Jarod Kintz

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Jarod Kintz

Goodreads Author


url

born
in Salt Lake City, The United States
March 05, 1982

gender
male

website

twitter username

genre

influences
Monty Python
Jack Handey
Ted Nancy
Steve Martin
Gary Larson
Mark Twain
Oscar
...more

member since
April 2011


About this author

This is it, this is my biography. The story of Jarod Kintz begins now.

Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.

Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese
...more


If it’s the last kiss, we’d better make it last. I hope you don’t have anywhere to be, because I have the rest of my life free.

— Jarod Kintz (@JarodKintz1) May 4, 2015
22 likes · Like  •  8 comments  •  flag
Published on May 04, 2015 08:28 • 171 views • Tags: kiss, kissing, relationships
Average rating: 4.13 · 1,322 ratings · 93 reviews · 63 distinct works · Similar authors
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More books by Jarod Kintz…

Upcoming Events

No scheduled events. Add an event.

“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Polls

What is your favorite quote?

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.Oscar Wilde
 
  191 votes, 10.4%

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.George R.R. Martin
 
  156 votes, 8.5%

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.Eleanor Roosevelt
 
  123 votes, 6.7%

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.Jane Austen
 
  98 votes, 5.3%

Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.Winston Churchill
 
  98 votes, 5.3%

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.George Carlin
 
  80 votes, 4.4%

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.Socrates
 
  69 votes, 3.8%

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?Abraham Lincoln
 
  66 votes, 3.6%

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
  61 votes, 3.3%

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Edison (write-in)
 
  52 votes, 2.8%

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” (write-in)
 
  51 votes, 2.8%

With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
Jarod Kintz
 
  49 votes, 2.7%

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.Marilyn Monroe
 
  44 votes, 2.4%

"It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities" Albus Dumbledore (write-in)
 
  35 votes, 1.9%

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” C.S. Lewis (write-in)
 
  35 votes, 1.9%

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." James Dean (write-in)
 
  33 votes, 1.8%

Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.T.S. Eliot
 
  32 votes, 1.7%

You don’t forget the face of the person who was your last hope.Suzanne Collins
 
  29 votes, 1.6%

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile. — Mark Twain (write-in)
 
  28 votes, 1.5%

umm, lets see...all? (write-in)
 
  28 votes, 1.5%

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
 
  25 votes, 1.4%

most of them (write-in)
 
  23 votes, 1.3%

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  21 votes, 1.1%

Umm,let's see...all (write-in)
 
  20 votes, 1.1%

Do not walk behind me, I will not lead. Do not walk in front of me, I will not follow. Just walk beside me, and be my friend. ~Albert Camus (write-in)
 
  19 votes, 1.0%

It is never too late to be what you might have been ~ George Eliot (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

"I am glad you're with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam." - J.R.R. Tolkien (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

“For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let them swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud.” ~Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ― Marilyn Monroe (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

“You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.” ― Stephen King (write-in)
 
  14 votes, 0.8%

"Be proud of the scars in your soul, They will help you and teach you". - Paulo Coelho (write-in)
 
  14 votes, 0.8%

"don't trust anyone who hasn't brought a book with them." Lemony Snicket (write-in)
 
  13 votes, 0.7%

"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in who they are." -I Am the Messanger (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 0.7%

"I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library" - Jorge Luis Borges (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 0.7%

If you're going through hell, Just keep going! Winston Churchill (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 0.7%

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. Oscar Wylde (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 0.7%

I don't read quotes, i read books. By the way, this is not a quote (write-in)
 
  11 votes, 0.6%

All from TFIOS and Lloking for Alaska (write-in)
 
  11 votes, 0.6%

Go to Heaven for the climate and hell for the company. -Mark Twain (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.5%

"Deep in that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dare dream before." -Edgar Allen Poe (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.5%

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.5%

Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend, inside of a dog, it's too dark to read-Grouho Marx (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.4%

“Power, true power, comes from the belief in true things, and the willingness to stand behind that belief, even if the universe itself conspires to thwart your plans. Chaos may settle; flames may die; worlds may rise and fall. But true things will remain so, and will never fail to guide you to your goals.” - James A. Owen (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.4%

I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life. - F. Scott Fitzgerald (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.Bauvard
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

'Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.' (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

Any words spoken by Four (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

"Yes I am weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated" (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? ― Gautama Buddha (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

The hardest thing in this work is to live in it "joss whedom (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

Non-cooperation with evil is a duty -- Mahatma Gandhi (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

A woman walks up to Winston Churchill and says, “Sir, if I were married to you, I would feed you poison!”�To which he replies, “If I were married to you, I would drink that poison!” - Winston Churchill (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

"Centrum Permanebit" -The Fiery Heart (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

“And leaving you (there aren't words to untangle it) Your life, fearful and immense and blossoming, so that, sometimes frustrated, and sometimes understanding, Your life is sometimes a stone in you, and then, a star.” Rainer Maria Rilke (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

Lots? (write-in)
 
  4 votes, 0.2%

I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love. (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

5 (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours." (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"Chacun à son goût" (each to his own taste) -Prince Orlofsky from Die Fledermaus (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

When given a choice between being kind or being right, choose kind. (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

When given a choice between being kind or being right, choose kind. - R.J Palacio (Wonder) (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Life is what happens while you're making your plans. - Allen Saunders (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"We are built like the cities of Troy on our previous selves. Every night we sleep uneasily on their rubble." --Andrew Brown (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies- Stephen King (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

If people aren’t laughing at your dreams…then they aren’t big enough! (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"Those who dance..." is Friedrich Nietzsche (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

Wherefore art thou Romeo (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

“Don’t interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties.” (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

fate of the banished by julius ocwinyo (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other. - Jarod Kintz (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

And pluck til time and times are done, the silver apples of the moon, the golden apples of the sun. (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

"He was the only man of us who still 'followed the sea' " - Joseph Conrad (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock" - Hannah Montana (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

real man (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

"I would prefer not to" Herman Melville (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

"as you wish" (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. (write-in)
 
  0 votes, 0.0%

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Comments (showing 1-47 of 47)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by P.J.

