You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church... and Rethinking Faith by David Kinnaman

Jan 05, 2012 Jonathan rated it 4 of 5 stars

I found that much of Kinnaman's data and analysis of it resonates with my experience--both personally, and in my understanding of the teens in my youth group. The categories he proposes for people leaving the church (nomads, prodigals and exiles) are very broad, and their appellations can be confusing or misleading unless you read carefully how he defines them.

Overall, I found the book very helpful for the following reasons (non-exhaustive, random order):

1. Careful processing of tons of data int...more

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Jan 02, 2012 Daniel Threlfall rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011

When a book is packed with numbers, statistics, and solid research data, you should do two things:

1. Buy it and read it, because research is long, hard, and expensive work.

2. Be skeptical, because statistics are slithery things.

David Kinnaman, President of the Barna Group, dishes up some discoveries in this book, hashes through some explanations, and proposes some solutions. As you read the book, you will encounter some thought-generating statistics, and work through some startling findings. The...more

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Dec 01, 2012 Ross Blocher rated it 2 of 5 stars

The author kindly sent me a signed copy of this book after I participated in a companion video series to the book (http://youlostmebook.com/). "You Lost Me" is about people like me - the younger generation that has been leaving the Christian church in droves. Kinnaman's job as head of the Barna Research Group makes him uniquely qualified to talk about the statistics of belief, and he states from the start that 59% of young people (age 18-29) leave the church.

He breaks these wanderers down into t...more The author kindly sent me a signed copy of this book after I participated in a companion video series to the book (http://youlostmebook.com/). "You Lost Me" is about people like me - the younger generation that has been leaving the Christian church in droves. Kinnaman's job as head of the Barna Research Group makes him uniquely qualified to talk about the statistics of belief, and he states from the start that 59% of young people (age 18-29) leave the church.

He breaks these wanderers down into three groups: nomads (while nominally still Christian, they no longer participate in the church or make faith a priority), exiles (Christian, but unhappy with the restrictions and judgment of the church, seeking a new mode in which to spread the gospel), and prodigals (no longer consider themselves to be Christians, having embraced another faith or no faith). I fall within the latter group, though I hardly appreciate the word "prodigal" with its connotations (nay, definitions) of recklessness and wastefulness. He is of course referring to the Parable of the Prodigal Son, but that makes the comparison no less offensive and inapt. The two prodigal subgroups are the heart-driven (upset by their treatment within the church, let down by God) and the head-driven (motivated by intellectual pursuit). This makes me a head-driven prodigal in Kinnaman's parlance, as I left the church at the age of 21 when I found the beliefs themselves to be incorrect.

The book presents findings from many of the Barna Research Group's surveys, putting numbers to the sentiments that have motivated the "Mosaic" generation (18-29 year olds) to lose confidence in the church. It also outlines fundamental aspects of younger culture that put Mosaics at odds with the old-fashioned approaches of traditional churches. Kinnaman provides a series of recommendations and guidelines that are impressive only in their calculated vagueness. He continually shies away from making pointed pronouncements, opting instead to identify opposite extremes that the church should avoid. Somehow, Jesus will magically present a solution in the middle of those extremes if everyone remains faithful. The answer to preventing people from leaving the church is to instill them with more genuine faith, improve discipleship, inspire vocation, read the Bible more closely, embrace questions (but not encourage too much doubt!), and a bunch of other broadly-stated directives. I found the continual lack of specificity somewhat maddening.

The book ends with opinions from various leaders within the Christian community. At least they have some specific recommendations, but Kinnaman introduces them at arm's length with a disclaimer that he doesn't agree with all of their ideas.

