Andrew Shaffer




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Andrew Shaffer

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Born
in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, The United States
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Twitter

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Member Since
October 2009

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Andrew Shaffer is the New York Times-bestselling author of the essential survival guide, How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters, as well as the forthcoming Ghostbusters tie-in, Ghosts From Our Past: Both Literally and Figuratively: The Study of the Paranormal and the political thriller, The Day of the Donald: Trump Trumps America.

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Andrew Shaffer There is nothing you can do. You'll have to leave him. And the cat. Leave the cat.
Andrew Shaffer Hello, Dorothy. That's an easy question to answer. Yes, I will be your BFF. Best Fox Friends. We'll watch Fox News together, every day and night.…moreHello, Dorothy. That's an easy question to answer. Yes, I will be your BFF. Best Fox Friends. We'll watch Fox News together, every day and night. We'll never stop. O'Reilly, that one white lady, that other white lady--we'll watch them all, consuming their every word with the appetite of Rush Limbaugh at a pill party. Hey...hey--where are you going? Come back! I thought we were going to be BFFs... :((less)
Average rating: 3.56 · 8,926 ratings · 1,982 reviews · 24 distinct works · Similar authors
Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

3.50 avg rating — 2,040 ratings — published 2012
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Great Philosophers Who Fail...

3.50 avg rating — 451 ratings — published 2011 — 5 editions
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Literary Rogues: A Scandalo...

3.53 avg rating — 401 ratings — published 2013 — 4 editions
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How to Survive a Sharknado ...

3.63 avg rating — 405 ratings — published 2014 — 7 editions
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Fifty Shames of Earl Grey

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3.34 avg rating — 2,945 ratings — published 2012 — 21 editions
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The Day of the Donald: Trum...

it was amazing 5.00 avg rating — 4 ratings5 editions
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The Shelf on the Elf: Holid...

really liked it 4.00 avg rating — 5 ratings — published 2014 — 2 editions
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Fifty First Times: A New Ad...

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Fic: Why Fanfiction is Taki...

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Fifty Writers on Fifty Shad...

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More books by Andrew Shaffer…

I have TWO books out today. That's right...TWO BOOKS. Is this the best Taco Tuesday ever?!*



















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* Tacos not provided. Sorry.

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Published on June 27, 2016 04:31

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I have TWO books out today. That's right...TWO BOOKS. Is this the best Taco Tuesday ever?!*





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* Tacos not provided. Sorry. Read more of this blog post »
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Elizabeth
Elizabeth is finished with The Bourbon Thief: Welp. Now that the page turning has ended, now commences the hours and hours of thinking that will surely drive me nutty. This one will be haunting me for quite some time. Well played, Tiffany. Well played.
Leontine
Leontine is starting The Bourbon Thief: For the first time in a long while I'm reading a stand-alone. I'm talking years...perhaps even close to a decade!
Margaret Margaret wants to read The Bourbon Thief
Andrew Shaffer rated a book it was amazing
The Day of the Donald by Andrew Shaffer
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A tremendous, tremendous book. Hugely entertaining. Five gold stars!
Andrew Shaffer rated a book it was amazing
The Genius Factor by Paul Tobin
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Tea-drinking villains. Giant, invisible pets. What more could you want?
Andrew Shaffer added a photo to the book An Earl Grey Christmas
More of Andrew's books…
“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.

“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.

“I’m your boss, Anna.”

“What do you mean?”

There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

Topics Mentioning This Author

“You can never be wise and be in love at the same time.”
Bob Dylan

“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.

“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.

“I’m your boss, Anna.”

“What do you mean?”

There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“No man is an island,” he says. “Islands are made of dirt and rocks and trees. I don’t know any people made of such things. Therefore, people are not islands.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

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Comments (showing 1-4)    post a comment »
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message 4: by Rita

Rita Jett Thanks for friend requesting. Am a fan.
Slugging through fifty shades of shit right now, but looking forward to checking out your parody ebook! Best with everything :)


Andrew Shaffer I voted for you too! ;)


message 2: by G

G Hey, I voted for you in the Independent Book Blogger Awards--you totally deserve to win! My husband and I both enjoy your blog, it always makes us laugh.

Best of luck to you. Maybe we will both win. Ha ha, I won't, but you have a real shot.


Delilah Marvelle Hey Andrew boy! I'm totally shocked we weren't already friends. Thanks for fixing that :)


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