two, no more than three. My favorite age range is three through twelve. I...more
Apr 07, 2012 12:15am

Tom You may not like his 'message', but he's backed it up with some pretty serious arguments. The science seems clear: who are parents are is probably mor...more
Aug 03, 2012 06:37am

Mar 22, 2013 Adam rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is great. Some reviewers disparage it saying that it claims that parenting efforts are meaningless and that kids will grow up according to the dictates of their genes. This is not the author's argument. He argues (with adequate support) that EXCESSIVE parenting efforts are meaningless. The advanced preschools, all the music lessons, all the sports teams, and all the extracurricular activities that require so much time and commitment detract from your ability to enjoy your children and...more

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Mar 24, 2013 Jessie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

Caplan's main thesis here is that nature matters more than nurture. He has twin and adoption studies to back him up. So therefore, all things being equal, (i.e. we aren't talking about abusive parents, drug addicts, etc) parenting STYLE really doesn't matter. Your kid is going to grow up and be whoever they are whether you're a big hippie like me or more of a super-nanny type. So driving ourselves crazy trying to be perfect so that we can ensure a bright future for them is silly and we should al...more

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Dec 19, 2012 Erin Reilly-Sanders rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult, non-fiction

While annoyed by some parts of the book, I like the general idea of parents being a bit easier on themselves, not that I have any personal experience as a parent. In fact, one of the biggest turn offs of parenting for me has been the suggestion that you need to give up everything, even to the point of your own person as a parent, particularly as a mother. And speaking of gender roles, parenting is typically so gendered that it would be nice to see more investigation of these aspects, but this bo...more While annoyed by some parts of the book, I like the general idea of parents being a bit easier on themselves, not that I have any personal experience as a parent. In fact, one of the biggest turn offs of parenting for me has been the suggestion that you need to give up everything, even to the point of your own person as a parent, particularly as a mother. And speaking of gender roles, parenting is typically so gendered that it would be nice to see more investigation of these aspects, but this book is about what you'd expect from a parenting-enjoying male. The research support for the premise is a bit hard to follow- it switches from easily accessible every-day language into research-speak pretty rapidly at the end of a chapter or two rather than putting the sciencey stuff in an appendix. The way it's put is also potentially very depressing for adoptive and same sex parents who may not be biologically related to their children. I really would have appreciated a bit more tact on the part of the author and respect for what nurture does offer to the parenting relationship. The last chapter before the conclusion is also a bit offensive to those who may disagree with Caplan- I found some of my objections presented in a demeaning way and did not like it. I do disagree, flat out, with some of his arguments and I'm sure there are others out there with research to back them up who would vehemently disagree with others. He makes the argument that global resources are not a problem because more people enrich the earth and presumably will come up with more efficient solutions. However, a lot of research is concerned with this issues, even saying that the earth's population has already outstripped its resources which is maybe not a reason to have no kids at all but maybe maybe just another consideration when thinking how many and the resources you consume in raising them. So while this book is an interesting read, I don't know that it is particularly helpful unless you are looking for ways to have fun with parenting (and who shouldn't be) and can take the semi-questionable rationale for having more kids with a grain of salt.(less)

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Aug 04, 2012 AnnaMay rated it 5 of 5 stars

Ahhh...I can breathe easier as a parent now and my kids will, too. This book has done more to cut down on the second-hand stress my kids and husband receive than anything else I've read or done lately. By cutting down on the second-hand stress, I'm not only making my life happier, but the trickle-down effect takes hold and their lives are happier as well.

Parenting doesn't need to be as painful or difficult as we make it. This book is about striking a balance and feeling good about it. Somehow, r...more

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Jun 26, 2012 Rochelle rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved this book and I really wish I could find a summation of all the research Caplan presents that shows how little parenting actually effects the child in the end.
However I think he should ditch the Selfish Reasons to Have more Kids part because I didn't find that part of the book all too convincing. I especially disliked the part where he was trying to give Grandparents ways to convince their kids to have more kids. I can't think of anything more annoying and off-putting than that, though...more

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Apr 25, 2012 Rachel rated it 2 of 5 stars

I was excited to read this book after hearing an interview of the author. The thesis of his book is that parenting style does not matter – at least not for a middle-class family in the developed world. Extensive twin and adoption studies show that parents have almost no effect on who their children become as adults. Genes have a small to moderate effect, while unknown variables (or “nonshared environment”) account for the rest. So instead of focusing on their children’s future success, the autho...more

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Feb 25, 2012 Megan Blood rated it 3 of 5 stars

Almost got four stars, but it just went on for too long.

