Mayra Lazara Dole's Blog - Posts Tagged "humor"
I'd like to recommend to publishers having difficulty surviving, hiring Latino immigrant writers as origami book makers (Latino YA and MG writers don't get published regardless how brilliant their work is so you might as well use them for something!)--pay them under the table. A few pesos a day will do. Believe me. Latinos are extremely resourceful.
Recyclable, origami-style, hand-made books by Latino immigrants for on-the-go-readers have many benefits: they weigh less than 0000.1 lbs. and cost pennies to print in Brazil by starved "colored" kids thus the industry can provide a billion books per title for as little as twenty dollars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXLhjY...
The disposable, origami-style book movement will help Latino writers who've been rejected over four-thousand times get their foot in the door of an almost all white publishing world (LGBTQ Latina/o authors write DIVERSITY though and that's not good for the industry, so I ask homosexual Latinos to refrain from applying for the origami book-making job or it will ruin my plans).
After proving themselves hard workers, Latino writers can be hired to do origami book trailers and ads. Choosing voluptuous Latinas with large melons sliding on stripping poles, wearing tight, spandex, red mini-dresses and stiletto heels, will sell more books. Have them rave in a sultry voice and strong Spanish accent about how they read the lightweight origami books.
"I read them to an audience as part of my strip tease then throw them out the window into the recycled trash bin before getting ready for my next tome."
Oh! Wait. How foolish of me. Latinos don't read!
In this economy, since no one buys books (they swap or buy USED, regardless if they spread flu's and viruses), my origami immigrant book solution will keep children's publishers from folding and will supply Latino immigrant authors with PhD's a solid job to be proud of.
Even if my origami book idea doesn't resonate with you, you're bound to appreciate the talent behind these origami works of art:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCgnFI...
Recyclable, origami-style, hand-made books by Latino immigrants for on-the-go-readers have many benefits: they weigh less than 0000.1 lbs. and cost pennies to print in Brazil by starved "colored" kids thus the industry can provide a billion books per title for as little as twenty dollars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXLhjY...
The disposable, origami-style book movement will help Latino writers who've been rejected over four-thousand times get their foot in the door of an almost all white publishing world (LGBTQ Latina/o authors write DIVERSITY though and that's not good for the industry, so I ask homosexual Latinos to refrain from applying for the origami book-making job or it will ruin my plans).
After proving themselves hard workers, Latino writers can be hired to do origami book trailers and ads. Choosing voluptuous Latinas with large melons sliding on stripping poles, wearing tight, spandex, red mini-dresses and stiletto heels, will sell more books. Have them rave in a sultry voice and strong Spanish accent about how they read the lightweight origami books.
"I read them to an audience as part of my strip tease then throw them out the window into the recycled trash bin before getting ready for my next tome."
Oh! Wait. How foolish of me. Latinos don't read!
In this economy, since no one buys books (they swap or buy USED, regardless if they spread flu's and viruses), my origami immigrant book solution will keep children's publishers from folding and will supply Latino immigrant authors with PhD's a solid job to be proud of.
Even if my origami book idea doesn't resonate with you, you're bound to appreciate the talent behind these origami works of art:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCgnFI...
A friend recently told me, "As a kid I was obsessed with reading because it helped me avoid reality and it saved my life. My brain became physically addicted to reading, much like a heroin addict to the drug.”
What?
I thought reading was as good for you as breathing, lovemaking or eating and losing yourself in literature during traumatic times is lifesaving, not addictive.
As an avid reader, I think the drawbacks to reading if you don't read ebooks or books with recycled paper are:
1. http://www.actforclimatejustice.org/w...
http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/blogs...
http://arbertechno.files.wordpress.co...
2. Glasses, contacts, eye laser surgery
3. Severe pollution from paper mills
http://static-p4.fotolia.com/jpg/00/0...
I suppose anybody can be addicted to anything they use as an escape mechanism, but I wouldn't use the word "addiction" for reading unless it's making your life, and the lives of those you love, miserable. http://www.readingaddiction.com/20/beati...
Here's when I'd worry:
You haven't seen your best friend in a while because you need to finish a 6,254 page historical novel (you shower, eat and sleep while reading) and he texts you:
“Woo hooo! Got unexpected inheritance. Bought tickets 4 us. 2 week vacation @ Rio de Janeiro!”
http://www.rentanapartmentinrio.com/p...
http://www.threebestbeaches.com/uploa...
