Marshall Karp's Blog
February 20, 2009
Authors are always looking for an early rave review to spark sales. So, who better to give me a 5 star review than my best friend? Mine is a Black Lab named Jett. I gave her a copy of Flipping Out, and asked her to write the review.
As you can see, the bitch can’t type. It came out looking like this.
So I decided to interview her:
MK: So how did you like the new Lomax and Biggs book?
JETT: Can I be frank with you?
MK: I sleep with you. I feed you. I walk behind you and scoop up your shit. I’d say we’ve established a totally open and honest relationship. Go for it.
JETT: The new book — Flipping Out — it wasn’t that good.
MK: Really?
JETT: The Rabbit Factory was much easier to digest.
MK: How so?
JETT: The paper on The Rabbit Factory was primo. Absolutely delicious. And the picture of the rabbit on the cover just made me salivate like what’s-his-name’s dog.
MK: Pavlov?
JETT: No. Norman Untermeyer, the guy with that big slobbering St. Bernard. Anyway, The Rabbit Factory was 632 pages, and I devoured it in one sitting. Flipping Out is half that, and I couldn’t finish it. It was too dry.
MK: That’s an unfair comparison.
JETT: Marshall, please — don’t go all Author Defense Mode on me.
MK: No, you’re not being fair. You ate a first edition, hard cover version of The Rabbit Factory. The copy of Flipping Out I gave you was just an advance reader copy. It’s printed on cheap paper. It’s a promotional thing. The real book is coming out April 1. Hard cover. Professional grade paper stock.
JETT: Well, then you should have given me that one.
MK: All the reviewers get those cheapo advance copies.
JETT: Then they’re going to have trouble swallowing it.
MK: Jett, the people who get advance copies of my books don’t eat them.
JETT: I’m not a bit surprised. The binding on those things is all gluey.
MK: I’m totally bummed. You’re my dog. My constant companion. I was counting on you for a fantastic, over-the-top review. Can you at least give me a blurb I could use for the book jacket?
JETT: A blurb?
MK: You know, a few pithy lines that we can put on the back cover that will get people all psyched to buy the book.
JETT: I’m a Black Lab. We don’t lie.
MK: You don’t have to lie. When someone writes a 500 word review, even if they hate the book, the publisher can find a way to pull out a few phrases that make it sound like a rave.
JETT: And that’s honest?
MK: It’s the official accepted way of marketing any book.
JETT: Okay, I’ll give you a paragraph and your publisher can quote any part of it they want to use.
MK: Good girl.
JETT: Yeah, right. First get me a couple of those biscuits, will you?
Here’s Jett’s review:
As you can see, the bitch can’t type. It came out looking like this.
So I decided to interview her:
MK: So how did you like the new Lomax and Biggs book?
JETT: Can I be frank with you?
MK: I sleep with you. I feed you. I walk behind you and scoop up your shit. I’d say we’ve established a totally open and honest relationship. Go for it.
JETT: The new book — Flipping Out — it wasn’t that good.
MK: Really?
JETT: The Rabbit Factory was much easier to digest.
MK: How so?
JETT: The paper on The Rabbit Factory was primo. Absolutely delicious. And the picture of the rabbit on the cover just made me salivate like what’s-his-name’s dog.
MK: Pavlov?
JETT: No. Norman Untermeyer, the guy with that big slobbering St. Bernard. Anyway, The Rabbit Factory was 632 pages, and I devoured it in one sitting. Flipping Out is half that, and I couldn’t finish it. It was too dry.
MK: That’s an unfair comparison.
JETT: Marshall, please — don’t go all Author Defense Mode on me.
MK: No, you’re not being fair. You ate a first edition, hard cover version of The Rabbit Factory. The copy of Flipping Out I gave you was just an advance reader copy. It’s printed on cheap paper. It’s a promotional thing. The real book is coming out April 1. Hard cover. Professional grade paper stock.
JETT: Well, then you should have given me that one.
MK: All the reviewers get those cheapo advance copies.
JETT: Then they’re going to have trouble swallowing it.
MK: Jett, the people who get advance copies of my books don’t eat them.
JETT: I’m not a bit surprised. The binding on those things is all gluey.
MK: I’m totally bummed. You’re my dog. My constant companion. I was counting on you for a fantastic, over-the-top review. Can you at least give me a blurb I could use for the book jacket?
JETT: A blurb?
MK: You know, a few pithy lines that we can put on the back cover that will get people all psyched to buy the book.
JETT: I’m a Black Lab. We don’t lie.
MK: You don’t have to lie. When someone writes a 500 word review, even if they hate the book, the publisher can find a way to pull out a few phrases that make it sound like a rave.
JETT: And that’s honest?
MK: It’s the official accepted way of marketing any book.
JETT: Okay, I’ll give you a paragraph and your publisher can quote any part of it they want to use.
MK: Good girl.
JETT: Yeah, right. First get me a couple of those biscuits, will you?
Here’s Jett’s review:
more blogs, books, and pictures of Jett at www.lomaxandbiggs.com
