Andrew Shaffer




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Andrew Shaffer

Goodreads Author


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born
in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, The United States
gender
male

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twitter username

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member since
October 2009


About this author

Andrew Shaffer is a humorist and author of the New York Times-bestselling How to Survive a Sharknado (Three Rivers Press) and Fifty Shames of Earl Grey (Da Capo Press). He has appeared as a guest on FOX News, CBS, and NPR, and has been published in Mental Floss, Maxim, and Time, among others.


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Popular Answered Questions

Andrew Shaffer Hello, Dorothy. That's an easy question to answer. Yes, I will be your BFF. Best Fox Friends. We'll watch Fox News together, every day and night.…moreHello, Dorothy. That's an easy question to answer. Yes, I will be your BFF. Best Fox Friends. We'll watch Fox News together, every day and night. We'll never stop. O'Reilly, that one white lady, that other white lady--we'll watch them all, consuming their every word with the appetite of Rush Limbaugh at a pill party. Hey...hey--where are you going? Come back! I thought we were going to be BFFs... :((less)
Andrew Shaffer Hello, Laurie. First, let's talk about the rash. A doctor would probably ask if you recently wore any jewelry which may have irritated your wrists, or…moreHello, Laurie. First, let's talk about the rash. A doctor would probably ask if you recently wore any jewelry which may have irritated your wrists, or maybe if you'd been gardening -- often when we garden, we wear gloves, but the sensitive skin of our wrists is exposed to prickly weeds and other allergens.

However, I'm not a doctor. I do live with a erotica writer, which gives me a little insight in this area.

I'm guessing you recently engaged in a little kink with your husband. If you used metal handcuffs, there was probably a nickel plating on them that caused you to break out in the rash. Nickel allergies are common, so don't worry. Try a pair of neoprene cuffs next time, and let me know if that solves the problem. In the meantime, a little hydrocortisone should take care of the itching.

As for your question about my forthcoming Syfy book, HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARKNADO AND OTHER UNNATURAL DISASTERS, all I'll say is that Random House and Syfy wanted an author who could handle a chainsaw. When they couldn't find one, they asked me.(less)
Average rating: 3.56 · 7,702 ratings · 1,799 reviews · 12 distinct works · Similar authors
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Gone Grey: A Parody
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More books by Andrew Shaffer…

...inthatway? The dinosaur erotica anthology I designed the cover for is out today — no April Fool's!
















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Published on April 01, 2015 10:11 • 27 views
Gone Grey: A Parody
Fifty Shames (1 book)
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3.2857142857142856 of 5 stars 3.29 avg rating — 14 ratings

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Grey by E.L. James
" Only two more to go...unless we get a third trilogy from Charlie Tango's POV. "
What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami
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A great audiobook to listen to while running, simply because hearing someone talk about marathons makes my 5Ks seem that much easier.
The Alex Crow by Andrew  Smith
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As weird as advertised.
I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle
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I love you too, Beth Cooper.
Bones & All by Camille DeAngelis
Bones & All
by Camille DeAngelis (Goodreads Author)
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A well-done, tender love story. Pairs well with a nice chianti.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
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Someone please write a book from the bully's perspective. THE PERKS OF BEATING A WALLFLOWER.
Andrew Shaffer and 14 other people liked Tiffany Reisz's blog post: THE KING is on sale!
"Hi Sinners! THE KING is on sale for a VERY limited time at the US Kindle store. Only $3.99. Click here--> http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L0XO1VK/?tag=sbcnll-20 Buy a copy for a friend! Buy it for your mom! Buy it for your priest! When you're do..." Read more of this blog post »
More of Andrew's books…
“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.

“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.

“I’m your boss, Anna.”

“What do you mean?”

There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

Topics Mentioning This Author

“You can never be wise and be in love at the same time.”
Bob Dylan

“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.

“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.

“I’m your boss, Anna.”

“What do you mean?”

There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“No man is an island,” he says. “Islands are made of dirt and rocks and trees. I don’t know any people made of such things. Therefore, people are not islands.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

106283 MARK TWAIN SOCIETY — 35 members — last activity Dec 02, 2013 08:11PM
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72511 Sinners & Sirens - A Tiffany Reisz Fan Club — 793 members — last activity Jul 04, 2015 08:02AM
Do you love the works of Tiffany Reisz? Can't get enough of her brand of edgy, alluring erotica and BDSM? Then this is the place for you. ...more
31471 Goodreads Author Feedback Group — 7205 members — last activity 1 hour, 47 min ago
This is the official group for authors to give Goodreads feedback about the site, including the Goodreads Author Program, Author Q&A Groups, the newsl ...more
35109 Debut Author Panel Discussion and Q&A — 185 members — last activity Jul 04, 2013 09:43AM
From July 12 to July 18, these authors will be discussing their experiences as debut fiction authors. Each day, they will tackle a different question ...more
40208 Bookalicious — 50 members — last activity Aug 08, 2011 08:30PM
The Bookalicious blog appears in Erica Ehm's awesome ezine Yummy Mummy Club. Wanda Lynne Young aka Bookalicious loves to share good reads and great gi ...more
51803 Lexington Reads — 557 members — last activity May 06, 2015 12:33PM
For readers from Lexington, Kentucky. Discuss what you're reading with your neighbors!
72551 The Original Sinners Book Club — 334 members — last activity Aug 10, 2014 05:24PM
A group for fans of Tiffany Reisz's work. This is a place to discuss the books and characters. Together we can countdown to the next book and share th ...more
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Comments (showing 1-4)    post a comment »
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message 4: by Rita

Rita Jett Thanks for friend requesting. Am a fan.
Slugging through fifty shades of shit right now, but looking forward to checking out your parody ebook! Best with everything :)


Andrew Shaffer I voted for you too! ;)


message 2: by G

G Hey, I voted for you in the Independent Book Blogger Awards--you totally deserve to win! My husband and I both enjoy your blog, it always makes us laugh.

Best of luck to you. Maybe we will both win. Ha ha, I won't, but you have a real shot.


Delilah Marvelle Hey Andrew boy! I'm totally shocked we weren't already friends. Thanks for fixing that :)


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