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I Am Not Myself These Days

by Josh Kilmer-Purcell (Goodreads Author)

3.94 of 5 stars 3.94 · rating details · 5,262 ratings · 596 reviews

I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly -- a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives. Kilmer-Purcell is a terrifically gifted new l...more

ebook, 336 pages

Published October 13th 2009 by HarperCollins e-books (first published 2006)

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Feb 16, 2013 Nancy rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: lgbt, library-books, bio-and-memoirs, humor, favorites

I’m not much of a TV person and have never seen The Fabulous Beekman Boys or heard of Josh Kilmer-Purcell, retired drag queen. Still, I’m glad I found this little gem about two misfits in love. By day, Josh works for an advertising agency. At night, he lovingly and painstakingly transforms himself into Aqua, a 7-foot blonde beauty who carries goldfish around in her plastic boobs. His boyfriend, Jack, is a very well-paid escort known as “Aidan” to his clients, and lives in a posh apartment buildi...more I’m not much of a TV person and have never seen The Fabulous Beekman Boys or heard of Josh Kilmer-Purcell, retired drag queen. Still, I’m glad I found this little gem about two misfits in love. By day, Josh works for an advertising agency. At night, he lovingly and painstakingly transforms himself into Aqua, a 7-foot blonde beauty who carries goldfish around in her plastic boobs. His boyfriend, Jack, is a very well-paid escort known as “Aidan” to his clients, and lives in a posh apartment building guarded by doormen. The two guys enjoy a routine life of reading the paper together and ordering lunch from the deli, while listening to Jack’s beeper go off and occasionally running into his unusual clients.

“The truth is, there’s no movie of the week about a drunk drag queen and a crackhead hooker in love. There never has been. It’s not the kind of thing people would care about. People would flip right by the channel, either unbelieving or uncaring. Who’s the good guy? Who’s the bad guy? Aren’t they both bad? If they didn’t get what they deserved by the first commercial, it’d be on to the breast cancer movie.”

You’re so wrong, Josh. Right from the first page, I cared. I loved reading about your transformation to Aqua. You reminded me of my little brother, who got a kick out of trying on my mom’s dresses and heels. Your work hours and lack of sleep exhausted me, reminding me of my own hectic days working full-time, part-time, taking classes, and still finding time to party. You also reminded me of a close friend who appeared to be the happiest person in the world to everyone else, but drowned his pain in vodka. I loved your crazy and dysfunctional relationship with Jack in a city that has no mercy, yet is a haven for those who are different, and I loved your friendship with Laura and your relationship with your supportive mom who didn’t know the difference between transsexuals and drag queens.

“You know that if you want to have an operation that’s something you can talk about with your dad and me.”

Your story was beautiful, honest, and hilarious. If it wasn’t so darn funny, I would have cried.
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Oct 22, 2010 Very rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nyc, own, true-story, xy, 2010, style-points, books-i-love, lgbt, wiseacres, meet-cute, dark-comedy, good-stuff

The story is summed up pretty well by the author near the end: “The truth is, there’s no movie of the week about a drunk drag queen and a crackhead hooker in love. There never has been. It’s not the kind of thing people would care about. People would flip right by the channel, either unbelieving or uncaring. Who’s the good guy? Who’s the bad guy? Aren’t they both bad? If they didn’t get what they deserved by the first commercial, it’d be on to the breast cancer movie.” But that's not really true...more

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Mar 04, 2008 oriana rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is like dirty, dirty candy. It's ridiculous and silly and somewhat awful, but just terribly, absurdly compelling. It's a memoir by an young hot accountant-by-day, drag-queen-by-night. I read it a while ago, but I remember a few things: he lives in a ludicrously tiny apartment, he moved to NY to be a writer, his rich-ass boyfriend is an on-and-off crack addict, and his coup de grâce drag outfit (which he makes himself and wears in places like Lucky Chengs) includes fishbowl boobs full o...more

7 likes · like · see review

Oct 23, 2012 David Hallman rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Vodka.

To be candid, vodka is one of the reasons that I like Josh Kilmer-Purcell's "I am not myself these days." The central character, curiously enough named Josh, likes vodka. Well, more accurately, it's Aqua who LOVES vodka. Aqua...sorry, I didn't introduce her properly...Aquadisiac, but everyone calls her Aqua, is really Josh. Or Josh is really Aqua. How does it work with drag queens? Who is who?