As he’s helping you place three suitcases filled with a dozen novels into the taxi's trunk, he kisses your cheek. “I’ll give you 25,000 dollars if you leave the books behind and don’t read on our vacation."
His words make you hyperventilate. You start having panic attacks thus you don't take him up on the offer.
After reading this post you might want to prove to the world that you’re absolutely not a reading addict.
Well…
Warning: Before taking a few weeks off from reading, COLD TURKEY, please be aware of withdrawal symptoms:
1. Screaming for no apartment reason
2. Uncontrolable shaking along with involuntary arm and leg spasms
3. Hallucinations involving shivering, wailing turkeys huddling together for warmth at a bookless library.
4. Shock
4. Heart failure
5. Death
The moral/immorality of the story?
Reading builds immagination, brain power, and sharpens your intellect and it's especially beneficial if it enhances your critical thinking skills which in turn motivates you to think ahead, take action and consider buying books that use recycled paper (used books still get printed new thus millions of trees need to be cut. E-books are great, but some people prefer the feel of a book in their hands for the full reading experience).
"Challenge yourself and others" http://www.worldwatch.org/node/1497
2 quick things you can do:
1. Instead of printing your emails, store them in comp folders
2. Stop junk snail mail http://www.newdream.org/junkmail/
OK. So I did my part today in saving the world and now I must get back to reading...
Ps. # 1 links are deforestation pics (30 million trees per DAY are cut to produce virgin paper. Paper mills release severely toxic pollution into the atmosphere and paper is bleached with chlorine. Obviously, the bigger the books, the more trees are destroyed. I'm really excited that most publishers have gone Green).
What?
I thought reading was as good for you as breathing, lovemaking or eating and losing yourself in literature during traumatic times is lifesaving, not addictive.
As an avid reader, I think the drawbacks to reading if you don't read ebooks or books with recycled paper are:
1. http://www.actforclimatejustice.org/w...
http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/blogs...
http://arbertechno.files.wordpress.co...
2. Glasses, contacts, eye laser surgery
3. Severe pollution from paper mills
http://static-p4.fotolia.com/jpg/00/0...
I suppose anybody can be addicted to anything they use as an escape mechanism, but I wouldn't use the word "addiction" for reading unless it's making your life, and the lives of those you love, miserable. http://www.readingaddiction.com/20/beati...
Here's when I'd worry:
You haven't seen your best friend in a while because you need to finish a 6,254 page historical novel (you shower, eat and sleep while reading) and he texts you:
“Woo hooo! Got unexpected inheritance. Bought tickets 4 us. 2 week vacation @ Rio de Janeiro!”
http://www.rentanapartmentinrio.com/p...
http://www.threebestbeaches.com/uploa...
As he’s helping you place three suitcases filled with a dozen novels into the taxi's trunk, he kisses your cheek. “I’ll give you 25,000 dollars if you leave the books behind and don’t read on our vacation."
His words make you hyperventilate. You start having panic attacks thus you don't take him up on the offer.
After reading this post you might want to prove to the world that you’re absolutely not a reading addict.
Well…
Warning: Before taking a few weeks off from reading, COLD TURKEY, please be aware of withdrawal symptoms:
1. Screaming for no apartment reason
2. Uncontrolable shaking along with involuntary arm and leg spasms
3. Hallucinations involving shivering, wailing turkeys huddling together for warmth at a bookless library.
4. Shock
4. Heart failure
5. Death
The moral/immorality of the story?
Reading builds immagination, brain power, and sharpens your intellect and it's especially beneficial if it enhances your critical thinking skills which in turn motivates you to think ahead, take action and consider buying books that use recycled paper (used books still get printed new thus millions of trees need to be cut. E-books are great, but some people prefer the feel of a book in their hands for the full reading experience).
"Challenge yourself and others" http://www.worldwatch.org/node/1497
2 quick things you can do:
1. Instead of printing your emails, store them in comp folders
2. Stop junk snail mail http://www.newdream.org/junkmail/
OK. So I did my part today in saving the world and now I must get back to reading...
Ps. # 1 links are deforestation pics (30 million trees per DAY are cut to produce virgin paper. Paper mills release severely toxic pollution into the atmosphere and paper is bleached with chlorine. Obviously, the bigger the books, the more trees are destroyed. I'm really excited that most publishers have gone Green).
SATIRE using Latino cliches:
I’m sure it’s every literary person's fantasy to awaken next to a voluptuous Latina. For valor, you grab Beowulf, the Old English heroic epic poem you were reading before falling asleep, and quickly flip to the page you left off: http://www.lone-star.net/literature/b...
