"What kind of fucken life is this?"
— DBC Pierre (Vernon God Little)

"a sob pops in my throat. i choke it, and look around for a harmless visual distraction, but all i see is a stocky young woman with a baby, a few seats up. the baby is pulling the woman's hair, and she's faking this look of terror.

'oh no' she says, 'how can you do that to mommy?'

she pretends to bawl, but the baby laughs and gurgles like a psycho, and pulls even harder. i'm witnessing a fresh knife being laid into a brand-new soul. a training dagger. a maternity blade. here's his mom quietly opening up the control incision, completely innocent in her dumbness to the world.

'oh no, you've killed mommy, mommy's gone!' she plays dead.

the little guy giggles for a minute, but only that long. then he senses something's wrong. she ain't waking up. he killed her, she abandoned him, just like that, over a pull of hair. he pokes her with his finger, then he gets ready to bawl. and there you have it: he takes the handle in his own tiny hands and pulls in his first blade, right up to the hilt. just to bring her back. and sure enough, with the splash of his first tear, she wakes right up.

'ha, ha, i'm still here! ha, ha, it's mommy!'

ha, ha, that's the Scheme of Things."
— DBC Pierre (Vernon God Little)