Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited

by Elyse Schein (Goodreads author!), Paula Bernstein

published	October 2nd 2007 by Random House
binding	Hardcover
isbn	1400064961 (isbn13: 9781400064960)
pages	288
description	Elyse Schein had always known she was adopted, but it wasn’t until her mid-thirties while living in Paris that she searched for her biological mothe...more [close] Elyse Schein had always known she was adopted, but it wasn’t until her mid-thirties while living in Paris that she searched for her biological mother. When Elyse contacted her adoption agency, she was not prepared for the shocking, life-changing news she received: She had an identical twin sister. Elyse was then hit with another bombshell: she and her sister had been separated as infants, and for a time, had been part of a secret study on separated twins. Paula Bernstein, a married writer and mother living in New York, also knew she was adopted, but had no inclination to find her birth mother. When she answered a call from the adoption agency one spring afternoon, Paula’s life suddenly divided into two starkly different periods: the time before and the time after she learned the truth. As they reunite and take their tentative first steps from strangers to sisters, Paula and Elyse are also left with haunting questions surrounding their origins and their separation. They learn that the study was conducted by a pair of influential psychiatrists associated with a prestigious adoption agency. As they investigate their birth mother’s past, Paula and Elyse move closer toward solving the puzzle of their lives. In alternating voices, Paula and Elyse write with emotional honesty about the immediate intimacy they share as twins and the wide chasm that divides them as two complete strangers. Interweaving eye-opening studies and statistics on twin science into their narrative, they offer an intelligent and heartfelt glimpse into human nature. Identical Strangers is the amazing story of two women coming to terms with the strange and unbelievable hand fate has dealt them, an account that broadens the definition of family and provides insight into our own DNA and the singularly exceptional imprint it leaves on our lives. Imagine a slightly different version of you walks across the room, looks you in the eye and says “hello” in your voice. You discover that she has the same birthday, the same allergies, the same tics, and the same way of laughing. Looking at this person, you are able to gaze into your own eyes and see yourself from the outside. This identical individual has the exact same DNA as you and is essentially your clone. We don’t have to imagine. –from Identical Strangers [close]
date added	05-27-07 edit book

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Linda rated it:

03/06/08

bookshelves: non-fiction

Read in February, 2008

recommends it for: Those intrigued by the subject matter, or looking for an interesting & fairly speedy nonfiction read

I happened upon this book on a "new books" table at the local Borders and was immediately drawn to it. It begins with a woman looking for information about her birth mother, and who discovers not only that she was actually a twin, separated from her sister before their respective adoptions, but also that the two children had been part of a secret study on twins. Soon she is reunited with her twin sister, and the two together embark on a project to unearth as much information as possibl...more I happened upon this book on a "new books" table at the local Borders and was immediately drawn to it. It begins with a woman looking for information about her birth mother, and who discovers not only that she was actually a twin, separated from her sister before their respective adoptions, but also that the two children had been part of a secret study on twins. Soon she is reunited with her twin sister, and the two together embark on a project to unearth as much information as possible regarding the secret study and their participation in it.

Although it's not a particularly heavy book to read -- in fact, it reads more like an extended magazine article -- the story is quite absorbing. It proved to be quite a page-turner for me, its "truth-is-stranger-than-fiction"-type suspense keeping me up late nights, telling myself, "OK, just a few more pages and then I'll stop - I just wanna see what happens next". Who hasn't wondered, at some point in their lives, "Suppose I'm not actually who I think I am?" It's impossible to read this book without wondering, "What must that be like?"

Surprisingly, the pivotal mystery of the book, the secret study, turned out to be of somewhat less interest to me as a reader than the title and book flap would suggest. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that the study is only peripheral, dealt with in a chapter or two then discarded. Rather -- and I'm struggling to find the right words here to express what I mean exactly -- I expected a more sensational tone throughout the book as the chapters provided ever more shocking revelations about the secret study, the twins' separation, and whatever else had been kept hidden.

Of course, the study does play a central role in the story, but the tone is much less what I expected. As the story goes on and the sisters begin to access information in bits and pieces, the sense of urgency becomes more blunted, and the secret study mainly functions as the engine that moves the action constantly forward. Whereas the real substance of the story is the sisters' interior journeys as the come to terms with this continual flow (sometimes a tidal wave, sometimes a trickle) of discoveries about their histories, which inevitably challenge every thing they knew about their lives, and ultimately their own sense of identity and self.

This, to me, was the most interesting part of the book. Along the way, the book also raises intriguing and confounding questions about the notion of nature-vs-nurture, many of them discussed by the authors as they proceed with their own research into studies and articles based on twin research.