Anyway, vodka figures prominently in "I am not myself these days" because it figures prominently...more

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Mar 10, 2011 Angie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book was hella clever. It sucks you in with the prologue but the story is so engaging when it ends where it begins you are surprised. Kilmer-Purcell is hilarious. My favorite line was, "I'm slowly donating my liver to the pursuit of my balls."

A tale of his first year in New York as a gay drag queen sounds cliche but Kilmer-Purcell makes it seem original with snappy quips and honest emotions.I read it quickly, in a day. It was that good! There are many clever definitions for the drunk and/o...more

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Jun 23, 2011 J.E.W. rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This story is hilarious and amazing. The prose is beautiful and easy to read even if the story sometimes is cringe worthy. The story of Aqua is so engrossing you will not want to put it down and will be sad to know it is ending.

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Oct 13, 2007 Josh(ua) rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

never before has a book sucked me in so quickly from the first moment of reading it. i finished this book in 2 days, which is a record for me and big boy books (as opposed to YAF). in a little over 300 pages, you are taken through the highs and lows of the author's relationship with a male escort who ends up getting hooked on crack. i highly recommend this book to everyone, but especially the people who might enjoy reading about the relationship of a witty former drag queen, borderline alcoholic...more

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Jul 08, 2012 K.Z. Snow rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I hate loving this book as much as I do. I hate that it made me read it so quickly. I hate the depth of my envy for its seamless melding of cynicism and lyricism, both overlaid with such sparkling wit. (I also resent that it made me use the phrase sparkling wit.) And I really hate that it will taint my enjoyment of "The Fabulous Beekman Boys," because now (shame, shame on me!) I desperately want Josh to be in Baja California, writing more wonderful books and living happily ever after with Jack,...more

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Feb 05, 2009 Jamieson rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Usually, I’m not one to read memoirs or autobiographies.

I like fiction because I can delve into the story, take a mind break and live someone else’s life. I love fiction because it’s fun, often frivolous and I’m a sucker for a good story. Fiction has a way of easing stress for me, taking away the days’ worries and it’s just entertaining.

I wish I could say the same for biographies or memoirs. I find them preachy and boring and the author is usually full of themselves. Yet, lately, I’ve been drawn...more Usually, I’m not one to read memoirs or autobiographies.

I like fiction because I can delve into the story, take a mind break and live someone else’s life. I love fiction because it’s fun, often frivolous and I’m a sucker for a good story. Fiction has a way of easing stress for me, taking away the days’ worries and it’s just entertaining.

I wish I could say the same for biographies or memoirs. I find them preachy and boring and the author is usually full of themselves. Yet, lately, I’ve been drawn towards non-fiction, something I rarely read. I read Night by Elie Wisel last year and it was an eye opening book, a gut wrenching book. I figured, Okay, that’s a fluke. But then I read The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier. Okay, another non-fiction read. Maybe I’m on to something here…

Perhaps I found a niche that I enjoy? I also loved (despite the controversy) A Million Little Pieces. So maybe my tastes are chaging. Talking to a book seller last night she told me that as we grow and mature, so do our tastes. I also promise myself that I would broaden my reading horizons this year, that I would read some good, hard books.

This brings me to I Am Not Myself These Days by Josh Kilmer-Purcell.

I think it was the title that intrigued me, or it could be the circles on the cover putting me into a trance. Either way, it’s FANTASTIC! But what is it about? It might not be for everyone, but it’s one hell of a read.

Josh is living a double life: Ad exec by day, Drag Queen by night. Going out to drag shows as Aquadisiac, a drag queen with fish floating around in plastic breasts. Hers is a life of vodka, bumps and ABBA.

One night, at a bar, he meets Jack. Jack is a man on the edge and he has a coke problem. Can a cokes out man and a drag queen find love? Well, I don’t know yet. I’m only twenty pages in to it so far and, thus far, it’s perhaps one of the freshest memoirs I have read in a long time.

I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going. One thing is for sure, I’m in for one heck of a ride!

