Writing for me is about taking a little bit of something that has affected me and then turning it into a (hopeful) masterpiece. Sometimes it can be a piece of dialogue or a feeling, maybe even a memory. Writing has become almost like therapy in a way. I have found the harder the issue or the more hurt I was then the better the writing is. There is little that can compare to what it is like for me.
My life has been one big adventure; a constant source of things to use in my writing which makes me thankful. Recently I have been attacking my teenage years...I know, those years are always full of inspiration lol. For me it was a time of falling in love, losing myself in that love, breaking free and finished with me getting married. Sounds like how most teens see their lives turning out doesn't it. If my teens had been on TV it would have been a cross between teen mum, Dr Phil, cops, the hills special ha-ha.
There is little that can compare to the intensity of love someone may happen to deal with when they are in their teens. You see a boy or girl and suddenly nothing else matters, not your family, not your schooling...nothing. That is how it had started for me. At 14 I thought I had found the guy I would marry...crazy right?
Well back then it didn't feel so crazy. Instead I was consumed by the love I felt. I would do anything for that boy and him vice versa, to a point. I ignored friends who warned me about his cheating, I didn't think twice about having sex with him or moving in together. He felt more valuable to me then the air I breathed. Sure we broke-up, with all the drama that teens go through and then we would make up and turn against those who had been there to tell us our relationship wasn't healthy. We were together right up until I was eighteen...4 yrs.
He was a track star and was meant to take me overseas with him, I was pretty and very naive. Right up until we turn 16 our lives could have been OK, but at 16 we began to destroy them and each other. The rumors of his cheating forcing me to want to hold onto him so that he would never leave me. I felt as though I had to live with him, to make sure he knew I was the only girl for him, instead of running away like a normal person would. I felt like I should have to work to keep him. His needs became more important than my own. I gave up a private education, I gave up family, friends, my body... In essence I began to loss myself.
We moved in together and then the issues that had always been there began to intensify. Domestic violence doesn't start when a guy finally loses it and hits you. It starts from the moment you allow him to have control. It starts from the moment you allow a person to decide what you should wear and who you should see. It starts from the moment you allow him to make you feel bad about yourself. It also doesn't have a real age limit. It can start in your teens. It isn't always physical either, BUT it is never something you should put up with!
I will never forget how I felt. We had a daughter together and I am so thankful we did. It was having her that made me grow up and see how wrong our relationship was. If I hadn't had her at 17 I am not sure I would be here today. It does take a lot of strength to walk out of that type of relationship but if you look...really look, you will find people are there ready to help you. I was so lucky I had good girlfriends who were really there for me. They reminded me that it was not healthy for our daughter to see that kind of violence even though she was only a baby. Kept telling me that I was worth more than to be abused and put down by the person who I thought loved me. They made me focus on what I would want for my daughter, whether or not I would sit by and see her go through this.
Amazingly my life turned around and by sheer luck I found and fell in love with my husband only 7mths after leaving my ex. We have been married for 10 wonderful years. I have given my children the foundation of what real love is meant to look like. We don't need to hide behind closed doors or lie to our friends over bruising. My husband has been with me through thick and thin. He is the flip side to that earlier love.
It is with these memories that I write about love. I write about how it can consume you, how it can be unhealthy for you and how on the flip side it can be the very thing that nurtures you and helps you grow. I want everyone to know what good love feels like and to see the early warning signs of wrong love. Sure, I may not be on any best sellers lists yet but I am still young in my writing career. I have only been writing for 2 years...so I am still hopeful that one of these days I will make it. I know that maybe someday soon I will write some chick lit fiction story based on those memories but right now I am happy using a little here and there to make my stories (hopefully) great :)