What I was most impressed with in this book was how personal and honest it was. The narrative continually bounces back and forth between the two authors, with the sisters alternating the narration every few paragraphs or pages. (This is done quite well, and I didn't find it intrusive at all). But it surely couldn't have been comfortable for either of the sisters to reveal some of their doubts and fears and secret wishes and misgivings about discovering a twin and incorporating her into their lives -- especially knowing that in revealing all this to their readers, they would also be confessing them to their twin. And yet you don't sense any hesitation on their part to do this. I marvel at their openness, and thank them for it, as it is certainly a big part in what makes the book an engaging read.

It's very clear that both the authors are writers. When you see a book as capably written as this, it's easy to forget how easily material like this could descend into the maudlin, moralistic, saccharine -- or just plain clunky -- in the hands an unskilled writer.

One final point: in rating this book 3 stars, I don't want to come across as if I'm damning with faint praise. I enjoyed the book, it is solidly well-written, I liked the tone and voice of it, and I would recommend it easily to my friends. Still, I don't feel like I can honestly rate it as a 4 or 5, simply because I don't really feel it ranks, for me, alongside other books I've rated that way. It was a very good book, and it falls solidly into the category of "I liked it".

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Yosafbridg rated it:

05/24/08

bookshelves: own-and-read

Read in September, 2007

Nurture versus nature has always been a huge topic in psychology as well as a number of other sciences. It has also been the subject of a number of experiments some of rather questionable ethics. I remember first encountering it in a high school psychology class and a case study of how an adopted child had all sorts of problems while a biological child from the same family adjusted perfectly fine. Now we all know that children in the same family are not always treated perfectly equally and i hav...more Nurture versus nature has always been a huge topic in psychology as well as a number of other sciences. It has also been the subject of a number of experiments some of rather questionable ethics. I remember first encountering it in a high school psychology class and a case study of how an adopted child had all sorts of problems while a biological child from the same family adjusted perfectly fine. Now we all know that children in the same family are not always treated perfectly equally and i have always been of the opinion that if adopted children are going to go searching for answers as to who they are or why they are the way they are or why things haven't worked out exactly as they wanted them to (the same way everyone else seems to) it is almost a ready-made and too-easily so answer to go looking in that adoption. I had a high-school friend who was sure his life would not be as screwed-up as it was (though it was my ever-so-humble-outside opinion that it wasn't too screwed-up) if he had been left with his natural mother (but there is usually some reason for an adoption in the first place, isn't there? Though not always what we are led to believe...) I have actually had my own doubts about the nature/nurture thing because my sister who is my mother's natural child and was raised in circumstances very similar to mine grew up much more alike to her, but i believe it is a combination and genetics always play a role.

The pendulum has always swung back and forth between what scientists have considered to have more of an influence and at the moment it seems to fall pretty squarely in the nature camp. When i first discovered the idea of studying identical twins raised apart (again in that high-school psychology class, as well as a few neurology texts i thought "Wow, how amazing that they would first separate identical twins and then be able to locate them in order to study them~how uncommon must that be?" The truth it seems, at least in some cases is somewhat more nefarious. The nonfiction book Identical Strangers: a Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited by Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein tells the story of what began as Elyse's search for her birth mother, and then developed into her search for and reunion with her twin sister as well as questions as to why twins would be separated.

Though both sets of parents would have been willing to take on twins had they been asked they were never asked, and the agency that adopted out the twins felt that it was an undue burden on parents to raise twins (as well as being in the process of conducting undisclosed studies of identical twins and, in one case, triplets, raised apart but in similar circumstance). Elyse and Paula also discovered a possible connection to mental illness in the birth families and scientific studies to see if that had a genetic connection. All of this smacks at least slightly of Josef Mengele's Nazi twin experiments.

Identical Strangers is told in a diary entry style alternating between Elyse's view and that of Paula's and i found it a very interesting well-told read. It was also one in which i felt i was reading many of my own feelings relating to being an adoptee, which is rather unusual in reading someone (or at least one half of the narrative) who has searched account.

Since their adoption took place at a time contemporaneous with my own i couldn't help but wonder if such a thing could happen to me. I've never felt as if i'm missing (any) part of myself. I would also hate to think there was any other form of me out there. I am so defined by my individuality and non-conformity... i guess you never really can tell. And they say we all have a doppelganger...

here's a few baby pics of me, if anyone out there has any that look exactly the same (besides my sister that is~whose pictures my mother has a difficult time telling apart from mine even though there is no blood relation, but then again my mum's a bit off...) maybe you should seek me out, or maybe you shouldn't ,you know how i am about that...

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Mary rated it:

04/03/08

Read in March, 2008

recommended to Mary by: Jean

I read this book, not only because it came highly recommended from my mom, but also because I enjoyed Ann Fessler's book The Girls Who Went Away so much. Fessler's book begins to remove the shroud of silence that was the hallmark of out-of-wedlock births in America for decades and is told, despite Fessler being an adoptee, from the perspective of birth mothers.

