Jarod Kintz

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Jarod Kintz

Goodreads Author


url

born
in Salt Lake City, The United States
March 05, 1982

gender
male

website

twitter username

genre

influences
Monty Python
Jack Handey
Ted Nancy
Steve Martin
Gary Larson
Mark Twain
Oscar...more

member since
April 2011


About this author

This is it, this is my biography. The story of Jarod Kintz begins now.

Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.

Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese...more


She had eyes like sunsets, and every time she blinked it felt like the end of the world, otherwise known as night.

— Jarod Kintz (@jarodkintz1) October 13, 2014

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Published on October 13, 2014 11:06 • 25 views
Average rating: 4.11 · 1,013 ratings · 73 reviews · 57 distinct works · Similar authors
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More books by Jarod Kintz…

Upcoming Events

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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

Polls

What is your favorite quote?

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.Oscar Wilde
 
  131 votes, 10.9%

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.George R.R. Martin
 
  118 votes, 9.8%

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.Eleanor Roosevelt
 
  88 votes, 7.3%

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.Jane Austen
 
  68 votes, 5.7%

Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.Winston Churchill
 
  68 votes, 5.7%

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?Abraham Lincoln
 
  53 votes, 4.4%

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.Socrates
 
  50 votes, 4.2%

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.George Carlin
 
  44 votes, 3.7%

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Edison (write-in)
 
  42 votes, 3.5%

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
  42 votes, 3.5%

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.Marilyn Monroe
 
  33 votes, 2.7%

With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
Jarod Kintz
 
  33 votes, 2.7%

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” (write-in)
 
  31 votes, 2.6%

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." James Dean (write-in)
 
  26 votes, 2.2%

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” C.S. Lewis (write-in)
 
  26 votes, 2.2%

"It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities" Albus Dumbledore (write-in)
 
  24 votes, 2.0%

Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.T.S. Eliot
 
  24 votes, 2.0%

You don’t forget the face of the person who was your last hope.Suzanne Collins
 
  21 votes, 1.7%

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
 
  19 votes, 1.6%

most of them (write-in)
 
  18 votes, 1.5%

umm, lets see...all? (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 1.4%

Umm,let's see...all (write-in)
 
  16 votes, 1.3%

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  15 votes, 1.2%

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ― Marilyn Monroe (write-in)
 
  13 votes, 1.1%

Do not walk behind me, I will not lead. Do not walk in front of me, I will not follow. Just walk beside me, and be my friend. ~Albert Camus (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 1.0%

“You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.” ― Stephen King (write-in)
 
  11 votes, 0.9%

It is never too late to be what you might have been ~ George Eliot (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.8%

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  9 votes, 0.7%

"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in who they are." -I Am the Messanger (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.7%

"Deep in that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dare dream before." -Edgar Allen Poe (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.7%

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. Oscar Wylde (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.7%

If you're going through hell, Just keep going! Winston Churchill (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.7%

Go to Heaven for the climate and hell for the company. -Mark Twain (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.6%

I don't read quotes, i read books. By the way, this is not a quote (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.6%

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile. — Mark Twain (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.6%

"don't trust anyone who hasn't brought a book with them." Lemony Snicket (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.6%

Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend, inside of a dog, it's too dark to read-Grouho Marx (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.6%

All from TFIOS and Lloking for Alaska (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.6%

Any words spoken by Four (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.5%

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  5 votes, 0.4%

"Be proud of the scars in your soul, They will help you and teach you". - Paulo Coelho (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.4%

"I am glad you're with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam." - J.R.R. Tolkien (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.4%

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.4%

Non-cooperation with evil is a duty -- Mahatma Gandhi (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.4%

"Centrum Permanebit" -The Fiery Heart (write-in)
 
  4 votes, 0.3%

“And leaving you (there aren't words to untangle it) Your life, fearful and immense and blossoming, so that, sometimes frustrated, and sometimes understanding, Your life is sometimes a stone in you, and then, a star.” Rainer Maria Rilke (write-in)
 
  4 votes, 0.3%

"Chacun à son goût" (each to his own taste) -Prince Orlofsky from Die Fledermaus (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

'Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.' (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.Bauvard
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"We are built like the cities of Troy on our previous selves. Every night we sleep uneasily on their rubble." --Andrew Brown (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Life is what happens while you're making your plans. - Allen Saunders (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

A woman walks up to Winston Churchill and says, “Sir, if I were married to you, I would feed you poison!”�To which he replies, “If I were married to you, I would drink that poison!” - Winston Churchill (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.2%

Wherefore art thou Romeo (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.2%

The hardest thing in this work is to live in it "joss whedom (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.2%

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

real man (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. (write-in)
 
  0 votes, 0.0%

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“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.”
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“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
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“I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.”
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“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.”
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Comments (showing 1-48)    post a comment »
dateUp_arrow    newest »

message 48: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Jayne Louise wrote: "Thanks Jarod. Blondie has told me a lot about you, so you know you come highly recommended. X"

:)