If nothing else, it's interesting food for thought. The basic premise is that genetics (nature) counts for 90-100% of how your child is going to turn out. So really, besides choosing a good mate and not being a total loser of a parent (and I mean TOTAL loser), there's not much you can do to significantly influence your children in the long run.

The part of me that spends too much time with those who overparent ("I'm teaching my baby to rea...more

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Jan 13, 2012 Alison Whittington rated it 2 of 5 stars

While I was looking to be persuaded that having more kids would be a great idea, I found Bryan Caplan's arguments and the scientific research he uses to back them up to be unconvincing. I am not schooled in statistical interpretation or in genetic research, but I looked at the numbers he presents as proof that nature completely overrides nurture and parenting has absolutely no effect, and I came up with somewhat different conclusions, from the exact same numbers. Although it also seemed to me th...more While I was looking to be persuaded that having more kids would be a great idea, I found Bryan Caplan's arguments and the scientific research he uses to back them up to be unconvincing. I am not schooled in statistical interpretation or in genetic research, but I looked at the numbers he presents as proof that nature completely overrides nurture and parenting has absolutely no effect, and I came up with somewhat different conclusions, from the exact same numbers. Although it also seemed to me that nurture has less of an effect than parents assume (so why worry so very much about all the education and classes and television-watching?), I didn't interpret the numbers as meaning that nurture has no effect at all. I also found his insistence that his interpretation was final and conclusive to be odd, unscientific, and damaging to his argument.

Twin research and the idea that parenting and parental stress are irrelevant seem to be the foundation of Caplan's argument, but he also repeatedly returns to the argument that if you want more grandchildren, you should have more children and he seems to think that everyone else wants lots of grandchildren. Frankly, I do hope to have grandchildren, but please let me survive (and learn to enjoy) giving birth to (something Caplan doesn't have to do, I'd like to point out) and parenting babies, toddlers and teens first; I'd prefer not to determine the whole course of my life based on how many grandchildren I'd like when I'm in my 60s or 70s (as an older parent, I expect to be an older grandparent).

The book is strangely organized, jumping from twin research, to how getting pregnant is more technologically possible than ever before so why are you stopping now, to the idea that, well, if you don't have more children, then you have less of a chance to giving birth to a genius, to a whole chapter for grandparents on persuading their own children to have more children, and finally, a transcript of a conversation between people who had the same problems I did with Mr. Caplan's arguments. While I was somewhat mollifed that my concerns were at least addressed, I felt that if the book had been well-written, there would have been no need for that strange addition to try to win people over.

I was also never quite sure why Mr. Caplan wants to convince people to have more kids - is it just altruistic desire for people to have "more fun" or does he have some other hidden reason for feeling the need to make this argument? I couldn't shake the feeling that it was the latter, but I never figured out what that reason might be. Maybe he just wanted to publish a book.

Ultimately, I did come to the conclusion that overall, yes, it's a good thing for parents to stop worrying so much and cut themselves some slack and even let the kids watch television while they take some time for themselves, and thus, if you are on the fence about having more kids, then maybe taking the pressure off yourself is just what you need to convince you that it would be a good thing, but I found this book to be mostly a half-organized muddle of flimsy ideas.(less)

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Oct 01, 2011 Kater Cheek rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is a great title, in that it enticed me to pick this up, and it's a bad title, because it would be more accurately titled "good reasons to have more kids." Most of this book is what you think it is--reasons why having more children is a good idea. Some of it, however, is a trickle of the much awaited (by me) backlash against hyper-vigilant paranoid overparenting. If you put this book and that Tiger mom book in the same room, they'd probably bind together with subatomic force, that's how opp...more This is a great title, in that it enticed me to pick this up, and it's a bad title, because it would be more accurately titled "good reasons to have more kids." Most of this book is what you think it is--reasons why having more children is a good idea. Some of it, however, is a trickle of the much awaited (by me) backlash against hyper-vigilant paranoid overparenting. If you put this book and that Tiger mom book in the same room, they'd probably bind together with subatomic force, that's how opposite these schools of thought are.

