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10th out of 35 books
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Redefining Our Relationsh...
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Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships
Don't let the title fool you. This IS a serious, thoughtful (and thought-provoking) comprehensive introduction to, and examination of, a much misunderstood and misused practice. But more than that, it is a witty, provocative, damn fine read, with as much to offer to the faithfully monogamous as to those looking for a bit more out of life, love and relationships. Go on. Div...more
Paperback, 160 pages
Published
May 1st 2002
by Defiant Times Press
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Whether to put more emphasis on one's politics or one's personal life has been a running debate between activists, organizers, and rebels of all sorts for a long time now. Where does your personal life stop and your efforts to change the world begin? Is there something in between? How do you go about living your life that goes along with your principles? These questions sometimes haunt me, because you can never really separate yourself from mainstream consumer society no matter how much you disl...more
Beginning with a quote from Emma Goldman, “The most vital right is the right to love and be loved,” Wendy discusses a bunch of thorny concepts beloved of those who practice polyamory – relationships based around the conscious involvement of more than two intimate sexual partners.
“Why alternative relationships?” covers the basics of how an individual might find themselves attracted to this format, and her easily read chapters carry on to cover such usual relationship problems as jealousy, conflic...more
“Why alternative relationships?” covers the basics of how an individual might find themselves attracted to this format, and her easily read chapters carry on to cover such usual relationship problems as jealousy, conflic...more
I don't like open relationships. Maybe it's because I'm straight, but there is a double standard at work between men and women in open relationships and it is too much for me to overcome with idealism. Sure, patriarchy shouldn't enter into our personal relationships but it does. That said, monogamy is an ideal that rarely works in long term relationships. So what do we do? This book helped me think about 'cheating' in a different way and encouraged me to strive against possessiveness and jealous...more
this book changed the way I look at relationships, communication and what it is to love & make love. It's much less sex/intercourse-focused than Ethical Slut, and therefore was a much more tolerable first step into understanding/exploring "open" relationships.
I read it ages ago and still carry the lessons with me...
It's a book that I would recommend buying and keeping onhand for re-reads. Also a great gift/lend to share with loved ones (whether they be sexual, romantic, o...more
I read it ages ago and still carry the lessons with me...
It's a book that I would recommend buying and keeping onhand for re-reads. Also a great gift/lend to share with loved ones (whether they be sexual, romantic, o...more
I was astonished at how similar this book was to an on-going conversation I've been having for years, developing my understanding of the nebulous thing we broadly call love. The prose and grammar isn't top notch, but Wendy-O put herself out there and produced a very candid, personable look at polyamory or, literally, loving many.
I agreed with almost everything in this book, though I haven't experienced the kinds of openness from other people the author has been living for years. I wi...more
I agreed with almost everything in this book, though I haven't experienced the kinds of openness from other people the author has been living for years. I wi...more
I liked reading this book. Someone recommended it to me by describing it as the "punk" Ethical Slut (which I've never read, but heard people talk about too much). A lot of this book I found to be problematic or simplistic (the idea of "true desires" or self-love...), however I found myself appreciating the context that the author seemed to come from and her grappling with many of the same kinds of questions I have grappled with concerning open relationships. While the questio...more
this is the first book about "open" relationships that i've read. i went to a polyamory workshop at queeruption last summer and this was one of the titles i heard mentioned as a recommended read - i only wish i had found a copy sooner.
i come from the monogamy camp - meaning i have never explicitly been in an open or polyamorous relationship. truthfully i find the idea a little overwhelming. i half expected to find myself reading my way through a foreign culture, unable to c...more
i come from the monogamy camp - meaning i have never explicitly been in an open or polyamorous relationship. truthfully i find the idea a little overwhelming. i half expected to find myself reading my way through a foreign culture, unable to c...more
I feel like there are a lot of problems with such a quick overview of such a complicated topic, which is maybe why I prefer The Ethical Slut, especially for newcomers. This seems more like a refresher course for those already familiar with some of the concepts involved with having open relationships. Lots of amazing stuff about self-love here, which is pretty crucial for any kind of relationship, and just to get through a pretty tough world that seems to thrive on people's lack of self worth. ...more
She's a rad little hippyish chick with some good ol' free thinking. :) I don't know if I'm down with her ideas so much or if you can really put them in place in the way she does, but she has some good insights into relationships and people and it gives ya some ideas. :) It was a pretty quick read so it wouldn't hurt to breeze through it. Though if you're married or in a committed relationship it may mess that up on ya. Don't say I didn't warn ya. :)
Spicy T AKA Mr. Tea
rated it
Shelves:
anarchism,
education,
gender-studies,
psychology,
feminism,
sexuality,
queer-trans,
communication-studies
I read this book at the recommendation of a friend. I wasn't thrilled with it. I thought the author was really quite authoritative in both style and pronouncement of open relationships. While I agree theoretically with the idea, and am indeed interested in exploring open relationships, reading this book made it seem like open relationships were the "only" kind of relationship to have. Further, Wendy writes in a very declarative way which lead to constant almost command statements that ...more
Short, memoir-ish and containing cute doodles, I enjoyed this book when I first came to view myself as polyamorous. Wendy-O Matik helped me put words to that nasty word--jealousy-- and helped me untangle it from the depths I'd buried it both friendships and relationships alike.
