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Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination

3.67  ·  Rating Details ·  365 Ratings  ·  46 Reviews
Bringing Metal to the Children is a handbook to all things Heavy Metal, brought to you by insane prankster and guitar god Zakk Wylde, of Ozzy Osbourne and Black Label Society fame.

This “Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination” provides tips and tests for the True Rocker—as wild man Zakk Wylde invites all who dare onto the tour bus for brain-bursting tales of gl
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Hardcover, 320 pages
Published April 10th 2012 by William Morrow (first published May 1st 2011)
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Marni Berg
Jul 10, 2012 Marni Berg rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition


Ive seen some other reviews saying this book was for men because of all the "toilet humor" in it, I happen to be a woman who loves BLS and "toilet humor" :) it was a fun read that made me laugh outloud. Exactly what I expected. Zakk way to GIFD! SDMF
Rachelle Olson
Just to make it clear... I have not read one of the reviews about this book yet.

This book was nothing but a disappointment. OK, granted... I'm not a middle-aged world-famous guitar player from Jersey. I AM, however, a middle-aged rocker chick from Jersey. That said, I won't be spending weeks on end with a bunch of beer-guzzling metal men on a tour bus. I know this. But, honestly, there is a lot of ass and poop talk. Ass, puke and poop. It sounds more punk rock than metal, but yeah. That's pretty
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Steve
Apr 17, 2012 Steve rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Horrible. I didn't expect this to be a literary masterpiece, but I did expect some cool stories. Nothing. Even the editing is horrible. Paragraphs are repeated. This reads like a middle school project.
Janne Paananen
Dec 20, 2015 Janne Paananen rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
"Koska hänen kirjalliset lahjansa ovat niin olemattomat, on vain loogista, että hän lyöttäytyi yhteen Zakkin kaltaisen, miltei lukutaidottoman juntin kanssa kirjoittaakseen kirjan, jossa kerrotaan, miten rundeilla paskannetaan ja oksennellaan."

Näin Black Label Societyn basisti tiivistää kirjan lopussa Maailmanvalloitusoppaan sisällön. Ja on valitettavasti varsin oikeassa.

Maailmanvalloitusopas ei ole tyypillinen muusikon elämäkerta. Piste siitä. Sisältö on lähinnä joko pullistelua tai sitten vink
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Daniel Clark
Funny at times; annoying every time else. I appreciate creativity in a memoir but there many missed opportunities to use the creativity to aid in the story telling and not to distract from it. This is a must read for Wylde fans.
Sara
May 04, 2012 Sara rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: biographies
It was entertaining, silly, and gross at times. It didn't have as much of a narrative as I was expecting. Instead, it was more of a grouping of anecdotes. Still, it was fun and worth it.
Philip
Apr 19, 2012 Philip rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Zakk Wylde is known throughout the music world as one of the most prolific guitarists in modern music history. His chops are unequalled. That he's been part of fellow legend Ozzy Osbourne's camps only adds to his reputation. Now, the man who heads up the Black Label Society worldwide can add one more title to his resume. That title is author. And his new book, Bringing Metal to The Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination is an amazing look behind the scenes at life on t ...more
Laura Lynch
Jun 03, 2012 Laura Lynch rated it really liked it
One would expect a book written by Zakk Wylde (with Eric Hendrikx) to be filled with wild tales of drunken escapades, destruction and daunting music. Yes, Bringing Metal To The Children - The Complete Bezerker's Guide to World Tour Domination has plenty of sordid stories of sex, alcohol and rock and roll - but, Zakk counters his course commentary with common sense advice on the music business and life in general.

