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Jarod Kintz
Goodreads author profile
url
http://www.goodreads.com/jarodkintz
born
March 05, 1982
in Salt Lake City, The United States
gender
male
website
twitter username
genre
influences
Monty Python
Jack Handey
Ted Nancy
Steve Martin
Gary Larson
Mark Twain
Oscar...more
Jack Handey
Ted Nancy
Steve Martin
Gary Larson
Mark Twain
Oscar...more
member since
April 2011
1) Jarod Kintz: "In the Book of Revelation, God speaks of the pale horse. If Satan hired you to ghostwrite the Book of Sunscreen, would you accept the job?"
If I were a ghost, how would I hold a pencil? I guess that could be my eternal punishment in hell: in life, he shut himself up in a dark room to write, neglecting others, and now in death he composes the story of his vitamin D deficiency wh... read more »
If I were a ghost, how would I hold a pencil? I guess that could be my eternal punishment in hell: in life, he shut himself up in a dark room to write, neglecting others, and now in death he composes the story of his vitamin D deficiency wh... read more »
More books by Jarod Kintz…
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“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dying my hair tonight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.”
― Stephen Colbert
― Stephen Colbert
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
― Mark Twain
― Mark Twain
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.”
― Ronald Reagan
― Ronald Reagan
“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.”
― Dave Barry
― Dave Barry
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
― Calvin Trillin
― Calvin Trillin
Absurd Humor
— 80 members
— last activity May 04, 2012 12:22am
a group for anyone interested in creating or consuming ridiculous, surreal, quirky humor.
Dora J. Arod Best Quote Award
— 111 members
— last activity May 09, 2012 09:35am
Searching for the best quotes!
Goodreads Librarians
— 16670 members
— last activity 3 minutes ago
A place where all Goodreads members can work together to improve the Goodreads book catalog. Non-librarians are welcome to join the group as well, to...more
We ♥ World Classical Literature
— 135 members
— last activity Apr 07, 2012 03:33am
Do you like any book from world classical literature or more books? Please join in this group and meet new people who love classical books. Just have...more
Reading with Tequila Book Club
— 923 members
— last activity May 28, 2012 01:05pm
An eclectic book club focusing on a different genre each month. We read the books, watch the movies (if available) and make a party of it, cocktails a...more
The Humour Club
— 278 members
— last activity 5 minutes ago
A group for readers and writers of humorous fiction.
Quirky humour
— 249 members
— last activity May 27, 2012 11:46pm
A group dedicated to Quirky Humour. Talk about wry, witty, quirky books. Or basically, books with an unusual or unconventional sense of humour. Don´t...more
Humor is My Genre
— 111 members
— last activity May 14, 2012 07:49pm
Novels that entertain, bring a smile or a laugh to the reader. They can be any genre, mystery, history, gothic, etc or any theme, but the books must h...more
Q&A with Natalie Wright
— 40 members
— last activity Feb 15, 2012 05:26pm
Join Natalie Wright as she discussed her debut novel Emily's House, Book 1 of the Akasha Chronicles, an Amazon bestseller in genre fiction. This group...more
Q&A with T.S. Welti
— 15 members
— last activity Mar 06, 2012 01:40am
...February 29, 2012 to March 31, 2012... Discuss books one and two of the Parker Chance Series with author T.S. Welti. Learn her writing process and s...more
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Amanda Joy wrote: "Thanks for sharing that quote. I take all humor very seriously. And thanks for the listening...(“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, th..."
haha yes! how've you been?
Thanks for sharing that quote. I take all humor very seriously. And thanks for the listening...(“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me. ”)
Amy wrote: "Hey, Jarod. How's it going? I just thought I'd drop by and say hello and I hope you're having a great weekend. :)"Life is great! How are you?
Hey, Jarod. How's it going? I just thought I'd drop by and say hello and I hope you're having a great weekend. :)
That's fabulous! I think I'm turning into my late, German next door neighbor. Her name was Edith and she was a crazy cat lady.
Hi Jared! I'm a fan just from your profile info. I put your book on my shelf to-read...Have a great day!
Ellen
Jared,Thanks for the add, and thanks for the humor to go with my lunch. Loved that interview!
-Nely Cab
Hey! Thanks for the friendship. I liked the picture quotes by the way, I giggled out loud at a few, earning me some funny looks. Just one question, are those tiger slippers? Lol
Thanks for friending me, Jarod:) Sounds like we've got a lot in common. Well the important things anyway, things like Jack Handey and Monty Python:D If you feel the need to share your Deep Thoughts or "bring out your dead," drop me an e-mail. I'm always up for a laugh;)
Patricia wrote: "Thanks for the friendship request, Jarod. I like funny people. LOL."You're welcome Patricia :) How are you doing today?
We were on the same bowling team for years, but we always stuck to our separate lanes. Not that I didn’t notice him. At first, I didn’t really go out of my way too much…I just altered my shoe size so we’d match. Every time I squeezed into a 9 ½, I’d waddle over to my lane thinking ‘Could this be the pair?’
I could never help checking out his game. Whenever he bent over to glide his 14-pounder towards the gutter, I’d stand behind Gums McGee and gawk at his tush snuggled in denim (no one ever noticed…Gums tended to deflect attention from himself whenever he smiled). Jarod rarely bowled anything above zero, but every time he turned away from the lane, his sweatbands dripping, looking at the floor in despondence, slipping on his own sweat and banging his elbows against the polished wood, I’d think ‘Come on…get up…get up and let me see that cute tush.’
After a few years his elbows got bad enough that he couldn’t hold a ball anymore, so he had to quit the team. It was a few months later that I ran into him in the beans aisle of the supermarket.
“Hey, beans! I love those!”
“Really? Me too!”
“Wait a minute, don’t you live across the street from me?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Yeah, yeah you do. You’re in that big living room with the mounted elk head and the complete encyclopedia Britannica, minus volume 17. You’re right across the sidewalk from my curb. I park there sometimes.”
We shook hands and I helped his cart to a few dozen cans of beans.
“Why do your arms dangle like that?”
“I had my elbows removed. Why do you waddle like that?”
“My toes are permanently curled under my feet.”
Soon after that we moved in together and lived happily, with plenty of toilet paper and exotic ceramic bowls. Until I found out about Dora. Now we’re enemies.
