Nenia Campbell's Blog - Posts Tagged "mary-sues"

By Me, Nenia Campbell

Physical Appearance
I. Eyes
☑ broadcast emotion
☑ are a color that does not normally occur in nature
☑ excessively sparkling
☑ excrete sympathy-inducing tears
☑ have magical powers
II. Hair
☑ is a color that does not normally occur in nature
☑ excessively sparkling
☑ has magical powers
☑ never gets greasy (see above)
III. Body/figure
☑ athletic and toned despite never working out
☑ petite or statuesque/'model tall'
☑ someone in the novel actually asks her/tells her she should model
☑ big/'perfect' boobs
☑ no unsightly body hair, even if she doesn't shave
☑ no B.O. even if she doesn't bathe
☑ even when is dirty or in prison, men act like she's a Victoria's Secret model
IV. Other
☑ has marks, scars, tattoos that everybody comments on that may or may not have magical powers but somehow still manage to enhance her beauty even if unsightly
☑ Sue never "knows" that she's beautiful; complains how her flawless pale skin and shiny blonde hair and humongous boobs, etc. make her ugly and freakish and plain
☑ stares at herself in the mirror a lot ~Myrika

I. Personal History
☑ is the last of her kind/people/race/etc.
☑ has a special power nobody else has/hasn't had for thousands of years
☑ orphaned at a tragically young age
☑ lives in an abusive family where nobody understands how special she is
☑ lives in a non-abusive family where nobody understands how special she is
II. Education
☑ knows facts she has no way of knowing, either from a past life or because she is just that awesome
☑ if magical, can cast complex spells despite never having heard them/received training
☑ gets good grades despite never studying
☑ bored by classes because she knows everything already
☑ instead of getting annoyed with her behavior, teacher calls her out and praises her OR unfairly castigates her in front of the whole class
III. Love
☑ love interest is her soulmate
☑ love interest falls in love with her on sight, especially if they shouldn't be together
☑ if love interest is going out with someone else, love interest dumps them for the Sue; slut-shaming ensues
☑ all male (and/or female) characters fall in love/lust with the Sue at least once during the book
☑ relationship with love interest is forbidden, thus making their love a critical plot interest that everyone is obsessed with/determined to thwart
☑ feels she is unworthy of love interest because of reasons (see "physical appearance") and/or lets him treat her like crap ~Llana

☑ bitchy as heck and yet everybody likes her anyway/thinks she's a laff-riot
☑ naive to the point of being mentally challenged
☑ creepily nice to the point of being mistaken for an alien/Mormon/pod person
☑ everyone likes or hates her immediately
☑ despite having tons of friends/one best friend who defends her from nay-sayers, Sue feels totally alone and misunderstood
☑ cries all the time OR stoic to the point of freaky robot-ness ~Aria
☑ excessive clumsiness, especially as a character flaw- this is not a personality trait; this is a result of too many inner-ear infections ~Llana

☑ things come to her like a Selena Gomez song- naturally, despite the difficulty of the task or amount of training
☑ constantly shocking everyone around her with how good she is at things
☑ speaks multiple languages or picks up multiple languages after only hearing them once
☑ extremely good at sex despite being a virgin and/or raped and abused and/or being raised in a convent
☑ plays musical instrument extremely well, usually in front of a love interest
☑ has an amazing singing voice
☑ breaks the rules all the time and gets away with it scot-free because 'she knows best' ~Aria

I. Name
☑ is named after an inanimate object associated with nature, beauty, innocence; OR an adjective that calls up imagery from the former
☑ has a misspelled version of the aforementioned as her name
☑ her name somehow reveals her history/race/powers e.g. "Gabrielle d'Angelo" "Coven Mayfair" etc.
II. Narrative
☑ receives a disproportionate amount of description in comparison to characters equally significant to the plot (exuding love interest, who will probably be described in even more nauseating detail)
☑ is constantly breaking or bending the set rules of the cannon universe/fanverse, with little to no good reasoning behind it (e.g. making a cell phone in a steampunk era, being the *beautiful and powerful* child of an orc and an elf)

Any other suggestions? ;)
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Published on November 15, 2012 20:27 • 210 views • Tags: humor, lists, mary-sues, random, rants, writing
We all know her. She's the girl we love to hate.

Wondering if the character in the book you're reading is an Uber-Sue? Or concerned about your own writing? Take this fun Mary Sue Litmus Test to find out.

I'm in the clear! My characters passed. :)
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Published on November 29, 2012 20:46 • 348 views • Tags: books, mary-sues, publishing, tests, writing
SS: Hello! My name is Special! Special Snowflake!

Me: Oh God. Not you again.