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May 05, 2013 Maisie Smith rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book ignited a need for me to seek out drag queens in later life; they are portrayed as being very cool! The temperamental relationship between Josh and Jack is written excellently and I really enjoyed it. The unknown possibilities that Josh could have walked in on when entering their home added a sense of mystery to the otherwise thrilling story. To know that someone actually lived a life like this upsets me and makes me happy. It upsets me because the love he thought he found turned out t...more

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Mar 13, 2013 Jacob rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was not familiar with Mr. Kilmer-Purcell until I saw "I Am Not Myself These Days" on sale in the Kindle store. Now that I've finished reading it, I feel my life would have not been complete had I not read this book. It is an everyday tale of love between a drag queen and a hooker, but it's delivered with eloquence, wit and heart that it transcends any niche one might try to shove it in. The story is told through the eyes of Aquadisiac, a 20-something drag queen who has just moved to NYC. She r...more

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Apr 22, 2012 Admatha rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Weekends are supposed to be rigid for me. I am not the type to get things done after work - by the time I make myself something to eat, read all the shit I'm addicted to online, and squeeze some reading in, it's generally far past bedtime. Saturdays are supposed to be my 'free' day. Going out, staying in, eating or not eating, sleeping through the day - I can do what I want. Sundays are supposed to be my "catch up on work" days. Whether it's putting in some overtime or getting the laundry done o...more Weekends are supposed to be rigid for me. I am not the type to get things done after work - by the time I make myself something to eat, read all the shit I'm addicted to online, and squeeze some reading in, it's generally far past bedtime. Saturdays are supposed to be my 'free' day. Going out, staying in, eating or not eating, sleeping through the day - I can do what I want. Sundays are supposed to be my "catch up on work" days. Whether it's putting in some overtime or getting the laundry done or other housework, I'm supposed to be pretending to be a productive member of society. This book has sucked several hours out of my Sunday - and all because I couldn't stay awake long enough to finish it last night.

I don't have a television, so I didn't know about his TV show until I read his other memoir, The Bucolic Plague (and on a side note, I love how that book's title is the one that calls itself an 'unconventional' memoir!) I was introduced to him first through that memoir, and although it is mentioned many many times that he is an ad writer - although I know the guy sells things for a living - I willingly let him sell me himself, the farm, and everything else in that book. I fell in love with him in that book because I kept seeing bits of my own misfit self peek through. So many of the things he said felt so shockingly familiar...

The trend continues in this book, which I also didn't know existed until after reading TBP. I was never a drag queen, I never drank or did drugs, I've never lived in a big city or partied all night or - well, to make a long story short (too late!), his life trended vastly differently from mine.

Hm. This review hasn't really been about the book, has it? I dunno, I guess I'm just surprised by how much it affected me. I am a woman approaching middle age. I was raised in a religious, conservative, homogeneous atmosphere that I was afraid to break out of, and when I did, it was in a completely silent and secret way, so that those looking on from the outside probably still don't know she's gone. What the hell do I have in common with Josh? And yet I still keep finding pieces of myself in his writing.

My own feelings for this book spring from two things. First, I admire his brutal honesty about himself - how he let loose this permanent record of his best sides and his worst. I am terrified of letting people see my weak side(s) and I keep my walls solidly up even now. I am awed by his courage in putting his name to his history for all to see, to comment and critique and pick through. I could never do that.

The second is how incredibly eloquent he is. I do have a blog I write - anonymously - wherein I try and get down in black and white the things I've struggled with in life. It's an attempt to leave something of myself out there for others to find so that maybe, maybe they'll experience less of the loneliness I felt growing up. It's stumbling and overly-verbose and really, I don't know if it'll ever accomplish anything. But it's books like this that make me keep doing it, because there are so many moments Josh speaks about where I think "oh, my god - it's me."

Josh's story (well, both of them) make me feel a little less alone and a little more normal (whatever that is). As a perpetual misfit, one of the feelings that gives me the most joy is to feel an honest and authentic feeling of belonging. It gives me something to hold on to when I'm feeling adrift in my own life - when I say something or do something that garners me one of those looks, half fear and half confusion, that lets me know I've stepped across some invisible line of 'acceptable behavior' again - or even when I stop myself but wish I could express myself honestly instead of keeping my mouth shut and only thinking what I want to say - I can remember stories like Josh's and remember that 'normal' varies, and I've just as much right to live my version of normal as they have theirs.(less)

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Oct 30, 2011 Jack rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A memoir that is in equal measure appealing and appalling. Josh takes through a rabbit hole where drag queens live with $300/hour male escorts in penthouse apartments on the Upper East Side. Ad agency art director by day, drag queen by night, alcoholic throughout - and strangely, madly in love with Jack, a male hooker with a dedicated clientele and a remarkably lax building staff. Parties go on for days, with orgies and crack and hog-tied British CEOs waiting in the front hall when our hero(ine)...more

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Oct 18, 2011 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Brief Description: Kilmer-Purcell’s first memoir (before the The Bucolic Plague) chronicles his days as a drag queen named Aqua and his doomed love affair with a crack addicted male escort who specializes in S&M. The relationship between Josh and his boyfriend Jack is the heart of the book, and it shines brightly before exploding into a supernova of pain, addiction and loss.