Nowhere does the book allow for even the remote possibility that some people are leaving the church because the teachings of Christianity are untrue and fail the test of representing reality. In the age of the Internet, perhaps more people are just coming to realize that. I predict this trend will continue, and the church will continue to lose members no matter how much it tries to inspire discipleship or connect itself with everyday life. While I applaud many aspects of the church (community outreach, charitable giving, fostering relationships), none of the good things in life require one to believe things not supported by evidence. I feel this book misses that completely, rallying a new generation to funnel more effort into an endeavor that deserves to fade away.(less)

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Sep 06, 2012 Harold Cameron rated it 3 of 5 stars

The book, You Lost Me – Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church…And Rethinking Faith written by the President of the Barna Group and author David Kinnaman is sobering and sad to read but it must be read. We can not ignore the truth and reality written of in this book in the hopes that the problem will either somehow miraculously resolve itself or simply go away. The issue or problem WILL NOT miraculously just be fixed like it were a broken gas line on our automobile nor will it just go away, but...more The book, You Lost Me – Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church…And Rethinking Faith written by the President of the Barna Group and author David Kinnaman is sobering and sad to read but it must be read. We can not ignore the truth and reality written of in this book in the hopes that the problem will either somehow miraculously resolve itself or simply go away. The issue or problem WILL NOT miraculously just be fixed like it were a broken gas line on our automobile nor will it just go away, but the young people who feel disillusioned, disenfranchised or marginalized with our faith will go away and continue to do so in numbers until those of us who are supposed to know better as we are older, wiser and more mature in our faith do the Biblical thing – that is the Godly-God-like thing and go after them as the Shepherd does the one lost sheep and lovingly and carefully carry them back into the flock, (the church).

In the book unChristian, co-written with Gabe Lyons, author Kinnaman examined the reasons why young non-Christians were rejecting the faith and shared insights as to the changing “reputation of Christians, especially evangelicals in our society. That book focuses on the perceptions and priorities of young non-Christians, or outsiders, as the authors called them.”

His book, You Lost Me, takes a look at those young people who are considered as “insiders” and their perceptions of the church and the faith. What is revealed about this group of young people in his book is shocking, sobering and staggering even, and should drive us as Christ followers to our knees in prayer that God would so transform our lives and so help us communicate the message of the gospel that these young people would want to be a part of our community of believers known as “the church,” rather than leaving it for what they perceive as something better.

In You Lost Me, author Kinnaman writes about what he refers to as the “dropouts,” that group of “twentysomethings” or “Mosaics” as they are also referred to in the book; (the author defines Mosaics as those born 1984 through 2002, (ages 18-29); many of today’s teenagers and twentysomethings, often referred to as Millennials or Gen Y. And the Barna group uses Mosaics because it reflects their eclectic relationships, thinking styles, and learning formats, among other things)., who are leaving the church. According to the research conducted and published in the book, there is a generation of millions of young people who are defecting from the church and going elsewhere to find that it is they think they are looking for. It reminds me of the title of the song, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” by the band U2. And these Mosaics referred to in the book are in that position. They have not found what they are looking for.

The book reveals how the church has not done its job at teaching and preparing this group of young people how to live as Christians in this post modern era being Christ followers in a time of unprecedented change, uncertainty and confusion. Author Kinnaman paints the picture clearly as to what the church can expect in the future if we as true Christ followers maintain our current positions and keep doing the same old things the same old ways. The logical end will be more of the same old results and that will be even more Mosaics leaving the church and the true Biblical faith.

But according to the book there is yet reason to hope. All is not yet lost. There is good news! The author sought out ideas and wisdom from church leaders such as Francis Chan, Shane Claiborne, John Ortberg, Sara Groves and others as to how we can reconnect with the Mosaics and communicate our faith with them in an exciting, meaningful and relational way which in turn will get them “rethinking” their faith again and returning to the church as prodigals (like the prodigal son returned home to his father after he had spent all he had and had come to his senses – Luke 15:11-32). The chapter with their ideas included is entitled, “Fifty Ideas To Find A Generation.” And I want to be right there at the front door of the church welcoming them home to the welcome home celebration we will be holding to celebrate their return

So whether you are involved in full-time ministry in the church, a lay ministry through the local church, or are a teacher or parent you need to read this book so you can know what the problem is as well as how serious it is and what can be done to resolve it. The solution is all of us as Christ followers need to share our faith with the Mosaics through our lives in such a way as that it stirs up a passion inside of them to want to become committed followers of Christ themselves taking all their passion and emotion and investing it into a whole hearted following of Jesus Christ.