Identical Strangers is the other side, told from the perspective of the adoptees, identical twins Paula Bernstein and ...more I read this book, not only because it came highly recommended from my mom, but also because I enjoyed Ann Fessler's book The Girls Who Went Away so much. Fessler's book begins to remove the shroud of silence that was the hallmark of out-of-wedlock births in America for decades and is told, despite Fessler being an adoptee, from the perspective of birth mothers.

Identical Strangers is the other side, told from the perspective of the adoptees, identical twins Paula Bernstein and Elyse Schein who discover their twinship at age 35. The very novelty of this story makes it a must-read, but the real yearning for Elyse and Paula to make sense of this bizarre twist of events as their real lives and not some freak show is what makes it compelling.

Unfortunately, I felt like a lot of this story was hinged on discovering their real identities and spent little time really analyzing the evolving nature of the twins' relationship other than that it grew and the back-and-forthing of "she loved, I felt confused...she cringed, I cringed" which frankly: made me cringe, not to mention the tiresome "You have depression? Gasp! I, too, have depression!" The world yawns, people. Once the twins had sussed out as much of their biological heritage, the story just kind of ended with no falling action or any kind of gentle comedown from the drama; this seemed ironic since both twins constantly insisted how they were not merely the sum of their genetics and incredibly unique.

Fortunately, the writing, alternately by Elyse and Paula (as it should be) is solid and is filled with really interesting and well-researched tidbits about adoption, twins, psychology, and so on. For example, who knew that it is only fraternal twins, NOT identical twins, that is hereditary, despite the prevalence of identical twins in many families. Well, I'm sure some people knew, but not me.

I recommend this book to feminists, those interested in American history, genetics, or psychology, or those just out for a good story....less

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Ginnie rated it:

01/26/08

bookshelves: family, memoirs, psychology

The dual voices of the reunited twins were affecting and different, but the emotion I carried away from this book was white hot rage at the arrogance of an elite adoption agency, academic theorists and child psychologists secretly separating twins in order to fuel a psychological study so nebulous that even today Yale won't talk about it to the grown up children who were involved. Nearly everyone connected to the study is so busy today covering their legal asses and citing "privacy issues&...more

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Shifra rated it:

05/01/08

bookshelves: food-for-thought

Read in February, 2008

I couldn't put this book down. It was a wonderful combination of a really interesting story, reflections on identity and nature/ nurture from a personal perspective, background info about identical twins, and more. It was well written and accessible, and facinating. I appreciated their alternating voices and perspectives, and their introspection and candor. It fed both my brain and heart.

I have a number of identical twins in my life (I gave the book to one of them for her birthday), a nu...more

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Jen rated it:

01/04/08

Read in January, 2008

Like most books I read, I had heard of this one through NPR and had put it on my hold list at the library. Once again, NPR did not disappoint. While the story itself is interesting (identical twins born to an unwed mother in New York, given up for adoption and then separated at less than a year old possibly due to a nature vs. nurture study on twins) the way the book is written is what makes me like this book so much more. Both women (twins, sisters) take turns telling about each incident and...more

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Selene rated it:

12/03/07

bookshelves: dec07

Read in December, 2007

recommends it for: reformed Freudians

Having read several books about twins separated at birth over the past year, it was amazing to come across one from the perspective of the twins themselves, rather than the scientists who studied them. Even more so because the authors were part of the infamous study conducted by Peter Neubauer (remember him from Janet Malcolm's book about the Freud Archives?) via the Louise Wise Adoption Agency (twins were separated, adoptive families weren't informed their children were twins, and their develo...more

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Tena rated it:

12/12/07

Read in January, 2007

I found this book very interesting.I don't have any close friends who are twins or even good friends who are adopted so the subject matter was one that was fascinating. The book is written by two identical twin sisters who were separated within the first few months of life and adopted into separate families. As they both begin to separately search for their birth records around the age of 35 they discover they had a twin. In the course of doing research on their past they also discover they w...more

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Arryn rated it:

03/14/08

Read in March, 2008

I love a good human interest story, and this book fit the bill. It also fed my fascination with multiples that began when I became good friends with identical twins in junior high. Separated at birth and raised by two different adoptive families, Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein are reunited nearly 35 years later. They are shocked at the physical similarities they share, but they are even more surprised at everything else they have in common--personality traits, interests, facial expressions,...more

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Sara rated it:

(review of isbn 1428169970)

12/13/07

Read in January, 2008

recommends it for: twins and multiples

This book is pretty okay! I like learning all of the general information about different kinds of twins...say, did you know that fraternal twins can have different fathers? When I learned this I was driving down the road and I had to call Melissa at work and see if she had heard of this. She had-- on Montel or Oprah or somewhere she couldn't remember exactly. I am pretty jealous of the narrators who are real-life twins who only found out about each other when they were 35. The only thing th...more