This hit me a few years too late to influence my more-kid lobbying efforts, but I could see people reading this book and deciding in favor of having a larger family. His arguments are complelling. For example, his main argument is that your kids are going to turn out just like you no matter how you raise them, so don't fret too much. As long as you're an adequate parent, you're fine. He uses twin studies to back up this theory. This, of course, will grate with the people that think that their parenting efforts have significant impact on their children's development. Which school of thought you fall into will likely influence how spurious or compelling you find his argument.

The part of the book I enjoyed the most talked about how much safer life is for people in general and children in particular since 1950. I cheered (silently) because I hate the people who silently (and not so silently) condemn me for allowing my children to have a small measure of independence (walk to grandmommy's house, eg.) because "it's just not safe anymore." People watch "CSI--Horrible Child Sex Torture Edition" and they forget that it's fiction. They see whatever horrific crime CNN has dredged from the sludge and they think that it's prevalent, just because CNN manages to find one every couple of weeks. Here are the facts: It's safer to be a kid now than a kid in 1950.

The third tier of his argument is that having kids is a huge upfront cost that will pay for itself later. Ask yourself not how many kids you want now, but how many kids you want when you are 60. He also offers having lots of kids (and providing bribes for the one you have) as a strategy for having more grandkids. This, I know from experience, has limited success.*

The reason why the title is inaccurate is that "selfish" is not a word that I associate with "good and compelling." There are, as Caplan provides, reasons why having a child makes the world a better place. Here's the most compelling one, that is obvious but that most people don't consider: unless your life is horrid, you're probably glad you were born. Having a baby is good for the baby. It gets to live. So, if you're glad to be alive, thank your mom. (Thanks, mom!)

The last part of the book was my least favorite. In it, the author has a dialog with several other people who either partially agree or strongly disagree with him. I found the format (that of a talk show or script) to be unnatural, and I eventually just stopped reading at that point. One aspect of the author's writing that I did enjoy was that he used a breezy, conversational style for the first part of each chapter, and then back-loaded it with the stats and research.

Even if you're not in a position to increase your family size, this is an interesting read because of the safety stats and the twin studies. If you are in a position to increase your family size, and are on the fence about it, this might be a good read because it will likely get you off that fence.

*Dad, I know you're reading this. Don't get your hopes up. I'm not pregnant.

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Sep 21, 2011 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars

I heard the author interviewed and was intrigued with his ideas, but I didn't think they would change the way I saw the world. I checked it out as a fun read and for parenting inspiration, and because I basically agree with the title. I was surprised when I read it how disturbed I was by the twin studies that he used to assert that much of what we do as parents has little lasting effect. Most of how our children turn out as adults is due to genetics and their own free will. The best things we ca...more

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Jul 10, 2011 Stacy Boyd added it

A very freeing argument: genetics and individual environment mean that kids will turn out how they will turn out and parents' efforts have little long-term effect.

Love the argument about the power of parenting. Parents can at least control what kids remember about them. Kindness and respect, enjoyment of family time, etc. will be the memories of your kid's childhood. Love the quote from Judith Harris: "People sometimes ask me, 'So you mean it doesn't matter how I treat my child?' They never ask...more A very freeing argument: genetics and individual environment mean that kids will turn out how they will turn out and parents' efforts have little long-term effect.

Love the argument about the power of parenting. Parents can at least control what kids remember about them. Kindness and respect, enjoyment of family time, etc. will be the memories of your kid's childhood. Love the quote from Judith Harris: "People sometimes ask me, 'So you mean it doesn't matter how I treat my child?' They never ask, 'So you mean it doesn't matter how I treat my [spouse]?' and yet the situation is similar. I don't expect that the way I act toward my husband is going to determine what kind of person he will be in ten or twenty years from now. I do expect, however, that it will affect how happy he is to live with me and whether we will still be good friends in ten or twenty years."

However, I can't help getting confused over two pieces of this argument.
1) He says "give him the gift of life, feed and water him, don't lock him in a closet and life will take care of the rest...Step back and trust in your genes."

This completely ignores the day-to-day necessities of living life with a kid. Not parenting, necessarily, but the need to buy groceries, get to work on time, keep bugs and dirt out of the house, etc. Parents and kids (especially small kids) do not have the same daily goals and needs. Half of parenting advice is less about the long-term (happiness, wealth, health) and more about the short-term (how can we live in a peaceful household where everyone is getting the necessary things done?) Stepping back and letting genes take over would mean that my kid would do whatever he wanted, which would mean he'd be playing Legos naked instead of getting ready to walk out the door with me for school and work.

