Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "multiple-personalities"

Dreams...

A new life of: Happiness and Health

A new life without: Fear or Pain or Sorrow

Who am I?

I am a survivor of child abuse…

I am the author of Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Although my story is heart-wrenching, it’s also a story of my fight for survival in a world of hunger, abuse and fear while on the run from the police and my family left behind after I was kidnapped by my father in the middle of the night. I was only three years old.

My story is an unnervingly gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo — and still survive. However, I didn’t do this alone. I had wonderful guardian angels to help me. I was so terrified from the abuse that I split into multiple personalities just to survive.

My book tells all. I didn’t hold back any feelings whatsoever, using “colorful” language that went right along with these feelings. Bitter Memories took 40+ years to write because the pain of remembering was so powerful, so overwhelming, I had to change my name in the book, like I was writing about someone else, not me, just so I could write my life story. Names of everyone involved were changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty.

My story was told to help other child abuse survivors know they are not alone. There are others who understand and won’t look down on them. By sharing my life story, other survivors can come forward and find a path toward healing their pain.

My dream is to help rid the world of child abuse. By survivors telling our stories, the horrors of this national epidemic can be changed. Together we can help protect our children and keep them safe.

Who am I?

I am a survivor with a dream…

You can visit my website to learn more. http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
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Published on September 23, 2011 14:34 • 95 views • Tags: abuse, child, dreams, emotional, family-saga, multiple-personalities, survival
Dreams...

A new life of: Happiness and Health

A new life without: Fear or Pain or Sorrow

Who am I?

I am a survivor of child abuse…

I am the author of Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Although my story is heart-wrenching, it’s also a story of my fight for survival in a world of hunger, abuse and fear while on the run from the police and my family left behind after I was kidnapped by my father in the middle of the night. I was only three years old.

My story is an unnervingly gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo — and still survive. However, I didn’t do this alone. I had wonderful guardian angels to help me. I was so terrified from the abuse that I split into multiple personalities just to survive.

My book tells all. I didn’t hold back any feelings whatsoever, using “colorful” language that went right along with these feelings. Bitter Memories took 40+ years to write because the pain of remembering was so powerful, so overwhelming, I had to change my name in the book, like I was writing about someone else, not me, just so I could write my life story. Names of everyone involved were changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty.

My story was told to help other child abuse survivors know they are not alone. There are others who understand and won’t look down on them. By sharing my life story, other survivors can come forward and find a path toward healing their pain.

My dream is to help rid the world of child abuse. By survivors telling our stories, the horrors of this national epidemic can be changed. Together we can help protect our children and keep them safe.

Who am I?

I am a survivor with a dream…


http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

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Published on September 24, 2011 16:27 • 86 views • Tags: abuse, child-abuse, children, fear, feelings, guardian-angels, memories, multiple-personalities, sadness, survival, writing
I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?

As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?

As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?

While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?

Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.

Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.

The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.

During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.

All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?

I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.

Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.

My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.

Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.

Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.

Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.

Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.

It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.

If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.

All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
If you missed Bill Murray's blog radio show last night where I was the guest, here’s the replay link. Enjoy!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bill-mur...

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Stop Child Abuse Now (SCAN) - 298 -- special guest Sue Julsen

Tonight's special guest is Sue Julsen from Nevada, a survivor and thriver and author of "Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival." Largely autobiographical, Ms Julsen has chosen to use fictional names so as to protect some of those in the story from the horrors that actually occurred. Abducted by her father when she was three, the book's main character, Sarah, found herself in a world of criminal neglect and unfathomable oppression as her father and stepmother perpetrated more and more horrible acts of verbal, mental and sexual abuse on the innocent girl. So continually terrified was Sarah, that she began to form separate personalities so that she herself did not have to face the hideous reality of her day to day life. Only through the nightmare pictures that the other personalities sometimes presented to her while she slept did Sarah have any hint about the horrific abuse she was being subjected to. The personalities would block out time for Sarah and bear the horror of the experiences themselves so that their dear Sarah would not have to. This tale of the author’s early life, a life on the run, featuring starvation, fear and molestation, is a truly unnerving and gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo. "Bitter Memories" is dedicated to all adult survivors of abuse and is written with the hope that exposing these horrors will help to prevent them from happening to others. "Trophy Murders" is the fictionalized sequel to her first book, and she is currently working on the third book in this series that will be out later this year.
Haunting Memories…Secrets…Lies…
A Serial Killer Stalking…

In the last of the bitter memories trilogy, a man believing he has amnesia walks the streets in Haskell trying to remember who he is; where he came from. In reality, Stan Clark has blackouts where one or more personalities take over Stan’s life, leaving him with no memories of that timeframe.

Numerous men and woman are vanishing from small area towns. Henry Frye, Munday’s police chief, is at his wits end after one of his own officers’ turns up missing and a “secret” town meeting is called. Henry fears his days as police chief are numbered. He doesn’t know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.

Jasmine Goldberg, a dispatcher Henry hires from Abilene is determined to find out all she can about the missing people. She uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed “Cutter” by the Army.

A car fitting Clark’s vehicle is spotted on the highway, but seeing the patrol car, he makes a run for it. Officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the vehicle to a house high on a hill. Once inside, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac hiding in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs.

Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul to the two women he loves deeply—Lori, his new mistress, and Sarah, his dead sister’s daughter he adopted—praying Sarah can forgive him as she learns the truth.


"Cutter's Revenge" will be out in about 5 to 6 more weeks, if all goes well.
Haunting Memories…Secrets…Lies…
A Serial Killer Stalking…


In the last of the bitter memories trilogy, a man believing he has amnesia walks the streets in Haskell trying to remember who he is; where he came from. In reality, Stan Clark has blackouts where one or more personalities take over Stan’s life, leaving him with no memories of that timeframe.

Numerous men and woman are vanishing from small area towns. Henry Frye, Munday’s police chief, is at his wits end after one of his own officers’ turns up missing and a “secret” town meeting is called. Henry fears his days as police chief are numbered. He doesn’t know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.

Jasmine Goldberg, a dispatcher Henry hires from Abilene is determined to find out all she can about the missing people. She uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed “Cutter” by the Army.

A car fitting Clark’s vehicle is spotted on the highway, but seeing the patrol car, he makes a run for it. Officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the vehicle to a house high on a hill. Once inside, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac hiding in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs.

Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul to the two women he loves deeply—Lori, his new mistress, and Sarah, his dead sister’s daughter he adopted—praying Sarah can forgive him as she learns the truth.
Haunting Memories…Secrets…Lies…

A Serial Killer Stalking…




In the last of the bitter memories trilogy, a man believing he has amnesia walks the streets in Haskell trying to remember who he is; where he came from. In reality, Stan Clark has blackouts where one or more personalities take over Stan’s life, leaving him with no memories of that timeframe.



Numerous men and women are vanishing from small area towns. Henry Frye, Munday’s police chief, is at his wits end after one of his own officers’ turns up missing and a “secret” town meeting is called. Henry fears his days as police chief are numbered. He doesn’t know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.



Jasmine Goldberg, a dispatcher Henry hires from Abilene is determined to find out all she can about the missing people. She uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed “Cutter” by the Army.



A car fitting Clark’s vehicle is spotted on the highway, but seeing the patrol car, he makes a run for it. Officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the vehicle to a house high on a hill. Once inside, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac hiding in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs.



Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul to the two women he loves deeply—Lori, his new mistress, and Sarah, his dead sister’s daughter he adopted—praying Sarah can forgive him as she learns the truth.

Order signed copies
Message me at: suejulsen.books@yahoo.com

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Coming to amazon.com on Kindle.

Publication date expected 9/15/12.

The bitter memories series:

* Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival

* Trophy Murders

* Cutter's Revenge
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Published on September 14, 2012 11:15 • 107 views • Tags: bitter-memories, child-abuse, cutters-revenge, kidnapping, kindle, multiple-personalities, murder, serial-killer, series, small-town, survival, trilogy, trophy-murders
The Bitterest Taste in Your Mouth, November 20, 2012
By Amelia - This review is from: BITTER MEMORIES: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival (Kindle Edition)


If anyone ever had any doubt about the possible ugliness in the world, they need only read "Bitter Memories" to look into the cruelty that is capable of beating in the hearts of people.


There is no rise and fall of bad events for Sarah's life. Nothing gets better; the little girl's life merely continues to spiral with a hurricane of grief, abuse, and a loveless life. On a journey with her abusive Daddy, who she can't help but love and trust, Sarah is constantly meeting new friends and relatives of her father who only add to her misery. Starvation, beatings, molestation - it seems nearly everyone Sarah meets wants to abuse her somehow.


With no one to turn to, what else is a little girl to do but make up her own heroes in her head? Readers may interpret the people Sarah sees as imaginary friends, multiple personalities, or guardian angels. Either way, the only escape afforded to the little girl are friends that no one else can see. In times when she can't take anymore, her other personalities take to take, acting as a shield for Sarah. What may seem as a side-effect of Sarah's torment may actually be what saves the pure girl.


Though there is no upside to the story of an abused child, reading a book like this will at least motivate more people to become more aware of child abuse. It is nearly impossible to ignore that inner mama bear, or papa bear, that roars against injustice for helpless children.


http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Excerpt from Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival: I stayed in my room until I had to go to the bathroom. When I couldn't hold it any longer, I cracked open my door just enough to squeeze through, then slithered along the wall, trying to stay in the shadows. I made it halfway down the hall, unnoticed, when I felt a tug on my hair and I was slammed into the wall...


Excerpt from the second book, Trophy Murders: "Sarah, please don't get mad at me, but sometimes you talk and act like a different person. You say the f-word a lot, and you get a weird look on your face when you talk about men. Even your voice changes. It sounds harsh and raspy, and so cold...

Excerpt from the last in the trilogy, Cutter's Revenge: "I never approved of Daddy's way of life, but what could I do? I was just a little kid! Those years I lived with him on the run, it took everything I had just to survive the hunger...the abuse. If any hate should be slung, I should be the one slinging for the way Daddy treated me all those years..."

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

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Published on November 26, 2012 14:25 • 112 views • Tags: abuse, child-abuse, cutters-revenge, family-saga, hate, kindle, love, multiple-personalities, serial-killer, series, survival, trilogy, trophy-murders