Douglas Hackle's Blog

June 24, 2017

descriptionThe Kindle version of my new book, Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!, is now available.

Consisting of twenty bizarro-whacko-absurdo stories, including a dozen never-before-published pieces, this is my third book and a spiritual sequel of sorts to my 2013 collection Clown Tear Junkies.

Click on the cover image to go to the Amazon page.

Thanks again to anyone on here who helped with the editing, beta reading, and/or proofreading of this book.

(Print version should be available in a day or two.)
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Published on June 24, 2017 19:12 • 16 views • Tags: absurdism, bizarro, douglas-hackle

June 8, 2017

description I have a couple free digital advanced reading copies (ARCs) of my new book to give out to anyone interested in reading and reviewing it here on Goodreads, Amazon, a personal blog, a book review site, etc.

About the book: Comprising twenty bizarro-whacko-absurdo stories, including a dozen never-before-published pieces, Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!! is my second collection of short stories and a spiritual sequel of sorts to Clown Tear Junkies. Among the reprints included in ‘Winona’ are three critically acclaimed stories I wrote specifically for The Bizarro Starter Kit (Red).

(Alright, so maybe that "critical acclaim" came courtesy of a pissed-off Hungarian-Egyptian lobster-saxophonist who carves Chicken McNuggets into tiny busts of Antonio Salieri. But, hey, a strugglin'-ass mofo takes what a strugglin'-ass mofo can get, no??)

Anyhow, if you're interested in receiving an ARC, shoot me a message, my tiny little son.

Oh, and here's the first Goodreads review of the book, compliments of author/editor/Goodreads rapscallion Arthur Graham:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
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Published on June 08, 2017 20:50 • 68 views • Tags: absurdism, bizarro, douglas-hackle

May 27, 2017

Expected release: June 2017.

description

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
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Published on May 27, 2017 12:27 • 103 views • Tags: absurdism, bizarro, douglas-hackle

April 5, 2017

Dear good (and bad) readers here on Goodreads,

My newest book is due out later this spring/early summer. It’s called Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!

Consisting mainly of previously unpublished stories with a few reprints shuffled in there for good measure, this will be my third book and my second collection of absurdist/bizarro short stories.

Prior to its release, I’ll have a limited amount of ARCs available for review purposes. You know the drill: a free book in exchange for an honest review on Amazon, Goodreads, a book review site, personal blog, etc. If you’re interested, shoot me a message, my tiny little dude/dudette.

In any event, here's the final table of contents:

My Name Is Douglas

The Two Times I Was a Mean Man

Tokens

The Powell/Fourth Dog Incident

The Ghost, the Boulder, and the Glaive

Moon-Moths Are Nothing but a Cheap Parlor Trick

Not That It Matters, but the War of 1812 Was Kinda Hawt

The Unpursued Man

I Won the MegaSuperLotto

A Small Owl with a Broken Wing (from Compton)

Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum?

This Puppet Puts the “P” in “Puppet”

Got Me a Date with an Uptown Girl

The Case of the Already-Solved Case

Flawless Face®

TERROR THING

Our Hearts Will Go On, Yo

All Comic Book Movies and Shows Are Fucking Boring, Zombies Are Lame, Cthulhu Is Stupid, and Everything Is Fucked
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Published on April 05, 2017 19:34 • 198 views • Tags: absurdism, bizarro, douglas-hackle

February 11, 2017

Hi, my tiny little sons/sonettes.

For the next three days or so, the Kindle version of my novel, The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack, is on sale for 99 cents.

If you help spread the word, you mah crispy-biscuit home skillet 4-LYFE.

Click on the cover image for the Amazon link.


From the back cover:

Ever since he was a young orphan, Hansel Higginzshire’s dream has been to break the long-held Guinness World Record for hottest gay man ever killed in a shark attack.

Big Problem #1: Hansel is not hot. At least not in the classical sense. In fact, the deformed man has a head the size of a wrecking ball.

Big Problem #2: Hansel digs chicks, not dudes. Still, that shouldn’t stop a big-headed mofo from dreaming big, no??

But if those obstacles weren’t enough to impede Hansel’s path to Guinness World Record greatness, he finds himself wanted for murder. Now on the lam, his situation pretty hopeless, Hansel agrees to die a horrible death in a snuff film for just few measly bucks.

But perhaps the misfit companions Hansel meets on his westward cross-country trek to Hollywood—Rosebud (the drunken, down-on-its-luck, former actor, and sentient sled from Citizen Kane); a living, talking amputated arm that once belonged to a famous rock drummer; and a geeky keytar player born with a small polar bear head instead of a human head—can convince Hansel to follow his dreams again and attempt to become . . . THE HOTTEST GAY MAN EVER KILLED IN A SHARK ATTACK!!!