P.J. Thanks for the friendship!


Patricia Puddle Thanks for the friendship request, Jarod. I like funny people. LOL.


message 3: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Patricia wrote: "Thanks for the friendship request, Jarod. I like funny people. LOL."

You're welcome Patricia :) How are you doing today?


message 4: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz P. J. wrote: "Thanks for the friendship!"

You're welcome, P.J. How are you?


Veronica Thanks for the friendship.


Tiffany Capozzi Thank you for the friendship!! Tiffany


message 7: by M.

M. Leighton Thanks for friending me, Jarod:) Sounds like we've got a lot in common. Well the important things anyway, things like Jack Handey and Monty Python:D If you feel the need to share your Deep Thoughts or "bring out your dead," drop me an e-mail. I'm always up for a laugh;)


Jillian Peery Thanks for the add! Have a great day my friend!


Shanna Hey! Thanks for the friendship. I liked the picture quotes by the way, I giggled out loud at a few, earning me some funny looks. Just one question, are those tiger slippers? Lol


message 10: by Susie

Susie Thanks for the friendship! :-)


message 11: by Lenore

Lenore Thanks for the request. Your bio cracked me up!


message 12: by April

April Thanks for the add. My Birthday is March 4th :oP


message 13: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz April wrote: "Thanks for the add. My Birthday is March 4th :oP"

yes! beautiful time of year, yes?


message 14: by Becca

Becca Thx for your friendship request...you had it with the Colbert quote!!!


message 15: by Nely

Nely Cab Jared,

Thanks for the add, and thanks for the humor to go with my lunch. Loved that interview!

-Nely Cab


message 16: by S.J.

S.J. Davis Jared! You are hilarious! I look forward to getting to know you much better. Cheers!


message 17: by Ellen

Ellen Maze Hi Jared! I'm a fan just from your profile info. I put your book on my shelf to-read...
Have a great day!
Ellen


Kelly/yllektra Thanks for adding me! :)


FabulousRaye That's fabulous! I think I'm turning into my late, German next door neighbor. Her name was Edith and she was a crazy cat lady.


message 20: by Amy

Amy Hey, Jarod. How's it going? I just thought I'd drop by and say hello and I hope you're having a great weekend. :)


message 21: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Amy wrote: "Hey, Jarod. How's it going? I just thought I'd drop by and say hello and I hope you're having a great weekend. :)"

Life is great! How are you?


message 22: by Graham

Graham Parke Hi, good to have you aboard ;)


Michelle Hey Jarod, thanks for the add :)


Savannah Thank you for the friendship.


message 25: by Amy

Amy Hi, Jarod. Hope all is well! :)


Christine Hatfield thanks for being my friend


Christine Hatfield your welcome

do you write books?


Amanda Joy Farnsworth Thanks for sharing that quote. I take all humor very seriously. And thanks for the listening...

(“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me. 
”)


message 29: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Amanda Joy wrote: "Thanks for sharing that quote. I take all humor very seriously. And thanks for the listening...

(“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, th..."


haha yes! how've you been?


Christine Hatfield Do you have skype?


message 31: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Christine wrote: "Do you have skype?"

Yes indeed. jarod.kintz


Libertarian Ann ditto, didn't know I had a "style" thanks!


message 33: by Grace

Grace No problem! Thanks for the request ^-^


Lótë (Iris) Thanks for the add!
Your quotes never fail to ammuse me.
I share them with my sister all the time :)
Your humour is amazing.


message 35: by Emily

Emily Thanks for the add!!


Asma Fedosia Hi, Jarod, Thks for the friend invitation.


message 37: by Irin

Irin thank you for your you quote..you absolutely have a funny bone in your body for sure...keep making everyone smile with your writing..


message 38: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Irin wrote: "thank you for your you quote..you absolutely have a funny bone in your body for sure...keep making everyone smile with your writing.."

Thank you so much, Irin :)


message 39: by Mylene

Mylene Orbase :DDDD


Abhishek Tewari Thank you so much Mr Kintz for accepting my request, I have been hiding from my boss and reading you at my office when I am pretending to work.


message 41: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Abhishek wrote: "Thank you so much Mr Kintz for accepting my request, I have been hiding from my boss and reading you at my office when I am pretending to work."

haha I love that!


message 42: by Sasha (last edited Oct 27, 2013 02:30PM)

Sasha Thank you Jarod.You are a star!:)


message 43: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Sasha wrote: "Thank you Jarod.You are a star!:)"

haha thanks Sasha! GLad we are now friends :)


Green Elephant Girl ™ Thanks for accepting my friend request :D


message 45: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Green Elephant Girl ™ wrote: "Thanks for accepting my friend request :D"

You're very welcome :)


message 46: by Jillian

Jillian How did you know I adore being called a maven? Of any kind, really ;-) Thanks for the add into that group :-)

~J


message 47: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Jayne Louise wrote: "Thanks Jarod. Blondie has told me a lot about you, so you know you come highly recommended. X"

:)


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