For more information about You Lost Me – Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church visit the Baker Publishing Group Company website.

I received a complementary copy of the book You Lost Me By Baker Publishing Group for reviewing the book.(less)

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Aug 08, 2012 Ryan rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book was a very mixed read. Kinnaman offers an incredible amount of statistical research connected to the evangelical church and its numbers. It is a huge resource for any pastor, educator, or church goer interested in recent generations, and the research itself was wonderful. But the theology presented was questionable. Clearly, being from the Barna Group, his theology was going to be very conservative, and I am alright with conservative. But when it begins excluding Christians from the fa...more

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Dec 31, 2011 Colleenish rated it 3 of 5 stars

I liked this book a very much. It talked about why young adults are leaving the church, something I personally know too much about. I thought that it helpfully put young adults in three categories: those who used to be Christians, but have renounced their faith; those who consider themselves Christians, but rarely go to church; and those who are still Christians and involved with faith communities, but feel exiled from the church.Although I think many young adults swing between these categories,...more

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Dec 08, 2011 Josh Smetzer rated it 3 of 5 stars

You Lost Me is David Kinnaman’s research and explanations on why young Christians are leaving the church. He categorizes young Christians into three groups (Nomads, Prodigals, and Exiles), explains what each group is categorized by, and gives the reasons for which they’re most prone to leave. He mentions that a large portion of these young Christians are not disillusioned with Jesus, but with the church.

The church has in several ways become disconnected with the young Christians of our day. Sev...more

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Jul 07, 2012 Elizabeth rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian-and-theology

This book is a must read for those interested in the future of the church. It was fascinating to hear first-hand from those raised in Christian churches as to why they have left or struggle with the church now. The research was impeccably presented and done so in a manner that was loving and kind to those who both struggle with the institution of Christianity and those within the church.

Personally, this book gave me hope that was long overdue. As an individual who often struggles with having a...more

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Jan 09, 2012 Joon Park rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: christian

David Kinnaman has written an incredibly honest, important work that conveys the monumental changes in a post-Christian culture where the new generation is telling the church, "You lost me." He has compiled all the common reasons why the youth and young professionals are exiting the church doors. From interviews, research, and personal experience, Kinnaman makes clear the landmark at the crossroads of our faith, where we can choose to embrace the rapid shifts of our world while embracing the tim...more David Kinnaman has written an incredibly honest, important work that conveys the monumental changes in a post-Christian culture where the new generation is telling the church, "You lost me." He has compiled all the common reasons why the youth and young professionals are exiting the church doors. From interviews, research, and personal experience, Kinnaman makes clear the landmark at the crossroads of our faith, where we can choose to embrace the rapid shifts of our world while embracing the timeless truth of the Gospel, instead of choosing one at the expense of the other.

Six common complaints have been made by the three groups of church drop-puts -- prodigals, nomads, and exiles -- which are Overprotective, Shallow, Antiscience, Repressive, Exclusive, and Doubtless. Kinnaman is careful to present these claims in a nuanced, balanced, well-researched manner without compromising. He treads a fine line here between understanding the overwhelming grip of our interactive society while re-asserting the tenets of orthodox Christian faith. He is pliable where he needs to be but firm where the Word does not budge.

Kinnaman does this over and over in a tricky tightwire act where every story matters, where the church has mass-produced churchgoers instead of handcrafting disciples but where institutions are not all bad, where some of the complaints leveled at church must be confronted and not quickly dismissed. At times Kinnaman succeeds at holding these concepts in perfect tension, where other times he is a bit too open-ended without conviction. But he does a great and necessary job of opening the discussion for why the church is daily becoming less relevant to our youth.

Three of the complaints, Overprotective, Shallow, and Doubtless, are the most insightful. They manage to get right to the heart of inoculated churchgoers who have been disillusioned with safe answers and cliche slogans. There are no pat solutions to our deepest questions, and churches must be willing to struggle and fight side-by-side for the Gospel truth. Hard questions should be welcomed and explored and resolved together.