My Thoughts: Kilmer-Purcell seems to have lived enough lives to fill many memoirs. Although it was hard to reconcile th...more

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Oct 04, 2010 Tori Hoeschler rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In a Word: Fabulous
I read this book on the recommendation of a dear friend who occasionally does drag and with whom I frequently get into loads of trouble. Perhaps this review is a little unfair because I am shamelessly obsessed with gay men and drag queens; I am a self declared hag and I never pass an opportunity to get uproariously intoxicated and frequent any gay club/event. Therefore, this memoir appealed to me in every sense. In “I’m Not Myself These Days” Kilmer-Purcel documents a year of...more

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Apr 02, 2010 Heather rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Ever wondered how drag queens get ready for a night on the town? Or how sadomasochistic male escorts manage their professional lives? Then do I have a book for you- I'm Not Myself These Days, by Josh-Kilmer Purcell. This memoir (or at least, I assume it's a memoir, though it was reviewed by the infamous James Frey) tell the story of Josh's early days in New York as a hungover ad agency art designer by day and a drunken, 7'2" tall drag queen named Aqua by night.

Josh, a young man from Wisconsin, c...more Ever wondered how drag queens get ready for a night on the town? Or how sadomasochistic male escorts manage their professional lives? Then do I have a book for you- I'm Not Myself These Days, by Josh-Kilmer Purcell. This memoir (or at least, I assume it's a memoir, though it was reviewed by the infamous James Frey) tell the story of Josh's early days in New York as a hungover ad agency art designer by day and a drunken, 7'2" tall drag queen named Aqua by night.

Josh, a young man from Wisconsin, comes to New York after graduating from college, ostensibly to start a career in advertising, but really to hit the drag circuit. Soon he is doing several shows a week in clubs all over town, and in the process becoming a raging alcoholic. It is at one of these shows that he meets Jack, a handsome young man from California, who turns out to be a make escort specializing in bondage and humiliation. Let the love story begin!

I know, it doesn't sound like the setting for a love story, but in fact it is. The story of Josh and Jack is almost cliche in it's ordinariness...if you discount the setting. They go to dinner, they spend days at the beach, they order in breakfast and read each other the paper-in between sex parties and drag shows. By the time it starts to go so horribly wrong, you feel almost like their crazy lifestyle might not actually be a bad choice. I suppose after a while even the craziest of circumstances comes to seem normal. Eventually the drinking and drug use engaged in by both of them tears them apart. While that may seem inevitable, the sadness that you feel for them as individuals and as a couple does not.

This is my favorite kind of memoir. It is told in a very engaging, easy to follow narrative style that just tells the story like it is. No sentimentality, no pages and pages of deep psychological discussion of why the author chose that particular shade of corset to wear with this fish boobs (yes, he put goldfish in his boobs)-just good ol' storytelling. Plus Josh is that kind of sarcasti-gay that I adore, and he lays into himself more than anyone else. At its core, this is the story of a fresh-from-the-closet gay man hanging all his hopes and dreams on New York City, and getting a slap-in-the-face dose of reality instead. Josh may have felt to big for his small town in Wisconsin, but his brush with the dark side of sex and drugs ensures that the wide-eyed naivete that he arrived with is gone for good.(less)

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Jan 21, 2009 Deb rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs

This memoir is delightful. Of course it has serious themes, but the context is so unique and refreshing that the drama of it is a perfect contrast. In this book, Kilmer-Purcell describes his transition in life from a flamboyant drag-queen to a more normal, functional adult. It is not for a reader that is homophobic, but most people should find the situations he finds himself in to be unusual (perhaps) but digestable.

What I particularly appreciated about this memoir is that, while the author is g...more

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Apr 14, 2013 Julia rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, contemporary-fiction, ya-challenge-9, glbtq, advice, humor

I found this delightful and funny, but now I’ve read all of Josh Kilmer-Purcell’s books. In order, I have read The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers: An Unconventional Memoir, The Beekman 1802 Heirloom Cookbook: Heirloom fruits and vegetables, and more than 100 heritage recipes to inspire every generation, Candy Everybody Wants and then this book; the order may not have been ideal. Since The Bucolic Plague and this book are memoirs, I had read 150 pages or so before...more

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Apr 12, 2013 ~ mariya ~ rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: fans of drug-fueled and sex-driven memoirs that are also funny