Jayne Louise Thanks Jarod. Blondie has told me a lot about you, so you know you come highly recommended. X


message 46: by Jillian

Jillian How did you know I adore being called a maven? Of any kind, really ;-) Thanks for the add into that group :-)

~J


message 45: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Green Elephant Girl ™ wrote: "Thanks for accepting my friend request :D"

You're very welcome :)


Green Elephant Girl ™ Thanks for accepting my friend request :D


message 43: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Sasha wrote: "Thank you Jarod.You are a star!:)"

haha thanks Sasha! GLad we are now friends :)


message 42: by Sasha (last edited Oct 27, 2013 02:30PM)

Sasha Thank you Jarod.You are a star!:)


message 41: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Abhishek wrote: "Thank you so much Mr Kintz for accepting my request, I have been hiding from my boss and reading you at my office when I am pretending to work."

haha I love that!


Abhishek Tewari Thank you so much Mr Kintz for accepting my request, I have been hiding from my boss and reading you at my office when I am pretending to work.


message 39: by Mylene

Mylene Orbase :DDDD


message 38: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Irin wrote: "thank you for your you quote..you absolutely have a funny bone in your body for sure...keep making everyone smile with your writing.."

Thank you so much, Irin :)


message 37: by Irin

Irin thank you for your you quote..you absolutely have a funny bone in your body for sure...keep making everyone smile with your writing..


message 36: by Asma

Asma Fedosia Hi, Jarod, Thks for the friend invitation.


message 35: by Emily

Emily Thanks for the add!!


Lótë (Iris) Thanks for the add!
Your quotes never fail to ammuse me.
I share them with my sister all the time :)
Your humour is amazing.


message 33: by Grace

Grace No problem! Thanks for the request ^-^


Libertarian Ann ditto, didn't know I had a "style" thanks!


message 31: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Christine wrote: "Do you have skype?"

Yes indeed. jarod.kintz


Christine Hatfield Do you have skype?


message 29: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Amanda Joy wrote: "Thanks for sharing that quote. I take all humor very seriously. And thanks for the listening...

(“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, th..."


haha yes! how've you been?


Amanda Joy Farnsworth Thanks for sharing that quote. I take all humor very seriously. And thanks for the listening...

(“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me. 
”)


Christine Hatfield your welcome

do you write books?


Christine Hatfield thanks for being my friend


message 25: by Amy

Amy Hi, Jarod. Hope all is well! :)


Savannah Thank you for the friendship.


Michelle Hey Jarod, thanks for the add :)


message 22: by Graham

Graham Parke Hi, good to have you aboard ;)


message 21: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Amy wrote: "Hey, Jarod. How's it going? I just thought I'd drop by and say hello and I hope you're having a great weekend. :)"

Life is great! How are you?


message 20: by Amy

Amy Hey, Jarod. How's it going? I just thought I'd drop by and say hello and I hope you're having a great weekend. :)


FabulousRaye That's fabulous! I think I'm turning into my late, German next door neighbor. Her name was Edith and she was a crazy cat lady.


Kelly/yllektra Thanks for adding me! :)


message 17: by Ellen

Ellen Maze Hi Jared! I'm a fan just from your profile info. I put your book on my shelf to-read...
Have a great day!
Ellen


message 16: by S.J.

S.J. Davis Jared! You are hilarious! I look forward to getting to know you much better. Cheers!


message 15: by Nely

Nely Cab Jared,

Thanks for the add, and thanks for the humor to go with my lunch. Loved that interview!

-Nely Cab


message 14: by Becca

Becca Thx for your friendship request...you had it with the Colbert quote!!!


message 13: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz April wrote: "Thanks for the add. My Birthday is March 4th :oP"

yes! beautiful time of year, yes?


message 12: by April

April Thanks for the add. My Birthday is March 4th :oP


message 11: by Lenore

Lenore Thanks for the request. Your bio cracked me up!


message 10: by Susie

Susie Thanks for the friendship! :-)


Shanna Hey! Thanks for the friendship. I liked the picture quotes by the way, I giggled out loud at a few, earning me some funny looks. Just one question, are those tiger slippers? Lol


Jillian Peery Thanks for the add! Have a great day my friend!


message 7: by M.

M. Leighton Thanks for friending me, Jarod:) Sounds like we've got a lot in common. Well the important things anyway, things like Jack Handey and Monty Python:D If you feel the need to share your Deep Thoughts or "bring out your dead," drop me an e-mail. I'm always up for a laugh;)


Tiffany Capozzi Thank you for the friendship!! Tiffany


Veronica Thanks for the friendship.


message 4: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz P. J. wrote: "Thanks for the friendship!"

You're welcome, P.J. How are you?


message 3: by Jarod

Jarod Kintz Patricia wrote: "Thanks for the friendship request, Jarod. I like funny people. LOL."

You're welcome Patricia :) How are you doing today?


Patricia Puddle Thanks for the friendship request, Jarod. I like funny people. LOL.


message 1: by P.J.

P.J. Thanks for the friendship!


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