The book has some inherent weaknesses that are inevitable to such a work of its kind. Kinnaman fails to mention that even with the most open dialogue, interactive conversation, and cooperative attitudes, the church will still bleed members because many follow the broad road. Sometimes people just leave. Kinnaman at times places a huge unfair burden on ministry workers that must constantly innovate to "keep" churchgoers, and that's exhausting. I wish Kinnaman could have touched on the Spirit's work in this process, or at least relieve us of all responsibility for a church's perceived failure.

There's also an "insider's peek" into why people leave the church which is a fascinating view but a bit voyeuristic and too much curtain-pulling. Kinnaman constantly hammers, "This is why they're leaving," and some of it can harden the hearts of those who left. If I gave this book to a friend who has left the faith, he or she may reply "This is exactly why, so I'm justified." This is the opposite intent of the author but it can hardly be helped. Kinnaman could have made a better plea to those who have abandoned the church instead of focusing so much on how ministry workers can win them back. At times, not on purpose, there is an "ickiness" while reading. It does too much to justify those who have left.

Bottom Line: This is a crucial work for our generation who may have shut off the upcoming generation with overreacting, simplistic programs, and an insider-club mentality. Though Kinnaman observes a bit too much without offering more reflection, he has presented a fantastic study that should be read by every ministry worker for wisdom on dealing with today's culture. (less)

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May 26, 2012 Eddie Lutz rated it 2 of 5 stars

Highly disappointed in this book.

First... the few things that I appreciated. 1) good cultural analysis. I think he rightly identifies the influences on what he terms the Mosaic generation. 2) late in the book he points out a problem with how we segregate ages in the church, and how that is a huge factor that contributes to youth walking away from the faith. I've been preaching this for years. Wish someone would listen.

Second, what I didn't appreciate:

1) The book title itself "You Lost Me!" point...more

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Aug 22, 2012 Danielle rated it 2 of 5 stars

Kinnaman presents research as to why young Christians ages 16-29, who have grown up in the church are leaving it. He examines three groups of people who he terms as Nomads, Prodigals, and Exiles. Nomads still consider themselves Christian but no longer attend church. Prodigals have walked away from their faith, but historical research indicates they are group likely to return to church when they are older and begin raising families. Exiles are Christians but feel stuck between church and culture...more

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Nov 08, 2012 Jonathan Ingraham rated it 4 of 5 stars

Great book succinctly describing people ages 18-29 who have left the church in our country. Kinnaman takes time to describe 3 different types of people who have become uninterested in the things of the church (Nomads, Prodigals, and exiles) and the reasons why they left (church is over protective, shallow, antiscience, repressive, exclusive, and doubtless). He spends the majority of the book describing these things in detail and does a nice job of adding in personal stories that point to this. I...more

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Jun 25, 2012 Suzy rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoy research if well-written, and this book certainly is. I don't know how many solutions I gathered from the book (I am a bit cut and dry and do like solutions more than I like questions), but the purpose of the book seemed to be to pose the question, "How should the church today respond to this information?" Our own church is responding initially by asking the same question and promising to reThink church. The crux of the matter is that 60% of those between the ages of 18 and 29 are leavin...more

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Aug 11, 2012 Jed Sorensen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Being raised in the Church and walking away from my faith for so many years myself, I too can say to the church that they lost me. I don't like that though and I don't think it is of good stewardship to the life we've been given to live in obedience to the Lord. Sure, most return as they get older and mature but a question also remains we're they ever saved to begin with? A very debatable question and not really a point I'm trying to make however still worth some thought. Much more to read howev...more

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Oct 07, 2012 Jason Bruce rated it 5 of 5 stars

Excellent book in understanding the young generation and the current state of Christian Churches. Challenging and thought provoking. Stats and findings are great conversation-starters.

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Jun 05, 2012 Steve rated it 4 of 5 stars

Very important book for today's Church. Most importantly it's not just someone's ideas, opinions, or interpretations, but is based on (presumably sound) data gathering and analysis. There's always interpretation in analyzing data, of course, but starting with actual data is always a plus.