2) He also ignores the importance of teaching. Not teaching core traits like character, health, etc., but teaching small things like how to cross the street, how to behave in a restaurant, how to brush teeth and put dishes away, how to whistle, how to wipe your butt, how to clean up after your messes and how to make pie. All humans learn from example and not just from parents. But saying that what a parent teaches has no effect makes no sense. I wouldn't know how to drive unless my dad had taught me. I wouldn't know how to clean the tub or make a to-do list without my mom's example. Plus all the reading, the math and the critical thinking learned in school. Does all of this teaching of skills and new ideas have no effect on how I function in life (not saying that it affects who I am)? Or are all the things you learn and teach just part of the "individual environment"?(less)

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Mike Why wouldn't you expect that the way you act toward your spouse is going to determine what kind of person he will be in ten or twenty years from now?...more
Jul 11, 2011 02:54pm

Stacy Boyd You're right, Mike. Some couples look and talk like each other when they've lived together a long time. Adds credence to the idea that the effect of p...more
updated Jul 11, 2011 06:44pm

Jul 08, 2011 Tiffany rated it 5 of 5 stars

I gave this book five stars because I thought Bryan Caplan utilized far more interesting arguments than any author I've ever read to convince people that they CAN have more children than they think. I think books that are pro-family and in particular counter-act arguments about small families being better are important to read. (Of course I'm biased!)

First, Bryan Caplan, an economics professor, looks at the family in economic terms--applying economic principles to families.
Secondly, the author...more I gave this book five stars because I thought Bryan Caplan utilized far more interesting arguments than any author I've ever read to convince people that they CAN have more children than they think. I think books that are pro-family and in particular counter-act arguments about small families being better are important to read. (Of course I'm biased!)

First, Bryan Caplan, an economics professor, looks at the family in economic terms--applying economic principles to families.
Secondly, the author closely analyzes the data and results from studies that show people are less happy when they have children. (Surprise the happiness percentages or so small that they are almost insignficant)!
Third, Bryan Caplan counters claims about overpopulation and the environmental impact of larger families. I found this section particularly riveting because I find a lot of the logic and rhetoric about overpopulation to be misleading and faulty. National Geographic has been writing a monthly series about this very issue nad it drives me crazy!I find myself arguing, out loud to myself, about the articles.
Fourth, Bryan Caplan questions the current parenting practices of middle to high income families--i.e. that they drive themselves crazy supplementing education and intelligence when the payoff is rather low.
Fifth, Bryan Caplan discusses nature vs. nurture by looking at the extensive body of research done on twins and adopted children--suggesting that in the short-term parents do make a difference, but the long-term effects of parenting (on things like education, intelligence, behavior, etc.) aren't as signficant. Before you think the author is saying parenting doesn't matter, you have to realize that he IS saying that if you and your spouse are good, decent human beings with decent intelligence and education, it is very likely your kids will turn out the same way--but not because of the extra activities, but because genes (and personal choice) matter very much.
Sixth, Bryan Caplan talks about the payoff of grandchildren and that people do regret not having children and especially grandchildren. Having more children guarantees a better outcome of having grandchildren. The author urges people to consider long-term instead of considering the temporary costs (lack of sleep, time, etc.) that children initially bring.

I could go on and on, but in the end, I do think this book deserves a close look for what it offers families today--a different take on the number of children they have. This adds a little balance to the never-ending debate slanted in the fewer or no kids camp favor.

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Jul 05, 2011 Julie rated it 3 of 5 stars

I started out liking it-- as far as parenting books go. Got bored in the middle chapters which were mostly like reading case studies from college. Decided to pick it up again and try it out-- decided it is not so bad for a "parenting" book. Caplan mostly tries to dispel a lot of parenting myths and fears with studies and data. I like to read studies (to some extent), and he makes a lot of good points about how unfounded so many of our fears are--- like the dangers children face. He is humorous a...more

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Jun 11, 2011 Neil rated it 4 of 5 stars

There is nothing in particular I agreed with in the book, and there certainly feels to be a bit of circularity involved (people, he says, basically turn out to do whatever they will do and be whatever they will be in the long run, but he encourages people to have more kids because that will change their happiness even though he seems to say that people gravitate toward a natural point of happiness; I know he'd nitpick my argument and say I mischaracterize by oversimplification but alas). Nonethe...more

