I've finally begun getting bad reviews... not an overload, but a few nonetheless.

Obviously as the writer of the book, I initially disagree. Every now and then, I think.... hmmm well the A-hole has a point... I did do that... but you take away a STAR for that? I should hunt you down and eat your children!

What I love is the dumb writer that begins argueing with the reviewer... oh yeah... that'll get you fans buddy! You're really building an author's platform there. (I usually take their books off my TBR list)

So.. too all writers... I have created the BAD REVIEW RECOVERY PLAN.

This plan is FREE!

It is also a sure fire way to not end up doing something crazy like harrassing the reviewer or even worse looking like a big huge throbbing C&&k-Burger!

Okay....

BAD REVIEW RECOVERY PLAN:

1- Read the bad review.

2-STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER! (Do not go on that reviewer's profile and begin judging the books that they five stared! Do not add the reviewer as a friend! Do not tell other reviewers how much of a douche bag this reviewer is! Don't fight with them on twitter, facebook, goodreads, or other social networking sites where millions of people can see how much of a a-hole you are! Do not even create a fake profile and then begin argueing with the reviewer as the "Huge Fan"!)

3- GO ON YOUR FAVORITE BOOK'S PAGE.... and READ ALL OF THEIR BAD REVIEWS.

I love to go on Daughter of Smoke and Bones (my favorite book ever)! I just enjoy reading the 520 one-star reviews for her book. It just helps me understand that... hey, not everybody is going to love your freakin book! Its okay!

4- GRAB A GLASS OF WINE

5- PLAY SOME SEXY MUSIC AND GREET YOUR HUSBAND WITH NOTHING ON!
My hubby loves bad reviews!! I find that a hearty orgasm makes anything better.

Try the plan and tell me if it works!
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72 comments
63 likes · like  • 
Published on March 15, 2012 09:33 • 1,888 views • Tags: bad-reviews, cockburgers, daugther-of-smoke-and-bone, orgasm



Comments (showing 23-72)    post a comment »

message 72: by Marcella (new)

Marcella I'm not a writer. I stumbled across one of your books today as it's up for voting for a BOM in a group I'm a member of. I just became a fan because...Cockburger! Nearly wet my knickers reading this post. About to go and buy Fire Baptised.


message 71: by Skyla (new)

Skyla Experiment BL626 wrote: "Skyla (Happy Go Lucky and Lost in Books) wrote: "I actually gave an author a bad review on Amazon and she friended me on fb and she is actually one my best friends now.

This blog post is awesome K..."


Well it has been 10 years since I gave her the bad review and 5 since we became friends on fb.

Your picture scares me what the hell is that thing?


message 70: by Experiment BL626 (new)

Experiment BL626 Skyla (Happy Go Lucky and Lost in Books) wrote: "I actually gave an author a bad review on Amazon and she friended me on fb and she is actually one my best friends now.

This blog post is awesome Kenya =)"


I must be cynical because I think that your author-now-bff is simply waiting for the right time to devour you, Skyla.




message 69: by Skyla (new)

Skyla I actually gave an author a bad review on Amazon and she friended me on fb and she is actually one my best friends now.

This blog post is awesome Kenya =)


message 68: by [deleted user] (new)

Tom wrote: "I'm going to have to talk to my wife about making a crappy book so we can implement your plan. :o)"

LOL!!! The plan works great for my hubby too!


message 67: by Lily (new)

Lily Tom wrote: "I'm going to have to talk to my wife about making a crappy book so we can implement your plan. :o)"

Bahahahaha!!


message 66: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright LMAO@ Tom! Yes this is a perfect plan to implement.

Frankly if more people did this process there wouldn't be a certain website that is whimpering about reviewers.


message 65: by Tom (new)

Tom I'm going to have to talk to my wife about making a crappy book so we can implement your plan. :o)


message 64: by Damali (new)

Damali Yes, but that's not the point.
I'd be so pissed if some random person were to call my kid ugly. Imagine if they did it online, and not face-to-face. That would make the insult worse. It's instinct to protect your kid, or your book, whether they're ugly or not. :)


Barbara (VampAngel) Well Damali, maybe their child is ugly. ;)
Sadly, it's a fact of life, not everybody is beautiful, just like not every book is good. But taste is a strange thing. I like many books people feel are awful, just like I dated plenty of so called ugly people.