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Tracy rated it:

(review of isbn 1428169970)

07/12/08

bookshelves: listened

Read in July, 2008

This was a really interesting story,told in turns by a set of identical twins that were separated at birth and then reunited in their 30s. At first, I thought I wasn't going to be able to listen to it. The narrator playing one of the sisters had the most grating and annoying way of speaking - way over-dramatic. I had a hard time deciding whether she was portraying the sister accurately or if she was just being annoying. I also couldn't figure out how much was the actual writing and how much was...more

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Nancy rated it:

06/16/08

Read in June, 2008

I am so glad to be done with this since I have not been able to get anything else done since I started it. Fascinating! Identical Strangers is about twin girls separated at birth and given up for adoption. They are united at age 35 and begin the quest to discover who they are and why they were separately adopted in the first place. This book share lots of information on twins, the strong influence of genetics, adoption and mental illness. Told as a narrative, each twin shares personal thoughts a...more

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Kristy rated it:

11/24/07

Read in November, 2007

recommends it for: Moms of Twins, Adoptees

Wow, what an amazing book. You may have just seen these authors on the Today Show a couple of Fridays ago, and their book is really worth reading.

The books starts out with both women finding out they have a twin from the adoption agency they were adopted from. It continues with each woman's perspective on how they felt when they found out, what changed in their lives and such. One of the authors was very upset to learn she had a sister and a twin, she was very content in her life and hope...more

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Holly rated it:

03/25/08

Read in March, 2008

Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. A memoir of twin sisters who, until the age of 35, didn't know the other existed. The story is told by both sisters' alternating viewpoints. Their voices are compelling as they share how they reacted to the news of discovering they each had a twin. The journey they then undertake together, to discover their history and birth mother is amazing and heartwrenching at the same time.

They were part of a twin separation study. I can completely understand th...more

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Carolyn rated it:

03/08/08

recommends it for: Non-Fiction Readers

This is an absolutely fascinating book. I could not put it down. If you are at all interested in the study of human behavior and the effect of nuture vs nature this is a must read. Although the separation of twins has provided knowledge for this line of study, what a horrifying, cruel, and indecent act to have perpetrated upon unsuspecting human beings. If these studies have taught us anything at all, it is that there is an almost holy component of bonding that exists between twins, and in...more

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Jaclyn rated it:

01/03/08

bookshelves: recently_read

Read in January, 2008

recommended to Jaclyn by: my sissy
recommends it for: twins!, multiples, twin-lovers.

Maybe it takes a twin to really appreciate this book. Imagining life without my second half is horrifying. Being a twin is such a huge part of my identity, and I don't know that a singleton could appreciate the turmoil Elyse and Paula go through when they find out they are twins after 35 years of having believed they were not. Regardless of how different Elyse and Paula are from my sister and me, it is so easy to appreciate each of their thoughts and feelings brought about by this life-changing...more

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Karen rated it:

06/28/08

Read in June, 2008

A story like this would be hard to put down even if it was badly told, but Elyse and Paula do a good job. There are both bright, interesting people, and they are very honest about their feelings. The one thing that made the book drag a little was their determination to get access to the closed archives at Yale for details on the twins study. Since they were never subjects of the study, this quest didn't quite make sense. Plus they seemed stuck on pursuing some dead ends, like contacting the ...more

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Erin rated it:

10/29/07

bookshelves: biography-memoir

Read in October, 2007

I was pretty interested in this book. However, I only got about a hundred pages into it. Honestly, the book was just a little too touchy-feely for me.

The book delves into the relationship between identical twins separated at birth. They discover each other when they are 35 and decide to forge a friendship. I guess the book is about the ups and downs ("trials and tribulations") of their friendship, but to tell you the truth, I didn't even really get that far. The prose is a lit...more

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Barbara rated it:

03/24/08

Read in March, 2008

Having known some twins (identical and fraternal) so that I've observed their paired relationships, I found this book interesting. Knowing some adoptees who are considering looking for their birth families, I gained a few tips on where/how to help them search and learned of barriers erected by the state of NY.

The idea of finding an identical twin I personally think must be quite strange -- especially as an adult who has lived life as "one of a kind" up to that re-united point. How...more

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Richard rated it:

02/16/08

Read in February, 2008

recommends it for: Lisa

This was a fascinating story about twins separated after only a few months old and reunited 35 years later...Until I had my own children, I believed that nuture was way more powerful than nature...I was 50-50 after a few years of fatherhood when I saw how much of my children's character was innate and how that dictated the choices they made and preferences they have...Now, having been exposed to this book and hearing similar tales (my twin cousins both died of the same form of cancer - 10 years ...more

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