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Jun 03, 2011 Rachael rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a thought-provoking economics approach to childrearing. Caplan investigates the results of many twin and adoption studies to reveal that parents often pressure themselves to do things for their children which are a complete and utter waste of time. IQ, behavior, health, success are all highly heritable. While parents can affect short term behavior, those effects completely wear off on adults and leave no lasting impression or 'step up' (obviously within 'normal' childrearing). Caplan co...more

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May 16, 2011 Max rated it 3 of 5 stars

I liked the premise of this book a lot--that biology is largely responsible for how our kids turn out and that parents unnecessarily exhaust themselves thinking that they have to monitor every moment of their children's time. The first two chapters of this book were well-written and fascinating. Unfortunately, I could have stopped reading there and not lost much. The rest of the book is fairly repetitive, which is common in these sorts of pop sociology/economics type books, I suppose. I also had...more

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May 14, 2011 Adrienne rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book has changed my life. I think the title is unfortunate because it can give people the wrong idea, but I’m glad I saw past that misnomer. It came at just the right time, too. I have recently been thinking a lot about all the parenting books I’ve read and wondering just how effective their techniques really are. I mean, if “effective” means that they work to change the targeted behavior, then I would say most techniques that make it into a published book probably fit the bill. But I’ve fo...more This book has changed my life. I think the title is unfortunate because it can give people the wrong idea, but I’m glad I saw past that misnomer. It came at just the right time, too. I have recently been thinking a lot about all the parenting books I’ve read and wondering just how effective their techniques really are. I mean, if “effective” means that they work to change the targeted behavior, then I would say most techniques that make it into a published book probably fit the bill. But I’ve found myself wondering about the long-term outcomes of these things. Do they even make a difference in the long run? My main concerns are about long-term behavior outcomes as well as the long-term effects of these things on my kids’ relationships with me. (You know, am I going to elicit compliance now, only to have my kids resent my later?)

This book has helped me answer those questions. Caplan uses twin and adoption research to make his argument that parents are “charging” themselves too much for the “commodity” that is children. If we stopped wasting energy trying to control our kids’ development in areas where we really don’t have much influence, we would have the energy to happily and effectively raise more children (which would actually feel like a good and enjoyable thing if we weren't overextending ourselves).

Basically, twin and adoption research shows that parenting has very little, if any, effect on what our children become. Adopted children resemble their adoptive families when they’re little, but the older they get, the more they become like their biological families, whom they’ve never met. Identical twins raised separately are far more similar to each other than they are to their adoptive siblings. Caplan sums it up best with this analogy: “Instead of thinking of children as lumps of clay for parents to mold, we should think of them as plastic that flexes in response to pressure—and pops back to its original shape once the pressure is released.”

With this knowledge in hand, I’ve been able to let go of some of the exhausting techniques intended to mold my kids into something and instill habits that apparently won’t stick anyway, and instead just ENJOY them. They’re going to be who they’re going to be (barring extremes like abuse or neglect, of course) so why bust my hump trying to make them something they’re not? Obviously, we have to teach our kids to be respectful and responsible but most of that is taught through example. I just love this book for lifting a foolish burden that I placed on my shoulders when my daughter was born four years ago. I'm so much happier as a parent, AND my daughter is better-behaved. Go figure. Perhaps it's because I'm not up in her business all day, trying to mold and shape her?

All that said, I didn’t care for the dialogues in the last section of the book. I ended up skipping them because they were kind of awkward to read and they just reiterated what was already said. So the book could have been significantly shorter.

Even so, best parenting book ever. I wish I had read this one first.

***To the reviewer who refuses to believe the research, I think it's important to realize that these studies focus on overall character traits. And the truth is that as parents, we aren't going to change our children's core character traits. But I don't think that means that parents don't make any difference at all. Lots of things are learned. Take racism or other forms of prejudice--those aren't attitudes that people are just born with. They're learned. Which means tolerance is learned as well. As parents, we can still do a lot of good, but most of the good we can do is pretty much done before our kids are even conceived. If you're a decent, tolerant, polite person, odds are good your kids will be, too. (less)

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May 07, 2011 Eduardo Santiago rated it 4 of 5 stars

I'm a save-the-planet kind of guy: the way I show my children my love is by not bringing them into this world. So why in blazes would I read this book? Two reasons: 1) I respect Caplan based on his Myth of the Rational Voter, and 2) fuck confirmation bias. To my surprise, I enjoyed and learned from this book.