Kenya, great post by the way. I'm gonna check your books next!


message 62: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright I must say..... all of you are freakin hilarious! Happy Friday people! Reading your comments are like drinking wine after a long day of work.


message 61: by The Holy Terror (new)

The Holy Terror Hey, Kenya, your blog is making the rounds and many people are liking it and sharing it. I found it hilarious. (And also Alicia's comments as well, ha!)

Also, lots of people are going to be seeing the comments made here and probably head on over to some peoples' profiles due to curiosity. They might even stumble on some writing where the author is talking to themselves about conspiracies with a woe-is-me attitude.

Just sayin'. It might happen.

An author's animosity towards a reviewer or bad review will do much more damage than negative reviews alone. And you're definitely right: they should really spend their time doing something more productive than bitching online, because it never ends well.


message 60: by Damali (new)

Damali That's like telling someone their kid is ugly. :D


message 59: by Barbara (VampAngel) (last edited Jun 01, 2012 01:03PM) (new)

Barbara (VampAngel) Pia/F. P., have you ever stop to consider that maybe your book is just bad? If you only got bad reviews it might not be a smearing campaign, it might just be that you're not a good writer?

Just try to consider this, just for a moment.

PS: I don't know you or your books, I'm just playing Devil's advocate here.


message 58: by Missy (new)

Missy LaRae Bad reviews are also tempered by the good ones. I just got one today for my book that literally brought a tear to my eye and almost made me cry because of how the book made the reader feel. I have never felt that way before. It was more emotional to me than any bad review could ever be. I'm not 'hurt' or 'upset' by negativity, it just rolls off me. It's the part where what I wrote and what I managed to create touched someone else in a deep and positive way. That means far, far more.

Good advice. I have 3 bottles of my favorite wine lined up just in case.

Missy


message 57: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright wow thanks for this unexpected love today! I will be checking out your link at Kate Copeseeley's and thanks so much new_user


message 56: by new_user (new)

new_user Much respect, Kenya. Because of the humor, humility and well-meaning, positive message in this post, I'm inspired to check out your books. That's the only way the landscape has changed: your actions online can help or hurt your image. Encouraging respect can only help it. For a "new writer," you're making a great, mature start. Experience doesn't preclude anyone from making mistakes.


message 55: by Nadja (new)

Nadja Notariani I've gotten a huge chuckle from reading your post! Thanks. Luckily, I have a sister who makes me laugh - no matter the circumstance (she's always had this power and we've gotten into loads of trouble over it when young) - I mean ANY circumstance. (We hide our inappropriate guffawing now, I assure you) It's my cure for any/all bad things. Phone. My. Sister.
Although your advice doesn't sound half bad....my husband may begin to love bad reviews...Er... well... Nevermind about that.
Anyway...thanks for starting my morning with a laugh.
BTW/FYI...stopping via a link at Kate Copeseeley's Pieces Of Stars.


message 54: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Thanks Kate and Ms library!


message 53: by Ms. Library (new)

Ms. Library I saw this post, and I have to say that I loved it. I really appreciate this kind of attitude as a buyer of books and a frequent reviewer. I personally know when I see an author attacking reviewers, it really bothers me. The book should stand for itself, and it kind of makes me (and others) not want to read their stuff. What if I don't like it? Will I get attacked? I always believe in honesty.
But when I see someone embrace negative reviews and get on with their life, it makes me want to read that book more!


message 52: by Kate (new)

Kate Copeseeley You are my kind of writer, Kenya! And I was laughing my butt off over the comments from your SIL. hahaha

Seriously, though, despite the comments from the author who disagrees, I think that your "newbie" attitude is a better one. And it is guaranteed to give you a happier life. I'm with John Locke. I'm all for reviewers weeding me out of certain categories of readers. Every email or comment or review I get from someone who IS my intended audience is cool, though.


message 51: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright lol@ Kassie-Lee!!!


message 50: by Kassie-Lee (new)

Kassie-Lee Never have I seen so much wall of text! If nothing else Kenya it seems you inspire conversation and controversy!

