1. Christmas or Holiday my ass. The real debate is Charlie Brown vs. The Grinch. 2. I am chemically incapable of just opening a Christmas present. If wrapping paper was a person I would be a serial rapist. 3. Bows on presents are like guys at a club with their "girl" friend. Nice and pretty but in the end completely ignored trying to get to the bootie. 4. There is an alternate world where sentient trees go out and capture us and keep us alive for a month while they adorn us with tinsel and decorative pine cones. 5. I don't think Jesus would ever pepper spray someone for a 2 dollar waffle iron, but don't quote me on that. 6. Nowadays Rudolph would be a Youtube sensation and would have told Santa and the mean reindeer to go fuck themselves cause he has a guest spot on Glee. 7. I am pretty sure Frosty the Snowman would have to let you know he was moving into the neighborhood and stay at least 500 yards away from schools if that story was told today. 8. If it's such a silent night then shut the fuck up and stop singing. 9. I would have hit grandma with an Oldsmobile if I never had to hear that song again. 10. I am pretty sure the Star Wars Christmas Special was trying to use Chewbecca's kid Lumpy as a metaphor for Christ.