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Andrew Shaffer
Goodreads author profile
url
http://www.goodreads.com/andrewshaffer
born
in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, The United States
gender
male
website
twitter username
genre
member since
October 2009
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Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
— published 2012 |
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Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love
— published 2011 — 3 editions |
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Fifty Shames of Earl Grey
by Fanny Merkin, Andrew Shaffer (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 — 12 editions |
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Literary Rogues: A Scandalous History of Wayward Authors
— published 2013 — 2 editions |
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Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey
by Lori Perkins (Goodreads Author) , Heather Graham (Goodreads Author) , Lucy Felthouse (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 — 2 editions |
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The Telltale Hardon
by Edgar Allan Pole, Andrew Shaffer (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 |
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An Earl Grey Christmas
by Fanny Merkin, Andrew Shaffer (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 |
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The Murders Across the Street From the Rue Whorehouse: A Christmas Story
by Edgar Allan Pole, Andrew Shaffer (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 |
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The Cask of Dijon
by Edgar Allan Pole, Andrew Shaffer (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 |
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The Purple Death
by Edgar Allan Pole, Andrew Shaffer (Goodreads Author) — published 2012 |
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Andrew Shaffer
wants to read
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May 17, 2013 12:08pm · see all of Andrew's favorite authors
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Andrew Shaffer
wants to read
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Andrew Shaffer
wants to read
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May 14, 2013 12:00pm
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Andrew Shaffer
wants to read
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“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”
“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
He raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”
“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
“Stop it, girl. There’s no way he’s five-years-old. Or one hundred. He’s probably like every other CEO on the planet: Late twenties, handsome in that geeky sort of way, and just as awkward as you. I breathe a sigh of relief, because I know I’m probably right.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
Topics Mentioning This Author
| topics | posts | views | last activity | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Literary Exploration: Suggest A Theme | 234 | 283 | Mar 22, 2012 09:16pm | |
| You'll love this ...: What are you currently reading and why? (CLOSED) | 4404 | 2957 | Sep 20, 2012 09:32am | |
| Literary Exploration: Most Anticipated Books Of 2013 | 20 | 84 | Jan 13, 2013 08:58pm | |
| Nothing but Readi...: Coffee Talk - About everything and nothing | 2519 | 508 | Jun 12, 2013 05:27pm | |
| Aussie Readers: * Chat about whatever you like: the weather, good stuff, bad stuff, family, politics or pets! | 10366 | 752 | Jun 18, 2013 10:30am |
“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”
“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
He raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”
“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.
“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”
“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.
“I’m your boss, Anna.”
“What do you mean?”
There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”
“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.
“I’m your boss, Anna.”
“What do you mean?”
There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
“No man is an island,” he says. “Islands are made of dirt and rocks and trees. I don’t know any people made of such things. Therefore, people are not islands.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
― Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody
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Hey, I voted for you in the Independent Book Blogger Awards--you totally deserve to win! My husband and I both enjoy your blog, it always makes us laugh.Best of luck to you. Maybe we will both win. Ha ha, I won't, but you have a real shot.
Slugging through fifty shades of shit right now, but looking forward to checking out your parody ebook! Best with everything :)