While I think he exhibits a subtle tendency to assume that the 20th/21st century American Evangelical version of Christianity is the only right and true way, he is definitely asking questions about processes, pr...more

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Mar 05, 2012 David Chivers rated it 3 of 5 stars

I find David Kinnaman's research refreshing. He asks tough, insightful questions, and doesn't sugarcoat his findings. His reactions to those findings, and how he wants to address them I often do disagree with, but his research is solid. This book is lighter on research than his previous book "UnChristian", and heavier on prescriptions for his findings, consequently I found it a bit of a slog to get through. But his research is fascinating, as his his judicial use of onger responses from the inte...more

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Mar 13, 2013 Kevin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Overall, I think this is a great book that should challenge the church to take seriously the young adult dropout problem. I didn't think the analysis of the book went deep enough in some respects--Kinnaman suggests six reasons why young adults are leaving the church and not returning, but I think those six reasons boil down to two deeper themes: the lack of respect within the church for those with questions/concerns/doubts/opposing viewpoints and the lack of authenticity of the people within ins...more

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Jan 24, 2013 Natalia rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: religion, nonfiction

The author made some insightful, thought-provoking points, and some of those points were even related to the experience of young Christians in the church and to what they really seek. Most such thought-provoking statements, however, could -- and, arguably, should -- be better applied to Christians and churches as a whole, rather than singling out struggling young adults. I felt that many of his comments relating specifically to young adults seemed to undermine their intelligence and reflected so...more

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Feb 01, 2013 Andrew rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: religion, self-improvement

This book is a report of poll results, and a discussion of what those results mean for the church. The polls involved were targeted at young adults who were raised in churches and had/had "left." I put "left" in quotes because the definition of "left" in this book is vague, and largely based on rather traditionalist views of what Christianity must be. This is important to note as the authors analysis os the poll results is the primary focus of the book, but is also built on what appears (to this...more

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May 19, 2012 Adriane rated it 4 of 5 stars

Some solid points, that make it worth a read for people in ministry...my only complaint would be that I felt like the author used the statistics to validify his theory, rather than letting the statistics shape his theory. The research seemed almost like an after-thought at times. I'd also say that the type of surveys the author cites from are likely not to be entirely accurate. As the author says, there is a propensity for people not to be honest about doubts. But kudos to the author for at leas...more

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Jun 28, 2012 E. Scott rated it 4 of 5 stars

With the finish of this book, I reach the milestone of 200 books read on Goodreads!

I found this book equally disturbing and inspiring.

Although I am still at a point in life where I'm not sure of the spiritual health and future of the institutional church in America, I know God will always have His remnant.

This book should serve as a serious wake-up call to youth pastors, college pastors, and senior pastors of very denomination and background.

We are facing VERY serious circumstances with this...more

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May 01, 2012 Ryan Fisher rated it 5 of 5 stars

This was a great book. Like most people I get a little leery of statistical analysis because it is pretty easy to manipulate, but Kinnaman does a great job with it. I found myself resonating with his thoughts and conclusions in light of my subconscious paradigm. I think like a Mosaic because I was born a the right time. It's hard to separate worldview from upbringing. This goes for young and old, and as a result the church needs to incarnate to who they are trying to reach. I would recommend thi...more

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Mar 20, 2013 Alford Wayman rated it 5 of 5 stars

Excellent surveys conducted by the Barna group are dicussed in this book. Many of the issues amoung belivers and their relation to the outside world have been until now, somewhat overlooked. Outsiders themselves have tried to point out such issues but churches lacked the hard data, to know the extent of the issues. Now they have numbers along with empty pews to look at and start the nessary reforms in relating to the younger generations. This book could have used far more examples from interview...more

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Mar 05, 2013 Rhianna rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Christians

Recommended to Rhianna by: Ross Blocher

Let me be completely clear: I acknowledge that I am not the intended audience for this book. The book has been written for Christians (pastors, youth leaders, etc.) to help them face the decreasing numbers of those between the ages of 15 and 29ish, read stories about why they may have left, and come up with ideas on how to bring them back into the fold. As a happy agnostic, who has zero desire to be brought "back in to the fold" I am not the audience for this book, and a lot of my frustration wi...more Let me be completely clear: I acknowledge that I am not the intended audience for this book. The book has been written for Christians (pastors, youth leaders, etc.) to help them face the decreasing numbers of those between the ages of 15 and 29ish, read stories about why they may have left, and come up with ideas on how to bring them back into the fold. As a happy agnostic, who has zero desire to be brought "back in to the fold" I am not the audience for this book, and a lot of my frustration with it can be explained by me NOT being the intended audience.

