Mayra Lazara Dole's Blog - Posts Tagged "satire"
I'd like to recommend to publishers having difficulty surviving, hiring Latino immigrant writers as origami book makers (Latino YA and MG writers don't get published regardless how brilliant their work is so you might as well use them for something!)--pay them under the table. A few pesos a day will do. Believe me. Latinos are extremely resourceful.
Recyclable, origami-style, hand-made books by Latino immigrants for on-the-go-readers have many benefits: they weigh less than 0000.1 lbs. and cost pennies to print in Brazil by starved "colored" kids thus the industry can provide a billion books per title for as little as twenty dollars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXLhjY...
The disposable, origami-style book movement will help Latino writers who've been rejected over four-thousand times get their foot in the door of an almost all white publishing world (LGBTQ Latina/o authors write DIVERSITY though and that's not good for the industry, so I ask homosexual Latinos to refrain from applying for the origami book-making job or it will ruin my plans).
After proving themselves hard workers, Latino writers can be hired to do origami book trailers and ads. Choosing voluptuous Latinas with large melons sliding on stripping poles, wearing tight, spandex, red mini-dresses and stiletto heels, will sell more books. Have them rave in a sultry voice and strong Spanish accent about how they read the lightweight origami books.
"I read them to an audience as part of my strip tease then throw them out the window into the recycled trash bin before getting ready for my next tome."
Oh! Wait. How foolish of me. Latinos don't read!
In this economy, since no one buys books (they swap or buy USED, regardless if they spread flu's and viruses), my origami immigrant book solution will keep children's publishers from folding and will supply Latino immigrant authors with PhD's a solid job to be proud of.
Even if my origami book idea doesn't resonate with you, you're bound to appreciate the talent behind these origami works of art:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCgnFI...
Recyclable, origami-style, hand-made books by Latino immigrants for on-the-go-readers have many benefits: they weigh less than 0000.1 lbs. and cost pennies to print in Brazil by starved "colored" kids thus the industry can provide a billion books per title for as little as twenty dollars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXLhjY...
The disposable, origami-style book movement will help Latino writers who've been rejected over four-thousand times get their foot in the door of an almost all white publishing world (LGBTQ Latina/o authors write DIVERSITY though and that's not good for the industry, so I ask homosexual Latinos to refrain from applying for the origami book-making job or it will ruin my plans).
After proving themselves hard workers, Latino writers can be hired to do origami book trailers and ads. Choosing voluptuous Latinas with large melons sliding on stripping poles, wearing tight, spandex, red mini-dresses and stiletto heels, will sell more books. Have them rave in a sultry voice and strong Spanish accent about how they read the lightweight origami books.
"I read them to an audience as part of my strip tease then throw them out the window into the recycled trash bin before getting ready for my next tome."
Oh! Wait. How foolish of me. Latinos don't read!
In this economy, since no one buys books (they swap or buy USED, regardless if they spread flu's and viruses), my origami immigrant book solution will keep children's publishers from folding and will supply Latino immigrant authors with PhD's a solid job to be proud of.
Even if my origami book idea doesn't resonate with you, you're bound to appreciate the talent behind these origami works of art:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCgnFI...
SATIRE using Latino cliches:
I’m sure it’s every literary person's fantasy to awaken next to a voluptuous Latina. For valor, you grab Beowulf, the Old English heroic epic poem you were reading before falling asleep, and quickly flip to the page you left off: http://www.lone-star.net/literature/b...
Your eyes veer over to the seductress you just met...
For some reason she's in your room and suddenly, you remember spooning her last night.
She slips on a spandex mini-dress decorated with mandarin orange ruffled sleeves. With a flick of a finger, she turns on the CD player and sensual music fills the room. Her hips jiggle, feet shuffle, shoulders shake and bootay bounces as she cakes on neon glitter eye shadow.
Your Ping Pong eyes bounce from her stiletto heels clickety clacking towards you, to her EXTRA LARGE…
gold hoop earrings and fruit-filled sombrero.
In a Spanish accent, and sultry, dripping-in-caramel-voice, she whispers into your hair, “I’m going to serve you breakfast in bed, Papi (or Mami). I’m saving the ripe banana for desert, before I set off to teach Borges at the university. Afterwards, I'm giving a lecture on deconstructionism and why 'the interpretive movement in literary theory rejects absolute interpretations and stresses ambiguities and contradictions in literature.' Later on tonight, I'm flying to Venezuela to save female authors from oblivion..." http://www.laht.com/article.asp?Categ...
You wag your head in disgust and wish she'd STOP the literary nonsense and either peel your banana or sing to you, "I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say/I eat the Banana in a special way...." http://www.oldtimeradiofans.com/old_r...
Now, let me show you why some Latinos and people of color would love the opportunity to write our own books: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC7v0G...
What it looks like when authentic Latinos and people of color write our own stories:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4e7Vc... (check out the footwork/moves of the guy in the chartreuse shirt and white pants).
Oops, gotta go! It's time to shake my maracas and whip out an exquisite breakfast in bed for my special mujer!
Tidbits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLTUC7... (brilliant, artistic manipulation of how advertisers make Americanos think we look like and behave in the kitchen. Do you blame me for loving it and wanting to RUN to buy Tostitos and salsa or perform a little cha-cha-cha of my own in the kitchen?).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI2...
http://www.wikihow.com/Peel-a-Banana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uKACm...
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=h...
I’m sure it’s every literary person's fantasy to awaken next to a voluptuous Latina. For valor, you grab Beowulf, the Old English heroic epic poem you were reading before falling asleep, and quickly flip to the page you left off: http://www.lone-star.net/literature/b...