Caplan's main point, as others have mentioned, is “don't sweat it”. To a large extent, you don't have that much say in how your kids turn out: in the unsolvable nature/nurture debate, he pre...more

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Apr 24, 2011 Justus rated it 2 of 5 stars

Interesting but not quite interesting enough. Some good ideas with lots of horrible flaws. This book is a mishmash. It also feels like one of those Atlantic articles that gets blown up to book length and suffers for it.

The subtitle tells you exactly what Caplan is going to attempt to convince you of. Unfortunately he does a pretty poor job. His basic thesis is essentially "parents in modern, middle class American spend too much time on 'child rearing'." His primary argument to convince you of th...more Interesting but not quite interesting enough. Some good ideas with lots of horrible flaws. This book is a mishmash. It also feels like one of those Atlantic articles that gets blown up to book length and suffers for it.

The subtitle tells you exactly what Caplan is going to attempt to convince you of. Unfortunately he does a pretty poor job. His basic thesis is essentially "parents in modern, middle class American spend too much time on 'child rearing'." His primary argument to convince you of these are a slew of "twin studies" which show that, over the long haul, genetics trumps parenting in every category that parents care about.

I think you'd have to be silly to dismiss the findings of twin studies. There's no real basis to do so other than you don't like the conclusions that science has so far provided. I am deeply sympathetic to the argument he puts forward in the first 1/3 or so of the book: the world is safer than we think and children don't require constant helicopter parenting to turn out just fine.

But there's a huge leap from that to Caplan's real argument of "have more kids". And to get there he deploys a ridiculous amount of shoddy reasoning. I made notes along the way of objectionable things he said but I think his argument fails to convince me for two reasons:

- Okay, being a parent is less work than I think. How much less? Enough less than having more kids is worth it? He deploys the analogy of finding something on sale at the store and buying more of it. But if I see something is 20% off I don't immediately buy two of them. When Toyota has a summer special that knocks $5,000 off the price of a car I don't buy two of them. And how much less work is it? 5%? 10%? 60%?

- He doesn't even really try to convince you that being a parent is more fun than you think. His entire argument seems to be "being a grandparent is awesome and having lots of kids ensures that you will be a grandparent." That's it, as far I can tell.

Also, wtf was up with that chapter about IVF and cloning?

The final Socratic dialogues are just rehashing (sometimes nearly verbatim) earlier passages and arguments.(less)

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Jan 15, 2013 Skylar Burris rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting, sociology

"Selfish Reasons to Have Children" more or less makes the following argument: (1) Modern day parents make parenting costlier than it has to be (in terms of time, energy, money, and worry). (2) They don't need to do this because, as the research shows, the way you parent doesn't really influence the way your kids turn out as adults. (3) If parents didn't do #1, more people would be willing to have more kids, and (4) More people should have more kids.

I agree with (1), though this concept was alre...more

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Sep 17, 2011 Yvonne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

I was tempted to add this book under humor but decided that would give a false impression. This book is serious. The author is an economist and as everyone knows economists know everything and can explain everything. Unfortunately many of those who follow the works of today's economics is everything forget that there are any other disciplines that have valid and accurate information. Others looking at the4 same information might well have different interpretations of the data.

I'm all for having...more

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Sep 30, 2011 Libby rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really liked this book. I think it's interesting to think about deciding the number of kids, from an economic perspective. The title makes it sound like something it's not, which is a book that's trying to get you to have as many kids as physically possible. Rather, it's just trying to get you to think about your parenting differently- it doesn't have to be as painful as we sometimes make it. For example:

If your kid doesn't like to practice or play their instrument, you have to constantly nag...more I really liked this book. I think it's interesting to think about deciding the number of kids, from an economic perspective. The title makes it sound like something it's not, which is a book that's trying to get you to have as many kids as physically possible. Rather, it's just trying to get you to think about your parenting differently- it doesn't have to be as painful as we sometimes make it. For example:

If your kid doesn't like to practice or play their instrument, you have to constantly nag them to practice it, you are paying for lessons and driving them to the lessons and you have to drag your kid out the door... why are you doing this? If they hate it, they'll never keep up with it anyway. You're just straining your relationship and wasting money. STOP.

I really wanted to write this review with the book in hand, but my husband had to return it to the library, so I even stayed up late finishing it. Basically, Caplan studies and discusses adopted twin studies to determine if all the things we want our kids to have- success, money, happiness, good job, education, smarts etc is affected more by nature, or nurture.