You Lost Me tries to come up with reasons "Mosaics" (Millennials) have left the church, but still be open enough to encompass the laundry list of reasons their focus groups have given for leaving.

If you are a pastor, priest, youth minister, or a member of a Christian community this book is a good read. If you are someone who is struggling with leaving the church, or who has left the church due to infighting, community issues, or issues relating to human error (versus scripture teachings/core Jesus teachings) then this book is also a good book for you. It acknowledges the gap between mosaics and older generations, acknowledges the mass exodus of mosaics for solid reasons, and invokes Christian communities to help bring mosaics back into the fold.

If you are an atheist, agnostic, or left the Christian church for another faith, this book is not for you. It acknowledges that change should occur, but negates the need for the changes most of us seem to desire: inclusion of gays, incorporation of other world views as equally valid, science as fact, religion as interpretational belief/faith, womens rights, the "cleaning up" of corruption, etc.

I have given the book two stars based upon the book acknowledging that change needs to occur, but only provides extremely few examples of clear changes that need to be made (David Kinnaman is the king of vague!).

----------------------

"The experimental and experiential decade from high school to the late twenties is the time when a young person's spiritual trajectory is confirmed and clarified." (Kindle Highlight Loc. 442-43)

...or, it many cases, disproved and dissolved.(less)

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May 24, 2012 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars

A really good, thought provoking book. Challenges one to question their comfortable and familiar ways in case we might be missing something hidden from our blinders of familiarity is safe. It's definitely not a book that leaves you full of answers, but questions meant to be discussed with others so that we may work together. I recommend this for all churches and church leaders. I would also recommend it for those who have been lost and for those who are mentors, role models, or friends of the lo...more

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May 07, 2012 Ken Garrett rated it 2 of 5 stars

Nothing too earth-shattering, here, and a bit of intimidation-by-polls, numbers, and by simply no longer being hip. And, the subtitle, "rethinking faith" seems trite. The book lends itself to developing ministries that will attract visitors based on appealing to their personal tastes in worship style, music, location, etc., rather than the often terrifying prospect of committing to the preaching and living out of the gospel itself, and then trusting God to bring whomever He will to a particular...more

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Jun 09, 2012 Joel Arnold rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed this book and it will definitely influence my personal evangelism and discipleship.

Strengths:
- Amazing data. Kinnaman lives and works with statistics and it shows. Hits book convinced me more than ever before that there is a meaningfully significant religious gap among people my age.
- Valid analysis. Unlike Ken Ham's Already Gone, the conclusions Kinnaman draws are generally spot-on. I particularly appreciated his fair, balanced analysis of generation gap, recognizing that it happens b...more

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Dec 28, 2012 KC McCauley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: youth, ministry, church

This is a great read for all who are involved with youth ministry. The author describes why young Christians leave the church and rethink their faith, especially as they graduate high school and move away to college. He go over three type of young people:

Nomads: a type of faith journey in which a person wanders or drifts away from active involvement with a church or faith community.

Prodigals: a faith journey in which a person gives up on the faith of their childhood.

Exiles: a faith journey in w...more

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Mar 30, 2013 Cheree rated it 5 of 5 stars

I am slightly outside of the age group that this book is talking about, but I have certainly had similar feelings or experiences about the church. I also identified with a lot of the concerns in the book unChristian as well. I thought both books were fascinating and I think it is important for believers to take a hard look at why young people don't want to be connected with the church.

I recently read a blog post, And Then the Conference Uninvited Me to Speak by Jen Hatmaker, that I think it doe...more

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