Your eyes veer over to the seductress you just met...
For some reason she's in your room and suddenly, you remember spooning her last night.
She slips on a spandex mini-dress decorated with mandarin orange ruffled sleeves. With a flick of a finger, she turns on the CD player and sensual music fills the room. Her hips jiggle, feet shuffle, shoulders shake and bootay bounces as she cakes on neon glitter eye shadow.
Your Ping Pong eyes bounce from her stiletto heels clickety clacking towards you, to her EXTRA LARGE…
gold hoop earrings and fruit-filled sombrero.
In a Spanish accent, and sultry, dripping-in-caramel-voice, she whispers into your hair, “I’m going to serve you breakfast in bed, Papi (or Mami). I’m saving the ripe banana for desert, before I set off to teach Borges at the university. Afterwards, I'm giving a lecture on deconstructionism and why 'the interpretive movement in literary theory rejects absolute interpretations and stresses ambiguities and contradictions in literature.' Later on tonight, I'm flying to Venezuela to save female authors from oblivion..." http://www.laht.com/article.asp?Categ...
You wag your head in disgust and wish she'd STOP the literary nonsense and either peel your banana or sing to you, "I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say/I eat the Banana in a special way...." http://www.oldtimeradiofans.com/old_r...
Now, let me show you why some Latinos and people of color would love the opportunity to write our own books: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC7v0G...
What it looks like when authentic Latinos and people of color write our own stories:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4e7Vc... (check out the footwork/moves of the guy in the chartreuse shirt and white pants).
Oops, gotta go! It's time to shake my maracas and whip out an exquisite breakfast in bed for my special mujer!
Tidbits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLTUC7... (brilliant, artistic manipulation of how advertisers make Americanos think we look like and behave in the kitchen. Do you blame me for loving it and wanting to RUN to buy Tostitos and salsa or perform a little cha-cha-cha of my own in the kitchen?).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI2...
http://www.wikihow.com/Peel-a-Banana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uKACm...
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=h...
Get ready for a Fabulous New Year.
There’s nothing more thrilling than bringing in the new year with fine sprinkles of toxic dust comprised of heavy metals and hazardous chemicals gently falling over children, animals, lakes, rivers, oceans, YOU, the elderly and ill. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/na...
You can choose your Poison and make fireworks at home that shimmer, sparkle and explode with your little brothers and sisters. Watch and take pictures as they play with the dust (it’s legal!). http://chemistry.about.com/od/firewor...
If you dread messes and prefer buying pyrotechnics, please know that extra cheap, spectacular fireworks are imported from China. You just KNOW they’d never use prohibited, extra toxic yummy chemicals on children’s toys and explosives. Trust the quality of your air to China!
July 4 and December 31 is all about a delicious concoction of smoke, fumes, ozone, sulfur dioxide, nitric oxide, toxic gasses, etc. I can’t wait to watch the illuminated night sky in spectacular fashion with rockets’ Toxic red glare…
Even though crazed environmentalists state dozens of alternatives, there's nothing as lively and memorable as planet pollution. http://www.backcountryattitude.com/to...
I bet you can't wait to watch the aerosol clouds.
Tomorrow, you'll begin the year with a gorgeous toxic fog surrounding your neighborhood(exquisite combustible clouds should thrill you). Play outdoors with your children, especially if you and they have allergies, asthma, migraines, compromised immunities or MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities). This will energize the immune system and help lungs expand when needing to breathe deeper in order to catch a breath.
There's nothing like a spectacular night sky to bring in the new year!
All seriousness aside. Here's wishing everyone a Novel, Unusual, Extraordinary and Healthy New year!
NOTE: If you are LAME and BORING check out alternatives: http://www.backcountryattitude.com/to... Alternatives
Oh... and if you're wondering why hundreds of birds are falling from the sky, check this out: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/...
There’s nothing more thrilling than bringing in the new year with fine sprinkles of toxic dust comprised of heavy metals and hazardous chemicals gently falling over children, animals, lakes, rivers, oceans, YOU, the elderly and ill. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/na...
You can choose your Poison and make fireworks at home that shimmer, sparkle and explode with your little brothers and sisters. Watch and take pictures as they play with the dust (it’s legal!). http://chemistry.about.com/od/firewor...
If you dread messes and prefer buying pyrotechnics, please know that extra cheap, spectacular fireworks are imported from China. You just KNOW they’d never use prohibited, extra toxic yummy chemicals on children’s toys and explosives. Trust the quality of your air to China!
July 4 and December 31 is all about a delicious concoction of smoke, fumes, ozone, sulfur dioxide, nitric oxide, toxic gasses, etc. I can’t wait to watch the illuminated night sky in spectacular fashion with rockets’ Toxic red glare…
Even though crazed environmentalists state dozens of alternatives, there's nothing as lively and memorable as planet pollution. http://www.backcountryattitude.com/to...
I bet you can't wait to watch the aerosol clouds.
Tomorrow, you'll begin the year with a gorgeous toxic fog surrounding your neighborhood(exquisite combustible clouds should thrill you). Play outdoors with your children, especially if you and they have allergies, asthma, migraines, compromised immunities or MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities). This will energize the immune system and help lungs expand when needing to breathe deeper in order to catch a breath.
There's nothing like a spectacular night sky to bring in the new year!
All seriousness aside. Here's wishing everyone a Novel, Unusual, Extraordinary and Healthy New year!
NOTE: If you are LAME and BORING check out alternatives: http://www.backcountryattitude.com/to... Alternatives
Oh... and if you're wondering why hundreds of birds are falling from the sky, check this out: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/...