For someone a little less comfortable with poly, I suspect. It did help me understand where my partner was having difficulty though, so heartily recommend to others.
Might as well have been the Ethical Slut, except the chapter about child rearing was awesome!
This is by far the best book I have read thus far on polyamory and non-monogamy.
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i originally read this a few years ago but have been flipping it through it again and remembering why i love it so dearly.
unlike other books on nonmonogamy (or polyamory or open relationships, whatevs) this book defines sex very openly, not necessarily physical.
redefining relationships is simple but not simplistic, straight forward but poignant and is not afraid to be poetic at times.
all that is forever important when confronting heavy emotions, especially wh...more
unlike other books on nonmonogamy (or polyamory or open relationships, whatevs) this book defines sex very openly, not necessarily physical.
redefining relationships is simple but not simplistic, straight forward but poignant and is not afraid to be poetic at times.
all that is forever important when confronting heavy emotions, especially wh...more
simple. short. babies. queers. awesome.
Borrowed from another poly friend. Quick read, great modern common sense approach and very personal-to-author feel. But I disagreed with a lot of the authors viewpoints about how to handle poly dynamics (like systematically waiting a year after establishing a new relationship to start another...)so I cnan't say I could really adopt it... but it is one valid voice of one way to be polyamorous, and as a movement we need more perspectives on that for ourselves and for the public. Worth the read.
read this a long time ago and was supremely skeptical having plundered my way through the obtuse and pretentious (in my opinion) Ethical Slut. However, i was pleasantly surprised and found that it described and dealt with the kinds of relationships i was looking for. it does deal from a more "primary partner" position and is really big on being monogamous for some time with partners but it worked for me.
must read for default monogamous folks, chosen monogamous peeps, poly folks and anyone who enjoys taking an active role in your relationships - sexual, intimate, familial, friendly. I always say that if we use, like, 10% of our brains imagine how little of our hearts we are using. Offer it up-share the love (in lots of different ways).
This book was recommended as a companion to "The Ethical Slut", and I ended up liking it much more than I expected. The emphasis is on redifining what intimacy means on many levels, not just from a sexual standpoint. Awesome read for anyone who feels unfulfilled by current relationships or has interest in any sort of poly lifestyle.
bought this at goodvibrations one day in the presence of my then-monogomous girlfriend and didn't think much of it til we started trying to have an open relationship. this book seems to be more useful to people who are already living the polyamorous life, but i found some of it helpful...especially the chapter on jealousy.
I liked how this book stressed the importance of valuing all your relationships be they acquaintances, friends, or family, or romantic partners. The theme of practicing gratitude and mindfulness in your interactions with the people you care about is one that can be useful for all relationship styles.
this book leaves so much to be desired! valiant to write on the subject, I felt hungry throughout reading it. i wanted something solid: her examples are so generalized that i found it difficult to relate the experiences of the people she interviewed to my own life. it feels like a rough draft.
this is like "the ethical slut" for punks. wendy-o-matik is totally hot on the book jacket, but i looked her up on google.images and she's not all that in other photos. uh, that was a digression. it's pretty good, not all hippy dippy like "ethical slut." makes some good points. yadda yadda.
This book is a great lesson in self love and reconceptualizing ones ideas of jealousy, commitment and relationships. Whether or not you're interested in open relationships, this book is will really make you think about love in a new light (or at least it did for me).
jainabee
rated it
Recommends it for:
anyone in any kind of relationship
Recommended to jainabee by:
me
Of all the poly books out there, this one earns my vote for broadening the standard definitions of love, sex, and—yes—relationship. It's short and sweet and appropriate for just about any kind of person as a good introduction to the concept.
Paul
rated it
Recommends it for:
Anyone interested in honest relationships
Recommended to Paul by:
Allison
There are a lot of good ideas about possession, communication and love, but maybe this book makes this stuff look too easy? I guess there are enough good songs about broken hearts to explain how things can go wrong.
Practical and well said advice. Eye opening to the endless possibilities of expressions of love; emphasizing self respect. Examines, briefly, why monogamy persists in our culture...
Yes, indeed! Wheels is bringing back some relics. Have you read this? I have a totally new view of this book now that I'm re-reading it. I'll let you know it goes.
I really had no use for The Ethical Slut, this is like a part 2? Basically it focuses less on sex and more on the emotional aspect of open relationships.
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Wendy-O Matik is the author of Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships. As an educator, role model, and spokesperson for the polyamory community, Wendy has become a revolutionary activist of the heart. Since the release of her book, she has taught over eighty Radical Love & Relationship Workshops globally, excavating important social trends and reshaping the fut...more
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