Shelves: lgbt, memoirs, humor, drugs-are-bad-mmkay

When I first bought this book I was pretty sure it was a fictional story about a girl and her boyfriend who were both drug addicts but still were able to find humor in their daily lives. I was not completely right, but I wasn't too far off either: turns out, this is a memoir about a young alcoholic drag queen and his/her hot escort boyfriend who is unfortunately addicted to crack - so if this sounds intriguing so far (remember kids, this book will contain loads of drugs and sex and all things ba...more

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Sep 12, 2011 Jerome Baladad rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: those in life's major transitions

This is a wonderful 'moving on' book for readers who are forever in major transitions in their respective lives. Well, that's a pretty loaded line there but reading this book gives you ideas on how to go about moving on from one major situation in your life to another without totally damaging but actually creating your best self given resources on hand.

Having gotten my copy from one of the brownstone stoops in Park Slope, Brooklyn, I thought the cover was funny looking with a goldfish pictured...more This is a wonderful 'moving on' book for readers who are forever in major transitions in their respective lives. Well, that's a pretty loaded line there but reading this book gives you ideas on how to go about moving on from one major situation in your life to another without totally damaging but actually creating your best self given resources on hand.

Having gotten my copy from one of the brownstone stoops in Park Slope, Brooklyn, I thought the cover was funny looking with a goldfish pictured somewhere on the tattered page. Surely, the former owner must have wanted another reader to enjoy perusing this book. Finishing it in less than 3 days, I read how fabulously it was written as a memoir by someone who does advertisements these days and who was doing drag shows many years ago. I'm pretty familiar (which is an understatement) with such characters, having been involved myself with one for many years, but she was doing her gigs in Tokyo, Japan (where this book's author also did a drag show gig when he was still involved with his hooker boyfriend). It's a must read book for people who are thinking of moving to New York City, where the author currently lives with his partner. I read somewhere that he's completely changed directions with his life (he and his partner are even weekend farmers these days), and his book will give you lessons you may find handy if you decide to change life directions yourself. It may be a good one to read especially if you're in your early 20s because the perspective's from someone who has done such things when he was still in his 20s.

It's poignant, funny, and horrifying in its many pages - don't be shocked if you can by the small stories shared in the memoir. For example: ever read about someone pooping glitters? I've seen and known some of the types myself in my life here in NYC, although I was already in my early 40s when I came here. Gratefully, I wasn't really into young people. And most people I've seen would usually find themselves in desperate situations, too. The book's a memoir worth reading if you're thinking you're always finding yourself in desperate situations in the big city - from it you may learn to dance, do your paying gigs, have fun with the life that comes available only here in NYC.

And I got to understood a lot from reading this book why some of those I met and have gotten to know here in NYC behaved that way when dealing with me. It's a competition thing, apparently, which I wasn't engaged in since I came here. I've done with corporate life when I showed up here, which was the opposite of what the author wrote about here. Just the same, the author completely enjoyed his life, which is what mattered it seemed to me from my reading of this book. And as such, I'll certainly find ways to read his other books.(less)

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Apr 15, 2011 Katie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I think goodreads should install a rating system that includes half stars, because 4 stars wasn't enough, but 5 seems like a bit too much. That being said, I loved this book. This is one of those reads where you can't wait to read it when you're doing something else. It's the 3rd book in a row I've read where the author does cocaine...I'll break that streak eventually...hopefully. It involves gays, drag queens, escorts and goldfish...aka the recipe for a really good book. I adore the voice the a...more

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Oct 18, 2010 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Holy crap. I put the book down after the first two pages, took a deep breath, and forged ahead. The lives led by the author (an alcoholic ad exec by day, alcoholic drag queen by night) and his crackhead whore of a boyfriend (as the boyfriend was a male escort, I feel okay with the "whore" terminology) are horrifying enough to make you throw the book into a Dumpster, take a scalding shower in Lysol, and find the nearest hellfire and brimstone church so you can receive a cleansing of your soul. Bu...more

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Mar 29, 2013 Craig Dube rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook, non-fiction

I'm at a loss for words. I'm not entirely sure how I ended up reading this book. I know it started as I was perusing $1.99 NOOK books, but I'm not sure what made me settle in and decide to pick this one. I think I must have looked over the summary and reviews and thought there was something of a "Running With Scissors" or a "The Tender Bar" (both books I very much enjoyed) quality to this one.

