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You claim that most women have "big butts" that block them from reaching their goals. What can parents of daughters do to minimize the self-loathing many women experience?

First of all, NEVER EVER EVER put your daughter in a position where she has to apologize or defend her imperfections. You are her greatest advocate. Concentrate on making her feel wonderful for all that she is. Look for opportunities to reinforce and validate the positive. If she voices concern over a big butt, do not negate her concern; rather, simply help see that it is what it is nothing more. Help her move through the process of acceptance.

Ultimately, you want to teach her that everybody has a big butt. Everybody has things about themselves that they do not like. She must learn how to be authentic and put her big butt to use to her advantage by sharing and building relationships.


You encourage women to "be your profession" at all times. Doesn't this kind of attitude turn off friends, families, colleagues and co-workers? Does a women risk becoming known as overbearing and pushy by adopting this attitude?

By being your profession you are educating your friends, families, colleagues and coworkers as to what you do, why you do it, and why, if they ever need your services they should contact you. How sad when we miss these “low hanging fruits” and do not advise them of our vocation.

It is important to remember that our professional personas are our real selves are NOT mutually exclusive. We should not equate being professional with being fake. The ability to advance our professional goals while maintaining our authenticity is an invaluable skill that differentiates the rainmakers from the rest of the pack. 


How can we be sure that our "big butt" is something we have to live with? Aren't there some imperfections that can and should be improved? How do we tell the difference?

This reminds me of the serenity prayer from AA—“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Of course, simple imperfections that we can easily correct and that we WANT to correct we should. I am not against a little Botox, hair coloring, etc. Big Butts refers to those things about us that we cannot easily change—our literal big butts. Either physical attributes like being too tall, or having boxy shaped legs, etc.
Likewise, when we look at our intangible big butts, some are easily changed. Like the woman who interrupts all the time. However, facets of ourselves like our childhood, education, vocabulary, intelligence cannot easily be changed and must be accepted.

When you talk to young women about launching their careers, what's your most important advice?

As I stated in Chapter Six, you must develop the ability to effectively promote yourself and your products, services, or interests. Whether you are a physician, an attorney, a software developer, or an accountant, you need to develop a following and bring in clients. If you’re a researcher, an entrepreneur, or are involved in the nonprofit world – you must write grants and bring in funding. With few exceptions, regardless of your field it is imperative that you see to it that your name is widely known and associated with excellence.


When is it OK to begin to show your vulnerabilities in a professional situation?

This is an art that develops with practice. It is similar to filling up the bathtub for your baby. You keep putting your hand in the water to discern when it gets too hot.

Test the waters of your workplace, starting with sharing small big butts. For example, I just recently arrived at a business meeting. I tested the waters by saying to the other woman,” what a morning. I had to buy a new bathing suit. I think I would have preferred getting a root canal.” She laughed and shared her own bathing suit shopping nightmares. This told me that the water was still luke warm!

Stay highly attuned to the other person’s responses, both verbal and non-verbal. While you are learning, and if you’re not sure, err on the safe side and go slow. Never reveal anything that can come back to bite you.


In Chapter Three you discuss seven ways in which we deal with our big butts. Which one were you?

Yes, it’s true, when we do not like or accept a part of ourselves, it is natural to cope by either trying to hide it from others and even ourselves, or to overcompensate for its existence. Therefore, women oftentimes unknowingly try to cope with their big butts by engaging in detrimental behavior patterns. I’ve described 7 of these patterns: (1) The Needy, (2) The Non-Promoter, (3) The Tyrant, (4) The Avoider, (5) The Perfectionist, (6) The Egotist, and (7) The Pleaser.

Like most women, I had a little of each of these in my coping repertoire. As a young woman, totally defined by her big butt, I most typified The Needy, The Avoider, and The Pleaser.


I have a friend who is constantly making excuses for not moving forward, blaming several "big butts" for her lack of initiative. I will give her your book when it comes out; meanwhile, is there anything I can do to help her?

Yes, you can steer her to my website: http:www.laurablackonline.com. There are many postings speaking to these very issues.

I would start by helping her to identify exactly what her big butts are. Once she has identified them and looked at the negativity she allows them to bring to her life, perhaps she will be motivated to accept them and move on.

She must realize that we are all human. We all have big butts. The key is to learn to accept our imperfections and then use them to our advantage in forming invaluable connections and relationships.

Big Butts, Fat Thighs, and Other Secrets to Success: Empowering Women to be Real in Work and in Life, is available in both print and electronically through my website, http:www.laurablackonline.com as well as on line through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.