Zakk is a man of faith and has the spirit of a fighting Viking. His Catholic backgro
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Oleg
Nov 12, 2013 Oleg rated it really liked it
Zakk Wylde, one of the best guitarists in the metal/hard rock scene, has written a book full of hilarious stories during his career as a touring musician. The stories span from his beginnings, to joining up with Ozzy, to going solo, and continuing with his main band Black Label Society. He pokes fun at the co-author Eric Hendrikx, band members (mostly bassist JD), band management, friends, and family (especially his wife Barbaranne). Hilarious Ozzy stories are found here too, which are always go ...more
Conrad Mason
This book was abit different from your typical sex, drugs and rocknroll story as Zakk has been married for many years and doesnt do drugs. Was cool to get an insight to life on the road and some of the funny stories of him being on the road with Ozzy (and Black Label Society). Apparently he is a christian but dont know how after reading this. Felt it was a bit heavy on the toilet humour and sex jokes. Overall an entertaining read but not amazing
Steve Mulholland
Bonkers mad crazy.....Zakk you're madder than a sack of wet mice!!!! Laugh out loud moments all the way through....especially the 'meditation' part.....Never gonna win a Laureate.....it does what it says on the tin....a raucous, don't give a s**t rock n roll good time!!!!!
Chris
Feb 09, 2014 Chris rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This made me feel like I was sitting at a bar, hanging out with Zakk, listening to millions of war stories. Not just your average autobiography. Funny and entertaining. Definitely recommend to any metalhead.
Breanne
Oct 16, 2012 Breanne rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: must-read-again
This was trully an entertaining book!! Anyone who is a Zakk Wylde fan must read this book. The passion that he has for what he does and those around him clearly shines through the words in this book. For those who know, his wit and overall charm radiate loudly from these pages. There were several times I literally laughed out loud. I couldn't help myself. There were other times that the imagery was more than what I wanted to imagine, but hey. That's Zakk Wylde for you. A definite good read. This ...more
Miles Rose
Apr 07, 2014 Miles Rose rated it liked it
Is it a well-written book? Heeeeell no! Is it a fun, good thing to snatch to read a few paragraphs while waiting for a bus or something to load? Perfect for that.
Tricia
Apr 25, 2016 Tricia rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Getting it f***king done.
What else is there to say it's the book you would expect from Zakk Wylde. Funny stories and lots of swearing. SDMF!
Jimmy Locke
Jun 14, 2014 Jimmy Locke rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Killer Book,Man!His insight about the industry,and intense drive was very inspiring!!!
Bannon
Apr 13, 2014 Bannon rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I thought this book was funny as hell. such an amazing musician! !
Jonah C.
Aug 29, 2014 Jonah C. rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love this book. Zakk Wylde is hilarious. GIFD SDMF
Karsten
Apr 05, 2014 Karsten rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: music
Unreadable. Still a huge fan of Zakk as a musician.
Hristo Todorov
I expected more from the book...
Jane
Feb 18, 2013 Jane rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I received this book for Christmas from my husband who is trying to turn me into a metal-head. I must admit I didn’t know who Zakk Wylde was until I read this book and it is not a book I would usually pick up to read as I'm not into the metal scene. That said, however, I really enjoyed reading this book. As well as being laugh out loud hilarious in parts, it was also inspiring for an aspiring musician such as myself. In Zakk's words "At the end of the day, play what you love and what moves you. ...more
Deyara
Oct 22, 2012 Deyara rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read this pretty much straight after reading Gene Simmons Sex Money Kiss and it made me laugh, they both talk about the same thing - getting there takes work, and you need to stop messing about, work hard, and get it the fuck done. I like Zakks stylings more, so I preferred his book, but they have a lot in common. They are also a bit repetitive - both have some passages that seem pretty much the same.
Danielson Stabile
I love Zakk, and this book - his hilarious outtake on life - just makes me wish I could hang out with the guy even more. Funny stories from his personal life, tour bus, touring, and band mates (seriously, i was laughing outloud at parts). LOTS of toilet humor (literally), dick jokes, and other debauchery. I rank this book up there with Mötley Crüe: The Dirt. Overall, great message for aspiring artists: it's relentless, never ending hard work to make it, and you will be taken advantage of by anyo ...more
James Wright
Jun 11, 2016 James Wright rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
One of the most stupidly entertaining things I've ever read; a must read for Zakk Wylde fans.
Georgianna Price
I know some folks didn't like this book because it wasn't serious enough, but those folks must not know anything about Zakk Wylde. They've also likely never seen any of his interviews or even the Overlord video.

Seriously, this book is insane. In between hilarious road stories, poop jokes and those slightly creepy Viking interludes, we learn a lot about the business and Wylde's road to success.

In a lot of ways, this is the ideal rock star memoir.
A. Hotzler
Sep 02, 2013 A. Hotzler rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Zakk is very funny (lewd and sometimes offensive), this is still quite a comedic achievement. The Blonde Bomber takes you on a personal, yet universal, journey in the music industry, while supplementing the story with personal insights and gems of wisdom.

If you like the music and Zakk's personality, definitely read; if you don't like bathroom humor, don't even look at the book; in fact, if you touch it, wash your hands immediately.
Kevin Brown
The book is listed as music/memoir but it should be under humor/sex guide. Zakk is a great guitar player but this book is a joke. Would have loved to know more about his playing and music related stories. Not the stupid jokey monologue about having sex with his wife. I give her credit for being smart enough to not allow him to put her picture in the book. A disappointing read.
Snem
Aug 06, 2015 Snem rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: music-memoirs
Very funny, very entertaining and Zakk seems like such a likable guy I can listen to his war stories from the road all day long. I wish it was a wee bit more serious at moments. I recommend this to all Zakk/Black Label Society/Ozzy/metal fans and I don't recommend this to anyone easily offended by sexy talk and poop humor.
Mary
Apr 20, 2013 Mary rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Being a fan of Zakk Wylde for many years, with his incredible music skills, I expected more. Such a disappointment, the book is crude and full out foul language. I guess, I had some romanticized notion that someone with so much talent would have more to say, and be a bit more of a gentleman, despite it all.

Patrick
Meh? Is that what the young people are saying?

Whilst his music is fine, his ability to tell a story without lapsing into the same viking/shagging/pooping line of faux-polemic rambling suggests that he might want to avoid writing any further autobiography.

Not even recommended to fans, frankly.
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