SS: I'm not like other girls.

Me: Yes. You are. You're EXACTLY like other girls.

SS: Nuh-uh!

Me: You. Are not. Special.

SS: Oh yeah? Then why don't people understand me? Huh? Why not?

Me: They do. They just don't like you.

SS: Because they're jealous whores who want to steal away my one true soulmate?

Me: No. Because you're a slut-shaming insecurity complex wrapped up in wishful thinking and tied with a bow that doesn't know it's pretty.

SS: But I'm not pretty! My Aryian good looks make me a freak of nature! Who could ever love a girl with white skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair? I'm hideous!

Me: ...also, you have the emotional depth of a mirror.

SS: That's not true! Bitch! *cries* I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You're right. I don't know anything. I AM A WORM! *glare* But still you're only saying that because you're a slut who's jealous.

Me: Of what?

SS: My super powers!

Me: *not impressed*

SS: My good looks!

Me: You just said you weren't pretty!

SS: My sex god boyfriend thinks I am, and everything he says is gospel truth. *gasp* Oh my god! That's it! You want to steal my boyfriend!

Me: You mean the one who tried to KILL you? I don't think so.


Me: Okay, that's it. No person could possibly be this obnoxious and fake and idiotic. Let's see who you really are.

SS: What are you doing? Stay away from me! Help! Rape! I'll blast you with sparkle magic!

Me: *pulls off mask* Holy shit. It's the author!

Author: And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling reviewers.

/every bad YA book ever
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Published on December 16, 2012 17:09 • 589 views • Tags: humor, mary-sues, random, rants
SS: Hi! I'm Spooky! Spooky Snowflake! I'm not like other supernatural girls.


SS: Hi there! Have we met?

NC: Only in every. Single. Young. Adult. Paranormal. Romance. EVER.

SS: Ha ha, you're funny. I'm very unique, you know.

NC: That's redundant. You shouldn't have to clarify something that's already a superlative, you know.

SS: Now, Nenia. I know you want to be super anorexically skinny just like me, but you really shouldn't take superlatives to make that happen.

NC: Laxatives?

SS: No thank you. I already ate. I didn't ask to be born this way, Nenia. You don't have to be so mean to me! It's not easy being perfect! Do you know how HARD it is to be this awesome all the time? Sometimes, I just want to let loose, you know? Put on my size two fat-pants and eat a WHOLE stick of gum. You know. Just pig out.

NC: High school girls everywhere weep for you.

SS: God, I know right! My life totally sucks. I'm going to live forever, my boyfriend's a total hottie immortal who buys me whatever I want when he's not threatening to kill me or stringing me along, and I'm not flirting with the safety love-interest, and I fit into pretty much any main designer brand out there, but I still don't know what I'm going to wear to prom. Ugh.

NC: Wow.

SS: Yeah. Bee-tee-dubs, I sure wish people would stop telling me I should model. It gets sooooo annoying.

NC: I'm sure. You really are a well-rounded character.

SS: *nodding* Yes, I sure am!

NC: Do you have any flaws?

SS: Hmmm. For starters, I'm super ditzy! And I'm, like, totally prepz when everyone knows vampires/witches/angels are supposed to be gothic.

NC: *frantically pulling at door knob*

SS: Also, I fall down a lot! LOL. Yeah! That's my character flaw. Falling down.

NC: That is not a character flaw. *tug tug* It is a result *tug* of too many *tug* childhood inner-ear infections--WHY WON'T THIS DOOR OPEN?

SS: No, silly! It's a character flaw.

NC: It is no such thing.

SS: Um, yeah, it totally is. You know. Because supernatural beings are supposed to be graceful. I'm defying the stereotype, while simultaneously making it easier for you to relate to me even though I'm obviously so much better than you.

NC: For an immortal being, you're kind of a moron.

SS: I'm sorry but I got an A in high school English. That means I'm a genius.

NC: You're the reincarnation of a goddess. You should be finding out the secret of life, not letching on high school tail in fifth-period.

SS: Oh, thanks! That reminds me. I have a date tonight.

NC: Holy shit! A sexy man who looks super sketchy and abusive is standing right over there glowering ominously at you.

SS: What?! He is? *drops phone* Where? Oh my God. Is my hair okay? Do these 00 jeans make my butt look fat? I could really use some superlatives right now!

NC: *attacks*

SS: Nooooooo! Oh well. At least I'll die prettyyyy.

*turns into a pile of pink glittery ashes*

NC: I just vacuumed that rug...

/Every bad PNR YA novel ever
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Published on January 20, 2013 21:27 • 171 views • Tags: humor, mary-sues, random, rants