Your eyes veer over to the seductress you just met...
For some reason she's in your room and suddenly, you remember spooning her last night.
She slips on a spandex mini-dress decorated with mandarin orange ruffled sleeves. With a flick of a finger, she turns on the CD player and sensual music fills the room. Her hips jiggle, feet shuffle, shoulders shake and bootay bounces as she cakes on neon glitter eye shadow.
Your Ping Pong eyes bounce from her stiletto heels clickety clacking towards you, to her EXTRA LARGE…
gold hoop earrings and fruit-filled sombrero.
In a Spanish accent, and sultry, dripping-in-caramel-voice, she whispers into your hair, “I’m going to serve you breakfast in bed, Papi (or Mami). I’m saving the ripe banana for desert, before I set off to teach Borges at the university. Afterwards, I'm giving a lecture on deconstructionism and why 'the interpretive movement in literary theory rejects absolute interpretations and stresses ambiguities and contradictions in literature.' Later on tonight, I'm flying to Venezuela to save female authors from oblivion..." http://www.laht.com/article.asp?Categ...
You wag your head in disgust and wish she'd STOP the literary nonsense and either peel your banana or sing to you, "I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say/I eat the Banana in a special way...." http://www.oldtimeradiofans.com/old_r...
Now, let me show you why some Latinos and people of color would love the opportunity to write our own books: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC7v0G...
What it looks like when authentic Latinos and people of color write our own stories:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4e7Vc... (check out the footwork/moves of the guy in the chartreuse shirt and white pants).
Oops, gotta go! It's time to shake my maracas and whip out an exquisite breakfast in bed for my special mujer!
Tidbits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLTUC7... (brilliant, artistic manipulation of how advertisers make Americanos think we look like and behave in the kitchen. Do you blame me for loving it and wanting to RUN to buy Tostitos and salsa or perform a little cha-cha-cha of my own in the kitchen?).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI2...
http://www.wikihow.com/Peel-a-Banana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uKACm...
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=h...
I’m sure it’s every literary person's fantasy to awaken next to a voluptuous Latina. For valor, you grab Beowulf, the Old English heroic epic poem you were reading before falling asleep, and quickly flip to the page you left off: http://www.lone-star.net/literature/b...
Your eyes veer over to the seductress you just met...
For some reason she's in your room and suddenly, you remember spooning her last night.
She slips on a spandex mini-dress decorated with mandarin orange ruffled sleeves. With a flick of a finger, she turns on the CD player and sensual music fills the room. Her hips jiggle, feet shuffle, shoulders shake and bootay bounces as she cakes on neon glitter eye shadow.
Your Ping Pong eyes bounce from her stiletto heels clickety clacking towards you, to her EXTRA LARGE…
gold hoop earrings and fruit-filled sombrero.
In a Spanish accent, and sultry, dripping-in-caramel-voice, she whispers into your hair, “I’m going to serve you breakfast in bed, Papi (or Mami). I’m saving the ripe banana for desert, before I set off to teach Borges at the university. Afterwards, I'm giving a lecture on deconstructionism and why 'the interpretive movement in literary theory rejects absolute interpretations and stresses ambiguities and contradictions in literature.' Later on tonight, I'm flying to Venezuela to save female authors from oblivion..." http://www.laht.com/article.asp?Categ...
You wag your head in disgust and wish she'd STOP the literary nonsense and either peel your banana or sing to you, "I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say/I eat the Banana in a special way...." http://www.oldtimeradiofans.com/old_r...
Now, let me show you why some Latinos and people of color would love the opportunity to write our own books: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC7v0G...
What it looks like when authentic Latinos and people of color write our own stories:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4e7Vc... (check out the footwork/moves of the guy in the chartreuse shirt and white pants).
Oops, gotta go! It's time to shake my maracas and whip out an exquisite breakfast in bed for my special mujer!
Tidbits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLTUC7... (brilliant, artistic manipulation of how advertisers make Americanos think we look like and behave in the kitchen. Do you blame me for loving it and wanting to RUN to buy Tostitos and salsa or perform a little cha-cha-cha of my own in the kitchen?).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI2...
http://www.wikihow.com/Peel-a-Banana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uKACm...
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=h...
Some literati have started blogging again about who's allowed to write true diversity
If you're white and can dance like the following, please write an abundance of books with authentic diversity! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb35M4... (I tried to find intellectual Latino youtube videos, to no avail--believe it or not, we come in many yummy flavors and different classes, and we aren't all dancers and baseball players!)