Although I enjoyed it and found it fascinating, I'd be cautious recommending it to most people. Reading...more

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Aug 04, 2011 Elizabeth rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Anyone who has ever felt a little lost will see a bit of themselves in Josh Kilmer-Purcell's tale of his first year in New York, and of his first love. A junior ad exec by day and a professional drag queen named Aqua by night, Josh seems to make bad decision after bad decision and is not-so-slowly developing a serious drinking problem. He desperately searches for a way to pull himself out of the mess, and thinks he has found a source of stability in his new boyfriend Jack, a successful gay escor...more

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Nov 26, 2010 Jeff rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I don't know if it's appropriate to describe an alcoholic drag queen's memoir of his relationship with a crack cocaine-addicted S&M male escort as "sweet," but that is one of the words I would certainly use to describe this fascinating, wry, and wonderfully told autobiography. Josh is a master storyteller whose quips and acumen are as sharp as his stilettos. I found myself laughing and, at turns, crying at the details of his life and his relationship, a passionate love affair that was someho...more

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Mar 23, 2013 Joshua Gross rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

At first it was very similar to Dry, by Augusten Burroughs. Both men were gay, living in New York, complete alcoholics, and working in advertising. Josh Kilmer-Purcell was a little luckier than Augusten in some ways, like how his advertising agency seemed to like that he was a complete drunk as opposed to Augusten's. On the other hand, Josh was also dating a crack-head prostitute and, unlike Burroughs, he was a drag queen. Things started getting more interesting when Josh started to describe his...more

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Dec 02, 2012 Ava Butzu rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

While Josh Kilmer-Purcell certainly has the talent as a writer and the experiences as a human to write a powerful memoir about his life as an alcoholic drag queen (I mean, what could be more compelling than that?), there is a missing piece in this story that left me with an unfulfilled in ability to connect with him.

Written with the same sense of humor that I loved in Augusten Burroughs' "Running with Scissors," Kilmer-Purcell's story of his first year in NYC with his seemingly perfect boyfriend...more

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May 24, 2011 Sherard H rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

I Am Not Myself These Days
Josh Kilmer-Purcell
Harper Perennial
New York, 2006

The Seduction of Goldfish

It's completely normal to read about men who dress up in drag, complete with live goldfish swimming around in their plastic boobs, right?

Sounds normal to me. Sound normal to you?

I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of books I read before I stumbled upon the memoir category. I don't think I touched a single one (especially not if it was leisure reading) until graduate school. "Memoir" was synon...more

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Feb 07, 2012 Mark rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Impressive from its funny yet frightening first pages to its lovely last sentences, this memoir is a marvel. Not only does the reader get a drag queen's eye view to a specific facet of New York night life, but his unflinching reportage from the trenches of addiciton (both his own relationship w/ alcohol and his partner's struggle with crack) rings absolutely true--yet miraculously never gets mawkish or melodramatic. In fact, all his observations seem so authentic and candid, they are at once hor...more

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Jan 27, 2013 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I wasn't prepared for how much I'd wind up liking this memoir, or the fact I'd find it so touching at the end.

I'm sure some of the themes would be off-putting to people uncomfortable with pretty frank descriptions of the sexual proclivities that exist. However, you have to admire the author's open nature about his former lifestyle as a drag queen who moved in with a random guy he meets along the way.

At one point, he comments that no one would be interested in a story about a drag queen in love...more

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About Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Josh Kilmer-Purcell is the New York Times best-selling author of I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir (Harper Perennial 2006), The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers (Harper 2010), and the novel Candy Everybody Wants (Harper Perennial 2008). He and his partner, Brent Ridge, are also the stars of Planet Green's The Fabulous Beekman Boys. Kilmer-Purcell writes a monthly c...more

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Books by Josh Kilmer-Purcell

The Bucolic Plague: How Two Manhattanites Became Gentlemen Farmers: An Unconventional Memoir

The Beekman 1802 Heirloom Dessert Cookbook: 100 Delicious Heritage Recipes from the Farm and Garden

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“I try to make myself realize that I have learned the difference between right and wrong. That there is such a thing as right and wrong. But instead I've learned that these are things - this "right", this "wrong"- these are things that we are told. Simply told to believe. These are things we have not tested. And while most of the things we are told may be true, it is not until we have tested them, taunted them, flaunted them, that we truly know they are right. Or wrong. Or true. Or false. Or somewhere in-the-fucking-between. And I think I know now a little better which is which. And I also know I'll never quit testing this world. I'll never rely on common knowledge. Or common denominators. Or even common sense, for that matter.” — 19 people liked it

“And sometimes the show can't go on.” — 18 people liked it

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I Am Not Myself These Days

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