George Carlin





George Carlin

Author profile


born
in New York, New York, The United States
May 12, 1937

died
June 22, 2008

gender
male

website

genre

influences
Lenny Bruce


About this author

George Denis Patrick Carlin was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and philosopher.

Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's right to regulate Carlin's act on the public airwaves.

Carlin's mid-2000s stand-up routines focused on the flaws in modern-day America. He often took on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture.

A disciple of Lenny Bruce, he placed
...more


Average rating: 4.04 · 42,983 ratings · 1,674 reviews · 31 distinct works · Similar authors
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Brain Droppings
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Last Words
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When Will Jesus Bring the P...
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3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George
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George Carlin Reads to You:...
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More Napalm and Silly Putty
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Class Clown
4.4 of 5 stars 4.40 avg rating — 168 ratings
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The Best of Brain Droppings
4.18 of 5 stars 4.18 avg rating — 120 ratings — published 2007
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What Am I Doing in New Jersey
4.52 of 5 stars 4.52 avg rating — 87 ratings — published 2000
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More books by George Carlin…
جورج كارلين مقتطفات
مقتطفات (1 book)
by
3.0 of 5 stars 3.00 avg rating — 3 ratings

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
George Carlin

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
George Carlin

“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?

Polls

What is your favorite quote?

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.Oscar Wilde
 
  196 votes, 10.3%

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.George R.R. Martin
 
  161 votes, 8.5%

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.Eleanor Roosevelt
 
  127 votes, 6.7%

Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.Winston Churchill
 
  99 votes, 5.2%

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.Jane Austen
 
  99 votes, 5.2%

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.George Carlin
 
  82 votes, 4.3%

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.Socrates
 
  72 votes, 3.8%

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?Abraham Lincoln
 
  68 votes, 3.6%

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
  62 votes, 3.3%

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Edison (write-in)
 
  54 votes, 2.8%

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” (write-in)
 
  52 votes, 2.7%

With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
Jarod Kintz
 
  51 votes, 2.7%

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.Marilyn Monroe
 
  47 votes, 2.5%

"It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities" Albus Dumbledore (write-in)
 
  35 votes, 1.8%

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” C.S. Lewis (write-in)
 
  35 votes, 1.8%

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." James Dean (write-in)
 
  35 votes, 1.8%

Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.T.S. Eliot
 
  33 votes, 1.7%

You don’t forget the face of the person who was your last hope.Suzanne Collins
 
  30 votes, 1.6%

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile. — Mark Twain (write-in)
 
  30 votes, 1.6%

umm, lets see...all? (write-in)
 
  28 votes, 1.5%

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
 
  26 votes, 1.4%

most of them (write-in)
 
  23 votes, 1.2%

Do not walk behind me, I will not lead. Do not walk in front of me, I will not follow. Just walk beside me, and be my friend. ~Albert Camus (write-in)
 
  22 votes, 1.2%

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling (write-in)
 
  21 votes, 1.1%

Umm,let's see...all (write-in)
 
  20 votes, 1.1%

“For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let them swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud.” ~Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore (write-in)
 
  18 votes, 0.9%

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ― Marilyn Monroe (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

"I am glad you're with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam." - J.R.R. Tolkien (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

It is never too late to be what you might have been ~ George Eliot (write-in)
 
  17 votes, 0.9%

“You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.” ― Stephen King (write-in)
 
  15 votes, 0.8%

"Be proud of the scars in your soul, They will help you and teach you". - Paulo Coelho (write-in)
 
  15 votes, 0.8%

"I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library" - Jorge Luis Borges (write-in)
 
  14 votes, 0.7%

"don't trust anyone who hasn't brought a book with them." Lemony Snicket (write-in)
 
  13 votes, 0.7%

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. Oscar Wylde (write-in)
 
  13 votes, 0.7%

If you're going through hell, Just keep going! Winston Churchill (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 0.6%

"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in who they are." -I Am the Messanger (write-in)
 
  12 votes, 0.6%

All from TFIOS and Lloking for Alaska (write-in)
 
  11 votes, 0.6%

I don't read quotes, i read books. By the way, this is not a quote (write-in)
 
  11 votes, 0.6%

Go to Heaven for the climate and hell for the company. -Mark Twain (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.5%

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.5%

"Deep in that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dare dream before." -Edgar Allen Poe (write-in)
 
  10 votes, 0.5%

'Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.' (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.4%

Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend, inside of a dog, it's too dark to read-Grouho Marx (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.4%

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.Bauvard
 
  8 votes, 0.4%

“Power, true power, comes from the belief in true things, and the willingness to stand behind that belief, even if the universe itself conspires to thwart your plans. Chaos may settle; flames may die; worlds may rise and fall. But true things will remain so, and will never fail to guide you to your goals.” - James A. Owen (write-in)
 
  8 votes, 0.4%

I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life. - F. Scott Fitzgerald (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

"Yes I am weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated" (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

Any words spoken by Four (write-in)
 
  7 votes, 0.4%

Non-cooperation with evil is a duty -- Mahatma Gandhi (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? ― Gautama Buddha (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

The hardest thing in this work is to live in it "joss whedom (write-in)
 
  6 votes, 0.3%

“And leaving you (there aren't words to untangle it) Your life, fearful and immense and blossoming, so that, sometimes frustrated, and sometimes understanding, Your life is sometimes a stone in you, and then, a star.” Rainer Maria Rilke (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

A woman walks up to Winston Churchill and says, “Sir, if I were married to you, I would feed you poison!”�To which he replies, “If I were married to you, I would drink that poison!” - Winston Churchill (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

"Centrum Permanebit" -The Fiery Heart (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose (write-in)
 
  5 votes, 0.3%

Lots? (write-in)
 
  4 votes, 0.2%

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain (write-in)
 
  4 votes, 0.2%

Life is what happens while you're making your plans. - Allen Saunders (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock" - Hannah Montana (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"Chacun à son goût" (each to his own taste) -Prince Orlofsky from Die Fledermaus (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies- Stephen King (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

When given a choice between being kind or being right, choose kind. - R.J Palacio (Wonder) (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

If people aren’t laughing at your dreams…then they aren’t big enough! (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

5 (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"We are built like the cities of Troy on our previous selves. Every night we sleep uneasily on their rubble." --Andrew Brown (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

When given a choice between being kind or being right, choose kind. (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours." (write-in)
 
  3 votes, 0.2%

"as you wish" (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love. (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

“Don’t interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties.” (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

"Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children's approach to life. They're people who don't give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought - sometimes it isn't much, either." - Walt Disney °o° (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

Nice.. (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

Wherefore art thou Romeo (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

"Those who dance..." is Friedrich Nietzsche (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books , music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps - what more can the heart of a man desire?" ...” ― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild (write-in)
 
  2 votes, 0.1%

And pluck til time and times are done, the silver apples of the moon, the golden apples of the sun. (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

"I would prefer not to" Herman Melville (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other. - Jarod Kintz (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

real man (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

fate of the banished by julius ocwinyo (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

"He was the only man of us who still 'followed the sea' " - Joseph Conrad (write-in)
 
  1 vote, 0.1%

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. (write-in)
 
  0 votes, 0.0%

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