Andrew McEwan's Blog: Words Are the Gravy On the Mashed Potato of Life

Blimey, has it been a month? I must have had an ear infection as I missed the clamour. The full version of this blog's title should read:...With Supermodels. But one hates to boast. The penguins say hi.

Since my last sortie into self-promotion I've sold one book. One. None would be a disaster but one is a triumph. Thank-you.

I'm soon to publish an actual paper novel with the assistance of FeedARead.com. The last time I did this, in 2007, it cost me (or rather Lloyd's bank as I declared myself bankrupt soon after) roughly £2500. That was Underlay, which is still available to buy; in fact if anyone would like a signed copy ask, I have half a dozen going spare. But I digress. Print on demand being what it is today it costs nowt to make yourself a paperback writer. That is, there is no actual paperback until some literary pioneer strokes your button. Then, kapow. All the author pays for is 'distribution' to Amazon etc. A bitesize £88. Of course you have to do the proofreading yourself. And design a cover, but they make this fairly straightforward with a template. I'm waiting for my cover to be approved. I had waited nearly a week before deciding to change the wording on the reverse, thus starting over. Which is where the advice comes in. Don't do it in a hurry.

The novel is Ocellus. Until a few days ago you could have read it on Authonomy but I've deleted all but the first two chapters now so you'll have to pay! £5.99 I'm thinking. Or maybe I'll run a competition...

Sammy HK Smith is DC by the way. Sorry, Sammy, but WPC sounds sexier.

From a review of Imbroglio on US Amazon. I can live with that. Thanks heff.

I've uploaded a couple more free titles to Smashwords, namely Mus Peechy's Other End and Grasslands, both novellas, Mus being my stab at political satire, Grass being manic laughs - lots of dialogue folks!

I'm looking for a new job by the by. All offers welcome. Been a bad couple of weeks with a cremation in the middle. It's times like these, however, when looking over the horizon (at a big smiley sun) is a must. Oh, and while I'm about it I'm single and could use a Muse...

Cough. Splutter. Cough.

You're welcome. x

Since my last post my Kindle sales have doubled, from two to four. That's a 100% increase! Exponential is I think the word. Alas, I'm having to remove three titles from Kindle Select as I'm being told off by Amazon. Seemingly they're available on the Sony ebook store, despite me having removed them at source (Smashwords). No idea why this should be but it's of little import as the books in question are old. You can still buy them from Kindle of course. They're just no longer available to borrow. Never fear, however, I have republished this magificent triumvirate to Smashwords as freebies.

Now, why does ten days off work give one a headache? Wine you say? Possibly. I also have a bad back and will doubtless wake up tomorrow with a cold...

I blame the bunnies!

Almost forgetting this post's title. Underlay is free on Kindle Monday. Happy Eating.

Yes folks, I have today sold my second ebook. At this rate I'll crash the $1 royalty barrier some time in April. I thank you whoever you are. Of course, I'm discounting the one ebook bought by the nice lady from Durham (who has yet to post her review) and the roughly 2000 I've given away. Hmmm, 1000 to 1 is an interesting ratio. Watch this space...

A special mention goes out to WPC Smith, my sole Goodreads friend and blogpost fan. Clearly I'm useless at self-promotion, marketing etc., in fact all that stuff that gets the word out, but Sammy has taken the bold step of poking me with a stick, which is how one approaches the undead, something she no doubt learned at the academy. She writes like a firework by the way. Check her out.

I'm not feeling well, alas. The sun has manifested and the pigeons are up to no good but I ate something that didn't like me Thursday. Yes, exactly. On which note I shall slide off my chair and inch my way to the fridge, there to secure a beer.

Back then I was half the age I am now. I'm not sure a lot has changed though. Not me anyway. In the first half of that year I wrote three short novels, two of which I have recently uploaded to Smashwords. The third is to follow shortly. I'm nearly through proofreading it and it just occurred to me I have a hard time believing in reality. Not that this is any revelation, but there's a paragraph near the end of The Long Walk Up From The Beach that encapsulates the notion quite well. No, not changed at all. I still don't get it. Time. Space. The universe. You. I'm still not convinced any of it is real. Oh well.

Alone but not lonely. Must be a human condition. Or am I kidding myself? I may delete this post later. Yes.

The Long Walk Up From The Beach equates to evolution. That and gravity I can believe in at least. And of course, comedy!

I'm getting serious now. Mark my words. The gloves are off, the cliches are loaded and I'm ready to give stuff away, for nowt. Starting Thurday 9th you can download my super dark possibly dead detective novel Warm Refrigerator or The Three Fishermen Brothers gratis, entirely free from the Kindle store. I've even put it in italics!

Phew. In other news I've bought a new toaster and have this afternoon succeeded almost without swearing and committing violence against inanimate objects in printing two passport photos of myself. My old passport never got used. Shameful. Its successor...well.

Good mood face. You in a good mood? Then read, review, fan, follow, purchase.

I'm having a bad day. In fact I've had a lousy weekend. I'm bored, irritable and frustrated. Nothing new there then. Apparently my books may soon vanish from Goodreads, too. I don't really understand why or what I should do - if anything - about this but I'm probably not alone in that. It's tough at the bottom.

My novel Disko has just set a new record re giveaways on Kindle, however. A new record for me I should clarify. Yes, I've cracked the 200 downloads barrier! And it's only five o'clock. Hours yet. Don't delay...

Okay. Plastic duck and bubbles. Nobody to use as soap but a chicken to cook later. And a bottle of merlot. I'm such a waste.

For those of us with a thirst at least. For those of you whose tongues are permanently slaked by what I would describe as the sweat of excessive onanism, attend another bar.

Ooh, cryptic.

I'm only using words.

The purpose of this post is to promote an upload to authonomy.com in the shape of Door Handles and Light Fittings (working title); what I'm describing as 'an Ocellus companion'. Essentially it's a volume designed to exploit and extrapolate upon all those plot threads and characters present in Ocellus but without the attendant history and peculiar structure of the parent novel. Go look: http://www.authonomy.com/books/41133/...

I've ditched Smashwords and have thrown my lot in with Kindle Direct Publishing. This feels a little wrong somehow but needs must. You could say I've sold out as the Kindle 'deal' involves money (should lovely people borrow any of my titles from the 'select' library) and of course exclusivity, so you have to buy from Amazon, ie. subscribe to said library and - as far they're concerned - purchase a Kindle.

Of course it doesn't follow that I will make any money, but in the short term that's not a priority (...lies). The main advantage for me is that I can promote my works by way of freebies; books that cost nothing to download, for up to 5 days each over three months. Having six ebook titles I should be able to have one available most weekends over that period, thus raising my profile (and hopefully getting a modest slice of the 'borrow' pot, pie, cake...).

Armwrestling The Dead is currently up there waving its pants. Take a look, they're reddish pink.

It's finally happened. No, not the three book deal, but the estate management company (not as posh as it sounds) where I live has finally got an extendable pole that reaches to the third floor. They even woke me up with it this morning. Not as rude as it sounds. Can I tell the difference? Eh, no. Which suggests what? This is of course an overly convulted metaphor.

Speaking of progress, I have now written 5000 words of Ocellus II. For the faint of heart II, unlike its predecessor, has a fair amount of dialogue. I still have no clear idea of where I'm going with it but nothing new there.

And can I just ask the world at large a question? Why aren't you buying my books? If they were terrible I'd understand. My vision of being an oversexed cult author seems as far away as ever. It gets lonely you know.