(By the way, yo mama is a character in this book. Yeah. For real. Sorry.)

“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” —Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High

“Douglas Hackle is a 100% certified Angus all-beef patty genius.” —Danger Slater, author of Puppet Skin
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Published on February 11, 2017 09:45 • 79 views • Tags: bizarro, douglas-hackle

November 17, 2016

My name is Douglas,
Pronounced with an uglas.
I’m on da mic,
And I just don’t give a fuglas.

Imma eat maggots,
While ur basic ass eats hummus.
Gonna stuff my mouth with crickets,
While u be whack and u be bugless.

And just like DAT BOI,
Imma roll on a sick-ass uni,
Doing on-fleek tricks,
Makin’ u look dumb and whack and puny.

So don’t be jelly,
When I roll on through,
Nabbin’ more ass than a goddamn zoo.

Yeah, that’s right, doood,
Cuz I’m da original Hacksta.
Best up ur game, G,
And take some lessons from da masta.
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Published on November 17, 2016 10:08 • 196 views • Tags: crickets, maggots, whatever-doooood

November 1, 2016

A good friend of mine, the igloo-dwelling, tater tot-gobbling, self-published author Dougliette Juliette, published an ebook titled The Trillionaire Tater Tots Caused Me Gay (and One of Them is Juggalo!) last year. I just learned that the cover of her book was recently added to the infamous “Kindle Cover Disaster” tumblr site. Congratulations, Dougliette! What a fine achievement!

http://kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.co...

*By the way: What in samhain is a tumblr anyhow? I don’t even know, yo! But maybe you do know, duuuude/duuudette. Perhaps you even have a tumblr of your own. And perhaps you can use it to like or share Dougliette’s book cover to further disseminate it throughout the tumblrverse or tumblrsphere or tumblrwhatever. Just a (very idle) thought.*
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Published on November 01, 2016 16:02 • 68 views • Tags: dougliette-juliette, trillionaire-tater-tots

October 30, 2016

At long last, the fifth and newest installment in Rooster Republic’s Tall Tales with Short Cocks short story anthology series is out. Edited by one G. Arthur Brown this time around, Tall Tales With Short Cocks Vol. 5 includes my story “Creek Slut.” And although this is the first Tall Tales volume where Arthur “Tha Gram Cracka” Graham was not directly involved, I still somehow sense the former RRP editor's spiritual influence in its release, especially when I glance at the table of contents to see words and phrases like “pussy,” “slut,” “perv,” "scrotum," "Entire Polish Army,” and “MY LITTLE PONY” jumping out at me.

So check out the full table of contents and then go git yerself a copy! https://www.amazon.com/Tall-Tales-Sho...

The Suicidal Cat - Andrew Wayne Adams
All Request - MP Johnson
Creek Slut - Douglas Hackle
So You Have a Vagina on Your Face - Jessica McHugh
Next Killed My Lake - Edmund Colell
Meet Stair - Etienne DeForest
The Form of the Honeycomb Sword - Jon Konrath
Pussy Cat 'Pocalypse - Timothy W. Long
The Curse of the Sidekick Scrotum - David W. Barbee
Arachno-Perv - Adam Millard
Chupatown Chop Shop - John McNee
Heat of the Radio - Nicholaus Patnaude
Prince Cuddlebug is Going to Fuck Your Wife – Danger Slater
How I Got a MY LITTLE PONY Tattoo - Jeff Burk
Gutful of Maggots - Jamie Grefe
The Backward Machine - Mike Fugere Jr.
The Entire Polish Army - Dustin Reade
The Jazz Chinaman's Taxes - Madeleine Swann
The Patissier - Crystal R. Babb
Rico Slade Screenplay - Bradley Sands
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Published on October 30, 2016 08:40 • 70 views • Tags: bizarro, douglas-hackle, g-arthur-brown, tall-tales-with-short-cocks

September 26, 2016

Hey, y'all. I read and recorded my story "The Date" (from Clown Tear Junkies) for The Next Best Book Blog. The story is about a stuttering man who goes out on a date with a moment from The Karate Kid. If ya have about six minutes to burn, check it out here: http://thenextbestbookblog.blogspot.c...
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Published on September 26, 2016 17:49 • 132 views • Tags: bizarro, clown-tear-junkies, douglas-hackle, the-next-best-book-blog

September 21, 2016

Hey, Goodreaders. I have in my possession a few extra copies of my new book, The Hottest Gay Man Ever Killed in a Shark Attack. If you reside in the U.S. and would like to receive one in exchange for an honest review on Goodreads/Amazon, drop me a message. Supplies are limited.

May your day be filled with soothsayin', ice road truck-drivin', tuba-playin', fetal-feudal fire ants from France,

Douglas
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Published on September 21, 2016 10:05 • 40 views • Tags: bizarro, douglas-hackle