Andrew Shaffer




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Andrew Shaffer

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in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, The United States
gender
male

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member since
October 2009


About this author

Andrew Shaffer is a humorist and author of the New York Times-bestselling How to Survive a Sharknado (Three Rivers Press) and Fifty Shames of Earl Grey (Da Capo Press). He has appeared as a guest on FOX News, CBS, and NPR, and has been published in Mental Floss, Maxim, and Time, among others.


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Popular Answered Questions

Andrew Shaffer Hello, Laurie. First, let's talk about the rash. A doctor would probably ask if you recently wore any jewelry which may have irritated your wrists, or…moreHello, Laurie. First, let's talk about the rash. A doctor would probably ask if you recently wore any jewelry which may have irritated your wrists, or maybe if you'd been gardening -- often when we garden, we wear gloves, but the sensitive skin of our wrists is exposed to prickly weeds and other allergens.

However, I'm not a doctor. I do live with a erotica writer, which gives me a little insight in this area.

I'm guessing you recently engaged in a little kink with your husband. If you used metal handcuffs, there was probably a nickel plating on them that caused you to break out in the rash. Nickel allergies are common, so don't worry. Try a pair of neoprene cuffs next time, and let me know if that solves the problem. In the meantime, a little hydrocortisone should take care of the itching.

As for your question about my forthcoming Syfy book, HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARKNADO AND OTHER UNNATURAL DISASTERS, all I'll say is that Random House and Syfy wanted an author who could handle a chainsaw. When they couldn't find one, they asked me.(less)
Andrew Shaffer Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Ashton Kutcher and I were born in the same hospital, six months apart.
Average rating: 3.56 · 6,732 ratings · 1,643 reviews · 16 distinct works · Similar authors
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More books by Andrew Shaffer…

Had some free time this week, and got carried away writing a littleuardians ofthe Galaxyfanfic—specifically, a Christmas-themed short story featuring Star-Lord, Groot, and the rest of the gang meeting Santa Claus!

Read Merry Grootmas on Wattpad!









groot.jpg


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Andrew Shaffer is now a fan of Goodreads Author Adam Silvera, Goodreads Author Von Hollister, and Goodreads Author Colleen Coover
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"TOP 25 YOUNG ADULT NOVELS OF 2014: It’s always so amazing to be on these lists when you see..."
The Shelf on the Elf by Andrew Shaffer
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THE SHELF ON THE ELF collects five of my off-beat, humorous holiday essays and short stories, one of which ("Hunting Season") was written exclusively for the collection. This book has it all: Santa Claus, holiday pickles, knife-wielding maniacs. And ...more
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"Hello Sinners! THE SIREN, the first book in The Original Sinners series, is now on sale for $1.99 (U.S. and Canada eBook only). Now is the perfect time to get a friend hooked on the series with the book that started the whole kinky wild ride. Mee..." Read more of this blog post »
How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters by Andrew Shaffer
" About 2/3 of the disasters/monsters are from movies (listed in the appendix). The rest -- including elektrokraken, whalestrom, and dinonami -- are exc ...more"
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“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“For the first time since he showed up in my checkout lane, I let my eyes wander the full length of his body. The bulge in his running down the side of his pants leg is quite noticeable; either he has a banana in his pocket, or he’s happy to see me. Then I notice a similar bulge running down the side of his other pants leg. Either he has two bananas in his pockets, or he has two erections.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

Topics Mentioning This Author

“You can never be wise and be in love at the same time.”
Bob Dylan

“I like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”

“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.

“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.

“I’m your boss, Anna.”

“What do you mean?”

There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“No man is an island,” he says. “Islands are made of dirt and rocks and trees. I don’t know any people made of such things. Therefore, people are not islands.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

“As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.”
Andrew Shaffer, Fifty-one Shades: A Parody

106283 MARK TWAIN SOCIETY — 36 members — last activity Dec 02, 2013 08:11PM
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This is the official group for authors to give Goodreads feedback about the site, including the Goodreads Author Program, Author Q&A Groups, the newsl ...more
35109 Debut Author Panel Discussion and Q&A — 183 members — last activity Jul 04, 2013 09:43AM
From July 12 to July 18, these authors will be discussing their experiences as debut fiction authors. Each day, they will tackle a different question ...more
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Comments (showing 1-4)    post a comment »
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message 4: by Rita

Rita Jett Thanks for friend requesting. Am a fan.
Slugging through fifty shades of shit right now, but looking forward to checking out your parody ebook! Best with everything :)


Andrew Shaffer I voted for you too! ;)


message 2: by G

G Hey, I voted for you in the Independent Book Blogger Awards--you totally deserve to win! My husband and I both enjoy your blog, it always makes us laugh.

Best of luck to you. Maybe we will both win. Ha ha, I won't, but you have a real shot.


Delilah Marvelle Hey Andrew boy! I'm totally shocked we weren't already friends. Thanks for fixing that :)


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