The findings are astounding.

Parenting doesn't have as much affect as you might think. They do affect the kids a lot, while living at home, as far as behavior is concerned and in the areas they tested (Some I can remember are: income, amount of education, religion, political affiliation, religious activity, political activity, health, longevity, IQ, alcohol and drug use, when virginity is lost, maybe more... ) but once they leave home, the kid will go through what Caplan calls "fade-out" in which the nurtured traits that aren't there genetically will slowly fade out and by their 30s, they will just be the kind of adult they are genetically, despite what you've taught them growing up.

The only things the children DO keep with them, is the religion they feel affiliated with (though activity is unaffected) and the political party they feel closest to (and again, activity is unaffected) and finally, how fondly they look back at their childhood.

I guess the moral of the story is, it's worth it to try to get them to be polite and behave well, since you want to live with people like that, but that doesn't mean they will stay well-behaved and polite into adulthood. (However, if you are polite and well-behaved, the chances are they will get your "well-behaved" and "considerate" genes.) It's also worth it to try and give them a pleasant childhood (that doesn't mean they must be spoiled...) if you want to be involved in their grandchildren's lives.

So, lay off all the "IQ-building activities" unless everyone actually enjoys them- you're probably wasting your time and money.

One final point I will bring up, is he tries to get people to think about the future. Raising kids is really only a 20-year ordeal, and most people live for 4 times that! More of your life will be spent with grandkids than kids, and if you want lots of grandkids (which most people do- they're much more fun and less work, right?) you should think about the other half of your life and maximize your grandchild potential by having more kids.
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Dec 10, 2012 Matt rated it 3 of 5 stars

Parenting has become too much about controlling children and enduring stress and fatigue "for the good of the kids". Caplan looks at twin and adoption studies to see if micromanaging children really makes a difference in who they become. What he found is that nature (genes) plays a much bigger role than nurture (upbringing) in determining an individual's personalities, affiliations, education, habits, etc. If you really want to control who your child turns out to be, Caplan suggests being select...more

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Apr 02, 2013 Jim rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: economics, sociology

Interesting and quick read from Caplan, who takes his economics-style analysis to the concept of parenting with the goal of getting people to relax and enjoy parenthood, hopefully with the result that they'll have more kids as a result.

There are a number of people who read this and don't get it; they think that Caplan is making the argument that parents don't matter. Caplan makes a controversial claim, right up front, which he backs with reams and reams of data to substantiate. The claim is tha...more Interesting and quick read from Caplan, who takes his economics-style analysis to the concept of parenting with the goal of getting people to relax and enjoy parenthood, hopefully with the result that they'll have more kids as a result.

There are a number of people who read this and don't get it; they think that Caplan is making the argument that parents don't matter. Caplan makes a controversial claim, right up front, which he backs with reams and reams of data to substantiate. The claim is that, among typical first-world middle class parents, genes matter a lot more for long-term success than parenting styles. He uses twin studies, which have compared large numbers of identical twins to fraternal twins, and adoption studies, where kids can be compared to their biological vs. adopted parents outcomes, to see how much genes matter to long-term life outcomes. The overall message to take away from this is that breaking your back to get your child involved in every activity, camp and advanced learning opportunity is going to have almost zero effect on his adulthood, but will likely make his childhood more painful for you and the child. So sparing your daughter the torturous violin lessons that you and she both hate will make you both happier in the short term while hurting nothing about her long-term prospects. This is the main crux of the argument; that modern parents make themselves miserable and can't imagine adding to their burdens by having two kids instead of just one, or four kids instead of three, when in fact they could make themselves and their kids a lot happier, enjoy the family experience more, and maybe even choose to have more kids. He does not suggest there is a one-size-fits-all optimum, nor that everyone should have kids if they don't want them. It's more of a marginal analysis: you might opt to have an extra child, on the margin, if you perceive that the cost (in money, time and sanity) is lower than you thought.

Caplan also takes the time to alleviate concerns about bringing kids into this bad, dangerous old world (by establishing that the world, at least in America, is safer than it has ever been, including those idyllic fifties childhoods we see in Leave it to Beaver reruns), or that breeding is somehow bad for the general welfare (pointing out that population and prosperity usually go together, and societies (like Western Europe and Japan) that are unable to replace their populations are in serious trouble when it comes to maintaining social safety nets). He also points out that adopting a child from the third world, for example, has a huge effect on life outcomes and it's my guess that this holds true even within the first world if the socioeconomic surroundings change enough.