And you should tell hubby not to fret, he should be pleased the level of his anti-bad-review-bedroom-prowess has been exposed to the masses! lol

Love ya work lady, keep it up :)


message 49: by Deva (new)

Deva Ambrielle wrote: "Awwww, thanks Kenya! The world you created in Fire Baptized is extremely unique. I loved it. I wish you much success."

Agreed ... I haven't read anything like it. It's a world within a world. Awesome.


message 48: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Thanks Ambrielle!


message 47: by Ambrielle (new)

Ambrielle Kirk Awwww, thanks Kenya! The world you created in Fire Baptized is extremely unique. I loved it. I wish you much success.


message 46: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Lol!!! @ Mistk... awesome point.

Kashondra and Ambrielle! two of my favorite writers! Thank so much for commenting and bringing freash views as sucessful writers!


Mistik | I ♥ Monster Fkery | Hmm
I never post on blogs but couldn't help. Im riding a fabulous Fire Bapt. High!
There was a paragraph in Pia's ever edited essay that bugged me.

According to Pia I believe I fall under reader-reader whose opinion doesn't count. I was a health major, so basically I read for fun. Ok now, I think the majority of readers are just like me, souls without an ounce of literary genius searching for some GoodReads. As a majority, all ratings become a COUNT. I think if an author replied to my poor rating it would not matter. It's not like I would change my mind.
As for the new author comment. Let's be clear: there's no greater bookhigh than reading and loving a book written by a newbie. It means the author is new to publishing but most certainly isn't new to writing!

Ok, so didnt think Id type all that on my one finger capable pad!!!


message 44: by Ambrielle (new)

Ambrielle Kirk Nice advice, Kenya. One thing I always find is to open up a new or existing WIP and get to work finishing the next book. I agree, it's never a wise idea to comment on a bad review to argue with the reviewer or even try to justify yourself in any way.


message 43: by KaSonndra (new)

KaSonndra Leigh Hey Kenya,

Congratulations! You've reached the sweet spot of indie success! From what I've heard from my other indie author (and even a few tarditionally pubbed ones too) this tends to happen once your book starts to really move and make noise. John Locke and Amanda Hocking stated it best. If you had all 5 star then that could be just as bad as receiving negative reviews. What does it really mean if everybody likes your book? For me as a reader when I'm checking out a prospective read it means that authors entire writing group must've jumped in there and pumped up the positive juice for this person. On the other hand (a cliche statement so don't be giving my comment a bad review now...LoL) negative reviews show a sign of true originality.

When that happens it's just a matter of people's tastes and not a sign that your book sucks in any way. Reviews are opinions. That's it. Some of the people who really loved your book didn't like mine and vice versa. So you see it's truly a matter of opinions and authors should NOT get into reviewe bashing as we've all seen lately. It doesn't feel good to get a negative review and some of them are brutal, but it's the nature of the beast in this game. My fav Dystopian novels ever are: Divergent, Hunger Games, Enclave, and Angelfall. Very super popular books with no less than 200 1-star reviews.

The way I look at it is like this. I have a lot more people loving my book with the little angel on front than not. Suddenly everybody on Facebook is talking about the new edition coming out. I get strangers who tweet to me and say I read your book and loved it. But guess what? This person hasn't written a review anywhere. Fire Baptized us a great book. And I'm super picky so I hope that makes you feel better. Also something strange is happening for me. The paperback is outselling the ebook on some sites. LoL
Anyway, I hope my rambling has made sense. I look very forward to seeing what happens in your next book. Meshack is hot. And I can't wait to start reading Caged. Hugz


message 42: by [deleted user] (new)

Lily wrote: ""I should hunt you down and eat your children! "

"


LMAO!!!!!


message 41: by [deleted user] (new)

Kenya, I think you are one funny chick!! I've already adopted your recovery plan lol and downloaded your book and can't wait to get started!


message 40: by Erin (new)

Erin  Dove Wow, Kenya...You've stirred up quite a commotion! I for one will never stop reading your posts because you are SO DAMN FUNNNY!


message 39: by Alicia (new)

Alicia Lily wrote: "If I had written:

"OMG Kenya. Your post made me turn into a fat walrus, rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!"

