Danny Evans's Blog

I have a couple of photos I'd like you to see.

1. While my genius brother-in-law and I were waiting in line to fill our plates with turkey and stuffing and blue cheese mashed potatoes, I noticed he was wearing his calculator watch. I asked him if I could play with it. He said yes. This is what I did.

2. Hot Wife snapped this photo at our son's hockey game a couple of weeks ago. He's the stud ripping a wicked slapper in the foreground. I'm the skinny beanstalk watching from the bench door. 

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

1. It would take a lot of work to
stop the world, and I can't see why a person would go to all that trouble just
to melt with someone.

2. When Freddie Mercury sang, "Each morning I get up I die alittle," he was terribly vague. Given that he died at age 45, which means hewoke up roughly 16,425 times, there has to be a precise unit of measurement forEXACTLY how much he died each morning. I'm not a math guy, but I feel like thesong would be a lot more legitimate if Freddie sang, "Each morning I...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

The rink where my son plays roller hockey is really quite aneyesore. Wayne Gretzky built the place back in the nineties—a collection ofthree full-sized rinks under a massive metal roof—but Gretz sold it a few yearsago to new owners whose enthusiasm for selling pricey hockey gear and stalepretzels stands in stark contrast to their apathy about the place's upkeep. Theheavy doors that separate the player benches from the playing surface are sobadly rusted that getting them open at the end of a...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

I was telling my kids that my name would have been Daphne if I was born a girl. I suppose they wanted to see exactly what that would have looked like.

 

Hot Wife: "Honey, your eyes really pop."

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

I'm airborne, hurtling toward a tall, water-stained
cinderblock wall, leading with my right shoulder because for some reason I
think that's where impact will hurt least. In retrospect, I probably should
have led with my left shoulder (given that I'm right-handed and an injured
right shoulder will probably hamstring my ability to do things with my right
arm), but it's too late now. My shoulder crashes against the wall. And a bright
light washes over me on impact.

* * *

In 1995, shortly after I...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

I'm writing another book.

It doesn't have a name yet, nor has it been sold
to a publisher, nor have I even finished writing the proposal. And while I hate
to be cryptic and vague, I do have some things to share about this project.

At its core, the book is about popularity.

It's a subject that has confounded me since I was a boy.What makes someone popular? Who decides what character traits or personalachievements warrant the attention of the masses? Perhaps these questions wereeasier to answer...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

"I don't think people really understand what it's like to go
through life without calves."

There is white plastic bag on the dining room table and fromit I am retrieving four small cardboard boxes filled with takeout Chinese food.Each box has a tabbed closure on its top with the words Thank You printed in apseudo-Asian font designed to make the eater believe his Moo Shoo is fresh fromBeijing rather than the little hole up on First Street, across the strip mallparking lot from the cigar shop...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

I'm typically not a cause-oriented person. Outside of myfamily and the principles enveloped by the catch-all term "tolerance," therearen't many matters that raise my ire to a point that I feel compelled to riseup, grab a rifle, and take a stand. Perhaps that reflects a flaw in mycharacter, but I think the more likely reason for my general aloofness withregard to the "issues" is that acknowledging them and engaging them intellectuallywould require that I actually commit to taking action. And...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

Good morning, I'm Danny Evans and these are today's headlines:

1. Some idiot from Mississippi named his son "ESPN."

2. I have decided what I'm going to be buying my wife for Hanukkah.

3. Speaking of said wife, she is in Hawaii right now. I am not. Nor are our children. They are here with me, eating what I bought for them at the store yesterday: Trix, Pop-Tarts, Pringles, and chocolate-covered pretzels.

4. The McRib is back.

5. Yesterday I introduced my son to one of the funniest movies ever made. ...

View full post on Danny Evans's website »

'bout to get my LIVE STRONG on.

View full post on Danny Evans's website »