The book is empirical and analytical through and through, and not everyone likes to read that sort of book. Caplan keeps it pretty lighthearted, though, and admits that he doesn't have all the answers. Still, this book ought to give anyone who had kids, or thinks they might want kids, enough pause to reconsider their parenting styles and determine whether they're driving themselves to distraction needlessly, and could make the parenthood journey much more fun and exciting for themselves and their children. Even if you don't end up wanting more kids, you could probably tweak your practices in a way that would lower your general stress, and help you muddle through more easily. T(less)

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Jan 30, 2012 Talia rated it 1 of 5 stars

First off, I stopped reading during the last few chapters. I really thought that Caplan made a good case about nature and nurture having unequal grounds and that parents should cut themselves some slack on all worrying and constant doing they do to raise their children. However, I had issues with a lot of his reasons for having more children. He constantly contradicted himself, and more often than not the reason to have more children was to benefit society as a whole (like a public service act),...more

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Dec 06, 2011 Michelle rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-club-possibilities

I had heard this book referred to as an economist's parenting book, so, as a person who loves economics, I was intrigued. The title catches your attention, but I think the subtitle does a better job of describing what this book is all about: "Why being a great parent is less work and more fun than you think." A large portion of this book goes through twin and adoption research to show that, as long as you meet a basic level of parenting competency (such as the level that would qualify you to ado...more

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Sep 24, 2011 Hawley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Having concluded the book and reflected on it, I like it more than I initially thought because I think his purpose is a good and important one. It brings up questions every person should ask themselves, parent or no.

I'd say his purpose is two-fold: 1) to communicate that parents stress themselves out excessively and decrease their happiness as parents, when simply finding ways to enjoy their parenting and family life more wouldn't hurt their kids at all - and might not even affect them, unless...more Having concluded the book and reflected on it, I like it more than I initially thought because I think his purpose is a good and important one. It brings up questions every person should ask themselves, parent or no.

I'd say his purpose is two-fold: 1) to communicate that parents stress themselves out excessively and decrease their happiness as parents, when simply finding ways to enjoy their parenting and family life more wouldn't hurt their kids at all - and might not even affect them, unless by making them happier as well; 2) if you like kids, you owe it to yourself and the world to consider having more since there is a much higher scientific percentage that you would regret not having any or as many later on, than the almost non-existent chance that you would regret having the kids.

Unfortunately in my mind, he spends far too much time summarizing twin and adoption research, and makes things get a bit dry or seem irrelevant to the individual reader. I most enjoyed his personal experience testimony at the very end, and did find the fake conversations to be somewhat clarifying despite having been a bit off-putting at first... I understand that his motivation for writing this book was to make a more scientific/mathematical argument for why one ought to consider more children, but I suppose based off of the title alone (and not his personal background), I was hoping to read more of an emotionally compelling or personally compelling argument with what to me, would be more selfish reasons than simply wanting grandkids.

I would be thrilled if this caused more people to think seriously about having kids or having more kids, and best of all, if it were to spark a sort of debate by book so that I could read more about the topic. As someone who has always wanted a moderate to large number of kids (4: it depends on who you ask, where that falls on the spectrum), I guess I was almost hoping to have confirmation that my initial desires were right or good, or even to be encouraged to have more. Having read this book, I still think four is probably the ideal number for me/us. We'll see... Time will tell :)

Here is my review from when I had read about half of the book, on my blog:

http://babyschneider.wordpress.com/20...(less)

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Feb 09, 2012 Amanda rated it 3 of 5 stars

I read this when I was pregnant, I heard about it on a NPR broadcast. The details about the research data was a little dry, but I was surprised at how much I liked this book. Having a degree in sociology I am usually on the "nurture" side of the "nature vs nurture" debate, but I enjoyed how Caplan used the twin and adoption research to explain that kids are basically genetically engineered to be one way or another - so it benefits parents' mental well-being to let go of all the rigid expectation...more

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Aug 05, 2012 Ben rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book draws on an impressive amount of research and does it in an organized and helpful way. Maybe I just liked this book because I already believed most of what it says, but I would still venture to say this is a great book for any intellectual heading into the great unknown of parenting. I regularly think of this book with every "fad" parenting idea I run into or, more importantly, whenever I realize instances where I am sacrificing enjoying my kids for unworthy causes. That said, eventhou...more

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