If authors writing a culturally authentic novel incorporating Latina/o characters have no clue what the following means, "Ay, chico, para de comer lo que pica el pollo" or they need to study glossaries to understand common and contemporary Latino American words, I imagine they'd get Cuban and other Hispanic characters wrong, thus my concern and why I strongly believe authenticity is highly important in YA realistic fiction.
Must you be Latino/Hispanic to write Latina/o characters and true diversity?
Of course not!
White authors who’ve lived and breathed my culture will undoubtedly write novels filled with Cuban American characters that feel authentic. Unfortunately, some writers who don't know us well and think all Latinos are alike, and similar to the following youtube, have repetedly depicted us as such and have gotten most of us wrong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxZ9Vn...
We live in a free country and writing what moves you is highly important.
The deal is this: We need more publishers/editors (white or not) who deeply understand diversity and different cultures so when they spot stereotypes they know the writer hasn’t a clue… For those who haven’t read my essay in Vermont College Fine Arts journal of the arts: http://www.hungermtn.org/authentic-la...)
Unfortunately, most white authors and script-writers have gotten people of color wrong and they’ve used a myriad of hurtful stereotypes to describe us. No wonder most of the population think Latinos are mostly illiterate, drug addicts/alcoholics, criminals or maids. Most Hollywood films have depicted us as lower working-class attending to white folks’ needs.
One main issue is getting our culture right so the world understands who we are as opposed to what authors who don't know about us think we are.
If you're not African American, Latina/o, Native American, Hindu, Asian, etc., haven't been raised in above cultures, have never lived in their communities and have no close people-of-color friends, would you really feel confident in writing a culturally correct POC novel (think American Indian) and getting it right?
Tidbits:
* White guy gets Cuban slang and pronunciation wrong, but his Cubanito buddy at the end kills it (of course!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4ovxM...
* If you can't distinguish between Latino accents, you won't understand the importance of getting us right in lit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvLup_...
* If you understand this video, and the humor behind it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knvUE5... please write an all Cuban book asap!
* Must you be Gay to write realistic fiction about homos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9gbQK... , black to write about AfAmericans, etc?
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=...
If you're white and can dance like the following, please write an abundance of books with authentic diversity! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb35M4... (I tried to find intellectual Latino youtube videos, to no avail--believe it or not, we come in many yummy flavors and different classes, and we aren't all dancers and baseball players!)
If authors writing a culturally authentic novel incorporating Latina/o characters have no clue what the following means, "Ay, chico, para de comer lo que pica el pollo" or they need to study glossaries to understand common and contemporary Latino American words, I imagine they'd get Cuban and other Hispanic characters wrong, thus my concern and why I strongly believe authenticity is highly important in YA realistic fiction.
Must you be Latino/Hispanic to write Latina/o characters and true diversity?
Of course not!
White authors who’ve lived and breathed my culture will undoubtedly write novels filled with Cuban American characters that feel authentic. Unfortunately, some writers who don't know us well and think all Latinos are alike, and similar to the following youtube, have repetedly depicted us as such and have gotten most of us wrong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxZ9Vn...
We live in a free country and writing what moves you is highly important.
The deal is this: We need more publishers/editors (white or not) who deeply understand diversity and different cultures so when they spot stereotypes they know the writer hasn’t a clue… For those who haven’t read my essay in Vermont College Fine Arts journal of the arts: http://www.hungermtn.org/authentic-la...)
Unfortunately, most white authors and script-writers have gotten people of color wrong and they’ve used a myriad of hurtful stereotypes to describe us. No wonder most of the population think Latinos are mostly illiterate, drug addicts/alcoholics, criminals or maids. Most Hollywood films have depicted us as lower working-class attending to white folks’ needs.
One main issue is getting our culture right so the world understands who we are as opposed to what authors who don't know about us think we are.
If you're not African American, Latina/o, Native American, Hindu, Asian, etc., haven't been raised in above cultures, have never lived in their communities and have no close people-of-color friends, would you really feel confident in writing a culturally correct POC novel (think American Indian) and getting it right?
Tidbits:
* White guy gets Cuban slang and pronunciation wrong, but his Cubanito buddy at the end kills it (of course!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4ovxM...
* If you can't distinguish between Latino accents, you won't understand the importance of getting us right in lit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvLup_...
* If you understand this video, and the humor behind it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knvUE5... please write an all Cuban book asap!
* Must you be Gay to write realistic fiction about homos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9gbQK... , black to write about AfAmericans, etc?
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=...