... it just wouldn't be the same."


HA HA HA HA HA!


message 38: by Lily (new)

Lily If I had written:

"OMG Kenya. Your post made me turn into a fat walrus, rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!"

... it just wouldn't be the same.


message 37: by Alicia (new)

Alicia Lily's always got the best images! :)


message 36: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Lily has just put an image up... It all goes downhill from here. lmao!!!!!!!!!!


message 35: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Pia/F. P. wrote: "Oh--everything's okay on my end. I'm sorry if I've upset you. I said what I had to say. I won't add anymore. If you take anything from my post, let it just be: walk carefully over and around this i..."

lol@ off to have an orgasm!


message 34: by Deva (new)

Deva Girl ... Kenya ... Put up a new blog. This one is tap dancing on my sanity. I can't ... No, I just can't ...

*pauses ... breathes* Respect. I'm done :-)


message 33: by Lily (new)

Lily "I should hunt you down and eat your children! "




message 32: by Deva (new)

Deva Who's excited to see Hunger Games next weekend? Will their be a lot of bad reviews or orgasms for that one? Who's read the book? Speaking of books ... Part 2 to the Habitat series comes out in .............. April?


message 31: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright If I wasn't at work... I'd be having an orgasm right now!
lol@ Alicia

I use writing and blogging for fun... because I work a 40 hour week, go to law school part-time, write in-between, and take care of three kids.

I get my fun and orgasms in whenever I can.
LOL!!


message 30: by Alicia (new)

Alicia Deva wrote: "Well ... Looks like the fun was just sucked out of this post. *rolls eyes* I swear ... No ... Let me shut up."

We should probably all step away from our computers and go have some orgasms.


message 29: by Deva (new)

Deva Well ... Looks like the fun was just sucked out of this post. *rolls eyes* I swear ... No ... Let me shut up.


message 28: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Alicia wrote: "In my humble opinion, reviews are just that--opinions. And yeah, reviewers are allowed to have them. And all reviews count because no person is entirely unique in the flaws they perceive in a book...."

I really think that is a great point Alica-- "A bad review may save your book other readers that are not your audience."
John Locke says that... I love him...


And Karina! Yes it was just done in fun. lol!


message 27: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright :-)

I honestly think there is a misunderstanding here somewhere.... some wrong turn... or something... was it the "cockburger part"? I do so love that term, but I meant no harm in it.

I honestly wrote the post in fun, just to say what I do when I recieve a bad review.


If you felt offended, I apologize. The post wasn't meant to attack others. (Truthfully, I didn't think anyone would read it.)

Its not that much deeper than that. I did disagree with your last post. It doesn't mean I think less of you. It means we are two different people with two different opinions.

In the end, that's life.

And sure, if you feel that a person who has a blog post with typos will have a book with typos... then don't read the book. :-)

It's all good.


In the end... writing should be fun.... reading should be fun.... blogging should be fun... commenting should be fun...

I don't like alot of toxicity in my life.
If an author argues with a reviewer to the point where I feel its disrespectful. Yep. I take them off my TBR list.

I just don't like that.

I don't like Jersey Shore either or Shakira... but life will go on.

I've put in a friend request for you and TBR'd your book. Why? I like people and books. In the end that's what it should be about.


message 26: by Alicia (last edited Mar 16, 2012 11:10AM) (new)

Alicia In my humble opinion, reviews are just that--opinions. And yeah, reviewers are allowed to have them. And all reviews count because no person is entirely unique in the flaws they perceive in a book. (On a side note: To say that some reviewers just don't count contradicts your point entirely, Pia. Why argue with those reviewers who don't count? If no one else agrees, those bad reviews will eventually just get ignored.)

Let's say a reader doesn't understand the genius of your book and doesn't like it. I guarantee you that he's not the only reader in the world that feels that way. His review is not an attack on you--no matter how vicious it looks. It's a message for other readers, and if all of us are lucky, that review will find the eyes of other, like-minded readers. If the reviewer chooses to post animated gifs, makes fun of your main character, and calls you bad names, none of that means the reviewer wants you to fail. Reviewers are writers too. I see nothing wrong with their wanting to spiff up their reviews a bit. That's their form of art, and they are just as entitled to it as you or me.

The review is for other readers. In some cases, a bad review may even scare off a reader who thinks the same way and might have given you another bad review if he'd never seen the animated gif of a cat barfing (or whatever it is). I'm sure it's difficult for authors, but each bad review may save you from more people who are not your audience reading the book and not liking it.

So in summary, in the words of Stacia Kane: Reviews are not for you, authors. They are not for you!


message 25: by Karina (new)

Karina Halle PIA - I respect your opinion, but I do believe Kenya's post is all in good fun (I mean, orgasms, who doesn't like those), and does have a point, against authors lashing out as well as reviewers provoking them. I'm a writer who has had her share of bad reviews...I've also had a career as a music journalist and I've been on the receiving end of attacks from musicians (and their fans), who didn't like my reviews. So I can see both sides.

BTW who cares if Kenya is NEW to this, as you keep mentioning over and over. Her opinion is still valid. There's no need for a condescending attitude (nor pointing out her typos in her posts) when what she had written was a humorous and healthy look at all the current controversies.


message 24: by Kenya (last edited Mar 16, 2012 10:34AM) (new)

Kenya Wright And FYI, writers are not most likly to be manic depressives... there was a study done that showed most artists are manic depressive... but let's not just broadly define a group...

And if a writer kills themself due to a bad review.... Is the bad review the problem? Or perhaps something much more deep and serious.


message 23: by Kenya (new)

Kenya Wright Well Pia.
You definetly have alot to say.
I feel like you could have been having sex with a loved one instead of making this long point.. to which I completly disagree with...

I AM new to this. Very. But I am not new to buying books. I buy 50 book per month.

I 100% diagree with you. A bad review is beneficial in the long run. I, personally, as a reader ONLY read bad reviews. Half the time I read a bad review and check the book out anyway. Other times, the bad review is so funny I buy and read the book to see if the reviewer was right.

Smeared? What's your definetion?
(Sorry its the law student in me)
List some smeared books that have failed due to their smearedness... and you'll probably have a list of bad books.

Sorry.

If a book ONLY has bad reviews then... the book MAY be bad. I mean... seriously? Everyone who read the dang book gave a bad review?

There are smeared campaigns for all types of books that are sucessful--- Fallen (horrible book, lots of smeared campaigns, Bestseller) Twilight series (Lots of people hate them and do videos to forbid people to read them... Bestseller)

Additionally... you said, "You never seen the nastiness towards paintings like you do toward fiction books." Oh its out there!!! There are artists that are brutalized every day.

And guess what... ALL ART FORMS get this.
Music. Film. etc

I mean really... I don't think it takes a "seasoned" writer to understand that you DON"T yell at your reviewer OR constantly try to defend your book to someone who doesn't like it.

Guess what genius? They didn't like the book. And if you have to explain why this is this and that is that... then it didn't come off in the book well enough... Period... at least not for that particular reader.

Why argue with a reviewer? Just write another book... a better one.

Additionally, just because a bunch of people say a book is bad doesn't mean others won't like the book.

I had a person give my book 2 stars and say that there is graphic language and sexual descriptions in my book. On the same day, another reviewer said, there is only one sex scene (which is true) and its just a fade to black... and that she wished there was more sex in the book.

Next week a peson gave me 5 stars said my book brought up social commentary on racism and immigration. Same day ( I kid you not.) a person said my book had no depth and gave me 3 stars.

Stacia Kane who has written 16 books under her name, but several other under other pennames wrote a great blog basically saying...
Reviews are not for authors.http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...


Additionally I have written some horrible reviews on books I didn't like... so I have karma coming to me... but really... just follow the damn Bad Review Recovery Plan.

Instead of writing all of those paragraphs... you could have been having an orgasm....


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